Eriginal Flavor
"What did you say?" I asked.
"You heard me, bitch," said Mel.
That was it. I can't be tolerating that kind behavior. I reached for the steering wheel and jerked it hard to the right. Mel screeched as the van careened toward the shoulder; I took the opportunity to leap into her lap.
"Don't fuck with me," I said calmly into her face as I gripped her long hair in both fists. "Don't even start with me. I'll cut you, bitch."
The van had come to an unceremonious halt. I opened the driver's side door and slid out. "Do you want to start with me? Come on, let's fight like women."
"My money's on Erin," said Kevin.
"You..you...you are so irritating," hissed Mel.
"Oh yeah? what else? What else do you have to say there, crackwhore?"
"You..you..no one in the van likes you! You're a nasty cunt!"
"Ah, Melissa, you big, flapping cuntbag, you must understand that no one likes you, either. In fact, I'm not sure that anyone likes anyone--except that we all like NiNi--but I digress. Now what did you call me?"
"That would be nasty, bitchy, uppity cunt," she said.
"I'm sorry that I have to do this," I said as I swept her leg.
She went down so fast that I almost missed it; fortunately, I didn't. I cought her chin with my knee as she went down. Her teeth made a satisfying click.
I waited for her to stand up. She rose, teeth red with blood, and swung at my stomach. "You fuckig li'le fuckig bick whore!" she screamed. "My fuckig ung i bi i half!"
I took her weak and frantic punch hard; my stomach, although perfectly flat, is not a sheet of solid muscle. I grabbed her hair and twisted; soon she was on her knees. I pinned her.
"You are an actor," I said.
"I'm DEEP," she said. "Ow, my fuckig ung. You, aw a o'er ha, will ever eeve a eep e of a pool."
"What the hell are you saying, freak girl?"
"You will never leave the shallow end of the pool! OW!" She spat.
I gripped her hair and shook. "I've had just about enough of you! Drop the act! Everyone knows that you're a big fake! ENOUGH WITH THE PRETENSIOUS FAKE LACK OF PRETENSION! You're the most pretensious one in the van! Admit it! You're not deep!"
"Fuck you," she hissed. "Cunt."
I tried to help her. I really did. I just can't stand that word.
I hit her face.
I hurt my knuckles, but she finally gave in, if only to my fist.