Dear Joe,

I hope you have been well. You may be wondering why I did not address this letter directly home. The reason is that I did not want anyone else to read it. It's written for you and no one else. When I was  home on leave I saw how worried mom and dad were, knowing I was returning to NAM, so I made the
decision to write and tell them I was being stationed in Okinawa. When ma wrote me and said how happy she was, and that she wasn't worried anymore because I was stationed in Okinawa, I knew I had done the right thing. The only thing I'm worried about is if something should happen, if I should be killed, I'm afraid of how they might take it. All I know is that for now they're being excused of months of worry. As far as they're concerned I'm going bowling every night and having a good time, and that's the way I want it. The reason I'm letteing you know is because if something happens someone has to tell themt hat the reason I didn't tell them was because I loved them too much to have them constantly worrying. If possible, to know they may be happy. Perhaps, you are thinking that if I really cared for them, I wouldn't
have left in the first place, but that's done and all I can say is, what I did, I had to do, regardless of feelings. Also, I want to advise you on the life insurance policy I have out which is under dad's name. If I'm killed he will get $10,000. The Marine Corps will probably notify you on this policy, but in case they don't within two months after my death, I want you to go to them and get things settled. I'm afraid dad may not accept the money, so I want you to make sure he does. That's a lot of money and it can be used for a good many things. I've already explained this policy to him while on leave but he may forget or just refuse to accept it. This is why I'm putting it up to you, to see to it that the money gets to him. Of course, I want none of the previous things mentioned until that time in which they're required.As far as the events of the past two months are concerned, as soon as I got back to the outfit we left on a multi-battalion operation Union. We ran into several regiments of hard-care VC. We killed a great deal of them but lost many men. On the 23rd day out we got caught in the open, and casualties were heavy. Trying to help a wounded man to cover, I caught a bullet through the neck. I was lucky it hit no nerves or large blood vessels. Morales, who was helping me with the wounded man, was not so lucky. That same bullet caught him at the base of the skull and he was killed instantly.  I've been in the hospital for a month and am returning back tothe outfit in a few days. All I have are two small scars where the bullet went in and out.  I think the outfit is still out on the operation. The fighting seems tobe getting heavier but maybe it's a good sign because it shows that they're coming more out in the open to fight us. The more of those bastards we kill, the faster this damned war is going to end.  There's a chance I can get into a CACunit again. It won't be like DaNang but at least I'll spend my last months with the people doing some buidling and not just destroying.There's one time, Joe, that I was so scared I think I might have cracked had not things turned out okay. It happened when we were on the 15th day of the operation. My squad was elected to flush out a sniper. (I've been squad leader since I got back here) I took one fire team and sent the other in an envelopement. We chased a VC into a house.  fired a perfect shot with my M79, and it went through the door and exploded in the middle of the room. Anyone in it should have been killed. We ran up to check the house and found two old ladies and about nine kids sitting in back. I don't know how they could have avoided the blast. As soon as I saw them I really got scared. I figured for such I must have killed some kinds in that blast. I checked them over and asked if anyone had been hit. By some miracle, not one was harmed. I've never been so thankful. I don't know what I would have done if I had killed those kids. The VC had beaten a path out the back and escaped, but was killed later.  I really feel sorry for some of thesekids. Sometimes when we kill a sniper, we throw his body in an open rice paddy so the villagers can see it and know that it doesn't pay, and if they snipe, they'll get the same. But here's the point, Joe, you can look to the side of the rice paddy sometimes and see a group of young kids whose father was lying dead out there for a reason they can't yet understand. What's going on in these kids' minds. If it were me I'd want to kill every Marine I ever saw.  They say it'sa people's war and the people must suffer. I don't know what's the best way of doing things anymore. Out there in the field when we go through a village, we're hated and feared by the same people we are risking ourselvess for. Try to imagine what it's like, Joe, to explain to some kid that you just killed his father, but that it had to be done, and the real irony, try to tell him it was for him that it was done. That you're really his friend. What do you say to this kid: "Gee kid, I'm sorry for killing your father." I don't know, I wish I were a real smart man. I wish I could come up with some answers. It's a filthy war, many innocent people are hurt and will continue to be hurt, and the main reason for the whole ugly thing is ignorance. The guerrillas could not exist if the people of Vietnam (especially the ones in the rural areas) knew what they truly stood for.   We're killing an enemy who for a part know nothing of the meaning of communism. They are fighting, as far as they're concerned, for their freedom. They think the Americans are here to take that freedom from them. The thing is this minority group, if they knew the truth, would not be our enemies here. It's like two people fighting for the same thing, but through ignorance, against each other instead of with each other.  What we're fighting mainly are hard core North Vietnamese troops. They're well trained and well supplied. The South Vietnamese have been fighting more than twenty years to remain a free and independent country. they're worth helping. When we destroy the ignorance here, an end to the fighting will follow. It's a war to destroy the enemy and win the minds and hearts of the people. One effort without the other is meaningless. I'll leave you now, with the hope you'll do as I asked if there should come a time for it. If I'm killed, help them to understand that I died for a purpose, and that I was here because I had to be.  I, of course, miss you all very much and will be happy to be home to stay in December. But right now, while I'm here, I've got to do what I can. Take care of youself, and keep up your work in college. I'm looking forward to seeing you graduate next year.

Love, John

(P.S. When I get the purple hear, I'll send it home to you for safe keeping, for I'd lose it here. When I get home I want to give it to dad.)