19. “Merit”Shane and her lawyer flunkies were standing outside of the door to the mediating room. I wished that I had thought to hire a lawyer, but since I was paying for hers indirectly anyway... Faltered as she looked at me dead on. She was dressed simply, for once, and didn’t look to have spent any great deal of time in distress about what would happen with our child. Her lawyers were smug and noted my lack of one immediately. I imagined them thinking of other ways to gouge me for their services. Maybe Shane’s new husband could afford them, I wasn’t sure if I could anymore.
There was a short, dumpy, balding man standing near Shane. Sort of a cleaned up dirty old man. His eyes were recessed and his nose large enough that one could conceivably mistake him for a pig trained to stand on two legs and wear clothes. Perhaps after this Shane would feed him a rotten apple and pat him on the head.
As I continued to watch her, she turned and bent down so that the man could put his arms around her neck and kiss her sloppily, his tongue splattering saliva over her perfectly applied nude lipstick. Jay gently poked my back to get me to start walking again. I felt like vomiting...she had left me for that? Gavin had to call that Daddy?
Shane smiled as we came closer. “Hello Bobby. Let’s try to make this short and sweet, okay? Terence and I have an appointment after this.” I wondered if they made appointments to have sex, fitting it in between tormenting me and planning their wedding. Everyone stood around for a few seconds more, the lawyers suddenly realizing that Jay was there and starting to wonder if they hadn’t seen him before. She noticed. “Jay? What are you doing here?” she asked.
He colored and looked down at his feet. “Um...well...” Not exactly sure how to say that we were lovers. I took his hand and Shane’s eyes bugged out. I could almost see the lawyers rethinking their entire strategy. Perhaps this was a bad idea. Everything had to be for Gavin’s best interest, was it in his best interest to be exposed to his father’s lover?
“I see.” she said after a long pause. Everyone’s faces turned a bit red. Was she wondering if her betrayal had turned me gay? As long as it made her feel uncomfortable, I didn’t give a shit.
There was a judge there to mediate things, but other than that, it was very informal. Jay and I sat sort of near one end of the table and Shane and her lawyers sat at the other. The judge was busy flipping through the file from last time. He kept on casting small glances up at me, then he stared at Jay for a moment, then turned back to the file. Jay wouldn’t look at anyone, perhaps feeling that he had no place here. Kept his hand in mine, periodically squeezing on it just to reassure him, and, I suppose, myself.“Mr. Hewitt, what makes you think that you should be able to have joint custody of your child? It says here that the last time you came in to discuss the matter, you were under the influence of some drugs and bleeding from your arm. Your ex-wife seems to think that the wounds were self-inflicted. And then there is the matter of your recent hospital stay.” He said gruffly, staring at my arm. I shouldn’t have cut down so far, some of the bandages poked out from the sleeve of my shirt.
I rolled up my left sleeve and showed him my arm. Some dedicated applications of Vitamin E had made the scars shrivel and fade and the recent marks were not noticeable enough to attract his myopic eyes. “I’ve stopped doing that. My hospital stay was the result of a kitchen accident.” I explained, keeping my voice steady. A lawyer leaned over and whispered into Shane’s ear.
“That may very well be true, and it does appear that you haven’t done anything to yourself. I’ll grant you that. However, there is the matter of your...friend.” All eyes went to Jay. “I assume that he’ll be there while the child is staying with you as well?”
“Yes.”
“And....Mr....” he stared at Jay for a moment.
“Gordon.” Jay supplied, glancing up for a moment.
“Mr. Gordon. You’d treat the child like your own while he was staying with you and Mr. Hewitt?”
There was a slight hesitation. “Of course.” Eyes dragged up from the battered oak of the desk. Fingers leaving my hand. “Isn’t there some way that you could just let Gavin stay over for a weekend or something? Just a trial stay?” he pleaded.
Shane opened her mouth to say something, but Terence was able to spit words out first. “Can’t he stay with them while we’re on our honeymoon? You’ve been telling me how you haven’t been able to find a babysitter. Wouldn’t that be a good enough solution? I mean, you could have them check in every day...it’d be fine, wouldn’t it?”
Everyone gaped at him.
The judge cleared his throat. “It really is all up to you Ms. Hewitt.” Shane glared at me and crossed her arms.
“Make him sign something. If he fucks up I want him punished.” she snarled.
I restrained myself from giving in to her childish actions. “I’ll sign whatever I have to if I get to see him.” I whispered.
She smiled. “Then we have nothing further to discuss.”
The papers were produced, I signed...and in a few weeks Gavin would be able to see me again!!!
