LUKE: I'm not a mysterious man, am I?
LORELAI: Well, the wardrobe's a bit of a head scratcher.
LUKE: I think I've been very, very clear with my intentions -
LORELAI: Your�
LUKE: You know, the wedding, the movie invite, the flowers.
LORELAI: [ Chuckles ] Luke -
LUKE: You knew what I was doing!
LORELAI: Well, no, not officially.
LUKE: Not officially? Oh, come on. I mean, I didn't have a ref present, but other than that.
LORELAI: Well, you didn't say anything official.
LUKE: What was I supposed to say? I did things. I let my actions speak. That's what you're supposed to do. Your supposed to let your actions speak. That's the romantic way to do this, damn it.
LORELAI: Okay, you're right. I'm sorry.
LUKE: And you went along with all of it. So naturally, I assumed we were on the same page, and then your boyfriend shows up here at the inn that I invested in.
[Lorelai reacts]
LORELAI: Whoa, what boyfriend? Are you talking about Jason?
LUKE: No, Tom. Yes, Jason
LORELAI: You guys were talking? What did he say?
LUKE: He said you were together. I mean, I was sitting there listening to this guy spout on and on about how it's right, you're right, he's right. The whole time, I'm thinking, "What the hell have I been doing all this for? She's taken." [Storms out the front door - Lorelai follows]
LORELAI: I -- I'm not taken! We broke up!
LUKE: Well, he doesn't know that!
LORELAI: Well, just calm down!
LUKE: Aw, I don't want to calm down! I did everything right! I did exactly what the book said!
LORELAI: The book?!
LUKE: I thought we were on track, and now you're standing there looking at me like I'm crazy.
LORELAI: I'm not looking at you like you're crazy!
LUKE: You know the last time I bought flowers for someone? Never! That's when! Very easy stat to remember!
LORELAI: I loved the flowers!
LUKE: And then when I walked you home after the wedding, there was a moment. I thought there was a moment.
LORELAI: There was! There was a moment. [Luke gazes at Lorelai, then moves closer.]
LORELAI: What are you doing?
LUKE: Will you just stand still?
[He gathers her in his arms and they kiss. Lorelai pulls away then moves back closer to Luke.]
LUKE: What are you doing?
LORELAI: Will you just stand still?
[She holds his face as she kisses him. Luke's arms wrap around her as they kiss. She pulls away again. As they gaze at each other, Luke grasps her waist and pulls her back.]
KIRK: Aaaaah! [running down stairs, buck naked with only a pillow covering himself.] Aaah! Aaaah! [runs out the door in terror into the night] Aaaaah! Aaaah!
LUKE: I'll be right back. [Lorelai looks puzzled] I'll explain later. [runs after Kirk]
KIRK: Aaah! Aaah!
Zack: Dude what's a bulwark?
Brian: What?
Zack: It says a bulwark never failing
Brian: I think it's a wall?
Zack: Then why don't they just say that? Bulwark sounds totally gay
Brian: I don't think you're supposed to call a hymn gay. It's like a sin or something.
Lorelai: Check this out. THIS is a stack of identical catologs mailed to: Lorelai Gilmore, Rory Gilmore, Lorelai Rory Gilmore, Lorelai V Gilmore, Lorelai Victoria Gilmore, Lorelai Gilmo, Lorelai Gill, and Squeegy Beckenhiem.
Rory: How'd that get in there?
Lorelai: I once told a store my named was Squeegy Beckenhiem just to see how many catalogs they would sell my name to. And apparently my name is to catalog companies as Brook Sheild's picture is to chinese restraunts.
Rory: How many?
Lorelai: TEN! Including one we were already getting seven catalogs from.
Rory: So apparently you made the problem worse...
Lorelai: Unintentionally!
Rory: This one is addressed to Tookey Clothespin.
Lorelai: Oooh I forgot my codename at the second store I tested so I told them my name was Tookey Clothespin.
Rory: Which means wer got even more catalogs.
Lorelai: Again it was unintentional!
Rory: When you start a forrest fire unintentionally it's still you fault.
Lorelai: You're putting my calling myself Squeegy Beckenheim and Tookey Clothespin on a level with starting a forrest fire?
Rory: It's killing trees.
Lorelai: You're depressing me now!
LUKE: Jess came home with this car and it says on the slip that he bought it from you.
GYPSY: Yup, it's working great, if that's what you're wondering.
LUKE: No, I know that, it's just, uh. . . he paid you for it, right?
GYPSY: Nothing's free at Gypsy's.
LUKE: And he paid cash?
GYPSY: Mostly twenties.
