XX.
My eyes, I could only see shades of yellow and red. Felt like my head was completely severed from my body. Laid in shock, but I don’t think I could feel anything except for the pain. So much that I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak, and I was losing all ability to think. Everything consumed in the fire on my neck. They had untied me and just left me to rot. Must have known that I would have no desire to move, no desire to do anything. The room wobbled and contracted in front of my eyes. I thought that perhaps it was darkening, that I was dying, but then it would lighten and the whole cycle would start again. Some sense of my body underneath my neck, cold stones on my bare flesh, but other than that, nothing.I don’t know how long I laid there and I don’t think I want to. Long enough that the stone molded to my flesh and my blood made a small puddle beneath me. Long enough that I was cognizant enough to notice that my breeches had been pulled down and that there was another, more intimate hurt. Long enough to know that I wasn’t going to be leaving.
Whole body numb except for my neck, so it took me a while to notice the hands pulling up my breeches and the gentle fingers running through my hair. “Paige.” Bobby’s voice. Not a hallucination then. If Jay had said something, then I would have known I was probably dead or too far gone to do anything about it. “Paige, are you awake?” Eyes opened slowly, the room still swam into a palette of oranges, reds, vomit...Slammed my eyes closed again. “Jay, are you going to be able to help me with him?” Pause and I heard some rustling. “No?” Bobby sighed and shifted me slightly. It tore a half scream from my throat as my flesh peeled from the stone. “Shh shhh.”Loud tromping steps and then Arthur’s voice. “You better hurry up! Claude can’t keep them distracted for long!” Arms around me and lifting me to a standing position. “Shit he looks bad. Is this what you were like?” he asked Jay. Some more rustling. “I truly can’t say I support this kind of torture. It seems remarkably un-Christian.”
My foot hit a rock and my eyes opened briefly. Jay standing by the door, his face drawn and pale, didn’t seem to have slept in years, Arthur watching me with pity, blood on the floor leading into the other room. A corpse spread out there, eyes flickered back to Jay, noticed the crimson spattered on his clothes and his face, back to the corpse, the garb... Yellow and black, his hair, blonde and black, eyes open and clotted with blood. Everything spun to nothing.
Wet on my forehead, cold damp on my neck, sound of someone breathing next to me. I opened my eyes slowly, allowing the light to pierce into the blue depths. It wasn’t as painful for some reason, but I knew it must have been because of the coldness, not because I was healing. A hand reached out for my cheek and stroked it gently. I leaned into it, hoping that by doing so I could recognize who it was. No such luck. My eyes weren’t awake enough to pick out the figure’s face from the light shining in from the window behind him.“W..who?” I croaked. A finger covered my lips and then the face came down closer to my own. Jay. His eyes surrounded by dark patches of sleeplessness, drowning in a haze of worry. How long had I been gone? Thought seemed to bring pain so I tried to just exist without it.
He shifted a bit and stood, gesturing that he would be back. My eyes filled with tears and he smiled and kissed me tenderly. Then he turned to go, again gesturing that he would return. I nodded weakly, I didn’t want to be alone with this.
It seemed like hours before he came back. Heat started to creep back into the mark and up my head, I was boiling to death. I could feel the rest of my body though, it seemed like everything had its own unique brand of hurt. Finally he was back and Bobby with him. Jay noticed that I was biting on my lips and rushed to my side, soaking the cloths back in the water before putting them back. Brief relief.“Paige, can you hear me?” Bobby asked, his eyes uncharacteristically concerned. Did I really look worse than Jay had when we found him? I didn’t doubt it. God, my cheek hurt, Jay wet a cloth and covered it. His hands were still cold, and tinged with rust.
“W..where? H..how?” I moaned. Jay shot an angry look in my direction and put his finger up to his mouth.
“Claude knew someone that guarded the prison. We went in last night and broke you out. We’re back at Arthur’s house until you feel better. Then we’re going with him to Scotland. Claude’s making it seem like we left for France.”
