| :[mood]:  yeay!
:) *sigh* Just came back from a really nice weekend...or weekday being that's it's only Saturday. It was my birthday yo! May 23rd! Can't believe i'm 19 already! Aaaah. My mom arrived from Hawaii on Tuesday. She just left this morning. Oooh it was so relaxing. We basically ate, shopped, lazed around the hotel, and just walked around Boston. I was in Boston yet I felt like I wasn't here. I guess because I wasn't in my stinking campus was oh so good for me! I had one class Wednesday, took off Thursday and Friday. And there's no school on Monday! I'm having like a 5-day weekend. Plus there is like *nobody* in my dorm 'cause they all went home for the weekend. It's so retarded 'cause it's like I already took my 'Memorial Day' break this past few days. Ah well. I need fix up all my shopping stuff and get ready all my school stuff 'cause this coming week is my last week of classes and I got a billion papers and projects to do. :(
Okay who cares about that? Now back to my vacation with mom. I really had fun. We stayed in 2 different hotels in 4 days 'cause of graduation and all. This one dumpy hotel was closer to my school (about 15 minutes walking distance) and it had this really good cafe next to it where we basically spent the first 2 days. And then shopping of course. heehee. I gotta put this. Okay i'm 19. But my mom took me out like "drinking." haha. We ate at this food court place and had some lobsters and clams and oysters. mmmm! My mom ordered wine and I always take a sip when my parents order. So this is the day before my b-day and I was taking a sip of the wine. It was sooooooo good! It was a white wine like Zyphndel or Symphony or something like that! I drank a glass or two, or more....hahaha! It was sooo good. Wine doesn't make you tipsy anyways. So every time my mom and I went out for dinner, I always got a glass of wine. She's like 'what's the drinking age?' And i'm like '21 but just order me a glass anyways.' hehe.
Then for my birthday we went to this outlet mall, which is like Waikele, in this town 40 minutes out of Boston. We took this shuttle thing with this other family from Georgia. The mall was okay. I didn't even buy that much stuff! Grr. hehe. The only really cool things I bought were cds. There was a special for like 2 for 10 bucks so here's Amanda like grabbing a bunch of cds. heehee. They were all kind of not heard of cds. I mean they were only 5 bucks a piece and i'm really into taking chances with music and just buying cds i've never heard anything about. haha. I bought this cd that was made even before I was born. I think the singer's name is Billy Squier. Sounds so 80s kind rock. I even got this cd that was country and I didn't even know it. It's pretty good though. hehe.
Oh my gosh I finally had my fill of meat yo! Every single day it was meat, meat, meat! Rack of lamb, steak...mmmm! I had fun. I really, really needed this. My mom left like at 4 am this morning so I had the hotel room all to myself 'till checkout time. You know what I like about being here? Independence. Or maybe the capability that I can do stuff. I mean I can stay in a hotel room by myself, I was walking across the malls, I took a taxi back to my dorm. I like that. Oh my gosh i know I shouldn't say this but I think Boston's growing on me. Because I feel like i'm a Bostonian already. Oh my gosh nevermind I don't want to be a Bostonian! It's just nice 'cause I feel the city is mine and i'm so comfortable with it. I think I adapted pretty well.
You know what I should do? Stop thinking so dern much! I do waaay too much off that and when it comes out it makes no sense at all. It's like i'm a puzzle and i'm just throwing like all the pieces out. Okay I don't think that can apply 'cause I don't know if I form a bigger picture. Makes sense? Of course not it's me! :P'. Ay! Okay let me reflect on myself again. I like people. Whoa where did that come from?!?!? But anyways (haha) if you can't tell i'm sooo tired right now and it's like a Saturday night. Oh who cares i've been happily occupied these past few days. Okay back to my self-analysis, people can just have such an amazing effect on you...or me. Okay for now Amanda's going to look at guys in just a different perspective than what i've been doing my whole life. It's gonna be hard, I know, but i'm sure I can do it. I'm totally happy with who I am and all that's happened in my life this past year. See Amanda can be an optimist. Why does Amanda keep referring to herself in the third person? hahaha! *sigh* Yes, sleep is taking over the part of me that can make the slightest coherent thoughts. What? Oooh I got Justice League on dvd. :) I was going to give it to my brother but too bad! hehe. Okay nevermind nobody probably knows what i'm talking about. Yeah yeah stop making fun of me and my weird little world here. :)
| | | 7:58 pm - |
| :[mood]:  wooo
Freck I hate school!!! What's up with the mood I just put above? Ack! Oh yeah since i've been practically a hermit this whole weekend, it was pretty weird to go out into the 'real world' today ya know. I'm hyper for some reason now even though I hate school!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh and plus I just got some food after starving this whole weekend. I got bagels and cream cheese and when I opened the cream cheese package thing, these like 3 things with pictures were there. The first thing said: Look out your favorite window. Hello!!! I just think that's uncanny how the cream cheese is telling me this when I already know what my favorite window is and I wouldn't trade this window for the world. It's weird because just this night or this morning, I slept facing the other side of my bed which I never do 'cause the wind blows on my head but anyways I wanted to do it tonight 'cause the sky was sooooooooo beautiful! The clouds were just so spectacular. So I just like lied on my bed and just watched the clouds. Ahh that's just one thing Amanda can't live without in her life.