LUKE: Did you make sure Andrew Jackson was on the bills, not Alfred E. Newman or someone?
GYPSY: Looked real to me.
LUKE: Well, when he took the money out of wherever he had it, did a mask or a gun fall out?
GYPSY: No, but he was carrying it in a canvas bag with a big dollar sign on it.
LUKE: Really?
GYPSY: No.
*Rory's phone rings at the diner and she gets up to take it outside*
Lorelai: Where are you going? Stay here.
Rory: I do not want to incur the wrath of Luke.
Lorelai: Why not? It's fun.
Shell (a guy): You're funny! You know they usually say that pretty women aren't funny because they never had to be. Were you a fat child?
Lorelai: Ummm...
Sookie: I'm going to go out and check with Michel on something and you guys just talk till I get back!
Lorelai: What do you have to check with Michel on?
Sookie: Oooh the table cloth supplies
Lorelai: I can do that!
Sookie: Yeah but Michel likes me better!(leaving the kitchen) Talk!
Shell: Listen Lorelai...
Lorelai: Shell. Have you met Luke? Hey um Luke... get up!
Luke: What?
Lorelai: Yeah um Shell this... is Luke.
Shell: Nice to meet you
Luke: Yeah you too.
Lorelai: Luke is my... special friend.
Shell: Oh?
Lorelai: (forcing Luke's arm around her) Yeah, I have to tell you. Renovating this place has been a real nightmare and I just... don't... know how I would have gotten through it without him. (smiling innocently up at Luke) Have I said thank you to you recently?
Luke: Uhh no?
Lorelai:(still innocently grinning) Well thank you! *giggle*
Shell: Well it was nice meeting you both... I'm going to go say good bye to Sookie...
Lorelai: Aww bye shell!
Luke: bye Shell
Lorelai: Don't touch my stomach!
Luke: You put my hand there!
Lorelai: She's trying to set me up with Shell the poultry guy??? Why would she do that!? I just broke up with someone!
"1,2,3...He's Yours!"
RORY: And one.
(Older man walks by.)
LORELAI: Pass.
RORY: Why?
LORELAI: Because I'm not Anna Nicole Smith. Next.
RORY: Two.
(Teenage boy on a skateboard goes by.)
LORELAI: Hmm, pass.
RORY: Why?
LORELAI: Because I'm not Mary Kay LeTourneau.
RORY: Okay.
(Luke comes to the table while they are staring out the window.)
LUKE: What are you looking for?
LORELAI: My new husband.
RORY: She's already passed up two perfectly good prospects.
LORELAI: But I'm feeling pretty good about number three.
LUKE: Do I want to know what you're doing?
RORY: Hey, Luke came to the table, does that make him number three?
LUKE: No.
LORELAI: You don't even know what we're doing.
LUKE: The safest answer in anything involving the two of you is no.
LORELAI: We're playing one, two, three, he's yours.
LUKE: I didn't ask.
RORY: You can take the first guy that walks by, or if you decide to pass, assuming there's somebody better out there, you can take the next guy that walks by, or if you don't take him, you're automatically stuck with the third guy.
LORELAI: Got it?
LUKE: I'm not playing.
LORELAI: Well of course not. Its still my turn.
RORY: Okay, guy number 3 is crossing the street right now.
(All three of them stare out the window.)
LUKE: Why am I looking?
LORELAI: Because it's like a train wreck.
(They see Kirk walking towards the diner.)
LORELAI: Aww, no!
RORY: Daddy!
LORELAI: Not Kirk!
RORY: Maybe he'll buy me a pony.
LORELAI: I wanna go back to the old guy.
(Kirk walks in the diner. Luke walks over to him.)
LUKE: Congratulations man.
Lorelai - What did you do?
Michel - I did nothing.
Lorelai - You did something funky.
Michel - I did NOT do anything funky.
Lorelai - You have the funk, my friend.
Lorelai: "I'll go get you a real bandage."
Luke: "I like the Barbie ones."
Lorelai: "Yes, honey, but the other kids will beat you up if they see you wearing one of those!"
Rory: "They're a little nutty."
Lorelai: "Yeah, with extra nuts on top."
Lorelai: No hustle, no hora. It was a slow dance -- a waltz. Luke can waltz.
Rory: Luke can waltz?!
Lorelai: Luke can waltz.
Rory: Look how you just said, "Luke can waltz."
Lorelai: What, I'm just saying, I'm surprised that Luke can waltz.
Rory: That sounded more like, "I'm surprised I still have my clothes on."
Michel: "There are all sorts of chromosomes missing from that man."
