5.Things were somewhat bearable, I mean, everyone still pointed at me and the marks still remained on my locker, but there was the knowledge that Bobby was around and I could conceivably talk to him without fearing that all of my words would be analyzed for some greater meaning, as if all that I did was recruit people to my �lifestyle�. Teachers listened to everything that I said with the full intent of talking to the counselor about it later. So, as usual, I said nothing unless someone called on me. And the whispering grew until it overwhelmed. I heard it buzzing around me while I got my books, while I sat in class, while the world spun around me. I was glad that I�d taken care of the gym requirement long ago, I didn�t think I�d be able to deal with the locker room shit on top of everything else.
Bobby was immune because of the recent tragedy. People still had some respect for bereavement. He had always been able to fly below the radar because of his brother...now it seemed that that protection carried over after his brother died. I wanted so badly to have someone who could protect me from all of it, I wanted at least a few days where I didn�t have to listen to all of the shit and wonder if someone was going to jump me. But I couldn�t expect Bobby to do it...I just had to wait until I could leave...or escape. Sometimes the only thing that got me through the day was the memory of his lips, his kiss.
It turned out that by Friday he meant the Friday of the following week. So I had to spend intolerable days without him that I wasn�t sure that I was going to get through unscathed. Somehow the evangelical club had found out about me and filled my locker with pamphlets encouraging me to find some way to be cured of my �illness� and give up my unholy lust. Jocks slammed me against lockers and didn�t let up until they had proof that I was hurting. I only accepted it as my due. They had been much worse when it was Ryan, someone popular, someone who they respected. This was just because I�d become more other than was acceptable.
I walked home with him trying to pretend that I didn�t know that his parents would hate me instantaneously. The glance at the party, almost as if I didn�t deserve to exist because of how I looked. Maybe I didn�t.He stopped at the end of the block and looked at me. His hand went up to my hair and played around with the spikes a bit. The yellow was growing and washing out, but it was a sore point. No amount of him saying he thought it was cute was going to change that. Warmth slid down my cheek, then he smiled, his fingers sliding underneath my chin. �Don�t worry about it.�
I swallowed and in the process bumped against his hand. �I�ll try not to...but the last time I was over there it didn�t seem like they liked me much.�
He laughed. �That doesn�t matter.� His smile receded and his hand fell. �I like you...isn�t that enough?�
I smiled weakly. He obviously had only a vague idea of what it was like to be the center of negative attention. The most he probably ever got was an unkind word, and people sure as hell weren�t going to throw insults at his face now with all of the teachers giving him huge extensions on assignments and constantly asking him how he felt. �It�s just easier when other people can tolerate me.� I said.
He considered that for a moment, �Yeah...that�s true.�
The door unlocked and instantly the smell of decaying and dead flowers hissed out...I could almost see the smoke. Bobby gestured for me to go in first. Staring into the gloom of the burnt out hall light bulbs and overturned vases of flowers that wouldn�t fit on top of Fabio�s grave. The carpet was a unique shade of tan that had turned darker where the seeping water from the flowers had spread. My feet sank in the wet spots. There was some movement in the living room but it stopped before I had a chance to see what it was. Bobby prodded my arm a bit. �My parents should be in the kitchen.� he said.�Um...then could we go somewhere else?� I whispered.
�No, they�ll want to know that you�re here.� He touched the back of my neck gently. I almost jumped, but controlled myself. �It�ll be okay, I swear.�
�Mom, Dad, this is Jay.� he said, pushing me in front of him. I looked at the floor, unwilling to meet their eyes and see the scorn beneath their eyebrows. In a way, I guess I expected to look up and see two slightly older versions of Fabio and Bobby, one wearing a dress and the other some sort of fatherly attire. But when I finally just looked up, they were there and completely different. A guarded gaze met me, a weak smile, recently dried tears, a world-weary expression. Mr. Fernandez shook my hand, Mrs. Fernandez merely smiled and tried to pretend that her lip wasn�t wobbling.�Nice to meet you. Were you...� Mr. Fernandez trailed off and stopped. �Um...we have to go and pick up the pizzas. Can you guys handle things here?� He looked at Bobby like Bobby was going to invite in twenty other people from school and raid the liquor cabinet while they were gone.
�Of course.� he said, smiling innocently. �Come on, Jay.� His hand met mine for a brief second, I tried to pretend that it was just an accident so his parents didn�t get the wrong idea but they were busy staring at this commemorative plate that Fabio must have made in nursery school or something. It hung over the entrance to the living room. A flower, a sun, all rendered in the three colored markers that the school had given out. Somewhere in the depths of my basement lurked my own contribution to the dwindling oil supply. I didn�t see any trace of Bobby�s...if they had even sprung for one for him.
