12. “Feint”Peppermint, wintergreen, cinnamon, salt water. Blue, green, red, translucent. Threw the last empty bottle of mouthwash at the bathtub. I still tasted him, and it was not pleasant. Rested my head against the fake porcelain of the sink, trying to pretend that I hadn’t thrown the clothes I was wearing at Jay and told him to burn them. I didn’t want act like that ever again, it had made me feel so dirty. And now I was naked and it seemed like Amir’s hands were crawling all over me.
The door opened slowly and Jay came in. He nibbled on his lower lip and sat down next to me, hugging me. “It’s over, you don’t ever have to do that again. It’s my turn.”
“Are you sure you have to?” Didn’t want Jay to hate himself afterwards.
He pulled away a bit and nodded. “They all have to hurt. Even...Paige.” he sighed and shook his head. “Are you okay?” he asked.
Took a moment to answer. His eyes grew wider and started to fill with tears. “I think I’ll be okay...I just need to have some time to think about it.” I said. Inhaled, exhaled. “So you’re going to do Ryan next?” He nodded, his eyes focused and determined.
A week passed, a week in which Jay and I were invited over more often and Amir had to sleep on the couch. A week for everyone to settle down and pretend that things were getting back to normal. A week to make them feel comfortable. Then Jay and I struck.
It was a cheap hotel and I was hiding in a little alcove that pretended to be a closet, it was sheltered from the view of the doorway by a small wall. Hangers jangled above, someone upstairs was celebrating their honeymoon with loud music and bed thumping action.The shoddy wooden door slammed open and then closed, frantic panting and groaning. Ryan pushed Jay to the floor, grinding his hips down onto him. Jay was busy trying to plunge as deeply as he could into Ryan’s mouth, his fingers tangled in dirty blonde spikes. Flurry of fabric as Ryan slammed Jay into the floor with a frenzy of hormones, kisses smearing Jay’s silvery lip-gloss all over his face. Jay briefly looked at me, disgust flaring deep in the brown, before he turned back to Ryan and smiled. “Ryan...I think I had a bit too much to drink...” he slurred, exaggerating his stupor. Ryan smiled.
“I know. You won’t remember this tomorrow, will you?” His fingers peeled back Jay’s leather jacket, revealing the mesh shirt underneath, nipples erect and red. “And even if you do, I don’t think you’ll be complaining.” Jacket thrown across the room, then Ryan just tore the mesh away in wings of multi-faceted black. Jay groaned, his hips spasming up into Ryan’s. Ryan knelt between Jay’s legs, tongue intently examining every crevice of Jay’s mouth. His hands were busy kneading at Jay’s nipples, eliciting small moans from Jay’s tortured mouth. Brown eyes met my own for another short interchange, the disgust was being replaced by some pleasure...but somehow I had the feeling it was more from looking at me than from anything that Ryan was doing.
Heard the teeth of his fly being wrenched open, then saw Ryan dig his hand inside. “You knew you were gonna get lucky tonight, didn’t you? No underwear.” he snarled. His hand clenched shut and then slowly opened. Jay’s eyes went up into his head, and for a moment I only saw the whites. His tongue lingered on his upper lip. Hand went to his chest and over his nipples, content groans filled the room. “Slut.” Ryan twisted his hand until Jay squealed. “Whore.” Another move, Jay thrashed on the floor. “You’d do anyone, wouldn’t you?” Enthusiastic nod from Jay’s overstimulated form. “That’s why you don’t deserve Paige, he stays loyal!” Ryan bowed his head and started to devour Jay’s right nipple.
“Ah...Ryan....fuck...” Jay moaned, his hands scratching at the carpet. Ryan’s head moved down lower and Jay’s moans got higher pitched. “Ohhhhh...” His head thrashed to and fro.
“You want it there, slut?” Ryan asked.
“Yes...suck me please...I’ll be your whore, your slave, just suck me....” Jay hissed, grinding his teeth together. “There...gods, there...” Jay purred, his good hand trailing down to Ryan’s head and encouraging him. Ryan’s hands held Jay down, preventing him from thrusting.
“Don’t fuck my mouth bitch.” Answered with a nod.
I sat and watched and wondered. Why didn’t he say the key words that would let me call Amir up and have him over here? Amir was waiting in a car outside, I’d said that Ryan had a big surprise for him. He probably thought it was a kinky game. Still, all Amir had to see was this, Jay didn’t have to demean himself any further. But he was.
