Lorelai: not five times fast
Lorelai: Hello?
Emily: I've been trying to get you all afternoon.
Lorelai: Mom?
Emily: Yes.
Lorelai: Hi.
Emily: You already said that.
Lorelai: But someone hasn't.
Emily: ...Hello.
Lorelai: There we go.
Emily: You are impossible to reach.
Lorelai: Well, there's no messages on the machine, mom.
Emily: I don't leave messages, If I wanted to talk to a machine I'd talk to my vcr. Where were you?
Lorelai: At a wake.
Emily: A what?
Lorelai: A wake...a funeral.
Emily: A funeral? Whose?
Lorelai: It was for a neighbor's cat...mom?
Emily: Hold on, I'm looking upp aneurysm in our medical dictionary to see if I just had one.
Mayor: Twelve heroic men assembled with guns drawn ready to meet their maker.
Luke: What are you talking about? Twelve guys stood in a row all night.
Mayor: Waiting for the Red Coats-
Luke: Who never showed!
Mayor: Now just a minute!
Luke: Twelve guys stood in a row all night waiting for an enemy that never showed. They got stood up, they should've been wearing prom dresses.
Taylor: You would kick Tiny Tim's crutch out from under him, wouldn't you?
Luke: If he asks for a free cup of coffee, gimpy's going down.
Luke: So back from the ball, huh?
Lorelai: Yes, I left behind a glass slipper and a business card in case the prince is really dumb.
Rory: I'm going to a serious school now, I need serious paper.
Lorelai: Paper's paper.
Rory: Not at Chilton.
Lorelai: Alright, fine. Here is your serious paper.
Rory: Thank you.
Lorelai: Ooh, and here are your somber highlighters, your maudlin pencils, your manic-depressive pens.
Rory: Mom.
Lorelai: Now these erasers are on lithium so they may seem cheerful but we actually caught them trying to shove themselves in the pencil sharpener earlier.
Rory: I'm going home now.
Lorelai: No, wait! We're going to stage an intervention with the neon post-its and make them give up their wacky, crazy ways.
Rory: You're never coming shopping with me again.
Lorelai: You Have Much Knowledge
Rory: We shall form a cult around you
Lorelai: Build a statue many stories high
Rory: Grow our hair long and stop bathing.
Girl: "Is it raining?"
Paris: "No, it's national baptism day, Tie your tubes, idiot."
Lorelai - Stop saying mother like that.
Rory - Like what?
Lorelai - Like there's supposed to be another word after it.
Luke - You tuck a bed in on both sides?
Lorelai - Yeah, and then I slip in, like its a straightjacket.
Luke - Oh, you must feel right at home there.
One of these moments i remember was in season1 "Love,Daisies and Troubadours". Luke spents a lot of time repairing Lorelai�s "enchanted" house although Rachel returned to Luke. Luke breaks into the house through the backdoor and Lorelai says : Luke, now you definitely switched to the dark side !
Lorelai:Heh, you know what I just realized? "Oy" is the funniest word in the entire world.
Rory:Hmm.
Lorelai:I mean think about it, you never hear the word "oy" and not smile. Impossible. Funny, funny word.
Emily:Oh Dear God
Lorelai:"Poodle" is another funny word.
Emily:Please drink your drink, Lorelai.
Lorelai:In fact, if you put "oy" and "poodle" together, in the same sentence, you'd have a great new catchphrase, you know? Like, "Oy with the poodles already."
Rory:Hehe.
Lorelai:So from now on, when the perfect circumstances arise, we will use our favorite new catchphrase.
Rory:Oy with the poodles already.
Lorelai:I'm telling you, it's knocking "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?" right out of first place.
"A Film By Kirk" Hee Hee!
Rory: We should have something healthy for dinner because all we've been eating is junk
Lorelai: We had lettuce on our burgers last night
Rory: but we picked it off
Lorelai:Yeah, but it left its essence
Rory: We had lettuce essence on our burgers?
Emily: You're making her dress?
Lorelai: Yes.
Emily: Why?
Lorelai: Well, so she'll look really ugly and people will point and throw rocks.
Emily- Education is the most important thing in a person's life. followed by family.
Lorelai - And pie!
