| :[mood]:  thunderstorms
It is raining like crazy right now and there's thunder and lightning and errything. It's really, really nice! I've never seen clouds so black or so puffy looming over the city. Soooo beautiful. Yeah the weather's been overcast/thunderstorms lately. It's cool though...when you're not in it of course. And that's why i'm stuck in my room on a Friday night. Ain't complaining too much 'cause oh my gosh I was up so stinking early this morning to work on a paper that was due today. But guess what? Today, is the last day of classes baby!!!!!!!!!!! Hooray oh gosh I am so unbelievably happy and relieved. But I still have finals...but for some reason I don't even care any more. And that's bad 'cause I should 'cause i'm doing bad this quarter. Ah well. And I also have to pack and stuff. Excited I am. Oh my gosh. haha!
You know what's really cool? There's like lightning outside my window every minute or so. Oh my gosh a couple of weeks ago, I saw the most perfect lightning bolt. It looked exactly like the pictures. It was as big as the eye can see. And it fell straight from the sky (or down from the ground however that works) and it was just so beautiful. So perfect. You know I think the sky is different here than it is in Hawaii. I really can't explain how but I just know it is. The number one thing I am going to miss is my window in my dorm room. And maybe my friends. Nah not my friends hahaha. ;)
Okay I just noticed for my mood I put thunderstorms. What kind of a mood is that? hehe. Should I talk about this subject now? Okay might as well since it's still fresh in my mind. I think some guy in my class was talking about how looks really do matter. And he said that all he wanted was a girl to look past his looks because he said he has an 'impressive' personality. I halfly believe him. But being the hypocrite that he is, he's all like 'I just want a girl, even though I know i'm ugly and I know looks matter. I want a pretty girl.' Or he said something to that effect.
When you say looks don't matter, that still matters you know? Just like when punks dress like "out of the society and trying to be individuals" hello! There are countless others who also are punks so you ain't an individual so stop sayin' you are. Yeah the point is everyone's a hypocrite. I myself am one i'll admit it. But doesn't mean that I don't like ugly guys. haha oooh Shallow Amanda. So sue me. Okay I think I should stop talkin' 'cause i'm about to sue myself. Oh my gosh i'm so dumb. Woooo no more classes!!!!
| | | 8:34 pm - |
| :[mood]:  ...
I tend to babble a lot. Just a bunch of incoherent babbling all the time. But how about some more babbling for tonight? Horrific images play in my head from a video I watched in history class. It was about the Vietnam War. That video just made me want to cry and I was feeling all choked up in class. There was just so much unnecessary pain and suffering going on in that war. I guess that's why i'm in a suspended state right now. Or maybe it's because I got 3 hours or so of sleep... I wonder what can these hands of mine do? What can I do?
My friend just sent me this story in an e-mail and I also used this for my college essay awhile back:
In the deep, dark recesses of Westminster Abbey lies the remains of an English knight. Inscribed on his tombstone are these words which are ascribed to him:
"When I was young, I dreamed of changing the world. But alas, the world would hear none of it. So I decided to change my country, but my country was not interested. I therefore set out to change my town, but my town remained impassive. And so I turned my attention to my family, but they too were unmoved.
And now, as I lie on my deathbed, I realize that if I had first changed myself, I would have set a good example for the members of my family. In turn, they too would have brought about a change for the better in our town. Our town folk could have favorably affected our country, and ultimately, our country could have changed the course of world affairs. For I now realize that to change the world, one must first change oneself."
| | | 10:03 pm - |
| :[mood]:  ...
Oh my gosh I solved the puzzle. Let me first tell you my horoscope: A little word association may afford you a new perspective, and the chance to alter your methods subtly. Solve the puzzle.
I had to pick this newspaper out of the trash because it just made no sense to me up to this point. Okay epiphany for Amanda. As I know and you know, i'm still gonna change and grow. But very eerily today, this puzzle just came together all right before me. I don't know if it's supposed to be this way but i'm piecing it like this. I just received some birthday cards that were sent to my home in Hawaii. One letter was from on old friend who has been so good to me over the years. Something she wrote in it I don't think i've really ever heard before. I will keep that part private. But it was very interesting what she said. ;) The other letter was from my grandmother along with some cute pictures and misspellings from a few of my cousins. :) Enclosed was a picture of my immediate family.
