Thursday, February 27, 2003

:[mood]: not much goin' on

Yeah. Kind of mentally tired. Had my last 2 tests of the quarter today! Now all I have to do is finals and some major papers. Then i'll be back home baby! Just about 2 more weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so freckin excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D That's about it. Got the place all to myself 'till later tonight. One of my roommates went home for the weekend and the other 2 are co-oping as nurses so they won't be back 'till later. Yups. Wooooo!

Wednesday, February 26, 2003

:[mood]: ...

I am fareezing right now! I'm like in my apartment but I don't think the heater's on right now. Temperature outside? A great -2 degrees! Woooo that. Okay Amanda just wants to babble right now 'cause it's like 2am. No be mean. :p'. When I think one area of my life is going bad, I tie it into everything else. I feel like I am falling in a rut again. Again. I thought things would be different this new year but here I am again. Not getting the grades I want in school and not getting what I wanted from guys. Oy I don't like falling in this trap again...

But here I sit, still brooding over what is to come. That familiar uncertainty. I don't understand. I slept at 12:30am and now i'm up at 2:00am. Am I supposed to start studying now or go to sleep? Close my eyes and sleep away my future? Or try to sleep away the present...that's always what I want to do. Can't say that i'm not hanging on to words... Is it just the words or the feelings behind them? I'm hoping there are feelings behind them. I don't know what to do...

Yes. After reading the above 2 paragraphs, I sound like i'm all over the place. Yes. Welcome to me:

my away message: sigh...
somebody (1:37 AM): what's wrong?
somebody (1:48 AM): yeah
me (1:48 AM): yeah
somebody (1:49 AM): yup!

Monday, February 24, 2003

:[mood]: halfly woo

Was there a point where anything in my life was ever so simple? My current mind set now a days is just...bleh. hehe Yes, for lack of a better word. You know what I do? I spend so much time on the little things because that is my way of avoiding the bigger things. Yeah basically. Is that good? Probably not. Oh wells. :\

Okay so I got this lovely message from somebody:

I was checking out your journal on geocities and I'd just like to say that I found it really cool to read. Which is good. But it showed what a slow & monotonous lifestyle I lead compared to yours. Which is sad and has left me feeling a bit depressed.

But... it has inspired me a lot, and made me think things over (weird huh?). Good stuff, good stuff.

Juss wanted to let you know. Keep it up girl and I hope you do well in your studies (and your love life as well, hehe).

I = touched. Like seriously. I didn`t think people read my shiet and I basically just write in here because I am too lazy to get a pen and write in my other journal. So yeah. That was just totally nice of that person and I really can't believe it! I'm not saying my life is great...because it's just not. Oh well. Mark another strike for not understanding people...or guys...hehe.

Friday, February 21, 2003

:[mood]: eh pretty good

Went to a bar/club last night. Pretty freckin sketchy. The place was really, really small and like no room to dance. Oh and no hot guys! Boo that. Although it was kind of hard to dance with guys being that my 2 roommates and I went with 5 of our guy friends. haha Yes. But I did enjoy dancing with one of them. ;) It sucks because I love to dance but haven't found like a good place to dance...or somewhat of a good partner. Yeah. Oh and Amanda = hates dancing with drunk guys. Ewl! It's like 'don't touch me man.' Yuck. Anyways. I was feeling pretty cruddy that night 'cause I had a stomachache. *note to self- do not eat a freckin pretzel and ice cream for dinner!

So I did not end up sleeping until 5 am. Yeah. I had a weird dream. I totally liked this guy practically all throughout high school. And in my dream he told me he had something to tell me after all these years and it was that he liked me. Weird...? Yeah. I haven't even thought about him in so long. Why would he be in my dreams all of a sudden now?

Oh I had a call from a friend at like 4 am from back home. I like that. Yes. I like hearing from my friends at any time of the day. And even better today because I was actually awake and coherent. But yeah it's all good. I can't wait to go home! Almost home. Oy.

Ohhh I must admit i'm scared. I don't like facing my parents. I know they love me and all that but sometimes I feel like i'm just such a big disappointment and I know I was last year. I don't like pressure either. I cave under certain pressure especially if it's dealing with school... So yeah...