Lorelai: "Luke! Wait! I know you owe us nothing, but our dead, frozen carcasses may someday haunt you in your sleep, or not, because you have no idea who I am. I'm sorry, I thought you were Luke."
MICHEL - Okay, I will be french. But, I will not be happy.
LORELAI - Then, you will be yourself!
Jess: "It's getting a little West Side Story here, Dean, and I gotta warn you, my dancing skills are not up to snuff."
Lorelai: Shaken not stirred please Jeeves
Richard: His name is Robert
Lorelai: I thought every butler's name was Jeeves
Richard: He's not a butler he's a valet
Lorelai: So he parks your car?
Richard: No he does not park my car! He does exactly what you see him doing.
Lorelai: So he's a bartender
Richard: He attends to my needs
Lorelai: So he's a geisha
Richard: You'll be quieter once you have your drink I assume.
Lorelai: Oh, what's that Lucy, a football for me to kick?
Rory: Mom, my kidnappers are here.
Lorelai: Okay, have fun.
Jess: Women. Can't live with them, can't keep them from jumping in a closet.
Logan: You're special.
Rory: Special? As in �stop eating the paste' special?
Lorelai: It's like falling 600 feet to your death, you know, its fun the first 599 feet, its just that last foot � total sucko.
Kirk: "We're not supposed to be arguing, Taylor. We're supposed to be making love."
Taylor: "Dear God."
Emily: "You were on the phone."
Richard: "Long distance."
Lorelai: "God?"
Richard: "London."
Lorelai: "God lives in London?"
Richard: "My mother lives in London."
Lorelai: "Your mother is God?"
Richard: "Lorelai."
Lorelai: "So, God is a woman..."
Richard: "Lorelai."
Lorelai: "And a relative, that's so cool. I'm gonna totally ask for favors."
Richard (to Rory): "Make her stop."
Rory: "Oh, that I could."
...
Lorelai: "I still can't get over that I'm related to God. It's gonna make getting Madonna tickets so much easier."
Luke: I don't want to change
Lorelai: Be a big boy and I'll buy you a toy afterwards, you want a toy?
...
Jess: What was that about a toy?
Lorelai: Your uncle is getting one if he's a big boy,
...
Lorelai: Oh my god, Jimmy Buffet?
Luke: Put that back
Lorelai: You like Jimmy Buffet, he's so mellow!
Luke: I just been to a few shows that's all
Lorelai: A few shows, oh my god you're a Buffet-head!
Luke: Is that the one you want me to wear or not
Lorelai: Sing margrita-ville!
Luke: No
Jess: That attitude is gonna loose you that toy!
...
Luke: And it's gotta be something I don't have to put together.
Lorelai: What
Luke: My toy.
Lorelai:They know
Rory: Who knows?
Lorelai: The cats. They know i've broken up with Jason and that i'm alone and they've decided it's time for me to become a crazy cat lady.
Rory: What are you talking about?
Lorelai: There's a cat. On my door step!
Rory: Well that's better then a bun in your oven
Lorelai: It's just sitting there! Staring at me! Like it knew this moment was coming. It's still there! Why is it still there?
Rory: Mom. It's a stray. It's just passing through. It's hanging out. Relax. Step away from the window and go back to bed.
Lorelai: This isn't fair! We just broke up! It just happened! I'm still young! It's still possible that i'm going to have a successful relationship... You don't know! My eggs are still viable!
Rory: Are you yelling at me or the cat?
Lorelai: Cat. He just flicked me off with his tail. I'm Babette!
Rory: Babette's not single...
Lorelai: Hey who's side are you on? Circle the wagons!
Rory: Sorry!
Lorelai: Everyone knows! They can see it in my face. She's single. Again. She couldn't make it work. Again. She picked the wrong guy. Again! HEY do not lick yourself in front of me!
Rory: Mom. I need you to get a grip. You're tired, you're stressed out, and you're not seeing thigns clearl...
Lorelai: OH MY GOD!
Rory: What?!
Lorelai: There's two of them! Their not even easing me into this!
Rory: I give up.
Lorelai: Oh i guess I need to start collecting newspapers and magazines. Find a blue bathrobe, lose my front teeth.
Rory: Well obviously you have a busy day ahead of you so i'm going to let you go...
Lorelai: Yarn balls. I need to find some yarn balls!