In college i just thought it was a self-discovery and me learning more about myself and who I am and that's it. It was just all about me while I thought my peers were going through things like if they could survive in college, grades, making friends...but only now have I learned that I am going through all this. What is this puzzle? I would say it is my new perspective. Well, not completely new but just adding on of course. I think I get more inspiration when I get only an hour of sleep. But anyways in the friends department....someone opened my eyes only because I let them. I'm growing in the friends department and i'm still changing there. Point again. It's all relative.
So now piecing all this together, I have the other peoples aspects. I thought it was weird how only the things within myself were changing and the other outside factors were not. But today my family and friendship values are growing and changing.
Oh and it would seem weird that Amanda's talking about all this. How would *Amanda* ever talk about this? I'm growing. The old Amanda is still there and will always be there and...I need more sleep. hehe. See I told you I was still here. ;)
| | | 12:34 am - |
| :[mood]:  ugh sleepy
I wrote these 2 thoughts earlier but I am just so dern tired right now or this whole day and well yeah that's about it. Ugh...
I just received a birthday card from my family in the Philippines. My grandma sent me a picture of like the immediate family for the 50th reunion on my grandma's side. :( My family and a few others were missing. So the topic for today is family. I like family. Family is good. There's a completely different bond between family and freinds because you just know family will always be there and it's just a different level in relationships. Take my cousin for example. I am stinking a month older than him but he's in 3rd year college already. Go figure. Anyways last time I visited him we were sooooo close. And it was so nice because he was my cousin. I mean we were able to get so close because there was no like emotional attachment involved like does he like me or not 'cause hello he's my cousin! :p'. I don't know I blame pressure on getting close to the opposite sex on society. Why can't we just have opposite sex friends without people in their minds thinking 'i'm sure deep down they're interested in each other.' Yagh I can't stand that.
I was just thinking about this old friend from high school. She was a really cool gal. She was a sophomore and I was a senior. We had some weird class together and I already forgot what it was. But she's not in my high school any more and I don't know where she is. So anyways I was just thinking about this one day we were on a break from that class and we were eating something. Yeah that was our ritual to take turns stealing candy from the Chinese club but anyways. haha Oh come on who didn't? So we were probably eating choclate gummy bears when one of her friends commented how it's weird we are friends. And we were like 'wha?' And she's like 'look at you guys.' Then she goes on to describe how we look. 'Amanda's tall, you're short. Amanda dresses nice, and you're wearing baggy clothes. Amanda's wearing a bit of make-up and you're not.' haha I don't know but that still makes me laugh. And that girl who was saying all that stuff was cool anyways. And then this other guy (who is the love of my life) but anyways I offered him some of our candy and he kind of looked at me and her and was probably thinking 'why is she hanging out with this girl?' I don't know how all this fits into anything but I was just remembering since she gave me a doggie stuffed animal on my birthday and I do have a couple similar ones on my bed so it made me think of her and our friendship. Weird but nice. Yes, i'm weird. haha *sigh* I think I hate school is the moral of this story. :D
Okay these 2 thoughts kind of loosely tie into together or maybe not. It doesn't halfly make sense reading right now since I typed it different times and I don't want to tie them in together right now. You know what I was just thinking? It's kind of weird that I write an online journal. .............. Yeah I don't know if that's a good thing for me or bad. Hmmm. .............. I like typing dots .......... Who can tell Amanda has a huge project due tomorrow and she did not start it yet? :p'.
| | | 8:59 pm - |
| :[mood]:  happy memorial day
Meeting people from the internet is like a new phenom. Okay where did that word come from? Whatever it sounds cool. Being out here in Boston, i've somewhat become dependent on the internet and chatting with people. No talking, no seeing, and yet it all still feels the same. I don't look at the computer as a way to hide behind the screen, but a way to communicate with people 5,000 miles away from me. It's weird but some of those conversations I will cherish because for some strange reason or another, they helped me through my first year in college. Yeah it's me so it's hard to expain the inner workings of my mind.
Which brings up the question on why all this talk about meeting people? Well, yesterday this guy who, we are like on the first level of e-mailing each other and it's basically just about 'hi, how's the weather' and stuff like that, just out of the blue e-mailed me and asked me how I was doing. And that was weird 'cause I was just thinking about him. I haven't heard from him since end of March and I was completely surprised he still thought of me. So I just know the surface level about him. He's in Hawaii but he's from the mainland. I think he's training for the navy or something... Well, I told him I was going back to Hawaii soon and he said we should "hang" when I get back. hehe. Okay this kind of scared me but not in like a creepy kind way. I mean i've been talking to a bunch of guys over the internet and I feel I know enough about them to meet them offline. But for this guy, I barely know his name!
