2.He wasn’t there in the morning. I sighed and resigned myself to replacing the bandage on my stitches. I was supposed to have someone help me with it, it wasn’t really that nice to look at, but I wanted to see what had happened to me myself for once, with no one around inhaling rapidly at it and then pretending that they hadn’t. Afterwards there was a way that they had of looking at you, as if you had seen something so alien that they could never even begin to understand it.
The cuts crossed my abdomen, some shallow, some deep. I knew that my attackers had hit some organs, that was why my hospital stay had been so long, but I’d never really had a chance to take a lucid look at them. Stitches crossed over and under my ribs, expanding and contracting with each halting breath. I slid my fingers over them gently, hissing at the sting of sweat on the frayed edges. A quick glance at the mirror, I was so pale. I shouldn’t have been mad at Paige for leaving me, I wasn’t even marginally attractive anymore. Not being able to sleep the whole night through had turned the area around my eyes into a quagmire of dark grey. If I had the energy, I might have made an effort to cover it all up, but what was the point?
Finally I just pulled the gauze out and started to patch up my stomach. There was something calming about it, even though I really wasn’t supposed to be doing it myself. It was sort of like going into a mummy like state, I could have continued wrapping and let myself become completely covered. Once finished, I pulled on the black turtleneck that was quickly becoming the only thing that I wanted to put on in the morning. I still looked completely and utterly out of it, but there was little I could do to counteract it at the moment.
“FUCKER!!” Something slammed onto the floor out in the hallway. “Stop being stubborn and just say it!” Thoughts raced through my head, should I get involved, should I let them figure it out? I ran to the door and opened it a crack.
Ryan had Bobby pinned with his left arm at an awkward angle against the floor and was screaming in his ear. Bobby’s eyes were closed and his teeth ground together in a vain attempt to either keep from crying or keep Ryan from having the satisfaction of knowing how much it hurt. “Ryan, please, just let me up!” he pleaded. Ryan shook his head and kept his elbow in the middle of Bobby’s back.
I watched for a moment as Ryan tightened his grip and pushed down harder. A very loud snapping sound, one that he hadn’t intended to create, at least judging by the shocked look on his face. Bobby let out a strangled scream and then put his other hand in his mouth and bit down hard, flailing his other arm around. “Oh fuck! Bobby, I’m sorry! Don’t move it...I’ll call the hospital!” Ryan shrieked, running down the stairs. I shuddered to think what would have happened if they had been goofing off closer to the stairs.
“Bobby, is there anything I can get?” I asked, opening the door a little further. He stared at me balefully, his hand flopped pitifully at his side while he leaned up against the wall. Tears were running down his cheeks and I could tell he was biting on his cheeks in a vain attempt to stop crying while his cheeks twitched to try and escape. He shook his head.
Ryan came bounding up the stairs. “Don’t move it, I’ll drive you to the doctor!” he said, picking Bobby up and running down the stairs. I watched them go, wondering if there was anything I could do to help and whether I should confront Ryan about it now or wait until later. I needed to talk to Bobby.
They came back a while later, Ryan shoving Bobby in front of him playfully, giggling about the pink colored cast that he had to have because the doctor ran out of the other colors. Bobby didn’t say anything and went up to his room.Ryan looked at me apologetically and shrugged. “It was an accident. We were just playing.” he said, then went off to go and watch TV. I watched him go, wondering if I should continue pretending to read at the kitchen table, go up and see Bobby, or talk to Ryan about it.
Bobby was lying on their bed facing away from the door and cradling his arm. I knocked on the doorframe gently and his entire back tensed. “It’s Jay.” I said softly. “Can I talk to you?”“Fine.” he grunted, curling into a fetal position.
“I’m worried that...” He flopped over and glared at me. “That Ryan might go too far and really hurt you.” I tried to look concerned, but not overly so. I’d had my own fill of it when Ryan had come to visit me in the hospital and turned his overly malleable face into an almost picture perfect representation of unwarranted pity. I didn’t want to act like that.
“Well, guess what, he already did.”
“I’ll talk to him about it, if you want.”
“That wouldn’t do anything. He’d get mad at me and we’d be back where we started. Let me talk to him, sometimes he listens.” The pink cast moved a bit as he gestured vaguely. “This’ll be good for some pity for a while.”
I sighed and got up to go.
“Jay, don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate it. I don’t see it doing much good though. And, honestly, he’s not that bad. It’s just he’s been pushed a little harder than normal lately. Not because of you, just...other things.”
“I’m here if you need me.” I said, and left. I wanted to offer more, but what else could I say? If he didn’t want or need my help, he didn’t want or need my help.
Ryan went out later and the door rang. Since Bobby hadn’t left his room since they’d gotten back from the hospital, it fell to me to answer it. Somehow I made it there before they gave up and went away. The lock slipped through my fingers, it’d been too long since I’d seen people other than Bobby and Ryan and the doctors at the hospital. Finally I just took a deep breath and turned it, opening the door.Paige. I wanted to slam the door in his face, but I wanted to collapse in his arms too. If there had been an in-between, I think I would have jumped on it. As it was he looked at me like he’d completely forgotten about dumping me. “Jay, I’ve missed you so much!” The smile he gave me was almost real. “How are you doing?”
“That’s a nice thing to say after what you said in the hospital.” I spat, crossing my arms.
His face fell, as if I wasn’t supposed to have heard. Then his arms were around me and he was hugging me much more tightly than I really could handle. I felt the stitches threatening to burst. “I’m so sorry about that, I was so worried that you were going to die, I didn’t know what I was saying.” He kissed my forehead, then my cheeks. “I didn’t want you to think that I was smothering you. I love you Jay, and this is something we can work out together.”
I pulled away. “Then why’d you blame me for it?”
“Oh, is that what you thought I said? I only said that we needed to be apart for a while, I never said that I didn’t love you, because I do, much more than you can imagine. You can’t have thought that I was serious.” He was acting like it had just been me over-reacting. Maybe I had, I couldn’t really remember all that he had said, only that he’d been there and whatever he’d been saying hadn’t been nice. I grabbed my head. Too fucking confused.
“I thought you said that it was my fault. That’s what you said in the letter.”
“Jay, don’t worry about that. I’m here now, and I want to help you get better.”
I listened to him. I let him kiss me, stick his tongue in my mouth and play with mine, tasted vodka and beer and wanted to let this be perfect, let this eclipse everything else, turn it all into a lie. “Are you going to stay?” I whispered, letting all of my doubts drift away into nothing while I stared into his eyes.
“Of course.” He smiled condescendingly.
I wound up pulling him into “my” room, pulling his pants down and licking at his cock experimentally, hoping that he’d go for it instead of pushing me away. It’d been so long since I’d had anyone to do anything with, and he always tasted like heaven to me. He didn’t stop me, in fact, he acted like this was what he’d come here for. “Can we wait a second and get undressed?” he begged, pushing me aside gently. I blushed, usually I wasn’t so forward, he hated it when I was, and in a way I was glad that some of the responsibility had shifted from me to him. I almost could pretend that he’d never gone. It was sad, in a way. He pushed me down onto the bed gently.He unzipped my turtleneck and then pulled it up and over my head, gasping as he saw the bandages. “Oh fuck Jay, I’m so sorry that I left.” he panted, kissing up and down my chest, nibbling at my nipples. “You shouldn’t have had to go through that alone. I’m such an asshole.”
I almost started crying. So much of it was what I wanted to hear that I knew it couldn’t be true. But my mind was latching on with all that it had, and everything said he wasn’t lying.
“Shh, I’m here now.” My pants were unzipped and heading for the floor almost before I knew it. It had been too long since he’d touched me, since anyone had touched me like this. I seized his neck and pulled him towards me, devouring his lips, frantic to rediscover his taste, what it felt like to give everything to someone else. His hand explored until it found my cock, encircling it with warmth. I bit his lip by accident and moaned my apology. “It’s okay.” he whispered. My hands fisted in the sheets, trying to gain some leverage to push against him and prod myself over the edge, but he pulled away. It was only by clambering to sit up a bit that I realized what he wanted me to do. He stood in front of me, his cock about at the level of my face, and grinned evilly. “Why don’t you finish what you started earlier?”
I wasn’t hesitant about it either. I grabbed onto his hips and inhaled him completely, letting my tongue swirl around the head before taking him into a practiced deep-throat. He gasped in pleasure and pushed his pants further down, then grabbed my head and held onto my hair as tightly as possible. At that I pulled back a little, content to tease him, nibbling delicately on the tip while he whined for more. It had been too long, and he never minded teasing too overmuch. His precum still tasted the same, his face still took on the same expression of abject joy when I finally let him fuck my mouth. He was about to go over the brink when he pushed me off and settled for doing a money shot all over my face. The look he gave me was almost unholy.
“You look so fucking hot like that.” he purred, licking at my cheek. I was too stunned to protest much when he pushed me onto my stomach. “You’re such a good lay, all the time.” Kisses rained down on my shoulders. I tried to wipe his cum off of my face but he stopped me. “Leave it. I like you like that.” His hand grabbed me and pulled me up onto my knees, jarring the bandages. I gasped a little in pain, but he more than made up for it when he stroked my cock gently and licked at my lower back. “This’ll be fun, I promise.” Rough jerks on my cock only made me harder.
“Just...do something.” I panted, rubbing against him. He held me still and I bit my lip in anticipation. “FUCK!” Rough, hard, no pretension of taking any consideration of the fact that the stitches could be ripped open at any moment and I could bleed to death, just thrust after thrust after mind-numbing thrust. Maybe if he had made a more concerted effort to hit my prostate, but I think it was just to get him off. At least he kept on touching my cock, otherwise I would have made more of an effort to get him the hell off and out of me. Still, the rising pleasure forced groans out of my mouth and I met each of his thrusts evenly, it had been too long to just deny it. The pain was bad, yes, but I could handle it.
