5. "Wound"He hadn't run into the street. He had gone into his room first, drank more vodka that anyone should, and then went back to the intersection from earlier and stood there until someone ran the stop sign and over him. And the driver just drove off. It was the little old woman who called the ambulance, and it was the little old woman who rode with him in it, yelling obscenities at the driver when he turned corners too fast. The little old woman who had identified him. The little old woman who had stayed up all night waiting for someone who knew him to come and sit with him.
That woman sat in front of me. Kleenex clutched in her hand, eyes rimmed with red. Still in the ugly pea green housecoat, pink fuzzy slippers on her feet. She looked up at me slowly and smiled. "I thought you didn't like him?" I asked.
She sighed. "I don't. He's better than the others in that house. I can't say that I agree with that lifestyle. But there's just something wrong when you have to go to the hospital by yourself." Her eyes brimmed with tears. I handed her a box of kleenex and patted her shoulder.
"Thank you. I'll make sure that he knows what you did." She nodded. "Why don't you go home? I'll stay with him."
"You two aren't all that bad, why do you hang out with those other three?"
"I don't know."
Antiseptic and urine, blood and disease, that was all I could smell as I wandered down the almost empty hallways. Old men and women in walkers crept down the hallways, IVs trailing behind. Doctors popped out of random doorways and made hurried assignations towards other rooms, bathrooms, the cafeteria. Small carts of needles, catheters, cardiac arrest gear sat blocking hallways. I felt like fainting. The smell, it was overpowering. But I had to go through with it, Jay had to stay here by himself otherwise.Finally reached his room. A nurse was just finishing clearing something away. I stepped forward slowly, unsure if she would deny me this. She just looked at me, shook her head, and walked out. Left alone with Jay. Vomit orange curtains surrounded the bed and kept him shielded from my vision. Heard the blip of monitors, so I knew he was still alive.
Pulled the curtain open. Immediately wanted to snap it closed. "Jay...why?" I whispered, not daring to hope that he was awake enough to hear and understand me. One side of his face was ripped up and ragged, I noticed a bandage over his eyebrow, his eyebrow ring must have been torn out. One of his arms was in a cast, scrapes dominated the left side of his body, bruises the right. His lips, those entrancing lips that had turned me on when I thought nothing else could, now they were split, dried blood caught in the crevices. A few IVs dispensed liquids I couldn't identify to his pale arms. I could only imagine what else was wrong with him.
I walked closer, touching his leg gently, hoping for some response. He just laid there silently, his eyes closed and breathing softly. "Jay?" a little louder. Eyes moved under the lids, but still he didn't open them.
Pulled a chair up, wincing as I heard the squeak. Picked up his hand and held it in between mine. "We were going to do this together." I said softly, "We should have done it together." His lips parted a bit, but still nothing. I sat there and watched him breathe. "They weren't paying attention, they didn't notice. They do care about us Jay, I know that they do." I said. A small squeeze. Was he aware? "I can't believe that they're just doing this to torture us. I want to think that they just don't know." Fuck, I was crying now. "They...they won't leave us Jay, they can't. I won't let them." Finger crossed over mine, hugging it tightly.
"B..Bobby?" weak voice, dead voice. Eyes bloodshot and abused. "Why are you here?"
Tongue bloody too, Jay... "Nobody else would...?"
I said nothing. There was nothing to say. He read the answer in my eyes and turned away. "Paige will come. He owes me that much."
"I'm sure he will." I said.
But he didn't.
Eventually I found my way back over to their house and banged on the door. This was stupid, this was insane, and I didn't want to deal with it anymore. Ryan answered, half-naked as usual. He stared at me as if he had no idea who I was."It's Bobby, fucker." I snarled. "Where's Paige?"
Ryan giggled. "Upstairs with Amir."
"Are they decent?"
"Probably not, if I know Amir."
"Could you go and get him, please?" I begged. He closed the door behind me and sighed.
"What's all this about?"
"None of you have been to visit Jay..."
"It's not like we have time for that today. Maybe tomorrow."
"He's our friend! Or at least he was, until you started phasing him out." That was met with a glance that said, "As if you're still our friend?". "Ryan, please. Just go over and see him. You don't even have to stay all that long, but it would help so much. You don't want him to die, do you?"
Ryan shook his head sadly and plodded up the stairs. What the fuck had happened to him? We used to be so close, now it seemed like all he lived for was ruining other people's lives.
Fifteen minutes or so later they all tromped down the stairs with the attitudes of little children being forced to go and see their least favorite cousins. "Come on guys, it's Jay! He's our friend, he's hurt." That didn't seem to impress them. Maybe it was because of who it was coming from.
Jay hadn't changed much in the hour since I had left. When he saw Paige, though, his eyes lit up and he smiled. Paige smiled a genuine smile and sat down next to him, running his hand through Jay's hair. Jay tried to nuzzle into him and Paige actually let him. Ryan and Amir stood on the periphery and tried to look like they felt as much sympathy as Paige actually did."Come on, let's go to the cafeteria." I said, pushing them out of the room.
"Someone's going to have to take care of him when he gets out." Amir said pragmatically, stirring his green tea idly. Ryan nodded."I don't think we can though. Too much moving about and stuff. You've got extra room though, don't you Bobby? We can come over and help out if he gets to be too much for you."
I sighed and longed for one of Jay's cigarettes. Ryan was compartmentalizing us, keeping Jay and I separate from their little schemes. I had to think of a way to make us all close again. All that came out of my lips was acquiescence. "Sure, he can stay with me for a while."
Ryan smiled and whacked my back. "That's Bobby, always willing to help!" When had I become their enabler?
I ended up staying with Jay overnight. Nobody else would, and he looked at me pitifully after everyone had left. Well, it wasn't as if I had anything better to do, or anyone better to sleep with. And it wasn't as if I minded. Paige gave me a pitying glance as he left, taking me to the side."Ryan told me that you're gonna take care of him once he gets out. Don't hesitate to call me if you need help." He winked and patted me on the back. I stared after him. Jay hadn't said anything?
Laid down in the cot and sighed. One eventually got used to the smell. It was the atmosphere that stifled. "Bobby?" Jay whispered.
"What?"
"I'm staying with you?"
"Yeah. Is that a problem?"
"No...I...I sort of wanted to."