I guess what's kind of scaring me is his expectations. See I just don't mind meeting new people and hanging out and stuff. But i'm thinking that he's thinking it's a date or he's judging me for a girlfriend ya know? I mean I just want to hang out but I don't even know anything about him. Smart Amanda. I think what's also throwing me off is that he's really cute. Hello you know how really cute guys go. I bet he's the type who's into sports, likes to drink, and talk about girls all the time. It's just so weird I can't explain. Of course i'm always on my guard. I'm just a little bit uneasy on his expectations and plus based on the other guys I know, I like know nothing about this guy. Ay should be interesting.
| | | 12:50 pm - |
| :[mood]:  lalala
Feeling a bit on the lethargic side. Dern the weather outside or how it looked all day, has been the same for the past 12 hours! It's almost 6 p.m. and it looks the same as when it was 8 a.m. this morning. I guess all the clouds are just blocking all the sun light or something. Anyways I did a short little quiz. Yeay me.
1. Name: amanda
2. D.O.B: may 23 which makes me 19 now yo
3. Location: boston. gonna be in hawaii in about 2 weeks!
4. Religion: catholic
5. Occupation: student
**Appearance**
1. Hair: Wow I haven't cut my hair since Christmas. I think this is the longest it's ever been.
2. Eyes: brown
3. Height: 5' 4" 2/5 or so! Yes, Amanda's growing...
4. Weight: Haven't weighed myself in awhile. Hey it's all muscle now baby. ;)
5. figure: figure what?
**Style**
1. Clothing: whatevers nice and on sale. I like a little of everything from every store.
2. Music: some music just doesn't belong to those 'pop, rock, alternative, etc.' categories. Whatever. I like any music yo.
3. Makeup: great i'm too much of a make-up virgin
**Current**
1. Wearing: my baggy comfortable grey sweat pants and this hawaii shirt I got from the swamp meet yo! hehe...I need to do laundry...
2. Listening to: third eye blind. Yes, they are my band pick for this month or three.
3. Thinking of: how much work I have this coming week and on top of that my aunt is visiting from the Philippines.
4. Feeling: okay I guess.
**Last...**
1. Bought: haha. I bought a lot of stuff this past week. Okay but *last* thing...hmm...oh this cute shirt from Arden B. That store is hela expensive but they were having a sale so I bought my first shirt from there for $14.50. And it originally cost $68. 68 bucks?!??!! Can you believe that! Gosh why do they make clothes so dern expensive??? Oh and I bought some stuff for some nice people back home. ;)
2. Did: do wah diddy diddy dum dee dee do. hahaha.
3. Ate & drank: popcorn. Okay well I do have a lollipop in my mouth right now. And I drank water. Freck I have like *no* food in my room!
4. Read: well, i'm reading this thing on the computer right now.
5. Watched on tv: wow amanda actually watched tv! Geez I had already forgotten what that was...haha but I did watch this cartoon movie about a swan who couldn't talk (hello!) and the other swans thought he was defective. But he was a smart swan and he carried a chalk board around his neck and would just write out what he couldn't say. Oh and he could play the trumpet. hahaha! The movie was pretty cute i'd say.
**Who**
1. Kill: kill? nah that's bad...although I do have a few people on my hit list.
2. Shag: what da freck??
3. Slap: slap? What am I a girl or something?
4. Hear from: These phrasings don't make sense. Hear from? 'till I hear from you...' Okay who sings that?
5. Get really wasted with: wasting is bad. hehe.
6. Tickle: elmo?
7. look like: Who do I look like? I don't know...
8. Be like: i've had enough of this section
**Favourite**
1. Food: meat!
2. Drink: water. haha oooooh
3. Color: yellow
4. Album: third eye blind
5. Shoes: my cheapo sandals back in hawaii
6. Site: my site! :D
7. Dance: slow ones! I think they should play slow songs in clubs don't you think? I think so.
8. Song: "Strong Enought to Break!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I love that song!!!!!
9. Vegetable: asparagus?
10. Fruit: papaya
| | 6:01 pm - | |
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