XVI.
Jay was quiet for the rest of the day and said nothing to anyone. His eyes would occasionally settle on Arthur, but he always winced them closed afterwards. No food crossed his lips and he drank very little, preferring to play the role of the submissive little wife. Finally I tired of watching him and I pulled him outside by the well.�What the hell is wrong?� He looked up at me slowly, then pulled the wimple so it shadowed his face.
�Nothing.� Watched him as he grabbed a bucket and started to fill it with water. His hands were shaking. I took the bucket away from him and made him look me in the eye. Hazel reflected back prisms of denial.
�Something�s bothering you.�
My eyes met cold stone and he said nothing. Had the part of him that emerged in the morning gone? There was no emotion, it was like he was looking at Bobby again. �Just don�t leave me alone with Arthur.� he whispered. He turned and went back inside.
I sat on the well and sighed. Was that what it was all about? Surely once Arthur realized that Jay was a man... Then we�d all be screwed.
Went to bed before the sun went down because I wanted to talk to Jay. And he needed help getting the gown and wimple off, even if he pretended that he didn�t.He stood in front of me, keeping his eyes on the floor while I unpinned the wimple and pulled the cloth around his neck. Shudders as my hands came in contact with his flesh. Jay licked his lips, he looked at me nervously and then back down at the floor. I stopped and cupped his face in my hands. Still he wouldn�t meet my eyes. �Please, just tell me.�
Cold over my hands as he gently eased them away from his face. �Could you untie the gown?� he asked, his voice soft and timid. I sighed and turned him around, noticing that my touch brought out more spasms on his skin. �You know my mother...what she did...� He paused as I brought the gown over his head. But he didn�t turn around. He was a creature of light, the window shone in and caught in the chemise, outlining his body. �Why I hid in the forest...� Pause, deathly still, oranges and reds spilled through the window. �Why I truly am a demon...�
My hands left him and he walked forward, stopping by the window. �Why everyone lusts after me, even though I don�t care for them...� He turned and looked at me. �Didn�t you notice that I never went to the blacksmith?� he asked, face calm and settled. Eyes awash with death.
�No.� Remembered the blacksmith, his red hair and cheery manner. Everyone liked him. He had three kids and a loving wife. Not that those things stopped anyone from visiting Jay�s mother...
�He came to visit my mother once, but settled for me. She didn�t even try to stop him. I didn�t even try to stop him...� he tipped his head to the side and closed his eyes. �Bruises on my hips for weeks, my mother just laughed at me. I had to get away from him, he would call at all hours of the day. Finally I just told him I really was a demon, that I was draining his soul, that if he could only resist my influence he would be blessed and ensured a place in heaven.� Eyes open again, hard brown that stabbed through my heart. �Then...then you came.� Small quaver. �And...I was on the other side.� He rubbed at his eye and bit his lip. I took a step closer and he moved back. �You fucking better not start pitying me.�
�I won�t.� I said quietly. �I won�t do anything that you don�t want me to do.� He swallowed and nodded, staring firmly out the window. �But still...� Eyes glowered at me and I let my voice dwindle to a meek squeak. �It wasn�t your fault.� No response. Laid on the bed and tried to sleep. He stood by the window for a while longer, and then closed the shutters. The room darkened and then turned into a black pit.
Felt him lay next to me, then the straw shift a bit as he situated himself. I was lying on my back and he curled up so his mouth was right next to my ear. His breath bothered me to no end, he started whispering. �I...I know that if Arthur finds out...it won�t stop him...� Heard him swallow and then felt his hand grab my arm and hug it to his chest. �Demons are irresistible.�
�But you aren�t a demon. You�re just Jay!� I said, �Don�t listen to those stupid fuck-ups from the village!� Cold and wet on my neck, he was kissing me.
�It�s so nice to hear that someone thinks that.� he whispered, resting his head on my shoulder.
�It�s true.�
The next day Arthur was remarkably subdued. Jay was a little bit more active and actually ate something, but he still jumped whenever Arthur came close. There was tension around the entire house, and the only way to release it would be to destroy my love. And I wasn�t going to do that.I pulled Bobby aside and made sure that Arthur and Jay weren�t alone in the same room together before I talked to him. �We�ve gotta either find a baby or another place to live.� I said. Bobby�s brow furrowed.
�Why? Jay can just have a miscarriage, can�t he?�
�No. Then we�d have to try again, and I don�t want to do that to Jay. Plus Arthur has a crush on Jay.� Watched Bobby�s face fall as he took a look back at Jay, who was stabbing the table mindlessly with a knife. �We have to make sure they aren�t alone together.�
�We should just go and find somewhere else to live.� he mumbled. �But we don�t have any money.�
�That�s why I wanted to go and find a baby! It�d be easier than finding another place to live, I doubt Arthur would try and molest a woman when there�s a baby nearby.�
�Well, how are we gonna do that when Arthur won�t leave? It�d look kind of weird if Jay came with us, wouldn�t it?�
�I know. That�s why we have to do it when he goes out on an errand.� Bobby nodded.
Our chance came later that afternoon when Arthur went out to buy more fabrics for his return trip to Scotland. Bobby and I left Jay with a huge pile of mending that he didn�t know how to do, and raced out to find the poorest part of town. There had to be one starving family with an extra child... I shuddered at what we were doing. But it was for Jay, and it wasn�t like we were going to abuse the child.The buildings were so close together, there was hardly any room to walk in the streets. The sun was blocked out because the builders had made it so the third and fourth floors of most of the houses almost touched over the street. We dodged flying excrement and emptied chamber-pots as we searched for any family that seemed to just be eking out an existence. But they were all doing that. This was so cruel, so stupid.
Bobby gagged as the fumes from some of the more noxious leavings reached his nostrils. �Paige, I don�t think we�re gonna find any children here.� he said, tugging on my arm.
�Well then what the hell are we gonna do?�
He shook his head and I wished that his eyes weren�t almost the same shade of brown as Jay�s. �Shit, I don�t know Paige. We don�t have to tell Arthur yet. Maybe we can just keep things as they are until he leaves for Scotland. That�ll be in a few months, won�t it?�
�Yeah, I guess.� I sighed.
I knew something was wrong as soon as I reached Arthur�s house. The front door was open and I heard grunting that I knew wasn�t Jay mending shirts. FUCK! Ran to see what had happened. First thing I saw was ripped fabric, spread legs, Jay�s face...�What the fuck are you doing?!� I screamed.
Arthur looked up and smiled. �You need to make sure the babies got a good foundation, don�t you?