Original Flava
Erin: You know I'm the twenty questions master. You'll never stump me.
Me: Oh, I can stump you. Give me two tries at it.
Erin: Fine, go. But you'll learn soon enough that not only am I the center of the universe, but also the most intelligent thing in it.
Me: Okay... You asked for it... hit me.
Erin: Is it a mammal?
Me: Yes
Erin: Does it live in the forest?
K: Um... no.
E: Is it a carnivore?
K: Um... definitely no.
E: Is it an omnivore?
K: Well, in theory, but no.
E: Does it have two legs?
K: Yep.
E: Is it brown?
K: Um... In the summer, maybe... but no.
E: What the hell?!?
K: Um... yes or no questions only, Erin. That's seven.
E: You mean to tell me you're counting that as a question?
K: Yep, and that's eight.
E: Fine, Jerk. Does it look at porn on the internet?
K: No... That's a damned wierd question...
E: Is it Melissa?
K: Wow... You are good.
E: Yes, I am. Now, you have one more shot at stumping me, cretin.
K: Okay, I've got it. Go.
E: Is it a mammal?
K: Do you always have to start with that question? Hello... original thought pattern?
E: Well, is it?
K: No. That's one.
E: Okay, is it a bird?
K: Nope. Two.
E: Is it an amphibian?
K: Nada. Three.
E: Hmmm... Is it a reptile?
K: Nein. Four.
E: Crap. Is it a human?
K: Humans ARE mammals... you just wasted a question. Five.
E: Okay. Is it an animal?
K: Nuh-Uh. Six.
E: Well, then it must be a plant. Does it grow in the swamp?
K: Negatory. Seven.
E: Does it grow in the forest?
K: Not usually, no. Eight.
E: Do people grow it?
K: Well... um... yeah, but maybe not in the way you're thinking. Nine.
E: Is it green?
K: Not a chance. Ten.
E: Is it taller than a man?
K: Can be. Eleven.
E: Shut up. Don't you think I know what question I'm on?
K: Yep. Twelve.
E: You're a son of a bitch, you know that?
K: Yep. Thirteen.
E: Aaaaargh!! Is it found in nature?
K: Yes. Fourteen.
E: I... will... kill... you. Is it a petunia?
K: No. Fifteen.
E: Is it a tree?
K: No. Sixteen.
E: You Fuck.
K: Is that a question? If so... yes.
E: No, that was not a question, you loser. Is it a flowering plant?
K: Nope. Seventeen... getting close to armageddon, Erin.
E: Shut up and die, little man. Is it a plant?
K: No, what made you think that? Eighteen?
E: But... what... you... If it's not a plant or an animal, what the hell?
K: I'll be merciful and not count that one.
E: Okay. Is it a mineral?
K: Nope. Nineteen.
E: What the hell isn't an animal, plant, or mineral???
K: That's twenty, you lose!!! I am the master!!!
E: Well, what was it?
K: Simple. An electromagnetic field. People "grow" them, and they can be much bigger than a man...
My last conscious thought was... "Erin wouldn't really hit me with that chair, would she?"