Tuesday, February 18, 2003

:[mood]: out of it right now

Silly me for cramming for a psych test I had Monday morning. Ohhh i'd say I slept at about 4am and woke up in 3 hours. The weather said that we were supposed to get a blizzard. By the time I got back to my dorm it was 9 am. Luckily I got in just in time because within the next few hours, it snowed very, very heavily. It looked like hard rain but it was snow. And the wind was blowing about 30 mph. Crazy! The weather people called this the blizzard of '03. How much snow did we get? 27.5 inches. It was still snowing heavily at 11:00pm so i'm like 'I want to play in the snow!' and my roommate asks me if i'm serious...so we put on our warm clothes, grab our gloves and head outside. Oh my gosh it was sooooooooooooooooooo much fun! I honestly don't remember having *that* much fun or even that kind of fun. We were throwing snowballs at each other, jumping body first into the snow, making snow angels and just being crazy running up and down the streets. Oh also because they cancelled afternoon classes on Monday and then we found out that Tuesday classes were also cancelled. So we walked around campus and there's this quad near us and there were about 20 guys playing football! Snow football. It was sooooooo much fun and I was seriously smiling ear to ear. I felt really great! And when we got back, my fingers felt like they were about to fall off, my face was beet red from it being so cold, I had snow in my pants, and my hair seriously had frozen ice in it. I had to blow dry my hair that night. hehe Then we all had cocoa and chocolate chip cookies. Fun...

Mmmmm. I think I got sick or somthing from yesterday. :\ Eh I was actually feeling out of it even before. Ohhh I think i'm going to get sick again. Hope I don't. I can't believe like next week will already be the end of February. Then just the first weeks of March will pass by really fast because I have to do a lot of papers and then finals. And then before I know it i'll be back home. Yeay. I really can't wait to go back! But must stay focused right now on school. Ack. Focus...

Sunday, February 16, 2003

:[mood]: halfly not here

Well, after some shiet that went down between a friend of mine and her boyfriend last night, it got me thinking. What I learned from them and myself is that people just have to let time take its course. Even though you think (or I think) something could be so good right now, it's just not the right time. And who knows if it will ever be? But no matter what time is going to move on and I have to move on with it.

I actually wrote that top part about 4 hours ago. I actually had somebody in mind while writing that but now it also applies to my friend and her boyfriend. And I told the part about letting time take its course and what not to her boyfriend. Okay wait back to me. There was this one person in my life and I really believed there was something special between us. Okay I better stop there. Back to my friend or just back to what I was talking about in general... Especially in dealing with relationships and another person, no matter how much you want something, you can't force it if it's not working with the other person. And sometimes it is just wrong timing and I know I can't do anything about it despite me feeling that me and somebody would be so good together. Or so I believe... Okay now it's late and i'm losing my train of thought. Gonna stop here...

Saturday, February 15, 2003

:[mood]: okay

Mmmm. Just chilling here in my dorm room. Nobody wants to go out because it's too dern cold. Negatives with the wind chill. Boo that. I think we're going clubbing later tonight anyway. haha. Boo. Okay here's another pointless journal entry from me.

It's hard for me maintaing relationships up here in Boston with those in Hawaii. The phone is...not as good you know. Even when I was down in Hawaii i'd much rather talk about certain issues face to face than over the phone. Actually i'd much rather do everything face to face. The phone is evil. hehe. Hmmm. I guess that's all I have to say right now. Yes. Peace.

Thursday, February 13, 2003

:[mood]: i = freckin genius

My computer was broken for a bit but I fixed it. Yes. I'm a genius! haha. So yeah... That's about it. haha. Uh...it was cold today. Like 1 degree or something. But that didn't stop me from just going out in a sleeveless and a jacket. I hate this cold weather! Wanna be back home...in the beach...wearing next to nothing...haha yeah right. Going back spring break though. It better kick butt!

So. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Whoopti-doo. haha. What is the point of that day anyway? St. Valentine's...who is that? Shouldn't we be celebrating him or something...haha I don't know. My plan for tomorrow is stay in the whole day and study. Yes...sounds like a great day/weekend to me! :p'.

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