Sunday, December 01, 2002

:[mood]: woooo

December already. Wooo. I can't believe how fast it is. Freck i'm somewhat in a good mood. And of course in my life that never lasts long. Had a totally good Thanksgiving break. It was nice to be away from here for a bit. Went to New Jersey and New York. Mad fun. It snowed like last Wednesday. First snowfall here in Boston. So cool but I almost missed my train ride.

Coming to a close in school. Just 2 more days of classes then about a little over a week and i'm back home. Of course i'm looking forward to it. It so is really good when you get a break from it all you know? That should be a necessity. And as for my current guy situation? Yeah like I really need to talk about it but it's non-existant for now and i'm thankful for that. Don't need drama. Just want to do my finals etc. then out of here to enjoy holidays and what not. Oh geez why can I always be happy... :\

Sunday, November 24, 2002

:[mood]: confused

This weekend. What a crazy weekend. Party on Friday and a little bit into early Saturday. Friday and Saturday I basically slept way into the early morning. On Saturday I basically stayed home and the gist of it is the guy I like came over and we watched tv for a bit and then when he got back to his dorm, he im'd me and it just came out that he liked me. He doesn't know what to do because he is "kinda seein" this other girl and things have gotten serious between them recently. And then for me I don't know what to do because...geez for so many reasons. Uhm yeah just a lot of reasons i'm going to keep to myself for now. I so do not know what to do but I really need to talk to him...

Thursday, November 21, 2002

:[mood]: ...

You know when you (or maybe it's just me) think of one bad thing it just avalanches into just like all the bad things in your life? Well, basically i'm just seeing how my life is going nowhere. Like everything in these past few months have felt completely empty. I don't know where my life is going any more. I seriously think i'm failing college- this quarter.

It seems like i've been liking the wrong guys. Like what I believed in is just not right any more. And I jumped so soon when I thought...well, when I thought this guy was a lot like what I was looking for. And he really was but I can't have him because he is with somebody else.

I don't even want to think about home. I don't now i'm just ranting right now 'cause there's really no one here I could talk to right now. It's funny when people ask if you're okay and you say yes even though you're not. I mean what are you supposed to say? When you know you're the only one who can get through what you're going through. I don't know. My life just feels so sucky right now.

I'm missing my dorm room last year where I lived alone and I could sit in the corner of my bed, by the corner of the wall, on the highest floor of the building, look out the window and see the city view, open the window, and feel the cool breeze...

:[mood]: just thinking about some things

I really should stop getting my hopes up. Should be just as simple as that. As of now I am really glad i'm single. I don't know it's just been kind of hard. I'll say it's especially hard when you like somebody a lot but they don't feel the same about you and you have to be just friends which is just plain hard. And i'll say this i've realized that I haven't liked somebody in awhile which is unusual for me. I thought I was beginning again to like somebody but in 2 seconds it turned out into something that just isn't going to happen and i'm left cofused again.

Wednesday, November 20, 2002

:[mood]: guys are retarded

So i've been basically bent about that fact this past couple of days. Yes, guys are retarded. I could bring up so many instances from my past. Yeah so I just basically wanted to state that in this journal entry. Guys = retards. Woooo. Actually I should go more into detail. Maybe I will. Maybe I will.

Guys don't know what they want. And since they don't know what they want, they end up screwing up what they already have. Granted in most cases they don't know that they're actually doing it. So what (or more specifically who) am I talking about? Yeah i'm talking about a lot of guys right now... It's kind of irritating. I mean i'll say this I know it's hard 'cause the guys are the one's who are "supposed" to do all the moves on the girls and stuff but they're just plain dumb and don't know how to do it right. *shakes head* I bet a lot of guys will butcher me for writing this. But they just keep doing stuff that makes them retards. Oh they will never learn.

:[mood]: super crazy!

Yeah. I'm at that point of pure insanity. If I drank right now I would probably be off the wall. But i'm not drunk unfortunately. This is such a sucky day. Some retarded stuff in the morning like 8 am class, it was cold outside, some retarded guy episode, stinking classes, stinking psychology test in the afternoon, huge economics test tomorrow that I do not understand at freckin all, can't concentrate, my mouth hurt so I took a look at it and it turns out that my back tooth is growing. Then about 1/2 hour later I just checked the other side and it turns out I have a tooth growing on that side, too. Stinking teeth! As if I need more problems.

I'm kind of wired right now. Feel like partying and dancing right about now. I am so going to fail my econ test tomorrow let alone that whole stinking class. Oh my gosh an F...okay i'll stop talking about that. Don't want to jinx anything. Gosh dern it. Can't...concentrate...at....all....dern!!!!!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, November 17, 2002

:[mood]: yeah...

Okay so I went to a little "get-together" at a friend's place on Saturday. Uhm yeah kind of bad on my part 'cause this is the most I ever drank but not the most I was wasted. Actually if we stayed there a little longer i'm sure I would have been. But anyway the little subtleties could possibly turn into something. I mean I really wasn't doing anything intentionally but it just came out. I can't say too much but thinking about it now since i'm hungover and all, was I making someone feel uncomfortable? Probably yes. I mean I was drunk. But still. What if I get like completely drunk and I end up doing something I didn't mean. Okay i'll just say that hitting on somebody who already had a girlfriend... I have no intentions of stealing him away from her. But last night kind of, a little bit, seemed like I was and I probably made my friend uncomfortable. I did not freckin intend it at all. It just comes out...

Friday, November 15, 2002

:[mood]: stomachache

It was a pleasant day today. The weather was a cool mid-50 degrees and I just went out in a sweatshirt, jeans, and my sandals. :) My 8 am classes were cancelled so I only had one class at 9:15. One of my classmates asked for my phone number. I don't know what that's supposed to mean 'cause guys are hard to figure out and are retarded like that. He said he'd call me tomorrow but i'm hoping he'll call like...now...'cause I have nothing to do. But I don't think he won't. Watched the first part of Harry Potter on dvd in the afternoon. Took a nap and I felt like crud when I woke up. I've had this stomachache for the past 2 days which really sucks. I don't know why I have it.

I had dinner plans with some guy i've never met. Well, his parents and my parents are apparently good friends and they compared notes and all and well we're the kids who are here in Boston so we should get together. So yeah just had dinner with him at the mall. He paid for everything and I felt bad 'cause I hardly ate anything because of my stomachache. Yup so that's basically my day. Dern it why isn't he calling me now???

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