XVIII.
Filled the bucket with water and then poured it into the tub. Jay shivered and shrank into himself, avoiding my eyes and instead exploring his skin. Flesh that still carried the scars of Father Jonathan�s fervor and Arthur�s lust. Small florets of impacted flesh, tear stains of ripped skin. He sulked in the tub and pulled his knees up to his chest, rocking in the water. Hadn�t said a true word to me since I�d found him sleeping by the well. I was still searching for something to say that wouldn�t make him hate me.Arthur had left earlier, making sure to tell us that he wouldn�t be back until late. Bobby was busy sorting bolts of fabric and doing anything that would keep him out of the kitchen. So I made Jay take a bath, even though that wasn�t the most important thing in the world.
Finally the tub would hold no more without overflowing and I sat down on the floor far enough away from him that he wouldn�t feel crowded. Watched as he just sat there and gnawed at the tokens of mankind�s affections. He tired of that and just sat and glared at the cauldron in the fireplace, his shoulders hunched and his head bowed forward.
�Jay, come on...� I began, stopping as he looked at me, a momentary lapse in the barrier between us. He looked so lost and alone. But he retreated behind it again and closed his eyes. I touched his shoulder gently, marveling at how even in a warm bath he still was snow cold. A tremor of revulsion and he bit down on his lip. �I�m not going to hurt you.�
His mouth opened a bit and he looked like he might say something, but he closed it again. I poured some water over his shoulders and he held onto the sides of the tub as if he was being boiled alive. �Jay, it�s okay, it�s just water.� I whispered, �but I�ll stop if you want me to...� Hoped to elicit some response but he just sighed and accepted it, even when I poured water over his head and his hair turned to strands of almost black ice. Drops caught in his eyelashes, stuck in the lines of his lips. Lips that were bruising and even more pouted than usual. He stayed like that for a moment, tongue carefully licking at the water.
He reached for the ripped clothes from yesterday. I caught his hand delicately, placed a new chemise in it. His eyes questioned me, did he actually want to wear those shards of a shattered existence? �One of Arthur�s old servants left this and a gown. He said you could wear it.� No reaction to Arthur�s name, he just stood and let me help him into it. Huddled into the fabric, presenting the appearance of a somewhat tall grumpy little girl. �Does it fit okay?� I asked. He nodded and I smiled. That was at least something, even though it wasn�t vocalized.
Something flickered in his eyes when I helped him into the gown. When my hands accidentally touched his skin he made a small noise, but nothing else. I tied the fasteners in the back. �There. Done.� He nodded and started biting on his fingers, tearing at the cuticles.
�Do you want to help me make dinner?� I asked. Incredulous look, as if I should have asked Bobby instead. �You�ve never cooked before...?� Eyes said no. I reached out and took his hand slowly, so that he would have more time to prepare for human contact. �Then it�s time I showed you.� A spectre of a grin.
I picked up a large bunch of leeks and handed them to him. �Cut those pretty thick, okay? I�ll go and get a rabbit from outside.� He contemplated the vegetables in his hand and nodded slowly, biting on his lip. �Is that okay? Because I can always cut them and you can go and get the meat...� I offered. He shook his head and picked up the knife. I smiled and patted his hand. �You�ll get the hang of it.�
Got the rabbit and went back inside. Saw him very meticulously cutting the leeks to exactly the same width for each slice. Smiled inwardly. At least he was thorough. I busied myself melting the butter in the cauldron, then chopped the meat into bits. Jay finished with the leeks and I gave him some garlic to cut. At last we were done and I put it all in the cauldron, then covered it.He sank to the floor and leaned against the wall, his hands on his legs, eyes closed. And he sat there until the stew began to give off a delicious smell. This had been the stew that my mother always fixed when the harvest was over and there was a relative bounty of food to be had. We used to raise rabbits in a hutch in the backyard. Usually I formed emotional attachments with them and my mother would persuade my father to go off into the woods and catch a new one instead of forcing me to part with my friends. But after she died things got tight and I wasn�t able to do anything with the rabbits. I watched as we bartered them for clothing and firewood...
The room was getting wobbly, Jay was looking at me...shit was I crying again? Gods...I sat down on the floor and wiped the tears from my eyes. Had to get over this, she�d been dead for years, this wasn�t going to help anything.
Then arms surrounded me, a shoulder held my head, Jay shushing me and running his hand through my hair.
Arthur came home later with Claude. I heard them starting to come in and hurriedly placed the wimple on Jay�s head, adjusting it until he looked presentable. He licked his fingers and wiped the dried up tears off of my face, a small smile gracing his lips.�See, aren�t they helpful? Already got dinner on the table!� Arthur said proudly, his prize-winning smile lighting up the room. Claude stood by his side, simpering. I hadn�t noticed it before, but he had the appearance of a rat. His nose just had that inquisitive angle and his eyes were quite recessed. Hair about the same color as a rat�s pelt. His ears looked normal though.
�I wish my missus would do this. Half the time when I get home I have to make dinner for me and all the little ones.� He closed his eyes and inhaled through his generous proboscis. �Is that rabbit I smell?� He turned to Jay and slapped him on the back. Jay smiled prettily. �That�s my favorite! Smells like you did a good job.� Jay blushed and bowed. I didn�t see the point in telling who really had made it, since cooking was very rarely a male profession unless one was working for a duke.
Dinner was nice. Everyone liked the stew and there weren�t any long awkward pauses, mostly because there was someone propelling the conversation, mainly Claude. �Yeah, they�re still looking for those three peasants. Amir has been coming back and forth just about everyday, stopping in all the taverns and asking about. You haven�t heard anything, have you?�Long pause. Jay stared blankly down into his bowl. Bobby and I gave pleading looks to Arthur, who patted his mouth on his hand. �Nope, nothing here. I�ll bet that they drowned in the swamps or froze to death.�
Claude laughed. �It�s kind of hard to freeze to death in June!� Arthur joined him.
�Dear me, I guess I forgot what month it is! My age must be getting to me!� he chortled, slapping Claude on the back.
�Ah well, when Lord Ryan comes next week, I guess he�ll have a chance to look for himself.� Claude took a large spoonful of stew and smiled.
�He�s coming next week?� Bobby asked.
�Well, he has to! The king asked most of the lords back just to hold court for a while. I gather that it gets very boring here when everyone�s away. Wonder if he�ll leave that Persian beauty at home. I wouldn�t.� Claude sneered.
Arthur shrugged. �Well, I tend to believe in the inherent goodness of all men, be they Persian or English. If Lord Ryan thinks he can trust Amir, then who are we to pass judgement?�
Claude nodded. �Yes, I think I see your point.�
The next day Jay Bobby and I went to the marketplace to buy some more vegetables. I was keeping a sharp lookout for Amir, but it didn�t prepare me for what I saw. Jay noticed my stricken expression and pulled on my arm. Bobby stopped and followed my gaze.�Shit Paige! Isn�t that your father?!