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The Black @$$hole
Ever wanted to know something about me that I would never tell you to your face? Well, you're at the right page. Please scroll down and enjoy my life secrets.
Got a question for me that you'd like to see answered on this page? E-Mail me!
A: Gosh, I have bunches. Right now I'm partial to "Annie Hall". I just watched it recently, and I was thinking..."Wow, Woody Allen made this movie in 1977, and it's not dated a bit." The film really shows how brilliant this guy is, and how innovative he was, and still is.
Q: What radio station do you listen to? Z100 rocks!
A: I beg to differ. You are entitled to your own opinion, but I'm not a fan of pop music. I listen to a few radio stations for different shows, but my main music station is Q104.3 Classic Rock.
Q: What is your favorite website..other than one of your's?
A: 
Q: I think you're the coolest guy on the planet, can you come to meet me?.
A: No.
Q: How'd you get to meet Paul Zaloom?
A: Whoa..somebody who actually knows who Paul Zaloom is! Well..Levels is a place I go to be in shows and stuff. Myself, along with a a select few, were chosen to go interview him, and see his one-man show in Manhattan.
Q: Who'd you rather bone..Meg Ryan, or Jack Nicholson?
A: Jack Nicholson now or 1974?
Q: ..Seventy-Four.
A: Hm.........Meg Ryan.
Q: What is your favorite food?
A: Tartare.
Q: Who's your favorite New York Met?
A: It used to be Turk Wendell, but now that he's been traded to the Phillies, I'd have to say Joe McEwing.
Q: Who is, in your opinion, the hottest porn star ever?
A: Either Jenna Jameson or Kristi Myst.
Q: What is the air speed velocity of the unladen swallow?
A: African or European?
Recently I had the opportunity to be interviewed by legendary Chicago Cubs broadcaster Harey Carey. The following is the interview transcript:
HC: What's your favorite planet?
ZL: Probably umm...
HC: Mine's the Sun! Always has been. I like 'cause it's like the king of planets.
ZL: Mmm..well, actually, Harey..the Sun isn't a planet. It's a star.
HC: Well planet or star, when that thing burns out we're all gonna be dead.
(pause)
HC: Hey! Are you homosexual?
ZL: Nope, but I do have many gay friends, and they're actually pretty cool. But why would you want to know that?
HC: Curiosity I guess. Heck, I'm curious as a cat. That's why some of my friends call me Whiskers.
ZL: Ah-hah.
(pause)
HC: Hey! If the moon was made of cheese, wouldja eat it?
ZL: Without a doubt.
HC: Now we all know that the moon isn't made of green cheese, but what if it were made of BBQ spare ribs, wouldja eat it then?
ZL: What?!?
HC: I know I would. Heck, I'd have seconds. And then polish it off with a tall, cool Budweiser. I would do it!
ZL: Yeeaaaahhhh...
HC: Would you?
ZL: I'm confused.
HC: It's a simple question, Zach. Would you eat the moon if it were made of ribs?
ZL: I don't know how to answer that!
HC: It's not rocket science. Just say yes, and we'll move on.
ZL: Yes.
(pause)
HC: Hey! How 'bout this Mad Cow Disease?
ZL: What about it?
HC: Well it was here for a while, then it went away. Your thoughts!
ZL: Yes, yes. It was in the news for a while, then is disappeared from the news.
HC: Good point. Geez, I hope I never get it. Hey! What about this: If you were given the choice to either be the top scientist in your field, or getting Mad Cow Disease, which would it be?
A: Of course I'd have to choose being the top scientist in my field.
Q: Oh, good. I was worried you'd choose Mad Cow.
A: Uh..why would you think that?
Q: I guess I'm just a worrier. That's why my friends call me Whiskers.
A: I thought you said your friends called you Whiskers, because you were curious as a cat..?
(pause)
HC: Well Zach, it has been a pleasure. We've covered a lot of ground, shared a few laughs. Thanks for being here!
ZL: It's my website.
HC: (dies)