Barely made it home before we started to tear each other apart. It was such a struggle to wait in the elevator, right next to old ladies with groceries and the woman next door who still hadn’t passed her cosmetology exam, right next to a rather overzealous sniffing dog. Kept our eyes averted from each other, because if they ever met, the resulting display would probably result in my getting kicked out of the complex. Would that be so bad? Risked a glance at him.Sweat dribbled down his cheeks while he stared at the blue dyed hair of the old lady in front of him. His hands were twitching at his sides. Remembered how things had been right after the meeting. I had practically jumped him once Shane, the lawyers, and the judge were out of sight. He wasn’t unwilling...but every seemingly empty office we came to actually held someone. Finally decided to just go home. Bus ride was fun because we had to try and not touch each other, aware that even the slightest movement could destroy.
Finally home. Took about seven times before the key went in the slot, it was made even harder by the fact that Jay was standing behind me trying to hurry me up. He kept on touching me slightly, little half hugs that he pulled out of once I revealed that I was enjoying them. “Can’t you open that any faster?” he whined, his hand caressing my face softly. Caught his finger in my mouth and bit it gently. The door finally swung open. We looked at each other for one final, fleeting moment.
Then turned. Vision telescoped to the bedroom.
“Why the fuck did you put on so many shirts?” Panting, hard already, wanted to go all the way, damn the stitches. Buttons slid out from under my hands. He was busy trying to get my pants off, occasionally fumbling with his own zipper.“When you...”, he was starting on my shirt now, “go to court” first few buttons taken care of, “you sort of have to,” I finished with his, “dress up.” Ties still around both our necks, I tugged his off roughly, enjoying the way his head snapped back for a second. He grinned and pulled me down by mine, nibbling and licking at my ear. “You weren’t complaining earlier.”
Grabbed his pulse between my lips, mauling it in lust. Words seemed to lose their meaning. His fingers slipped under the fabric on my neck, slowly easing it up over my hair, mussing it in his fervor. The tie flew across the room, a misshapen bird striped in hues never found in nature. Our lips gradually inched their way over each other’s bodies and met. Tongues moved together, creating a little world of their own where pleasure was encased in saliva. Nerve endings frayed, oh fuck fuck fuck... Focused on thinking about faces, not what was below that, slamming bodies together, bare chests colliding. Brief sting as stitches pulled, but I could ignore that.
Muffled groans and panting filled the room and we weren’t even naked yet. His tongue rasped over my chest, lingering on nipples, my hands went to his pants and inside. He shuddered at my touch, I felt his erection against my leg, then surrounded it with my hand. Heard his moan, oh gods, was there anything more beautiful? Had to be naked now. Tore my shirt off, threw it across the room to land somewhere underneath the heat vent. Jay was intently staring at me, licking his lips, his fingers playing with my belt, making small darts behind it, impacts that I dimly felt against the bandages. Kissed him deeply, pulling him up so that I could remove his shirt. He leaned into me, pressing his chest against mine. Our bandages rubbed against each other, I wondered if pain could transfer from one body to another. It didn’t matter. Our fingers fumbled with each other’s pants, trying to rip through what had once been fashionable but was now merely an impediment.
Then it was just skin on skin, flesh on flesh, ecstasy. We explored each other’s bodies frantically licking, sucking, touching, wanting to know every mole, every scar, every pore. Had to know the taste of each other. But lust and the pain of unfulfilled potential soon brought me back on task. Rose from his wrist and smiled at him. He was busy sucking on three or four of my fingers, not really paying any attention.
My free hand trailed to his back, then found its target. I felt him bite down on my fingers, whimpering a bit. It was only one finger, and I had barely pushed it in. Thrust gently inside, reaching his prostate on the second try. Then he bit down harder, his eyes clenched shut. Heard him sigh out my name. Smiled to myself, then worked in two more fingers. His mouth went slack, my fingers slid out from it. His eyes were closed, he groaned at every touch. I would have thought that that would be enough, but suddenly he was staring at me intently. Eyes swollen with desire, fingers were nice, but I gathered that he wanted my cock. And I was quite ready to give it to him.
Fingers withdrew, he let out a low moan, twisting his head. I spread his legs gently, settling myself in between them. Felt him cross them behind me, trying to pull me closer. Bent over and kissed him, running my hands over his chest, enjoying the whines that I got in return. Finally began to push in, feeling him clamp down on me. Let him adjust for a moment, then felt him relax, pull me closer with his legs, seize my mouth with his. Then we were one, and it was absolute bliss.
Pleasure ate me alive, I felt the stitches pull harder, knew that I was probably bleeding, but it didn’t matter. This was what I wanted. Fucked as hard as we could, trying to achieve supreme ecstasy. Felt him come first, spilling between us. Then it was my turn to lose sight of the world and enter the land of milk and honey.
Afterwards, panting, head on his chest. His whispered words all that I could hear. “Love you so much.” Brief pause. “What are we gonna do when Gavin gets here?”