Next thing on the cream cheese said: Find something that helps you slip into relaxation. Actually I was in the process of doing this all before I got out the cream cheese. I just came back from a meeting with a teacher so I took off my clothes and put on my pajama-kine clothes, put my hair up, and was just prepared to relax. I turned up third eye blind to all the slow songs, opened my window, and was going to eat my bagels and cream cheese by the window. When lo and behold, the cream cheese told me to do what I was already doing. Hmm? Well, the third thing mr. cream cheese said I don't halfly get: There's always room to express yourself. Eh? What is that supposed to mean? Okay I think I should put this cream cheese back in the fridge before it spoils. hehe.
For college I think most people see how they handle friendships and what not and if they are capable being on their own. Yes, this is true but for me, it was totally like...self-discovery. Like mostly self-discovery is what has been the focus of my life in college. Like...now I know i'm capable of like anything if I try and really set my mind to it. Dern somebody's freckin car alarm is ruining my train of thought yo! Aaaaah! Oh man I lost my train of thought...aaah. Let's see. Geez. Nevermind I don't think I know anything yet on how i'm changing or have changed. Of course college is supposed to change you...but I did not expect it to change me this much. And yeah I don't think anybody sees it but I see it within myself. I feel different about certain things and altogether just have a different train of thought now. It's pretty trippy i'd say. And that car alarm...yay!!!!!
| | | 2:00 pm - |
| :[mood]:  okay
Okay so now I actually have a thought in my head. Well, it seemed a bit more clearer than now being as that I was just awaken from my lovely nap. Ah well. Okay so I was thinking earlier about 'risks.' What are risks and how come this was never really in my vocabulary...or maybe it was just a different word that I can't think of right now. Who knows!? But thanks to Greg for chattin' me up a bit about it. I think I gotta post some stuff from our conversation. Great. Risks are another thing I have to factor into my life. Hey can't avoid it right? Or I shouldn't avoid it? Or I need a dictionary. Dern. Okay here's what Greg said:
Experiences to a certain degree means nothing. It's ones soul that really shows through in most situations.
Nice. Now Amanda has just to further ponder into this. Risks? That'll be my new word 'till the stinking end of my freshman year. Dern these last 3 weeks feels like the longest in my life yo! Aww man there goes Amanda's sanity again. See now that's a word i've become all to familiar with in college. Yes, sanity is my new best friend. Or would be if they stuck around more. hahaha! Waaaaaaa. There I go again. Well, my mom's coming on Tuesday so hopefully she'll save me from my insanity for a bit. I'm not going to school on my birthday yo! :)
| | | 9:26 pm - |
| :[mood]:  hmmm
Eh. Don't really know what i'm feeling like today. Had a good 'me' time this weekend. A little too tired to explain right now. Oh and my sleeping patterns whatever have been very irregular this past week thanks to some people...or some person. :D hehe. I guess just recently i'm appreciating the little things people do to me. And no i'm not talking about a specific person there Tei, it's just the collective group of people. What? Oh my gosh now i'm going to tell myself to 'stop talking.' :p'.
| | | 3:50 pm - |
| :[mood]:  somewhat content?
