-8/10/99
Simple Thoughts
-8/13/99
Choosing the One I Love
-8/14/99
Sad Heart
-8/14/99
Dear Heart
8/15/99
I Wish
-8/17/99
No Response
-8/17/99
Dreaming
-8/26/99
Lecture
-8/27/99
17 Lines
-8/31/99
How can I sleep when I am thinking of you?
Every ten seconds I open my eyes,
Hoping you are somehow there.
Every moment is devoted entirely to you.
You are in my eyes, ears, nose,
My entire body and my mind.
You are coursing through my veins
With so much passion and energy
That my heart races faster with every thought of you.
My thoughts through the night are
Always on you.
How can I think of anything else
When I only dream of you?
As each day goes by, I ask myself,
"Will I fall? Will I cry?"
And I find myself thinking of love,
Pure and true, like virgin mountain water,
Or the saints of days of old.
As the days go by, I find myself
Questioning why,
Desiring to know why you haven't fallen for me.
For I have fallen for you.
My dreams at night are for you and you alone.
Your eyes are the sparkles in mine;
I wish your lips were pressed against mine tight.
The curve of your nose is as beautiful
As the curves of your body.
Oh, why can't you see I love you so?
Is it not meant to be?
Hon, I have fallen for you.
Late at night I cannot sleep,
Knowing you are sleeping somewhere else.
Wishing you were with me,
I cry to my pillow and shout to the Lord,
"I love her! Why can't she see?
Please help me, for I need her.
She makes me complete,
She makes me laugh and think,
Cry and smile; She brings me
The best anyone ever has."
And I want to tell you
That I have fallen for you.
Broken, angry heart!
Stab me, beat me,
Throw me across the floor.
Tears flowing.
The need,
Oh, the need..
I want life again.
I want love again.
Knock me, cut me,
Destroy me
And sew me back together.
Fire of the Devil,
Burn me from inside.
Cook me until I fry.
Don't stand by me in pain.
Don't support me in need.
Don't comfort me.
Don't heal me.
I am not worth it.
Shatter my heart,
Breaking pieces on the floor.
Let my tears pour forth.
Leave me to writhe in pain,
But let it be.
Let it be.
Dear Heart,
You have been torn and bound so many times, when will it finally end?
You have been held steady throughout by family, when will you be free?
You have caused depression and sorrow, joy and elation, when will the good things shine through?
You have sent me endless dreams and hope, when will I join reality?
You have given me much in life to appreciate, who will I finally love?
You have always shown me a reason to live, when will it be worth it?
You have supported my dreams, defying reason, when will I succeed?
You have inspired me to make wonderful things, but when will anyone know?
You have cared for me, been my guardian, when must I let you go?
You have taught me right from wrong, good from bad, why do I still hurt?
You will always be there for me, for better or worse, who knows my devotion?
You will one day find me someone to love, but why can't it be soon?
Among the stars I wish I could fly,
Over the waves I wish I could sail,
Inside the mind I wish I could see,
Because I don't want to fail.
Into the norms I wish I could march,
Over the walls I wish I could go,
Inside the heart I wish I could see,
Because I don't want to be alone.
Into my dreams I wish I could go,
Beyond the sky I wish I could fly,
Faster than light I wish I could run,
Because I don't want to die.
Stronger than strong I wish I could be,
Finer than fine I wish I could hone,
Wiser than wise I wish I could speak,
Because I just want to be known.
Strength in my heart I wish I could have,
For understanding, I wish I knew why,
Love for another I wish for deeply,
Because I never want to cry.
A hand on my shoulder I wish I could have,
A friend by my side I wish never goes,
Support for a dream I wish I could know,
Because I don't want to go in alone.
A friendly smile I wish I could see,
Someone special I wish could be there,
An experience I wish I could never forget,
Because I want to know someone cares.
When the days go by and I see her,
Beautiful and mysterious,
I know I want to be with her more and more.
But as I plunge further into her heart,
She pulls faster, away from me,
Escaping me.
Like a whirlwind in desperation
I take all my skill and love,
And try to show her myself,
Try to give her my heart and soul,
But I get no response.
None at all.
Electricity soars through me,
Biting my skin, burning my body,
And I try to bring her to me.
I write for her, sing for her,
Live for her,
But I get no response.
None at all.
If only I could get some response,
I could end this boundless guessing game.
But I get no response.
None at all.
So I sit and wonder,
What is it all about?
I have been alone for so long;
It should feel normal,
But no matter the time,
No matter the person,
No matter the place,
Loneliness always hurts,
Stabbing deep, causing suffering,
Like Cupid's arrow deep in my heart.
And no matter how I try,
No matter how I cry,
I get no resonse.
None at all.
And I am alone once again.
Dreaming of a day when work will be right,
Dreaming of a night when I can be with you,
Dreaming of a time when I will be complete,
I think of you.
Thinking of all the time wasted, not knowing,
Thinking of all the days gone by,
Thinking of how we could be together,
I dream of you.
Feeling low, feeling down, feeling blue,
Feeling like there is something missing in life,
Feeling loss, feeling no hope around,
You speak to me.
Please hon, don't cry.
Please hon, don't feel so bad.
Please my love, don't feel so low,
Because you know I love you,
And I know you love me too.
Sitting in a crowded room,
My mind roams through fields of random thought.
English loses meaning,
And my ears shut themselves to the world outside.
As I drift, floating,
I begin to nod, to fall, to relax,
And my mind drifts downstream amidst quiet thoughts.
Calm and mellow like your cool jazz,
My mind settles on an idea
On a singular thought which I cannot remove.
Encapsulated in calm, I am enraptured with the thought of you.
The calm and peace you give me,
Even so far away,
Are more important than anything.
I am in a dream and I love it.
Reality has lost its grasp on me
As I fall further into your warm embrace.
And as time passes,
As the world meanders on its unpredictable course,
I think of you.
And I am happy.
The passion of it all brings tears to my eyes.
The emotion, building all day is slowly released.
Tension escapes my fingers, my arms, my head.
My mind numbs, moving into a state of tranquility.
My body relaxes, joining the peace of the air.
The air surrounding me vibrates with emotion,
Permeating my soul to the core with color.
The magic of it all fills me with happiness,
The happiness of laughter, and of celebration,
Of calm and peace, of love and passion.
Throughout, I am one with the vibrant air.
I pulse as it pulls at me, drawing me in.
The deep passionate rhythm of song livens me
As it caresses my mind and body to sleep,
As if touching silken strings in my soul.
I lie in slumber, relaxed and content,
To the calming sounds of music.
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