As he smacked my ass and started grunting, “Whore, you like it like this, don’t you.” and “This how they fucked you in that alley?” What the fuck? Where had that come from? I was about to just pull away and get away from him, but he grabbed onto my cock hard and stroked roughly, leaving me quivering and ready to fucking come. Maybe he was just talking dirty.
“Oh, fuck...” Dripping precum and just wanting more, he was hitting my prostate at every thrust now and it felt so good. I could forgive him if he’d just let me come. Delicious pleasure spiking at the edge of my mind. Everything was starting to fuzz over in a mixture of pain and divine ecstasy. Pain too, “FUCK!”
“Can’t...believe...you’re...still tight.” he grunted, coming hard. I came in one drawn out spurt, collapsing into my fluids. I was wet and sticky all over and all I wanted to do was take a shower. Somehow I managed to get to my feet and walk to the bathroom. “What the fuck are you doing?” he asked.
“I’ve gotta get cleaned up. I don’t really want to smell like this tomorrow.” I said, wiping myself off with a damp washcloth. My face in the mirror was a caricature of a skeleton, I couldn’t think like that, had to think positive or he’d leave. I knew he wouldn’t tolerate anything that took longer. A few experimental tugs on the adhesive tape just to make sure that it still stuck and I was ready to cuddle with him for the rest of the night. Surely he’d let me, I’d compromised enough for him today.
He was lying on his side facing away from me when I went back into the room. I smiled and slid in behind him, pulling the sheets over both of us. Then I put my arms around him and waited for him to turn around and hold me. That was all that I really wanted, the sex and everything was almost secondary. Instead he shrugged out of my arms, muttering something about how it would be too hot.
I turned away from him and tried to keep sane. The rest of the night was spent shivering and cold because he insisted on taking all the sheets and whisper to himself the names of all he’d had while he’d been away from me.
He was gone in the morning.
When I finally cleaned the last of his cum off of me, I heard a knock on the door. I pulled a towel around my torso and went to open it. Bobby stood there, looking guiltily at the floor.“Are you okay?” It only took one look at his face to know that he’d heard. Most likely everything. I couldn’t say that I was, and I couldn’t say that I wasn’t. Luckily he picked up on it right away and walked in, closing the door behind himself. “Sometimes people are just assholes for no reason.” he whispered.
“But Paige...he said he loved me and it sounded like he meant it.” I whined. I knew it was pitiful and I should have seen through it, but he had said it. And no matter how much he lied to me about other things, I couldn’t see the lie inherent in that statement.
“He also said you’re a whore.” He said quietly, not looking at me. The pink of his cast stood out in the darkened room. I sat down next to the bathtub and tried to keep from screaming.
Flashes of memory came back.
“Ooh, glam boy wants to cry for help, or maybe he just wants to whore himself some more.” the taller one said, standing over me like an executioner. I was still a little dazed from having my head smashed into the wall, I felt something warm sliding down my forehead. His friend was still giggling and playing with something in his back pocket.“Please, just let me go.” I whimpered. “I’ll forget about this, I promise.”
“It’s too late for that.”
Then everything spun away in a flash of steel, all I could hear was my screams and cries for help until they kicked me in the head and everything went black.
“Jay!” Bobby was shaking me. I was crying and screaming, I didn’t remember what had sparked the memory, but now I was fully caught up in it and just wanted the world to stop. “Jay, you’re here, it’s okay!” He held me to his chest and tried to get me to stop shaking. My arms flailed about trying to grab hold of something. I really had no concept of what was going on and who was around me. Just that I needed to cry and I was scared. “Shh, it’s okay.” Sobs wracked my body and I held onto him for dear life, needing something that wasn’t going to tear me apart.“It hurts...” I whimpered when it seemed like I could trust my voice again.
“Shh, it’s all over now.” he whispered, patting my back gently. “It’s all over.”
Ryan came to the door and asked, “What’s going on?”
Bobby looked up at him calmly, “Jay remembered something.” he said softly, still holding me. Ryan’s face went through a few different expressions, shock, embarrassment, concern, and then pity. I thought he was going to yell at Bobby for holding me, but he just stood there stoically.
“Do you need me to get anything?”
“If you could get him some clothes.” he whispered, cuddling me. Ryan nodded and left. Bobby shifted a bit and I thought he was leaving so I latched on tighter. “It’s okay, I’m staying right here. Nothing’s going to hurt you.” His cast scratched on my back and I shivered, trying to stop the crying and regain some self-dignity.
I wanted to say something, to thank him, but I couldn’t bear sounding so weak and helpless again. Instead I sat there quietly sobbing and letting them somehow get me dressed and medicined up and into bed.
Ryan tiptoed out of the room and Bobby acted like he was going to follow him. I whimpered. “Can you stay?” I asked softly, hoping that he’d say yes. He looked at Ryan, who was standing in the hallway and shrugging and then smiled ruefully and came back in.
“Sure.”
I curled up against him and let artificial sleep carry me off.