Tuesday, November 12, 2002

:[mood]: ack college!

So. Man if I started earlier on everything i'd actually have a decent chance at a future. So i'm trying to figure out what the heck to do with my life. I was just totally thinking about my majors. I mean yeah. I really want to take classes to experiment. Which I should have done freshman year and or done in high school but of course my high school never offered any. But i'm already a sophmore so I don't know how much time I can go without having a major. And then there's my stinking parents at my heels telling me what to do. Freck. Or my dad really wants me to do business. I wouldn't mind that. But I have to apply to the business school and with my grades this quarter I don't think i'm going to get in.

So then I was thinking of double majoring or minoring or something. Majoring in economics and minoring in photography or music. My dad doesn't approve of that really. Next quarter I want to experiment in classes. Geez I don't know if I can do that. Gotta talk to the unhelpful advisors and shiet. It's so so confusing. Not to mention me being dumb and doing really bad in my classes this quarter. So i'm basically throwing away my future. I don't know what to do. :\

Monday, November 11, 2002

:[mood]: feelin' fine

Man I was pretty pissy yesterday. I had every good reason since it was "my special time." haha Like you needed to know. I never stay in pissy moods for very long which I think is one of my good qualities. You know when it's "my special time" I hardly eat anything. Which is pretty good. If it wasn't for that instinct where you're supposed to eat something everyday, I think I could last without eating something. Yeah...hehe.

I am going to be home in a month! :D And I just purchased my train ticket for Thanksgiving. Going to New Jersey or New York or something. Although I really much prefer staying at "home" for the holidays. Dern I can't concentrate on my school work any more. Yeah any more. Freck. I am so failing college. Gosh dern it. Okay so i've been thinking a lot about jobs (although if I don't get my stinking grades up I won't freckin get a good one) and I really want to be a song writer or something dealing with the music industry. Hmmm. Okay now my brain can't go on any more. Dern it. :P'.

Sunday, November 10, 2002

:[mood]: akf;jae

Well, since i'm in a bitter mood I might as well write. I so just want to bite somebody's head off right now. Okay so a friend came over to our apartment and she offered my 2 roommates a drink and not me. I mean I was sitting in the same room and all and nothing. Whatever. That's just so pissing me off right now. You know when people don't include you in plans and stuff. Unless i'm a total dork and that's why they don't include me in plans like when they went to a frat party last night and they didn't bother calling me or anything. In that case then i'm just a big dork who should be kicking myself right now. I'm sad. And this happens everyday. Whatevers. :\

I'm going home in about a month. But some other plans my parents are trying to make are pissing me off. They don't want to stay home for Christmas. I hate travelling during Christmas. I want to go home so bad and stay there. Although some things or people are going to piss me off I know it. Man i'm just in a super pissy mood. And my stinking roommate is playing some Christmas music full blast. As if I didn't have a headache. Freck.

Wednesday, November 06, 2002

:[mood]: yeah

So. How you doing? I'm okay at like this very second. Which is unusual for me. Wonder how long this is going to last. Hum. Talked to a friend who I haven't talked to/seen in like a year. We just basically recapped everything and everyone from high school up to now. Boy i've changed so freckin much. And surprisingly some of my friends changed so much. I mean one just had a baby on Halloween and another...okay I don't know what's supposed to be kept a secret so i'll just stop there. And I thought I was wild. Not as wild as those two...

I know i'm bad but I see it how last year I was a total nerd and I got the best grades ever in my entire school career. And now this year is totally party Amanda. So I believe (or hope) that once the grades come in and I get smacked in the face or something, then i'll shape up. But I know I shouldn't rely on that so I think i'm just going to have to hit the books and only party on the weekends! Yes! I can do it! *shakes head* Whatevers... :p'.

On another note I attempted at cleaning my room 'cause you know how they say...uhm...that quote where messy minds...or is it cluttered rooms...can't think in a mess...freck I don't even know that stinking quote. Anyway...i'm just losing my train of thought here...oh i'm so excited that's it's November already. I started stuffing some Christmas presents in a luggage already. :D That's it. Bye!

Tuesday, November 05, 2002

:[mood]: kind of pissed. kind of very pissed.

Okay I just have to get this out. I'm in a super pissy mood right now. One of my suite mates birthday was today. So I went shopping by myself yesterday and bought her a Chippendales calender. When I got back I asked my 2 other roommates if they got her anything and I told them my present for her which I really liked and thought she would really like. So they tell me that they didn't get her a present and if they could just pay me- or split the cost of the calender and just say it was from all of us. So i'm like what the freck you know? I'm the one who actually went out of my way to pick a present that she would really like and they want to say it's also from them. I even wrapped it and everything. So she never knew that I was the one who picked it for her. I can't believe that. That just is seriously pissing me off right now. I really can't believe that.

Whatevers. I seriously believe that nothing *ever* goes my way. Whatever I don't really care about anything. I freckin see no point to it. Yes, lovely mood. I just really give up.

Monday, November 04, 2002

:[mood]: don't know

I think i've been having bad dreams lately. And it has come to the point where I wake up and there's something wrong with me. Either i'm short of breath, my throat is sore, or just something's going on. I should do some analyzing but i'm kind of tired right now. I'm pretty much failing college. I have never seen bad grades like this in my whole school career. And what's sad is that lately i've been getting used to it. How can you go from having the best grades in your life (last year) to actually completely literally failing? I don't know. My mind is just empty or something up there is just not processing. I don't know what to do and what scares me is i''m the only one who can pull me through...

Sunday, November 03, 2002

:[mood]: cold!

Dern it. Can't believe how fast time is flying by. By the end of this week will already be November 10. Yes. Good weekend so far. Went to a party last night- or Friday since i'm writing this early Sunday morning. Late-ish Halloween party. I dressed up as a hula girl. Got the grass skirt and the lei thing going on. No coconuts though. :p'. Drunk people are very interesting. I really do wonder if people's actions under the influence of alcohol (haha i love that- 'under the influence of alcohol') really is like projecting how they really feel deep down inside. I mean not deep down inside. Like for instance when you like somebody but you wouldn't normally flirt with them. But when you drink you totally do. Get what i'm saying? Prolly not. I'm just yakkin' yo. Oh my gosh and at this party some guy came up to me and said, 'are you from Hawaii?' And i'm like 'yeah' and then he said he lived there for 2 years or so. Wasn't that pretty random? Yes, it was.

This weekend has been so cold. Like after the party we just huddled together and ran to our dorm. Like tonight was freckin 28 degrees. 28 degrees! And i'm still wearing my sandals yo.

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