Sunday, June 29, 2003

:[mood]: completely out of it

Friday's horoscope: Dip into a well of courage. Practical action works in romance.

Got back from Maui in the afternoon. Went to a beautiful beach wedding. Never been to one of those before. Went out with a bunch of friends at night. Pre-gamed at a friend's house then out to a club. Uhm...lot of my friends went. A) I was drunk and I think a little side-tracked. About half an hour after we got to the club I got a call from somebody. And my night *sigh* turned around. Not gonna talk about what happened. I did cry like crazy and i'm sure that made my friends totally uncomfortable. I should have gone home right then and there but what I wanted and needed was just to cry and let it out. THANKS to my friends who were there for me. There were no words really to say to make the situation better. But just having friends sit next to me was all I wanted. Being surrounded by people was where I wanted to be. Exactly. THANKS again. Didn't get home 'till 5am and didn't really sleep much.

Saturday's horoscope: When you give others a reason to smile, you can be sure your signature style is coming through.

*sigh* Went to the beach pretty much the whole day. Good fun. Had a nice barbecue and a fun water balloon fight. :) The beach was so beautiful. Nice just to sit on the sand and think about some things... Watched a movie later that night. 28 days later. Pretty weird movie.

~

I wish you'd kiss away my tears
but they're all from you

Thursday, June 26, 2003

:[mood]: ...

Just got back home from hanging out with friends. I'm procrastinating because I should have stayed home to do this thing for my mom's work which includes me having to fold these flyers, stuff them in envelopes, put addresses and stamps on it. Tedious work but it takes a long time. They are due tomorrow morning. Tomorrow morning before I leave for Maui for a wedding. I'll get it done.

Reason i'm procrastinating? Oh I know why. It's that time of the month. Seriously. I'm so depressed. I was out with a group of people but there was one person who quickly changed my mood to me feeling sad and lonely. That totally sucked. I hate things that make you feel empty... My fault anyway for letting myself feel that way. I shouldn't let how other people's actions (or lack thereof) affect me. But it did. I'll just say that little part of tonight fed into a current issue that has been affecting my life...whoa...too deep for tonight...

Tuesday, June 24, 2003

:[mood]: good

Ahhhh Tuesday. ha. Anyway. Just hanging around the house for me. Attempting to clean my room. It's so messy since I live out of it when I go away to college and I barely have a couple of days to clean it. Yes, my room is a whole summer project. Okay enough random babble. I apparently like to babble. So anyway i'm cleaning my closet now. And oh my gosh I found like pages and pages of songs and poems i've written. I am quite surprised with myself that I wrote so much. And I was just reading over some of it and i'm all like 'I wrote that?' Yeah some things i've written like years ago are just so different. And I just write on like any scrap of paper I can find. I even wrote on a couple of napkins. I even pulled out an old notebook that had history notes but in the very back I had written like 8 or 9 songs in it. heh Good thing I didn't throw that notebook away. I should compile all my shiet. I have it in random notebooks, my closet and desk, on the computer...oooh project for the summer. haha...gotta keep myself entertained somehow...woo...

Monday, June 23, 2003

:[mood]: cool

Ahhhh Monday. Ahhh not really caring what day it is because it's the summer. I like that. Yesterday I got back from Maui in the afternoon. Went out with some friends later that day. They have this 'Sunset on the beach' thing in Waikiki where there's like food and music and when the sun sets, they show this movie on a big screen. It was really nice. First time i've been to this. I think they have it every Sunday. Oh my gosh it was just so nice watching the sunset and then sitting on the sand and watching a movie. Our mayor introduced the movie which was Center Stage. And guess who was there. The star of the movie- Amanda Schull. Yup. She's from Hawaii. I thought that was kind of cool haha not really.

And that was about it. And just goofing around with some new friends. Fun. :p'.

Sunday, June 22, 2003

:[mood]: i cannot see

Ow my eyes are blurry. Oh good for me for freckin typing when i'm near blind. Anyway...

