10. "Flaw"I don't remember what I told him. I don't think we actually promised each other that we were going to stop.
The doctor turned Jay's head left and right gently, finally just touching the stitches and shaking his head. "I think these can come out now." he said, picking up some scissors. Jay's eyes immediately went to me, but I didn't care. They weren't the right kind of scissors anyway. Looked up from the floor again and realized that he was looking at me because he was scared. I took his hand surreptitiously. "Try and hold still." the doctor said. Jay still flinched as the scissors came closer to his eye. Snip snip. And they were severed. The doctor pulled at Jay's eyebrow a few times and then it was clean. Just a patch of white.The doctor went over to the sink and started to wash his hands, humming to himself. "Try and avoid direct sunlight, tanning or things like that, unless you want people to notice." Exchanged a look with Jay. I knew he felt like just going out and tanning and making sure that people would see. Tightened my grasp on his hand. "Other than that, how have things been?"
Jay stared at the doctor dully, still not having gotten over his hangover from the night before. "Great." he mumbled, rubbing at his forehead. "Just great."
"You haven't been drinking, have you?" Mock concern.
Jay smiled and licked his lips thoughtfully. "Oh no, I would never disobey a doctor's orders."
"Let's take a look then. Has your friend been changing your dressings for you?"
"Yeah.." Jay muttered something else as he took his shirt off. The doctor peeled back the dressing and nodded, gently running his finger over the scab...which had shrunk a bit, but not much. I noticed goose bumps make their path up Jay's flesh. He started to scratch self-consciously at the cast, which would have to stay on for a few more weeks.
"Do you know if the police have found the driver yet?" Jay's eyes widened and then he closed them, shaking his head.
"No." He pulled his shirt back on. Somehow he still managed to keep contact with my hand at all times.
"Maniac like that shouldn't be driving. I hope they find him soon." The doctor flipped through a few pages of Jay's chart, wrote a few things down, and then looked up, smiling. "Well, that's it for today. I guess I'll see you in a week then, okay?" Weak nods from both of us.
We were walking out to the car when I heard a familiar voice, well, two familiar voices. Instantly hid behind Jay. He looked at me worriedly. "Jay! I heard about your accident! Are you okay?" Shane called, walking over. Why did she look so normal, like she hadn't had her heart ripped out? Didn't look at the little boy holding onto her hand and nibbling on a finger. Pulled gently on Jay's shirt from behind, trying to gain control of myself."I'm okay I guess." he said, tapping on his cast. "What about you?"
She giggled. She wasn't allowed to giggle. She had torn me to shreds with her decision to leave, now she was fucking laughing. Jay stood up more and I shifted with him. "I met a nice guy, we're gonna get married in a month." she said. Jay made a strangled noise and smacked at me. I must have dug my nails in too deep. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing...my back just seized up for a minute."
"Anyway, have you heard anything from Bobby?" Her voice actually sounded concerned.
"Oh...he's around." Then a little face peeked around Jay's leg and looked straight at me. Gavin!
"Mommy! There's a strange man hiding behind Jay!" he yelled, pointing at me. He couldn't even recognize me? I stood up slowly and revealed myself.
"Bobby?" Shane asked, like I was just pretending. Gavin was holding onto her leg tightly. Had she poisoned him against me already? Not that I could blame her, I wasn't exactly the greatest role model right now. Fingers sought out the line. I nodded. Jay's hand touched mine gently, but he didn't make any bold claims upon me. "Why are you here?"
"The others couldn't be bothered with helping him...so he's staying with me for a while." I said slowly. She smiled vaguely.
"That's really nice of you Bobby. You're always so nice to your friends. Well, it was nice seeing you again, but Gavin here has a..." she lowered her voice and looked around as if she was being watched. "Doctor's appointment." They walked off towards the building. But not before I heard what they said.
"Who was that man with Jay?"
"Oh, nobody special."
Everyone on the bus stared at us. Maybe it was because there was a grown man throwing hysterics and continually trying to open the bus window to jump out. Well, I guess I was also screaming for Shane and Gavin and for nothing to ever change again. Jay was doing his best to keep me under control until after we reached our stop, but it wasn't a very easy task."Bobby, it's okay...shhhh..." he said, hugging me to try and get me to stop. But I wasn't going to stop, not even for him. Clawed desperately at the catches for the window, not really paying attention to the bus driver who kept on glaring at me every two seconds. Everything was misty, tears just poured down from my eyes and burned like napalm.
A man sitting in front of us turned around and shook his head. "Why do you stay with him if he beats you up like that?" he asked, pointing to Jay's cast. Jay snarled at him.
"If you must know, I did that to myself." He pulled on the cord for the next bus stop and tried to get me to stop crying my eyes out. "Come on Bobby, we're almost home, and then you can cry all you want." I heard him, but it was like I was just existing in another world, one where nobody liked me and all that would help was tearing my arms open and destroying myself.
The bus stopped and at least two other people had to help Jay get me out onto the sidewalk. "Are you sure you can handle him okay?" the man from in front asked.
"Oh, I'll figure out a way." he replied, supporting me on his bad side. The bus doors closed and it drove off, leaving a trail of diesel exhaust. I pushed him away and sat down on someone's front lawn and kept on bawling. He sat down next to me and pulled out a cigarette and lit it while shaking his head. My head pounded and I felt like ripping my hair out, but still I cried. After his cigarette was lit he put his arm around me and sighed. "Bobby, it hurts now, but eventually the pain will go away." he said. Then he ground the cigarette out on the sidewalk. "That's a pile of shit and I know it...but still, I'd like to think that perhaps it's true."
My nose was dribbling onto my shirt. Where the fuck had all that snot come from? "G...Gavin doesn't even know who I am anymore..." I said softly, then was consumed by another crying fit.
Jay said nothing for a while, he just let me cry into his chest. Then, after the crying had stopped for a few moments, he looked down at my face and gently wiped away the tear trails. "Why don't we take a vacation? Somewhere in Europe...and then we can go and adopt a little kid or something." he said, his face dead serious.
"Are you drunk?" I asked.
"Have you cut yourself?"
"No..."
"Then I'm not drunk." He pushed a cigarette into my hand and lit it carefully.
I took a drag and sat up fully, smoking thoughtfully. "You took that seriously?"
He sighed and ran his hands over the cement. "Somewhat."
"We need to make them pay for doing this to us."
"What did you have in mind?" he asked, not even pretending that I was playing around.
"We ruin their little solo scheme, we fuck up Shane's wedding..." Smoke turned longer in the wind and blew into his face. He took my cigarette and put it out.
"The idea is tempting, but I doubt it'd solve anything."
"Who said I wanted to do that?"