| :[mood]:  ...
How's about I just leave you with this poem:
I'd like to think there would always be a rainbow after all the tears i've shed.
I wish I could tell you everything I feel inside.
Wouldn't you like to know how I see this world?
I am amazed by its beauty.
At times I feel lost because its beauty overwhelms me and sometimes blinds me.
But let me just tell you this.
Breathe- there is life.
With every breath
you are very much alive.
With every soul that wanders by
regardless of a frown or smile
skin deep beauty does not reflect
what is going on in the inside.
Close your eyes and think of this.
Who you want to be
is who you are.
And who you are
will change the world.
You know how you will know?
Just look around.
Each breath you take
gives life in ways you cannot imagine.
5/7 12:51 am
| | | 1:48 am - |
| :[mood]: ...
Not too long ago I would become sad thinking about how things would never be the same. And now what do I think? I'm glad things will never be the same. You look back and think the past was great but was it really that great? I'm sure it did have its good points but if you expect it do be 'just like how it was before,' chances are, you'll just miss life completely. Life is full of changes. Yes, that is life. And these changes aren't bad. Of course it just takes some time to get used to. I know my thoughts can apply to many aspects in life but right now I think it suits where I am in my life in terms of college. Change is not a bad thing.
I never used to really believe before the saying that 'people never change.' To some extent they do. What's funny is that I never expected in a million years for college to change me this much. I cannot even express how much it's changed me. And I know i've changed because i've seen myself through family, friends, school, even little things like crushes. Did I change that much? Sure I know there's still that crazy, goofy, retarded girl in me...what's changed is the way I think and feel.
I could name countless events in my life that have shown that i've changed. And these events took place in less than a year... How could have I changed that much? And what's funny is that i'm not even done changing. What i'm most looking forward to right now is going back home and seeing my friends. How much have they changed? I know it won't be like last summer...and I don't want to try and make it be like that. For when someone thinks that they want it to be 'just like last time,' they'll end up being very disappointed and missing the good things that will arise from living in this moment. Okay I did not turn into the "ultimate" person now but i'm just simply saying i've changed. I mean I just think its funny how much i've changed. Of course i'd like to see more of a change in me like stop being so lazy and get off this computer and actually do some stinking studying! Aaaah things will never change.
| | | 9:29 pm - |
| :[mood]:  fRiDaY!
It's Friday. Hooray. haha. I stay very tired right now. Geez I think I spend too much time on the computer. I say only because it may be my major...ahh don't wanna think about that right now. So right now i'm (duh, on the computer) and listening to music. haha Pulling out some of my old cds and finally taking out goo goo dolls and third eye blind which have been constantly in my cd players. Hmm these cd mixes I have are pretty old but still good. Well, not *that* old. Here are some of my cd mix songs:
cd 1:
sugar ray- falls apart (definitely one of my fave songs of all time!)
shaggy- it wasn't me (oh yeeh! wasn't me! another good song. don't think i'll get tired of this)
dexter freebish- leaving town (geez whatever happened to them? I think they had potential...)
mo thugs- ghetto cowboy (oh come on! this is the best song! whooa nelly! goooodness!)
third eye blind- deep inside of you (another fave song of all time. mm mm mm. spectacular song)
goo goo dolls- black balloon (and here's another fave song. has to be my fave goo song, too)
aerosmith- jaded (good song. first heard it on superbowl half-time)
good charlotte- the movtivation proclamation (this is a good song. i think i should buy their cd)
kai- it might be you (awww! what a lovely song! great slow-dance song hehe)
cd 2:
pati- dream (i like this song and pati does a good job of remaking it)
snow- joke thing (some white guy singing. haha. it's a fun song)
mariah carey, etc.- thank god i found you (i feel like crying every time i hear this song. kimo...)
destiny's child- bootylicious (everybody loves/d this song. great to shake yo booty to!)