Here in this diary I write you visions of my summer
It was the best I ever had
There were choruses and sing-alongs
and that unspoken feeling
of knowing that right now is all that matters
the ataris- in this diary

That song is in my head. Good song though. Kind of reminds me of last summer...and yeah. Uhm...I think i'm just going to keep my mouth shut on that one haha. It all just seems to get more complicated as time goes by but still it seems so simple...

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

:[mood]: uhhhhhhh...baby girl

haha Okay anyway. Within the past week I went from having such a bad time when I came back home to having such a nice time. Yeay! Since I haven't written in my regular pen and paper journal, I gotta re-cap here for my own purposes.

Wednesday: Went Kailua beach with a bunch of new and old friends. Went to Zippy's after, then hung out at Sandy beach for a bit, then hung out at my house for a bit, then ate at Big City Diner in Kaimuki, then to a friend's hotel room to shower and change and go clubbing.

Friday: Went clubbing at night then went to Zippy's and I didn't get home until 5 am.

Saturday: Supposed to go to the North Shore but I was too tired so I stayed in because I had a party at my house later that night and it was freckin awesome.

Sunday: Party went on 'till about 6 am. Some people left, some stayed. I got to sleep at around 7 am but woke up at 9 am because some other friends left so I just stayed up after that. But then me being totally hung-over had to go to help somebody work.

Monday: Only now did I recover from the weekend. In the afternoon, met up with a friend and then we met up with another bunch of friends and ate at Red Lobster. Then went to Kaka'ako park and then Jamba Juice in Ward where we stayed and talked about some deep stuff for about 3 hours.

And now it's Tuesday. And I am so ready to pass out and go to sleep... :D

Friday, June 13, 2003

:[mood]: bleh

Since the end of my 2nd year of college to me being home for less than a week, I think this is the most i've ever cried. Oh my gosh. I have no idea what's up with me. Or maybe I do. But it still doesn't make any sense.

I didn't really have a good first year of college. Second year rolled around and my life became a bit different. I met and got to know a great group of people. And I like to say i'm a strong person but when one of my roommate's started crying because we were saying good-bye to each other, I began to cry but managed to suck it up after she left. I couldn't believe I cried. I wouldn't have cried if she didn't. This was just less than a week ago.

And then the past couple of days...oh my gosh I think i've cried so much I have no more tears left. That was just really weird. I got into a fight with my parents over the dumbest thing, my aunt passed away, and there's this relationship I have with this guy that just sucks. After many months i've realized that it really, really hurts when you like somebody so much and they like you but not as much...and you don't know why. I've been in this situation one too many times and it really hurts. I think somebody else deserves my attention and what I have to offer.

Life moves by sooo fast. I'm only 20 but I just feel like so much is happening in my life. And i'm at that point where since life is moving fast, I want to move along with it. Not necessarily fast but there are some things in my life that I felt were just kind of holding me back and just not making me happy. Changes are good...

Thursday, June 12, 2003

:[mood]: angry

I hate my parents. I just got back about 3 days ago and already I knew that feeling I had in Boston where I didn't want to come back home. I am realizing that I am being kept on the tighest leash. Basically I wasn't allowed to go out clubbing let alone sleep over at a friend's place. I can't believe that. If this is a preview of what it's going to be like this summer...I don't want to be here.

Seriously I have done 20 times worse in Boston. Why is it different now? I am freckin 20 years old. Seriously I am so glad my parents sent me to Boston. I changed and I like it. But i'm not like saying my parents are bad...or anything...but if they were more open about things, maybe I wouldn't have gone on this total rebellious-i'm free stage. Because once I got to Boston I felt so free from my parents and my life back home and I totally believe that is why I drank and party and such because i've been held back.

I am so pissed right now because I met some new people and I really wanted to hang out with them and I couldn't. I wasn't allowed to have fun. Who would be so mean as to not allow their child to have fun? ?????????????????? I HATE THIS...

Earlier >>