Sunday, May 25, 2003

:[mood]: ...

Writing in my journal...has become so tedious for me lately. I for one know that I have so much happenings and thoughts going on in my life I can't keep up. haha. Surprisingly it's true though. Not like everything that happened to me was all good...yeah right. heh. I was attempting to pack up my dorm room today. Oh my gosh. Yeah...I was getting sad... Okay let's not talk about that subject.

On Amanda's quest to find out more about herself, I feel that I accomplished a lot this year. You know what my goal in life is? I want to be able to say 'this is who I am, and I like it.' I am so not even close to there...but on my way...

Thursday, May 22, 2003

:[mood]: eh

I never really liked it when it was my birthday. I don't know why...or maybe I do. Eh. Whatever. It's not like I want it to be the biggest day ever...too much pressure i'd say. I know like in the back of people's minds when it's their birthday, they expect calls and presents and they will remember who sent them what and said that. You know? For instance if your boyfriend forgot your birthday, you'd probably kill him. Okay i'm just rambling...I got my personal reasons for not liking my birthday...humph...

Thursday, May 15, 2003

:[mood]: sad

Me? Sad? Oh my gosh I am actually getting sad that I will be leaving here soon. May is just passing by waaaaaaaay too fast! Of course I want to go back home but you know like my friends are always there and will be because it's home. But here on the mainland people come from all over and chances are you may never see some of them again. I think that's what always gets me. Just that I know that there will be some people I will never see again. It's so sad I say. :\ I'm hoping to make everyday count while i'm here...

Monday, May 12, 2003

:[mood]: oh phooey

I haven't written here in awhile. To think of it the reason I write here is more for me, for my sanity. I just like to write about my thoughts and feelings. And I guess I stopped writing for a couple of days because...I just felt like somebody hurt that personal space of mine. But whatevers. Moving on. Not to anything better. Geez. As my school year is coming to an end, I am feeling enormous pressure because I have to leave Boston with my future planned and go back home to Hawaii with all that i've accomplished thus far. I don't like pressure. I'm pretty sure I can do anything if there was no pressure but oh wells.

Okay break for now. Moving on to a lighter note. Well, not much lighter. Had a pretty junk weekend. Well, kind of yeah. Friday went over to a frat house. Met some really cool people. That frat was pretty nice. Freckin frats. My roommates all went home to visit their mothers. Well, yeah I guess I had some peace and quiet. Then Sunday night went to Sugar Ray and Matchbox Twenty concert. Freckin awesome. I had so much fun. I love concerts.

I guess that's about it from me for now...

Monday, May 05, 2003

:[mood]: headache

*note to self- stop doing things that gives you headaches. Ug. haha. It just seemed like an aggrevating day today. Okay so it all started with my roommate having the day off. When I got back from my morning class I was already aggrevated because a friend and I just did not seem like on the same level and I just felt he didn't understand me at all. So that morning left me feeling a bit teary. It was a pretty nice day so my roommate suggested that we sit outside and just get some sun and read a magazine. I actually wrote a song I put later below. So we just walked around to the mall and stuff. It was just a nice relaxing day. Then when we get back to the apartment and one of my roommates is kind of all over the place 'cause she got a bad haircut. Then my other roommate comes in after a long day of work and was just really exhausted. I think it was just kind of funny how us 3 girls didn't see each other the whole day and we come back all aggrevated...

Okay now my song. I really like what I wrote. Like I never wrote lyrics like these and yeah. I think that's all I want to say on that...

So sorry I think you've said to me
109 times
Let's make it 110 times
I don't believe you
Walking this narrow street
passing an empty feat
try crossing the wrong way
don't wait for the light change
you know we're doing nothing wrong

We're not on the same page
keep leaving me upset
keep changing the channel
tapping your fingers to the same old song
I ripped out the torn page
and placed it in your pocket
but you still don't know
what i'm talking about

I'm a fool in this crowd
watch my face change every second
see the tears stop and destroy what's left
of any sign of a smile or a scowl
your life is making me think
of so many ways
to look the other way
and leave whatever's left of my
tarnished heart
keep dragging me on and on
I think i've loved you for so long
So long-

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

:[mood]: ow i have a tummy ache now

I was riding in a cab this afternoon on the way back from watching my roommate's boyfriend play college baseball at Fenway park when I realized, I am living in Boston. Well, duh i've been here for many months. I've lived in Boston. Just riding that taxi and knowing my way around, I felt like I was a Bostonian. Scary thought. I really still can't believe to this day that Amanda, little Hawaii girl, is in Boston. Who would have thunk it? Surely not me. Not at all. And again I am so glad I came out to Boston...

Monday, April 21, 2003

:[mood]: tired

I had an awesome day yesterday. Got tickets to the Used who is one of my favorite bands. They're like a rock-ish band. So I dragged along my friend. Then we met up with some other friends in another dorm and when we got there they were pretty wasted already. haha Geez...I really didn't want to drink but oh peer pressure. Yeah. We were that group on like the subway and just walking down the street. We were singing like the theme songs to all these random tv shows. haha.

The show was at a night club. Oh my gosh the Used were freckin awesome. When they went on I pushed my way to the front of the crowd and there were sweaty people pushed up against me all over the place, people crowd surfing, moshing, oh my gosh it was so much fun! I had a lot of fun. And yeah. That was my fun-filled Sunday night. Oh but since I was pretty drunk I didn't get to sleep 'till about 1am and I was wide awake at 3am and didn't get back to sleep 'till 6:46am which only gave me about an hour of sleep before my next class. Fun fun fun...

Saturday, April 19, 2003

:[mood]: chillin

Had a pretty chill weekend so far. Maybe because I freckin tired myself out on Thursday night-Friday morning...haha...good times. Okay so i'm still surprised at how people perceive me let alone how I perceive myself. Ack I still can't get over that fact. I feel like i'm changing every moment by my interactions with people. Don't get me started with people back home. Every now and then when I talk to my friends I feel like i'm a totally different person than what I used to be. haha. But recently I was talking to somebody who actually reaffirmed my thoughts. Wait no. Reaffirmed my thoughts on the situation between us. That never happens to me. Nothing has come out of that situation just yet and i'm just going to go with the flow with that one. Or has something already happened? Or is this just another one of Amanda's babble moments? Yes. I've been having a lot of those this past couple of days. Screw it. I'm tired. Yeah that's about it from me. I = retarded. hahaha...ha...

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