Michel (referring to Taylor): "That man is why mail-order brides were invented."
Doyle: "Man, I hate those kind of guys."
Rory: "What kind of guys?"
Doyle: "Those privileged white males."
Rory: "Doyle, you're a privileged white male."
Doyle: "Well he's more privileged and way more whiter."
Lorelai: "Luke, I can drive you back to the diner. I promise if we pass any senior citizens I'll let you jump out and pants them."
Luke: "Fine."
Lorelai: "Oh you know what? I have someone standing abnormally close to me. I'll call you later."
Rory: "Okay, say hi to Kirk for me."
Lorelai: "Its a pretend wedding! J.Lo has 'em all the time!"
Kirk: "I had an imaginary girlfriend, but she left me."
Luke: "Want some coffee?"
Lorelai: "Say that again slower and with your pants off."
Luke: "What's that?"
Lorelai: My pretty, pretty face."
Luke: "It's a Weston's coffee cup."
Lorelai: "Is it?"
Luke: "You bring an enemy coffee cup in here on the day of our reconciliation."
Lorelai: "Well, at least I didn't ask you for a favor on this, the day of your daughter's wedding."
Luke: "Get that coffe outta here."
Lorelai: "This is not coffee. This is a mocha, chocolate, caramel, swirl-a-chino with extra whipped cream."
Luke: "That sounds disgusting."
Lorelai: "It is. And if it were physically possible to make love to a hot beverage this would be the one."
Luke: "So apparently I've got competition."
Lorelai: "No, no, no. It's just a fling. I'll finally spend the night with it, but then when I see it in the morning with the caramel unswirled and the whipped cream unwhipped - Huh! Buh-bye."
Lorelai: You threw a frying pan at Taylor's head without me? I hate you!
Lorelai: What was that?
Lane: It's been like that for an hour. It's the damn over.
Lorelai: The damn oven!?
Luke: Damn oven!!!
Lorelai: What's up with the damn oven?
Luke: I got this damn oven and the thermostat doesn't work!
Lorelai: The damn thermostat or just the thermostat?
Luke: You being cute?
Lorelai: Sorry. Go on.
Luke: So I got a new thermostat and I can't figure out how to replace the damn thing.
Lorelai: So it IS the damn thermostat!
LUKE: So I hear you're having a party Saturday.
RORY: Yeah. Mom's famous for her blowouts.
LORELAI: The best one was her eighth birthday.
RORY: Oh, yeah, that was good.
LORELAI: The cops shut us down.
LUKE: The cops shut down an eight year old's birthday party?
RORY: And arrested the clown.
LUKE: I don't want to hear any more of this.
RORY: This whole guy thing. I mean I've watched you when you talk to a man. You have a comeback for everything, you make him laugh, you smile right --
LORELAI: I smile right?
RORY: And then you do the little hair flip.
LORELAI: Oh, twirl. It's a hair twirl.
RORY: And then you walk away and he just stands there, amazed, like he can't believe what just happened.
LORELAI: That's because I just stole his wallet.
RORY: Get up!
LORELAI: No! It�s Saturday. Saturday is a day of rest!
RORY: No, Sunday is a day of rest.
LORELAI: Well, Saturday is a day of pre-rest so you can be rested to enjoy your�. Rest.
RORY: Oh! You should walk down the aisle to Frank Sinatra with a huge bouquet of something that smells really good.
LORELAI: Pot roast.
RORY: Okay, our house is burning down, and you can save the cake or me. What do you choose?
LORELAI: Well that's not fair. The cake doesn't have legs.
LORELAI: Christian Rock. There�s an oxymoron for you!
LORELAI: You know you're right. People have too much stuff. Absolutely. [Mrs. Kim and Lane walk away]
RORY: Says the woman with 64 pairs of shoes.
LORELAI: Thus proving my point.
LORELAI: Aren�t baby shower balloons supposed to reflect the sex of the baby? Blue for boys, pink for girls.
RORY: You would think.
LORELAI: What�s green for? Aliens?
LORELAI: It�s from my mother.
RORY: What is it?
LORELAI: It�s heavy. Must be her hopes and dreams for me.
RORY: I thought she discarded those years ago.
LORELAI: You'll have to entertain me until she arrives. OK, Burger Boy, dance.
LUKE: Will you marry me?
LORELAI (stunned): What?
LUKE: Just looking for something to shut you up.
LUKE: You're not going to kill the bag boy.
LORELAI: Why not?
LUKE: It's double coupon day. You'll bring down the town.
LORELAI: I never pictured Luke with an Elle MacPherson kind of pretty.