“Ryan!!!” Jay screamed as he came, his legs shaking in the aftermath. Ryan rose from between Jay’s legs and hovered over Jay’s face. Then he spat out the contents of his mouth. Watched as it spilled over Jay’s lips, his nose, some went into his eyes. Why wouldn’t he say the words?
“I don’t swallow...that’s cheating on Paige and Amir.” Jay made a show of licking it up. “Now get on the bed and lie down on your stomach.” As Jay turned to do it, I tried to get his attention, but he couldn’t or wouldn’t look this way. Rustle of fabric then the sound of weight being added to a cheap bed frame. “You aren’t getting any ideas about being on top, are you?”
“No...only with Paige...” Jay drawled, staying almost completely motionless.
Ryan laughed. “You just don’t give up, do you? I guess all whores need a dream, don’t they?” He was digging around in his jacket pockets. Finally came out with two scarves. One red, one purple. “Kink doesn’t cost extra, does it?” he asked, then laughed at the lack of a reply. “It doesn’t matter.” Jay didn’t move except to try and playfully grab for Ryan’s cock as Ryan tied his hands to the bed frame.
I pressed my back up against the wall as Ryan undressed and came closer. Lust painted all over his emaciated features, tinging his cheekbones peach. Oh fuck...Jay wouldn’t let him go through with it, please tell me he wouldn’t. I considered calling Amir in right then, but I saw Jay’s face in the mirror. He was desperately shaking his head no.
“I’m not expecting you to be tight, everyone knows that you let anyone do this who wants to. I guess I just wanted to let you know that this is as close to Paige as you’ll get. Now beg for it!” Ryan slapped Jay’s right butt cheek, the one still covered with a faint bruise. Jay screamed and tried to move up higher on the bed, but Ryan held him back. “Beg...” Ryan snarled.
“Ryan, please, just fuck me, fuck me senseless, I want to know what Paige gets, I want you in me, oh gods, just do it...” Jay said, speeding up as Ryan’s hands crept down and started to pump at his cock. Then he was pulled onto his knees and Ryan smiled to himself.
Strangled scream as Ryan pushed in. Fabric made ripping noises as Jay’s nails caught in it. Tears ran down my face. Just say the goddamn words Jay, or else in two seconds I’m going to call Amir. But still nothing. The bedsprings squeaked as Ryan pounded him into the mattress, taking little care about whether or not Jay could breathe.
Then Jay turned his head and I could see it in the mirror above the sink. “Ryan...nhh...” his face twisted in pain. “You’re...ah...so much better than...Bobby.” I dialed the number and turned the volume down. Not that Ryan or Jay were being very quiet.
“It’s time.” I whispered, then hung up. Hoped that the key card I had given Amir worked in the door. Ryan grunted as he laid into Jay brutally. His hands were right at the level of all of Jay’s bruises, and especially the scab. I bit on my nails. Come on Amir...
The door swung open after the key card swiped. Amir stood there and stared in. Ryan looked at him and smiled for a second. Then he screamed in terror and pulled out of Jay. “It’s not what you think!” he yelled.
Amir put his hands on his hips. Jay turned a bit and whined, “Ryan, come on, usually you don’t take this long!”
“That’s it Ryan...” Amir said softly and then left, bawling his eyes out and running past the window. Ryan picked up his clothes and ran after him, but not before turning to Jay and spitting on him. Muted protests of innocence flew back in the wind. The door slammed behind him and the room was silent. I stayed in the alcove in case they decided to come back.
“I think it’s okay now.” Jay whispered, struggling to pull himself into a sitting position. His pants were around his ankles and his hands were still tied. I ran to release them, and he rubbed at his wrists, which were raw and looked like they could bleed without provocation.
“Why didn’t you say anything earlier? Amir didn’t have to see that! You didn’t have to look like a total bitch.” I said.
He stared at the puce carpeted floor for a while and didn’t answer. I put his jacket around his shoulders and he curled into it, closing his eyes. “They think of me as a whore, so I have to be one. That’s why yours had to look like a rape, they don’t think you’re capable of seducing anyone. Mine...it was more expected.” Some tears spilled out from his eyelashes, glimmering with sparkle eyeshadow. “I don’t care what anyone says about me, but I don’t want anyone to ever think of you as a slut.”