“Amir?” I whispered. Jay looked off at the opposite wall and made no more motions to deny me talking. “He was...dead, wasn’t he?”
Bobby swallowed and picked up a small piece of the blanket and started fidgeting around with it. “Well, maybe this had better wait until you’re feeling better.” I sighed and moved a bit, hissing when the cloths moved and my raw skin came into contact with the mattress. Jay was immediately hovering, his face concerned, and I imagined that if he wanted to talk, he would be soothing me the entire time.
“I’d rather hear it now.” I said, making pleading eyes. Bobby tried to be stoic about it, but eventually he gave in.
“Um...yeah, so Claude’s friend let us in and we went right to the dungeons....and we saw you there, and...Amir...” Bobby paused and looked at Jay, who had returned to his station watching the wall. “Amir was...about to do something not very nice. And, um, well, Jay picked up one of the knives from the table and went up behind him.” Bobby trailed off and stopped. I knew what Jay had done. The numerous puncture wounds and the amount of blood revealed the depths of his passion. Still saw Amir’s now sightless eyes scraped and raw. “That’s pretty much it. So you get better now, understand?” He patted my hand and then left.
“You killed Amir for me?” I asked. Jay said nothing, muscles in his jaw jutting out as he eyed the wall. I closed my eyes and sank back into the bed. “Could you just hold me for a while?” I asked. He looked at me, eyebrows raised in surprise. “Is it that strange of a request?” He shook his head, opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but thought better of it and laid next to me, holding onto me like I was pottery. Clutched at his arms around my chest with my hands, trying to lean into him but failing miserably as he pulled back and closed his eyes. “Jay, I don’t care what you did. Just hold me.” A small sigh and then he did. I fell asleep soon after.
Heat. Blistering broiling heat that seared my flesh and went down to bone, I was burning up in the heat death of the world, I was going to hell and back, plunging into the depths of lava and out again. My body couldn’t hold in all the pain and so I screamed, screamed, screamed. My neck seemed to be cleaving from my body, tearing me asunder and spilling me into more agony. Fires surrounded me, fires burned inside of me, gods would it ever end?Then brought to my senses, something in my mouth, something making it feel better. Tasted willow bark, did I have a fever? Ice on my forehead, rivulets of relief spilling down to my chin. My head in someone’s lap, Jay? He was singing softly, some song of love and loss, water and land, separation and reunion, trees and flowers, blood and disease. A story that rambled and tore through the ashes of all that I held dear and gave a fuller meaning to everything. His hand went through my hair smoothly, I pretended to still be asleep so I could listen. But he noticed and stopped, looking down at me inquisitively. Didn’t look like he had slept at all. Was I that loud?
“I’m feeling better now.” I rasped. Small smile and he closed his eyes for a moment. “Did you just make up that song?” I asked. “It’s so beautiful.” He nodded and beamed proudly for a moment before rubbing at the small spots on his neck, lingering on his own mark. “Does it still hurt?” He shook his head and blushed a bit, bending down to kiss my forehead. I smiled vaguely.
“Jay, why don’t you go downstairs and get some food?” Bobby asked from the other bed. Jay shot me a worried glance and then nodded reluctantly. Bobby took Jay’s place and the mattress shifted a bit. Little mumble of pain as I was moved, but it passed. Heard Jay’s steps as he went down the stairs. “He didn’t sleep or eat the entire time you were gone. Just stood in front of the window and looked at the palace.” He blushed and ducked his head at my expression of anger. “I made him eat some broth the second day, but you know Jay...”
“How long?” Sense of time skewed, could have been in there for years, but Jay would have died if he hadn’t eaten in that long.
Bobby sighed and ran his fingers through my hair, small touches of cold against the heat. “Four days. Well, five, if you count the morning we rescued you.” Jay had stayed up that long waiting for me? I didn’t even dare to think it was possible that someone would be that devoted to me. Yet it seemed like I was blessed with someone who was.