SOOKIE: No? Pictured him more with a Lorelai Gilmore kind of pretty?
LUKE: Yeah, I 'm gonna get going. I just left my toolbox from when I was here earlier fixing things. I do a lot of little things around here for Lorelai.
LORELAI: Yeah, you're very handy. So Luke, we'll talk later.
LUKE: Yes we will.
MAX: Although probably not tonight. We won't be back until late.
LORELAI: No, I meant not tonight.
MAX: Oh, I misunderstood.
LORELAI: I meant tomorrow. So tomorrow.
LUKE: Absolutely. We see each other most everyday.
MAX: Well sure, you've got the coffee.
LUKE: And she needs the coffee. So I'll see you tomorrow.
LORELAI: Tomorrow.
LUKE: Same time as always.
MAX: I'd count on a little later.
LUKE: Doesn't matter what time it is. I'll always be around.
LUKE: Red meat can kill you. Enjoy.
LORELAI: Can I ask you stupid questions?
LUKE: There's no such thing.
LORELAI: How does ink come out of pens?
MARY: Now, I went over the square footage and the details of the lease with your husband this morning. Did he fill you in?
LUKE: What? Oh no, we�re � .
LORELAI: No, no, he didn�t, but you know how men are. The minute that ball game comes on, all the realities of life just go right out the window.
MARY: Don�t I know it.
LORELAI: I mean, I could answer the door wrapped in cellophane but unless I was
wearing a Yankees cap. . .ugh, he wouldn�t even notice.
LUKE: Geez.
LORELAI: Oh, don�t be embarrassed Snuffy, I�m just teasing. It�d be a Mets cap.
LORELAI: Hey, what do you know about this town loner guy?
LUKE: Same as everyone. Just kind of skulks around with that backpack, never smiles.
LORELAI: Does he also make cheeseburgers and secretly harbor a desire to wear a backwards baseball cap?
JESS: Does she know what I look like?
RORY: I don�t think so.
JESS: Perfect. Find someone who vaguely resembles me. Take him. Just don�t kiss him goodnight.
Here it is- the huge cliffhanger/aww of season 5-
[Lorelai come into the closed diner with watery eyes and a tired expression. Luke is wiping off the counter. He turns around as he hears the bells of the door.]
Lorelai: Rory dropped out of Yale.
Luke: What?
Lorelai: [She sits down at the nearest table. calmly, slowly, dissapointed:] She dropped out of Yale, and she moved in with my parents who I went to for help, and they stabbed me in the back. Everything we've worked for all these years. Her whole future. She was supposed to have more than me. She was supposed to have everything. That was the plan. We had a plan.
Luke: Okay, I'm sorry. I just have to jump in here. Uh, I know you think you have this thing handled, but I can help. [starts pacing] First of all- we call Yale, and we tell them something like uh, ...Rory had a chemical imbalance, and she was medically out of her mind when she told them she was dropping out, and then we get her out of your parents' house whatever way we can. We lock her up in her room with you, 'cause you can talk her into this. You can talk anybody into anything. [Lorelai is slightly grinning with tears as she watches Luke rant.] And then, if worse comes to worse, we will drive her to school everyday, and we will follow her to class, and camp out there to make sure she goes. [Lorelai's grin slowly drops, and she has a fairly serious thinking expression on.] I'll take morning classes. You take afternoon classes or the other way around if it works out better for your schedule. And I know there's a few kinks to work out, and the kidnapping thing might be a little problematic, but either way, she is not quitting school. This was her dream. [Lorelai is grinning- barely grinning- up at Luke meaningfully.] I am not going to let this happen. [He sees her expression]... What?
Lorelai: [eyes watering again] Luke, will you marry me?
Luke: What?
Lorelai: Hey, are you good at dating?
Luke: What?
Lorelai: Dating, do you have that down?
Luke: If this is about that kid-?
Lorelai: It's not about anything. It's just a question.
Luke: Well, I don't know if I have it down, considering that I live with my newphew. I'd say probably not.
Lorelai: I don't have it down either. I've never been
good at it really. Never even really liked it. Too much "What if". I like things that I can count on. I mean- Actually with Max, it was the first time I was finally like: "Hey, here it is. That one person, who will always be there for me." And, then I turn around and it's suddenly: "Oops, wrong. Keep moving."
Luke: Why are you telling me all this?
Lorelai: I don't have many people in my life... who are in my life. Permemantly, forever. They will always be there for me. I will always be there for them. You know? There's Rory, Sookie, this town... and you. I mean, at least I think I got-
Luke: You do.
Lorelai: Good.