Okay so I did that colorgenics thing again today. And this time everything just described me perfectly. Good or bad, I don't know. Here's what it had to say:
You appear to others around you as a person who is simply 'laid back'. From time to time you shelve your ambitions and forgo the desire for prestige and recognition and you are often considered as mentally lazy. You have the ability and you are the first to know this, but you prefer to take things easy and indulge your longing for comfort and security.
Okay nevermind. Reading this makes me sound kind of bad. Bad in a lazy way. Oh wells that's me. Oh gosh that sentence in itself was me. More:
You are a very warm and emotional individual but unfortunately in the past too many people have taken advantage of this sensitive trait. You need aesthetic surroundings, or an equally sensitive and understanding partner with whom to share a warm understanding.
People have taken advantage of me that I don't know about?? Nobody takes advantage of Amanda yo! I like that need for aesthetic surroundings because that is sooooo true. I can't express how much that is true. And a partner? What is a partner *exactly*?
Enough is enough - but the problems never seem to stop. They never stop. You feel, and maybe you are right, that the problems seem to go on and on and you have indeed had more than your fair share of trials and tribulations. But to give you credit - you bounce back time and time again - you stick to your beliefs because deep down you have that inner knowledge, that 'belief' system that in the end, everything will turn out OK - and you are right -it will!
Oh my gosh this person is just pulling out all my thoughts from my head. Very, very true. Everything!:
It is said that we are all influenced by our environment and indeed you are no exception. It would seem at this time that even though you may be surrounded by people, you are experiencing an inner loneliness. Fortunately you are sufficiently strong minded to realise that life has a great deal to offer you and that you may miss your share of experiences if you fail to make the best use of every opportunity. You therefore pursue your objectives with a fierce intensity and are prepared to commit yourself deeply and readily. You believe that whatever you would like to do or think 'you can do' - you do! It is because of this attitude that you may be considered by others as arrogant and even conceited, but its fair to say that whatever it is that you really want out of life you will put your heart and soul into it and will not take 'NO' for an answer.
Inner loneliness, what I can and will do, my attitude, all very, very true man!
The fear that you may not be able to fulfil or realise all of your ambitions makes you work and play hard. The thought of being prevented from achieving the things you want leads you to play your part with frantic fervour.
Hmm. Possibly...
You really like doing what you do and, more than that, you like yourself. Your attitude to work and to life is that 'If its not fun - then don't do it'. You want to be liked and respected, not for who you are but for what you are - and it seems to be working.
Okay yes the attitude if replace 'fun' with 'happy.' If it doesn't make you happy, then don't do it. Oooh that sounds good. And for what I am? I'm working on that in college. It's all relative i'd say.
Okay enough of all that colorgenics stuff which is eerily all true... So i've been chatting with somebody lately. haha You know who you are since you're possibly the only one who reads this... What can I say? Don't take this the wrong way but you make me feel different? Or is it just our 4 hour conversations which i've never really had and ohhh maybe that's what it is. Hmmm. Oh yeah and that and yes everytime we're done talking, I always find myself in deep thoughts. Hmmm how can I put this the right way? Generally speaking, everybody is different and everybody has their own strengths. Sometimes I can talk to people for hours or even another person for a few minutes and they would still make me equally happy. What i'm saying is there is no one *mold.* I think that's what i'm striving for right now. There's no one way to be happy, nor one way to be in love. I don't even think there is a norm. Or there should not even be a norm. You shouldn't even be listening to what i'm saying! Okay so basically i'm just talking to myself and telling myself this. Well, maybe I need to see it in words! Everything you need is all inside of you. *Everything.* Okay what am I talking about love now? Okay Tei, prove me wrong on that one. And I do *not* mean in that way. ;) uh-uh. Amanda's still gotta keep some of her sanity.
I love the tree that blows outside my window. I just want to take it back to Hawaii wtih me. Oh yeah take a 5 story tree with me? heehee. The most beautiful thing in Boston is the nature surroundings. That's what inspired me to take up photography and I am thankful for that. Ohhh and there's a bird on top of the highest branch in the tree right now. Even though my dorm room is junk, that window gives me the greatest joy. I would have gladly paid just for that window and what I can see when I look outside and the feelings I get. I will miss it terribly because I will never see its beauty again. What am I talking about now?? Dern I need some sleep! Thanks Tei for waking me up at 5:49 a.m. and keeping me up! ;)
| | 9:27 am - | |
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