3.The sky was a mix of threatening gray clouds and blue twilight. For some reason it stretched out endlessly above my eyes. I knew it was a dream but it seemed so real. I could almost reach out and touch each dimly twinkling star with shaking fingers. Towers of shining metal and concrete jutted up into the atmosphere, reaching for heavens that they�d never touch.
A shadow crossed my body, lying prone on the cold ground. Rocks pricked my sides and stabbed my back. My torso felt completely numb and I was lying on something sticky. I knew what it was, where I was, but my mind blocked out all memory of the events of that night, that...
The figure above me wasn�t any of my attackers or the person who found me and called the ambulance. It was Bobby. His eye was swollen shut with a huge purple bruise that I imagined had a glare and a face all its own. Instead of a pink cast, his wrist jutted out at a painful angle, the bone stark white beneath his skin.
He stared at me for a moment, then whispered something and disappeared.
The next morning I woke up alone again. The door was open a crack, presumably so they could peek in and check and see if I was awake. I laid there for a while, staring at the way the light spread across the floor, creeping towards the foot of the bed. I probably should have got up and tried to do something, write a song, read a book...SOMETHING, but it seemed better to just lie here and exist.When I was in the hospital I remembered little except for the doctors whispering in the hallway to Bobby and Ryan, saying that it would probably be better if I stayed with them for a while. That I was a danger to myself. The only reason I thought that he�d think that was that I�d picked up a prescription for anti-depressants before the...incident. They had been lying like a mortal wound in my pocket, ready to be locked up in my medicine cabinet and forgotten. I would have taken them, I would have done anything to get rid of the voices in my head, but that had all been taken away from me. And now...all I had was Bobby and Ryan.
Someone nudged the door open and I saw a tray with food on it. Instantly I went back to pretending to be asleep. The figure put the tray down on the table beside the bed and then sat on the bed behind me. I felt a few hesitant fingers touch my shoulder before gently shaking me. I pretended to wake up, blinking my eyes rapidly before letting them focus on Bobby�s face hovering in front of me.
�Ryan says you should try and go somewhere today.� he said. �I have to go do some errands...it shouldn�t take that long, if you want to come along.�
I stared at his feet, unsure if I could manage the effort of looking up at him...knowing that he knew basically everything.
�If it�s too soon, just say so. I can always go alone.� He didn�t look like he�d be upset if I said no. So I took that chance.
�It�s too soon...I can�t.� I pulled the sheets closer, resisting the temptation to pull them over my head and pretend to disappear.
�Okay, I understand. Just understand that you have to do it sometime.� He left.
After I was sure he�d gone, I crept out of bed and looked out the window. My room looked out on the street. The neighborhood was supposed to be a good one, at least there wasn�t a lot of traffic, and the street lights turned on well before it got too dark. But still, I didn�t think that I could make the leap from inside this place to outside, no matter how much I was coaxed. This place wasn�t the best in the world, but it felt safe to me. As long as Paige stayed away. At the thought of him, I shuddered and crept back to bed.I knew I was weak. I knew that some of what had happened to me was my fault. I hadn�t been careful, I hadn�t paid attention, and I�d let Paige take advantage of me. My fingers trailed over the bandage and then slid off onto my skin. I should have died. My fingers tightened and I welcomed the sting of the stitches.
The pain could only distract me for so long. I slid out of bed and found a magazine that seemed like it had more articles than ads, a rarity in Ryan�s reading averse world. The perfect bodies of the models, all of whom complained of slight imperfections that would easily be covered up with makeup, as was demonstrated in each and every make-over bewitched me. When they emerged, they were not the same person. I touched the wet crimson lips of one of them, wishing that there was something like that for me, that my scars and memories could be wiped away with a bottle of lip gloss.
Bobby came back later, but he didn�t say anything to me. I heard him passing in the hall and instinctively hunched over, wondering if he�d try to make me go outside with him. Instead the door to their room slammed and everything was silent.Ryan came home later, but they left me alone.
I heard a heated discussion in their room, but it didn�t escalate into anything that I could hear. The light in the hall clicked off and I heard someone settle down in their bed. A few minutes after that, someone tiptoed down and opened the door to my room, or rather, the guest room. I couldn�t make any claims that it was mine yet.
�Jay...are you still awake?� Bobby asked softly.
�Yeah.� I rolled over and looked at him. All I could see was his silhouette in the doorway, his arms looking lopsided due to the discrepancy in size between the one with the cast and the one without.
�Can you take a walk with me?�
I shivered involuntarily and considered saying no. Outside was a wide open space that held all sorts of dark corners. Corners that concealed pain and hurt. But I knew I had to go eventually, Ryan wouldn�t be able to control his jealousy for long if I was whole. �It�s not dark out, is it?�
He walked further in and parted the window shades, letting in the light of dusk. �If it�s too dark, we can just stay in here.� I stared out the window for a few seconds, trying to make it seem like there weren�t shadows hiding behind every corner.
�We�re not going to walk very far, right?�
�No. Just around the block maybe.�
�I�ll...I�ll try.� I said, struggling to get out of bed. He found my hooded sweatshirt and handed it to me, looking away while I got dressed and put my shoes on. I stumbled a bit getting up and he grabbed my arm and steadied me. �Thanks.�
It was a bit chilly outside, so I was glad he�d given me my sweatshirt. The lights had just turned on and the sun was low in the sky. Everything was turning subtly grey in the haze. Bobby walked a little ahead, looking back every once in a while to make sure that I wasn�t freaking out. It wasn�t dark enough that I jumped at every shadow, but I kept looking around to make sure. I wasn�t sure why he wanted me to come with him, he didn�t say anything to me and seemed to be lost in a world of his own. I concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other.Then a huge shadow loomed up next to me, rustling noises filled my ears, and I screamed involuntarily and huddled on the sidewalk. I closed my eyes as tightly as I could and curled up as much as I could. Bobby came running instantly, patting me on the back and trying to get me to stop clutching my neck with my hands. �It�s okay...it�s just a shrub.� he whispered. I opened my eyes a bit and stared at the mass of green to my right. My breath came back at that moment and I started panting, desperately trying to make up for the hysteria that had overtaken me. I pushed myself into a sitting position and tried to calm down and act normal. �We can just sit on the curb for a while, if that�s alright.� he suggested, sitting down next to me. I nodded.
�I wish I could forget.� I said.
He scratched at his cast. �Jay, can I talk with you about something?�
�Yeah...� I was a little surprised at the topic change, but not annoyed.
�If I broke up with Ryan...� He stopped and sighed. �If I broke up with him...do you think he�d try and hurt me?�
My stitches itched and started to hurt. I didn�t know, I didn�t even know if I wanted to venture an opinion. �Do you think he would? Has he said anything about that?�
�I don�t know.� He closed his eyes. �I don�t think that he even thinks it�s a possibility.� He looked at the dog sniffing at the trash cans across the street.
�He broke your wrist.�
�I know, but that was an accident.�
�What about your eye?�
�What about it? I was asking for it.� he said softly, playing with his fingers. I realized that he wasn�t going to admit to Ryan being evil in any way shape or form.
�Like I said, I�ll help you any way I can if you decide you want to leave or need to get help. Ryan did hurt you, no matter how much you pretend he didn�t.� I stood up and started to walk back, hugging myself. Bobby caught up with me and we both walked to their house in silence.