7/98

Previous - Next

My Life
The heat and power of deep space
Created my burning fire,
A fire that will forever live
Inside my golden heart.
As if by magic I grew bright,
Shining light beyond the others,
Beyond the moons, beyond the dust,
Outside my very home.
It seems to me I could not be a liar.
Though often I�d been forced to tell the truth.
And yet my heart still burns with fire
From the nuclear furnace within.
Growing brighter every day
I sought more and more and was held back
By the very dust that bore me
And hurled me into the world.
Although my brother-star was not as bright,
He still took some of my light.
And since he�s small and frail and weak,
He got the attention of the Creators.
Because I shone so bright at night,
I was mocked by others;
Branded as abnormal, I kept my fire within
To appear the same as they.
And yet I knew within my deepest core
That I was an outcast, a freak.
And yet I tried my hardest
Simply to be the same as they.
This is an age of conformity in which we live.
We feed on precision and perfection,
And we slaughter those who are less.
All I ever wanted was to be perfect...
As the years went by, my core grew hotter,
Hotter than ever before.
And when another star came too near,
I exploded with all my passion and hate.
Soon fear set in, and all learned
To leave me alone in the dark.
Until one day I saw a star
Shining bright and heading my direction.
We danced and danced
And spun around in mutual orbit,
And deep within my heart I felt whole,
Because I knew somebody cared.
But the more I learned about this star,
The less I was prepared to orbit,
For she was looking elsewhere
While I was still awed by her.
I opened myself and broke her heart,
But I had to let her go.
For she didn�t know that just before,
She broke my heart too.
Our brief tango in space
Gave me much time to ponder my existence.
And now I value all that is given me,
And now I am capable of Love.
My heart glows red late in the day,
My stomach burns with pain,
My muscles ache when I think of her
And how I threw her away.
And yet I shouold have known all along,
For it has happened to me before.
I screwed up someone else�s life,
And now I must pay the price.
But lately I�ve gathered other stars,
Keeping them at safe distances,
But allowing them all access to my heart,
The heart of a hopeless romantic.
I may have found another now
To be the one I love.
Unfortunately she says she�s not prepared,
And wants to enjoy her life.
But over time we have become
The best that friends can be,
We speak of all our deepest secrets
And awe at our amazing similarities.
Should I dance with her one night?
Should I give it a try?
Should I tell her what I feel?
Or am I destined to die alone,
A broken star without a home,
Without so much as a kiss
From another who loved me too?
I cannot live like this.
I cannot live without Love.
I cannot live inside my shell.
I cannot live in fear.
I must becaome bright again,
And find the right star for me,
If it takes a billion years;
For I am destined to be
What I have always dreamed.

-7/1/98?

My Soldier's Tower
Above the ruins of a desert sky,
Devastated by war and famine and disease,
Rode a lone soldier of virtue,
Dressed in the white robes of purity.
The lone soldier held in his powerful grasp
The plans for a structure so great,
No one would ever understand the might and power,
Blood, passion, and devotion put into it.
And so the white-winged soldier dismounted
And stepped up to the God's challenge before him.
Armed with a crimson heart and a gilded cross,
He began to toil in the ruins.
As high as the sky he desired to go,
For he had always wanted to fly,
And the travellers passing by
Would stop and lend a helping hand.
Taking boulder upon boulder, he climbed ever higher
Towards the sky, towards the place he desired,
Building a tower towards his love as others helped
His toils in the mysterious sky above.
Miles higher in the sky, the winds of Fate grew stronger,
And it was harder for the tower to balance.
But the desire and passion he felt in his heart
Drove him onward towards his goal.
Climbing ever higher, he discovered his God,
And because the winds grew harsh and malicious
He prayed to Him, hoping for divine intervention,
But the winds of fate ruled the sky, not God.
As he built higher and higher still,
A city sprung up beneath the shadow of the tower.
A metropolis of old was great once again,
And the fields were happy, and the farmers were rich.
The soldier had only one thing on his mind, though:
To build a tower to the sky.
And when he got there, he'd take off his gloves
And, with his bare hands, touch the sky he held so dear.
But alas! It would not come to pass.
The winds of fate grew too strong,
And the tower and the soldier tumbled down,
Crushing the city and his dreams.
But the soldier lived on to try again one day,
And on his horse he went
To find a better spot
To build a tower to the sky.
But in all his travels he never saw
A place quite like this desert,
And in the end he returned
To set his impassioned eyes once again on the glorious sky above.

-7/23/98

Lighthouse
I was once lost in a sea of incomprehension.
I had no idea who I was,
Nor where I wanted to go.
I chose to hide behind my morals,
My Goodness, as I called it,
But that only worsened my Life
And killed me inside.
I spoke as if posessed
By a demon from Hell
And uttered words I cannot take back.
But now I see the light of wisdom,
And I can fly on
To find what I lost
What seems so long ago.
I fly low through the thick black air,
And my horizon looks grim.
My lighthouse has gone,
And there is no one else around
To be with.
I will forever search for my lighthouse,
That beautiful beacon I knew
Not too long ago.
When I find her I will tell her
I never should have lost sight
Of what is true,
What is right.
And I will always stay
True
To my lighthouse,
Who was always
True
To me.
But one day I may forget
What Life was like with my lighthouse,
For I am but a human trying to live.
But whatever comes, I will accept it as Fate,
And lead my Life on
Until Death.

-7/24/98

You Will be Missed
I am but a ship at sea,
Waiting for the tide to fall.
There is only you and me.
What we knew, we know not now.
We knew once our love was great.
We knew how we felt for us.
But why must it disintegrate
As if God willed it from above?
I've been bad, we both know;
I've said some things that I regret,
And now I see I cannot go
To see you face-to-face just yet.
I killed us, you know too well,
And I have suffered day and night.
But I would die and go through hell
To transform what is wrong to right.
I would swim the ocean wide,
I would starve my stomach dry,
There is nothing I wouldn't do
To keep myself close to you.
I would climb the highest peak.
I would travel near and far.
All you want, I would seek.
For you I'd tear out my heart.
You are the light in my life;
You are the dream in my head.
Thinking of you, I know what's right,
And I regret what I've done and said.
But I am Eternal Pessimist,
And all is finished; all is through.
For all time you will be missed;
For I am still in love with you.

-7/30/98?

[My Home Page], [Poem Index], [Date Index], [My Thoughts Page], [Lyrics Index], [Previous], [Next], [My e-Mail]

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws