250 Secretly love Disney for animating 'Night on Bald Mountain' and cry at the end when the demon is defeated.
251 Make up evil-looking symbols and pretend they actually mean something and come from somewhere
252 Make plans to write a black metal opera or trilogy of narrative albums that tell a Norse tale or something, and give up after slopping together a few lame songs. Upon your death, these will be released as the most important and vital work of your dark tortured career
253 Give up on a lot of things, including at least two side-projects
254 If you ever get contacts made to make your eyes look evil, you are no longer true. See rule #49
255 Get in a fight with some other band with the same uncreative name and then change yours to 'The True Rise' or 'Covenant of Norway'
256 At some point, be in a side-project with Hellhammer on drums
257 Release a split 7" or mCD and creatively call it '(your band name) vs. (the other band name)' like having bands fight as a theme for a split release hasn't been done a million times before and wasn't invented by rap
258 Put exclamation points in your song titles to emphasise how important your occult statement is, i.e. 'Curse Ye All Men!' or 'We Are War!'
259 Trace out a huge inverted pentagram in the forest with salt and have lit candles at all the points where the lines converge, and then take a picture of a topless overweight girl in corpsepaint for your album cover
260 Frequently mention Transylvania and the dark forests and caves there.
261 Wish you were there.
262 Continue to hate Goths for doing the same thing
263 Hate Hot Topic with a passion
264 Secretly own something from Hot Topic, and when your dirty corporate consumption is revealed, say it was a gift from someone who 'died for the scene'
265 Never play keyboards in a top hat and blazer (see rule #51)
266 Your medieval sword you pose with so meanicingly in those band photos should not be able to cut through wet paper let alone the flesh of believers
267 Resist the urge at all costs to wear crushed velvet anything
268 The same goes for those sashes with the medals Dracula wears in old movies
269 Speaking of that, get really into old German vampire movies, and scoff at people who think 'Nosferatu' is underground
270 If you are a drummer, put band saw blades on your unused cymbal stands, even though trendy death metal people do it too
271 Paint your room black
272 Use goat skulls and candles for decoration (you did save them from filming your kult video, right?)
273 Put an inverted pentagram of purified salt and wax underneath the floorboards
274 Pretend this covert pentagram is a secret but really tell anyone who's willing to listen, especially Mormons or Seventh Day Adventists who knock on the door
275 Fantasise constantly about how your encounter with mormons or other believers who knock on your door will go
277 Tin-foil your windows so as not to let any light touch your blackened soul in its unholy shrine of malevolence.
278 Despite spending a fortune on underground music, have a crappy one-unit stereo and an old turntable
279 Solve any problem you can think of in the studio and in life with reverb
280 Listen to Abruptum and Arkanum and A_um bands and like them
281 Put pig heads on your amps
282 Put festering dead things on all your musical equipment
283 If forced to eat a salad, put festering dead things on that as well
284 Eat a part of a particularly moldy worm-ridden pig head to gain majik power and then wonder why you got really sick for weeks
285 Never play ping-pong
286 Never play baseball
287 Never play any kind of organized sport
288 You can be a Galdiator in Ancient Pagan Rome if you manage to cast a spell that takes you back in time, however
289 Pretend not to notice when your long hair gets caught in the tuning machines of your guitar onstage, but whimper like a baby as soon as you step offstage
290 For some reason, spikes are true, but uncut strings on your guitar head (a la Slayer) are not
291 Cover a Bathory song
292 Cover a Darkthrone song
293 Cover a Mayhem song (perhaps a few)
294 Cover a Destruction or Sodom song despite them not being black metal bands
295 Be really into old German thrash (Destruction, Sodom, and Kreator are musts) despite hating (publicly) most older metal
296 Wear sleeveless shirts of these bands
297 All those other old non-teutonic thrash bands you hate ... rip off thier riffs, stage gimmicks, etc.
298 Love Graveland. I mean LOVE them. Worship them more than you say you worship Satan
299 Have a knowing condescending not-quite-smirk when someone younger than you says they don't get why everyone loves bands like Mayhem
300 Hate metal fests with more than 1000 people - these are for sell-out false bands and false fans
301 Know those guys who show up outside of clubs selling hard-to-find CD's for cheap and who seem less than legal
302 Obey the mighty rule that if it's rare it must be worth having
303 Never admit to the fact that Venom thought the whole 'evil' act was a joke.
304 In an interview with Kerrang, say 'we choose to believe otherwise' like that comeback somehow makes you sound less stupid and mislead than you already obviously are
305 Make sure your obligatory song about Countess Bathory gets all the facts and legends wrong about her
306 In fact, base your Countess Bathory song on some other band's misinformed song about her
307 Do the same thing with your Vlad The Impaler song
308 Never admit that Rob Halford, Judas Priest, Celtic Frost, and many other bands were obviously more interested in plunging thier rods of starspawned cosmic hate into the defiled gates of other men
309 Releasing vinyl in batches of more than 666 hand-numbered copies is false, and therefore gay (see rule #120)
310 The conflicting facts that you believe in self-reliance and punishment for the weak yet get money from your parents to fund your band, your label, your rent, etc. does not bother you at all
311 Scented candles are not true
312 Under no circumstances should you burn those cheap catholic saint canldes they sell in grocery stores in the 'mexican food' asile unless you can somehow find a way to burn and invert them at the same time
313 Being pagan is true. Being wiccan is gay.
314 Don't be Renaissance as a theme for your band. Be medieval. Bands like Dawn who wear conquistador helmets are gay and very false. Also, don't pose next to one of those huge antique globes. This is also false.
315 Those frilly Renaissance blouse-like shirts are also false. Notice that CoF wears them, and refer to rule #49.
316 This should be ovbious, but avoid having band photos taken in front of a church, unless it is burning.
317 Some exceptions can be made for old Cathedrals with lots of gargoyles, but be careful
318 Aviod taking pictures with modern things such as cars. The only modern thing allowed in a band picture is a bullet belt.
319 Perhaps a gun, depending on whether or not your pseudonym is Samoth
320 Also, do not threaten the camera, and through it all believers, with a loaf of french bread, no matter how hard and stale it is
321 If posing with band instruments, don't use a harp. It might be a white-invented true medieval instrument, but just don't.