duncan sheik- alibi (love this song. its somewhat dark...from teaching mrs. tingle)
city high- what would you do (i like the little dre/snoop part)
s club 7- never had a dream come true (ugh! sappy, sappy, sappy! hehe)
janet jackson- someone to call my lover (good song. very happy and danceable beat)
mandy moore- i wanna be with you (oh my gosh!!! another great slow-dance song...*sigh*)
nelly- luven me (hey ma how you doing its your son now...uh-uh! woo love this song)
98 degrees- if she only knew (love this song!!!!! if *he* only knew...sweet sad song)
eve 6- here's to tonight (who could forget this song? this was like the grad song of '01)
joey mcintyre- i love you came too late (i like this song. it's simple and sweet)
faith hill- there you'll be (this is a nice song...cause it reminds me of josh hartnett! hehe)
| | | 11:36 pm - |
| :[mood]:  uh...
Eh. Not much happened today. I don't know why i'm tired right now. Oh man I slept for so long again this morning. Okay I know why. It was cold and rainy this whole day and what is more appealing than a nice, warm, cozy bed with your blankie? :) I think that's why I sleep long. Yeah that's right because in Hawaii I don't sleep that long because by like 8 am the stinking sun is shining in my eyes and on my bed and then it gets too stinking hot. haha. Yes, Amanda's art to sleeping. I did take some pictures on this cold, cold rainy day though. I went to the park by my dorm. That park is just soooo beautiful! I love it. That is definitely the number one thing i'm going to miss when I leave. It's soooo beautiful! Anyways I was squatting down by a bush (wha?) and just staring out into the river. There was this bird-like creature floating across the water and I became very shutter happy and took like a half a roll. That roll was done so I was trying to reload it before my fingers fell off from the cold.
Then this other bird-like creature came out of the water almost to where I was crouching. It was so cool! It wasn't even scared of me. So i'm trying to reload my film before it left and before I scared it away. And of course I got shutter happy again 'cause that thing was like right there! Then 3 ducks came swimming by and I took pictures of them. I swear this has to be the most beautiful park i've ever seen. Or maybe I haven't really been in a park...oh you know why? Because all the trees and flowers and stuff change. Four seasons you know? :D Well, that was my highlight for today. I'm going to develop the pictures tomorrow. Too bad I don't have a scanner here. Oh wells.
| | | 9:22 pm - |
| :[mood]:  sLeEpY
I was just thinking about this morning around 4:30 am or so. For some reason I just shot up straight in bed. I mean I was like fully awake. It was pretty weird. I didn't even take a nap the previous day or anything...and I just couldn't go back to sleep for another hour or so...just kept tossing and turning in my bed. I take this as a sign or something. Don't know what kind sign but...i'm sure i'll figure it out soon enough. I hate college. Especially when i'm left alone to ponder the demise of my soul. But yeah...thinking again today. And here's what I came up with: I now refuse to let anyone tell me what to do with my life because only *I* know what works for me. Okay when will I put that to effect, i'll let you know.
How about I share my stinking lovely Ryan story? Okay so I was walking to class then I saw Ryan (this guy who was in all my classes last quarter and I had the hugest crush on but now I only see him once a week!) in the distance. Well, I didn't actually see him until he did that thing you know where someone stares at your eyes until you see them and you can feel their stares, too. So that's how I saw him when we made eye contact in the distance. And then when we came like right next to each other, he looked away. Oh my gosh I was just like wtf??? And I *know* he saw me before. I mean like a couple weeks ago he would always say hi to me if he passed me on the streets...and now? *sigh* I know he has a girlfriend so i've kind of stepped back. And plus we never had a really close relationship or anything...don't think he'd consider me a friend. And yet it does hurt to see him every week... I don't know. I've just been so distracted lately with school and life and just everything! Life is very, very interesting. Awww man! Note to people: don't get a single dorm in college! Although it does seem like i'm living with a roommate. My other evil half keeps me company. Oh my gosh! See what college does to you? Ack!
| | | 6:17 pm - |
|