XIX.
I wanted to run over to him and hug him, start crying with relief, scream out in fear or run away. Jay was still pulling on my arm and shaking his head. Bobby was staring at my father. And I was staring at him as well, wondering how much I could trust him. He had said nothing against Jay, nothing against anyone. Maybe that was a result of being an object of derision himself. I could still remember when Bobby�s mother was trying to arrange a match between him and some god awful brain-dead milk maid. He refused of course, and was shunned. Only until the milk-maid ran away with the traveling tinker.Now I was staring at him again. He looked to have aged ten years, but, then again, that was partly from my mother�s death. Had I truly done this to him? His hair was pure white, his skin full of wrinkles, and he had a hunch-back. He was only forty. I wanted to run to him and take him away from all of this, but Jay still had a strong grip on my sleeve and was looking at me intensely. �Jay, it�s my father. I have to, I have to talk with him!� I said. His eyes glittered and he let me go. He hadn�t gotten to say anything to his mother before she went. Turned to Bobby who was nodding his assent.
�He wouldn�t turn us in, would he?� Bobby asked, his look ever hopeful. I knew he still loved his mother, no matter what he might say. I shook my head. �Then go and talk to him. You might never get another chance.� I started to walk towards him, then turned to make sure that they were sure it was okay. Jay bowed his head and slunk closer to Bobby, who caught Jay�s hand lightly. Bobby gestured for me to go forward.
My father turned his head slightly as he saw me walking towards him, then his eyes bugged open. �Paige..?� he asked. �Y..you�re still alive?� I caught him as he stumbled forward.�Yes father, I am.� We shared tears as I helped him to a small alley. �Jay and Bobby are here too.� He grabbed my arm and shook me.
�You shouldn�t be with me! Lord Ryan has been summoning me nearly every day to see if I�ve had word of you, and I think that some of his men followed me here today!� he said, his eyes full of terror.
�I just wanted you to know that I�m alive.� I hugged him and then turned to go back into the crowd.
�Please, don�t die for nothing. Die for something you believe in, someone you love, not alone and brittle.� he called after me. Shit, was that why he just existed? Because he wished that he had died with my mother? I had to go before anyone saw us together. Disappeared into the throng of people.
I didn�t know where Jay and Bobby were, so I wandered around for a hour or so, trying to pick out their clothing, Jay�s taller form, Bobby�s black hair. I despaired of ever finding them.Jay and Bobby were huddled by the entrance to a shop, looking around fearfully as if the whole market was full of people from our village. Then Jay saw me and grabbed Bobby�s arm and shook him. Bobby turned and smiled. However, his smile dissolved as I felt a hand settle on my arm. Everything slowed down as I turned to face whoever was touching me. My eyes met Amir�s face. �FUCK!� I screamed, �RUN!� Glimpse out of the corner of my eye of hordes of people, bare impression of Bobby pulling Jay away. Jay had his mouth open and could have been screaming, but I didn�t hear anything. All thought and sense were centered on the man in front of me, who was holding my arm so hard that it hurt.
�Well, what have we here?� Amir purred.
Shoved to the floor and forced to bow, my hands tied before me, a lingering pain on the side of my face from when Amir decided that I hadn�t walked fast enough to Lord Ryan�s townhouse. Now I was looking at Lord Ryan�s feet and wishing that I hadn�t been so near Jay when Amir had found me. I could still pretend that I had broken off with them and was going on my own.
�Paige, son of Haley, you may sit up.� Arms on my side then I looked up at his face. Alcohol had been cruel to it, capillaries had burst in random spots giving him speckles of red. His hairline was receding, which wouldn�t have been worrisome except that he wasn�t very old. �Where are the others?�
I swallowed and stared down at the floor. �I left them before we reached London, they thought they could do better on their own.� Lord Ryan sighed and listened to Amir�s whispering in his ear.
�You met with your father, didn�t you?�
�Yes, I saw him in the marketplace and could not pass him by without letting him know that I was alright.� More hurried whispers from Amir. I hoped that my father had said nothing about Jay and Bobby.
�Well, you said nothing of the others to him, so we�ll give you the benefit of the doubt. But the fact remains that you ran, and that you ran with a hell-spawn. Those deeds need to be punished. And I think you know the punishment.� Lord Ryan said carefully, his tone liquid gold. I clenched my eyes shut in a vain effort to stop the tears. I was going to die, and it would not be pretty.
Laid on the bottom of my cell, hands chained to the wall behind me, body bruised and bloodied. I hadn�t planned on experiencing Jay�s pain this way, I thought... But I hadn�t had Father Jonathan, I had had Amir, and he was almost ten times worse. His facial expression never changed from his normal, mildly perturbed look. Shuddered as I remembered him whipping me, bludgeoning me, torturing me until I wanted it all to end. How had Jay stood it?Shuddered as something cold and wet dribbled down the stone wall. I was somewhere in the castle, that much I knew. Lord Ryan�s townhouse wouldn�t come equipped with its own torture chamber, but it certainly came with its own torturer.
Shifted my legs a bit, bumping them on the stones, oh shit I didn�t want to deal with this. Pulled my legs up to my chest and tried to huddle into a ball, no matter that the chains wouldn�t let me. I was not going to cry. If I cried, Amir would destroy me. If I cried, my body would melt into nothing and my death would hold no purpose. Wished I had more self- control, that I could just shut off my voice like Jay. Then I remembered what I would have to lose for that to happen. I hoped Bobby and Jay were okay. Felt more sure of Arthur, I didn�t think he would get Jay to suck him off again, but still... I knew I could trust Bobby. It was myself that I couldn�t rely on. Imagined them taking a boat and crossing the Channel, going to live in France, adopting lots of children and forgetting all about me.
Wet dropped onto my face, but it wasn�t moisture from the stones anymore.
The door opened and I bowed my head in preparation for my death. Forms rushed in and unhooked me, carrying me into another room and holding me down onto a slab of wood. Were they going to rip me open and pull out my insides? I bit my lip and tried to prepare myself for death. They were pulling my tunic away from my neck and talking about something in hushed voices. Oh fuck, oh fuck. Knife by my neck, were they going to slit my throat? Realized that they were cutting the choker away. The only thing that was Jay�s that I owned.. Started to struggle but they were so heavy and my body was so weak and hurt. Heat near me, Amir�s face above, I was not going to scream.
�It�s pointless to try and prepare. You�ll be crying like a baby in no time at all.� he said calmly. �If you�re lucky, you�ll pass out before it�s over.� A pause and he smiled. �You can still get out of this you know. If you�ll just sleep with me and Lord Ryan, be our little pleasure slave.�
�No.� I whispered. Squirmed under the weight of at least four other people. Why hadn�t I trusted my first instincts about Amir?
�Then I can do nothing to help you.�
Caught sight of the brand. It was the same design as Jay�s, only it was going to be going on the right side. Metal heated to red hot and beyond, it flamed like only the sign of the devil could. Then it touched me.
And I was lost.