Imagine waking up every morning, and having to face the reality of yet another day filled with pain, and knowing
that there is nothing that your medical doctor can do to ease your suffering. I am talking about a pain that is so
severe that you are driven to tears of frustration, hopelessness, and even thoughts of suicide. I am talking about pain
that is so chronic in nature, that it has robbed you of the ability to earn a living, to enjoy a normal social life, to go to
church on a regular bases, to manage even the most simple daily tasks and responsibilities.
My name is Barbara Engle, and I have been living with chronic pain and nausea associated with Gastroduodenal Crohn's Disease
and for over twenty years. I have lived with chronic pain associated with fibromyagia for the last six years. At this time
in my life there is no medically planned therapy, no guaranteed surgery that will insure that I will live the rest of my life pain
free. But I am not unique in any way! Many Christians awake each morning with the reality of facing another day of
pain, and knowing that there is very little their physician can do about it. As a result,
they most face each day as a challenge in order to live their lives to its fullest.
If you suffer from chronic illness and pain, or know someone who does, you have no doubt seen the effect it can
have on daily life. You have also seen or felt the emotional ups and downs , depression, resentment, frustration,
fear and anger, that result from having to deal with a body that is seems to fail you at every turn. A body filled with
so much pain that it often wakes you up in the middle of the night, thus keeping you from the vital rest that your body need to
rebuild and refreashen itself. Pain that is keeping you from enjoying the pleasures of life.
Most people who suffer from a chronic illness and pain, feel trapped in a world of dark despair, confusion, depressions
and a sense of hopelessness. They don't like that feeling of being ill, and being in pain all the time. They don't like
feeling helpless, or unable to do anything about their physical problems. And they surely don't want to feel like their
being a burden to anyone else, especially those they love. As a result, they often feel alone and isolated even though
they are surrounded by people that love them.
The simple truth is , nothing can be as emotional traumatic for anyone suffering from a chronic illness and pain, as
coming to believe that you are alone in your battle. That there isn't one single person, not even God , that you can truly
count on, or turn to in your hour of need. For those Christians that have been come to view illness as a sign of unconfused sin, lack of faith on their part, or demonic activity in their lives, quite often find themselves questioning their relationship with God as well as their salvation. These kind of negative beliefs, can lead to thoughts of suicide, as you battle with low self-worth and feelings of loneliness and isolation.
My own personally experience with such negative beliefs concerning illness of any kind, cause me to begin to operate in
self-imposed isolation. I personally separate my self, not physically but emotionally and spiritually from my family, my
friends and even fellow Christians. But my conception concerning illness, was not born with in a religious institution pre-say,
it began at home when I was a child.
I have written My life story, and placed it on CD in the form of a E-book. My story is not simply a story of my
battle with chronic illness and pain, it is a story about the condition of my own HEART as I traveled the road towards
healing. I hope as I share my story, that you will gain a little insight into the condition of your own HEART. For our personal journey in life, is never as unique as may have come to believe!
Fire shall be kept burning continually on the altar;
it is not to go out
(Leviticus 6:13)
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