Rory: bye!
Luke: ow! stupid books! stupid lamp!
Lorelai: Luke, are you being attacked by your possessions again?
Lorelai: This was a good idea... having dinner.
Rory: Well it is Friday night.
Lorelai: Yeah but Friday night dinner without Eva and Adolf... lovely
Rory: That's really unfair calling grandpa adolf!
Lorelai: No no that was grandma.
Rory: ah
Lorelai: trying to get me drunk so I'll forget you wouldn't even let me blow out my own candles?
Emily: Oh dear is this going to be another one of those stories that you tell people for the rest of your life like the bunny story?
Lorelai: His name was Murry mom
Richard: Oh Emily... you HAD to bring that up
Lorelai: How could you think that I wouldn't notice you gave away my rabbit?
Emily: Because you were four and terrified of the thing!
Lorelai: I was not terrified... I simply respected his space!
Richard: You slept in the maids room for a week!
Lorelai: I wonder where Murry is now...
Richard: In a shoebox somewhere I assume
Lorelai: Very nice... and on my birthday
Luke: I know, it's crazy now, but I just have to get it all organized, figure out where to put everything, buy another dresser, a portable wardrobe, some storage bins
Lorelai: can of gasoline, box of matches
Luke: How can anyone sleep through that, it's like the Huns are attacking.
Jess: just relax!
Luke: I can't relax! I can't sleep! I am having nightmares about being chased around by boxes with arms and they tackle me and pile clothing on top of my face and secure it around my head with packing tape, and I'm just lying there choking while, You're sitting there in the corner, laughing, putting gel in your hair with a switchblade!
Jess: Forget it!
Luke: Why? What was wrong with it?
Jess: It was pink!
Luke: We can paint it.
Jess: You mean I can paint it.
Luke: We can paint it together.
Jess: Great! Then we can hold hands and skip afterwords.
Luke: Fine. Which one did you like?
Jess: The one before.
Luke: The one with the two fridges?
Jess: No.
Luke: Well, the one before was the one with two fridges.
Jess: No, the one we saw before was the one with the cat!
Luke: I hate cats!
Jess: Well, I don't think the cat came with the place.
Luke: Yeah, but it had carpeting which means it's always gonna smell like a cat.
Jess: (shrugs) clean the carpet.
Luke: Paint the pink.
Jess: Fine. The one next to the bank.
Luke: Nah, too many windows.
Jess: What?
Luke: Six windows, all on one side, three o'clock in the afternoon, we're sittin' in an oven.
Jess: So we get curtains.
Luke: Well, you'd have to help me put them up.
Jess: Great! Then we can hold hands and skip afterwords.
Luke: Stop saying that.
Luke: Okay, you need to get away from me Taylor. A good arm-swinging-length away!
Taylor: It's people like you who keep this town from being one of the great towns in America.
Luke: ARM-SWINGING-LENGTH!
Lorelai: What, did you get all dressed in black and pull a mission impossible?
Jess: Actually I came down the chimney and pulled a Santa Clause.
Luke: And then he told me he's gonna buy the building next to the diner, turn it into a plate shop for freaks who don't have enough brain power to collect stamps! I lost it!
Lorelai: I can't picture that.
Luke: I walked around in a blind rage, I was crazy. I bought one of those Belgian waffles with the ice cream dipped in chocolate.
Lorelai: You ate that??
Luke: No, I didn't eat it!
Lorelai: Of course.
Luke: I'm upset not suicidal! I knew I just had to do something, I had your voice going round and round in my head.
Lorelai: Yeah it's kinda like the Small World song.
Luke: Take a chance, Luke. Make a move, Luke, Can't have a single bed, Luke!
LUKE: Get him away from me Taylor.
TAYLOR: Have some respect. These boys have just completed the first leg of their outdoor survival training.
LUKE: Meaning you had them sit under a tree and glue rocks together for two hours.
TAYLOR: You're a very jaded man Luke. What happened to you as a child?
LUKE: Some creepy guy in shorts and knee socks tried to sit me under a tree and glue rocks together for two hours.(Boy 4 picks up the top to the straw dispenser) Put that down!
BOY 4: Why?
LUKE: Because otherwise you're going under it.
BOY 4: I won't fit.
