XVII.
Jay’s hands were on Arthur’s arms, it looked like he was pulling Arthur down, but I knew that couldn’t be what he was doing... Head arched desperately against the dirt floor, mouth opened in a wobbly circle. Could have been ecstasy, could have been pain. Bruises dotted his neck, sucked spots of lust drifted down his chest. The gown was ripped down to the illusionary cleavage, the skirt shoved up to the breaking point. Wimple tossed to the side, his hair sweaty and sticking out in spikes of suffering. And yet Arthur didn’t seem to have noticed anything amiss. Lips parted with some white liquid still on them, eyes rolled back until I could only see the whites, tongue still curled and coated, what the fuck?“My dad always told me that when women are gonna have a baby, they need some seed everyday to make the baby stronger! I was just helping.” Arthur said. “She didn’t tell me to stop.” Jay closed his lips and laid his head to the side, saying nothing. “Tell them! You were begging me for it.” Finally Arthur pulled away. Jay didn’t move at all, his legs still splayed, cum on his face, hands falling the floor and lying there, dead. I walked towards him slowly, watching as his eyes stayed focused on the door and the light outside. It seemed like he had either steeled himself so much for this that he hadn’t fought back at all, or that he had totally turned into a shell with no core.
“It was my business, she’s my wife!” I screamed, pointing my finger in Arthur’s face. I was shorter than he was, he could snap me in two, what the hell was I doing? Put my head in my hands. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just...she’s...” Jay’s hand moved and then his eyes, they slowly turned to Arthur. Feet shaky on the floor as he stood. Once he stood, though, he was a towering apparition of evil personified.
“Idiot.” he snarled, pulling down the collar, revealing the mark. “You wanted a woman, didn’t you? Well, all you got is a worthless demon.” Ripped the front of the chemise, revealed his flat chest, then down farther, oh gods... He slouched and his eyes, shit, his eyes, they were pits of fiery hatred. Bitter laughter and then he touched Arthur’s face slowly, tracing along his chin and then tangling in his beard. He jerked Arthur closer and kissed him, Arthur screamed in pain and Jay pulled away with blood spilling out of his mouth. “Such is my love.” Then he turned and walked out into the courtyard.
Arthur went into his room and slammed the door. I stared at Bobby, who was biting on his nails and shaking his head. “Paige, are you sure he’s human?” I had no answer. Bobby considered it for a moment and then looked at me pleadingly. “I didn’t mean it like that, I know he is...hell, I would have done the same if Arthur...oh shit...” I nodded and patted his back.
“I know what you mean Bobby. It’s okay.” Blood pouring into my stomach, felt like this would destroy me.
Jay was puking by the well, doubled over with his hands clutching for purchase in the dirt. I watched him as he pulled the remains of his clothes around himself and tried to avoid the spots of his disgust. Staggered to the well and pulled up some water, drinking until he vomited again. When he was finished he sat against the well and curled up so his head was covered by his arms which he rested on his knees. He couldn’t see me, or he didn’t want to see me. His shoulders shuddered and I realized that he was crying, but I didn’t dare go and try to comfort him. Fingers sought out the mark and he started scratching at it, fiery trails of red. When he knew that it truly couldn’t be removed like that he sighed and laid down, pushing half of his face into the dirt and staring out at the world. The tears clotted with the earth and made small rivulets, I watched as they mingled with his vomit and made piles of loathing. Fabric rode up and I could see his legs, the scratches and bruises from Arthur and Father Jonathan. The only marks of color on his skin.
I took a few cautious steps closer and then stopped. It wouldn’t help him to have my pity, he would take it and turn it into more proof that he was a demon and only deserving of death. Left him alone with his pain.
Went in to talk to Arthur. He was busy dabbing at his lip and frowning at himself in a small shard of reflective material. “Stupid bitch.” he snarled. Then he noticed me standing there and shook his head. “What the hell do you want?”“I’m sorry, we should have told you about Jay...”
“You’re the ones who were running from Amir, aren’t you?”
“Yes. We thought we wouldn’t be as suspicious with a woman...” He narrowed his eyes at me and lowered his head.
“I have no love for Lord Ryan and his little Persian pretty, but I would have appreciated knowing.” He smiled ruefully.
“If you want us to leave, we will.”
“No, you can stay, it’s fine. Pretend he’s a she for all I care. Just know that he’ll probably die no matter what you do. There’s only so long that he can hide that mark. Only so long until someone recognizes you and reports back to Lord Ryan.” he said, then waved me out.
I knew we couldn’t stay. I knew we couldn’t leave.
Later I looked out the window and realized that Jay had cried himself to sleep. Crept outside and gently picked him up, he instantly molded to me, catching his fingers in my collar. I put him to bed and covered him with a blanket, noticing Bobby’s worried glances.“What did Arthur say?” he asked, pulling the blankets around his body protectively.
I sighed and ran my fingers through Jay’s hair, wincing as he whimpered. “We can stay.”
Bobby frowned and looked up at the ceiling. “Why would he let us stay? He...”
“We’re finding somewhere else to live. I don’t want him doing anything to Jay.”
“Paige, he already did something to Jay! Didn’t you see how he reacted when he found out?!”
“That doesn’t mean anything! He could decide to do it again, to teach him a lesson!” I said a little too loudly. Jay turned in his sleep and made small sad noises, his legs parting. Showered his face with kisses and moved him so he was lying on his side facing me. His face moved to my hand, his nails digging into my flesh.
Bobby watched silently, then sighed. “Do you know how hard it’s going to be to find something to do? The only steady job that peasants can get is whore!”
I laid down and let Jay hug me tightly. “I...I don’t know what we can do. Arthur knows about Jay. And he could always tell.” The curtain squeaked as Bobby closed it.
“Then we’re better off turning ourselves in.” he muttered darkly. I snapped the curtain open. Jay whined at the noise and his eyes almost opened. Rubbed his head until he stopped.
“We’re not giving up! You know we’ll all die if we do that!” I hissed.
“We’re all going to die now!” Threw the curtain closed and tried to sleep. Fuck all of them, I was going to try.
Woke up to Jay singing to himself. He was sitting up and rocking back and forth, wrinkling and unwrinkling a section of blanket. When I took it away from him he opened his mouth and gaped at me. Then he resumed singing and rocking. “Jay?” I asked. Heard Bobby roll over and mutter something to himself. “Jay, just say something.” Eyes blank and devoid of any feeling. Song became quieter and he hunched over and glowered. Why was everything always so fucking hard? Burning in my throat, oh shit I was gonna cry. And there was nothing I could do to stop it. Tears spilled over my knuckles and wet the blanket, turning it a darker shade of brown. Still he sang. Bit on my fingers to try and stop. But that only would have worked if I had been able to get the image out of my head of Jay under Arthur...fuck...Arthur blended into the blacksmith, Father Jonathan, and everyone I had ever known.Then there was something else wet running down my skin, something surrounding me. Jay was crying into my shoulder.