The living room was a shade of green that had been used in institutions and schools ever since it had been mixed. All of the furniture clashed with it, but the paint was mostly covered up by thousands of framed pictures of Fabio...there were some of Bobby with Fabio, but Fabio was the predominant figure. Bobby nodded towards the couch and I sat down sort of reluctantly. He parted the closed lace curtains at the front of the room and watched as his parents drove off.Thousands of eyes seemed focused on me. I cringed and tried to shrink into myself. I was always uncomfortable at friends� houses. Especially houses where there were lots of studio photographs with eyes that followed me around the room.
�They�re gone.� he said quietly, turning away from the window.
�Okay...� I began, but soon I found myself laid out on the couch as he jumped me. His solid weight above me, not yielding as he pushed my head into the padding. Our lips smashed together and almost without thinking my legs moved so that he could lay down on me completely. Fuck...so good. I closed my eyes and moaned while he devoured my neck. All of the sensations that I was feeling seemed to go right to my cock and make it harder than it had ever been before. It had been so long, too long...since that day with Ryan... Bobby�s hands playing with my shirt, one digging in my pants, the other moving up, the twin feelings leaving goose-bumps and almost forcing me to pull him down closer, to rip some meaning out of his lips and neck and tongue. I didn�t care if it was wrong, if his parents were going to be coming back in five minutes because they�d probably gone to the cheap place down a few blocks, all that mattered was that someone was kissing me, someone WANTED me. And even if he wasn�t exactly the most mentally stable and balanced person in the entire world, I wanted him too.
His hand got closer to my cock, I whined pitifully, feeling his own digging into my leg. His harsh pants between each kiss, as if I was some whirlpool that sucked away all his oxygen, as if he was drowning in me. I could barely breathe myself, but my body just wanted him, not air. Jumped a bit as his fingers met my cock, bit down unintentionally on his tongue. He giggled and slid off, leaving me with legs spread and ready for some fucking. But I couldn�t construct any meaningful sentences to protest while he smirked at me and smiled. �They�re gonna be back in a minute or two. I heard a car going over the pothole. They never drive around it.�
�You know, it might not have been them.� I said after catching my breath. Forced myself to slink closer to him, letting my hand accidentally stray towards his crotch. �We might have time to do something.� But then the sound of the garage door opening began and there wasn�t any doubt.
He reached over and fixed my hair. �Somehow I don�t think we could do anything meaningful in the time it takes them to get in here. So calm down.�
As soon as he told me that, the fact that Fabio was still staring at us sunk in again and I shrank into myself. It had only been two weeks since the funeral...this was so wrong. My discomfort must have been obvious because he patted my arm before going in to see his parents. I just sort of sat and pretended that I was okay. Fuck...this was all fucked up. And his nonchalant attitude about the whole thing was just...weird. I wanted to leave.
Somehow I wound up staying. Bobby sat next to me and put his feet on the table. For the first time I noticed that he had painted his big toes blue. For some reason I couldn�t stop looking at them. It seemed odd that after all of the fuss his parents had made about his hair and clothing, they had neglected to notice those. I tried not to stare, hoping that perhaps his parents hadn�t noticed. As it slid on the wooden surface, I realized that it wasn�t painted blue...it was painted like it was bruised. I admired his determination to break the rules while still appearing to follow them. Unfortunately his mom slapped his foot and glared at him to get him to remove it.The TV flickered with a Star Trek thing that his dad had taped. Two women kissed with tongue and I almost could sense his dad leaning forward in excitement. Perhaps Bobby wasn�t as sheltered as I thought he was. I guess I thought we�d be watching some Disney movie that was rated PG for a walk on the wild side.
Of course even a little homosexual kiss that they watched without a suppressed giggle couldn�t disguise the fact that whenever they thought I wasn�t looking his dad sort of glared at me and his mom leaned over to make sure there was a noticeable gap between Bobby and me. A gap that was enforced with little nudges from her end of the couch. I sighed and suffered through it. I was with Bobby, that had to be enough.
At around eight his dad sort of coughed and looked significantly at the door. I took the hint, thanking him in my head. I never knew how to get out of those kinds of situations by myself, I always needed a cue.
Bobby saw me out, grinning like a satisfied stoner. �They liked you.� he whispered.
I tried not to laugh in derision. �Of course they did. I�m everything they�ve ever wanted for you.