LUKE: Oh yes you will.
[Lorelai goes behind the counter and gets her own donuts]
BOY 2: Hey Mr. Doose. She's not supposed to do that.
TAYLOR: That's right. She's breaking the rules, and people who break the rules end up very lonely with no friends because they have become society's outcasts.
LORELAI: Planning on burning a little Huck Finn after lunch, Taylor?
TAYLOR: Excuse me?
Luke saying unbeleivable-
LUKE: [on phone] This is unbelievable!
Hee Hee!
Luke: Shouldn't we give thanks first?
Jess: Thanks for what?
Luke: Well, that we're not Native Americans who got their land stolen in exchange for smallpox infested blankets.
Lorelai: Amen.
Paris: Maybe I shouldn't go. I mean, what if I fall for him and he dosen't like me?
Rory: Then you'll find someone else.
Paris: What if there is no one else?
Rory: Then you'll buy some cats.
Lorelai: Hey, I have kind of a crazy idea.
Rory: Those are never comforting words coming from you.
Lorelai: Independence Inn.
Emily: You really should identify yourself when you answer the phone at work.
Lorelai: Sorry. Independence Inn, major disappointment speaking. Better?
[Luke walks towards the diner carrying several shopping bags. He drops a bag on the sidewalk. Lorelai is walking by and stops to help.]
LORELAI: Hey.
LUKE: Hello.
LORELAI: What are you doing?
LUKE: Ah, just redecorating the sidewalk.
LORELAI: Oh, it looks nice.
LUKE: Yeah yeah yeah, you don't think too much blue?
LORELAI: No, just enough.
LUKE: Yeah, well, thanks for the input. You can go now.
LORELAI: Need some help?
LUKE: Nope.
LORELAI: Need some help?
LUKE: Nope.
LORELAI: Need some help?
LUKE: Nope.
LORELAI: So do you need some help?
[Luke sighs.]
LORELAI: Hey.
[Luke is startled and spills coffee on the table.]
LUKE: Oh geez.
LORELAI: Sorry.
LUKE: No, I'll just�you want some coffee?
LORELAI: It's okay. I'll just lick it off the table.
LUKE: He's adjusting. He just got here. He probably just went out and realized there are twelve stores in this town devoted entirely to peddling porcelain unicorns. I've lived in this town my entire life, I still can't believe it.
Awww... (actually not so much, cause Chris is Satanic, but the lines -if they had been used with other characters- LL- would have been awesome.)
LORELAI: Hi.
CHRISTOPHER: Hi.
[they kiss]
LORELAI: What was that?
CHRISTOPHER: I have no idea.
[they kiss again]
LORELAI: Chris.
CHRISTOPHER: One more time and maybe I�ll have an explanation.
[they kiss again]
LORELAI: Ah, this is not happening.
CHRISTOPHER: I hope to God you�re wrong.
LORELAI: But it�s us. I mean, you and I, we. . .
CHRISTOPHER: Have never been in the same place at the same time.
LORELAI: But now. . . [they kiss] My head is spinning.
CHRISTOPHER: It�s all the plants in here, too much oxygen.
LORELAI: What do we do now?
CHRISTOPHER: You know, I�ve got a room upstairs.
LORELAI: You were that sure you�d get lucky?
CHRISTOPHER: I never dreamed I�d get this lucky.
LORELAI: Aw, that�s good.
CHRISTOPHER: So what do you say?
[They walk toward the staircase]
More Awww... (aslo don't really like Jess that much, but it's a cute scene.)
RORY: What are you doing here?
JESS: Hello to you, too.
RORY: Is everything okay?
JESS: You look nice.
RORY: Thank you. What are you doing here?
JESS: I moved back.
RORY: What?
JESS: I moved back.
RORY: But � what � why?
JESS: Just wanted to.
[Rory kisses him]
RORY: Oh my God! Oh my God!
JESS: Rory.
RORY: Don't say a word!
JESS: Okay.
RORY: I have to go. [runs away] Oh, welcome home!
RORY: I cut school and I got on a bus and I don't even know why I did it. I. . .I have no excuse. I was just standing outside of Chilton, and I don't know, I must have had a stroke or something. What does a stroke feel like?
LORELAI: I don't know. Not good, probably.