| :[mood]:  heehee
Okay. Only one person knows my mood for today...sleepy! hehe. I'm not sleepy now but I know it'll catch up to me probably tonight. This is like the latest I ever slept without feeling sleepy. Probably from not using an ounce of energy yesterday from being bored out of my mind. Oh gosh I was so particularly bored yesterday. Need to do something productive... Well, I cleaned a lot today. haha I'm cleaning every single room except my own. I dare not go into my war zone.
Oooh yesterday in the mail I got this certificate for me being on the Dean's list baby. I don't know why but it's really not that important to me. Eh I mean it looks nice but it's just a piece o paper ya know? Maybe it will hit me later I don't know. Oooh and today I received a letter in the mail! Okay and more than that I entered this essay contest in the Honolulu Advertiser about how far you would go to be somebody. And guess what? I got one of the runner-up spots and I got 2 tickets to this play at Diamond Head Theatre which my friend's going to be in. I really can't believe I got a runner-up. That was nice. Made me really happy today. :D
| | | 1:55 pm - |
| :[mood]:  ...
I think I know why my grandparents are still alive up to now. It is not the healthy diet because they eat meat and all the junkiest foods known to man. It is not because they stay at home all day. Talking with someone I just met last night, we came to the conclusion that they are still alive because of high spirits. My grandfather, I would honestly describe him as a playboy, loves to go out and especially loves dancing...with very young women. hehe But don't worry my grandmother does not mind. And also my grandmother loves to dress up and go to parties despite her doctor telling her to wear tennis shoes because those pink stappy high heels are not good for her.
Do you ever have that feeling when you know you are going to die? I do. Not saying that i'm going to hurt myself or anything but sometimes, you just know. I have a feeling when i'm going to die and now I realize how I may die. Oh come on like I really know what the future holds. But I think the way i'm living, I will probably die the way i'm thinking. Amazing how even though the sun is still shining and the Hawaiian breeze blowing through my window, I still feel very much...depressed. I know it's just a passing mood but I wish i'd have less of these.
That's one of Amanda's deep thoughts for her life again. And here I am believing in not being one to display my emotions yet I somehow convey it through this computer. Again I know I write not for people to read this but for myself. And plus i'm too lazy to write in my other journal with a pen and well typing is much faster and convenient. So. It seems so simple when somebody says; 'What are you thinking?,' but that is one question I do not know how to answer sometimes.
| | | 5:54 pm - |
| :[mood]:  i'm awake
hehe. I think my clock's ahead by 10 minutes. Anyways. Life is pretty weird. Obviously right? I think i've been having weird dreams lately but my days are thrown off 'cause I keep waking up like every hour and then sleeping the rest of the day so I really don't know which day is which and what happened when. Aaaa memories. This past night I had a dream that I was holding the hand of some guy I didn't even like or even think about before. Don't know why I was holding his hand. It *was* pretty nice though. ;) Hmmm. I don't think anyone reads my journal any more. :( Dat's okay. It's pretty boring anyways and it's mostly me just babbling to myself. Hmmm. Nah I won't say what I was just going to say. It's Amanda, guess what i'm always thinking about??? Dern them!!!!! Of course I know I can do it just a matter of *if* I want to do it... *groan* If somebody can give me a logical reason to what is the point of relationships, i'll give them 20 bucks. :p'.
| | | 2:49 am - |
| :[mood]:  still a little sick
I got this fortune from a fortune cookie at dinner tonight. Don't want to put it up here 'cause I know it totally applies to me. Of course i'm still a little sick so my head ain't working right (like it ever does) but ack I can't explain. Grrrrrrrr. Okay i'd like to recite lyrics from a song. I think it comes close to what i'm feeling right now. Here it is:
You take a lot of chances with your feelings
No one really knows what you feel
And fiction is the only way you're dealing
You turn your pretty head if it gets real
*Goo Goo Dolls- Think About Me
The first two lines, yes, and if someone is singing this to me not me singing this to someone else you know? No, you don't. :p'. Ugh must take more tylenol... Okay wait no looking at those lyrics again it doesn't make any sense. I take a lot of chances with my feelings...in terms of love-ish kind- okay I am talking too much. I'm watching this show where brides fly to Alaska to pick guys to marry them. Okay yeah that's making me feel sappy right now. Oh gosh I should really pay attention to what I write in my journal...
| | 10:02 pm - | |
| :[mood]:  small kine sick
Howdy. Just got back from a trip (well on the 4th) and I think i'm still jet lagged and sick from the stinking airplane. hehe. I had a great time on my trip. Nice seeing family and stuff. Ow something just flew in my eye. Anyways. Ugh I can't believe it's July already! I seriously do not want to go back to college. Ah well. At least summer's been pretty good. Let's see what shall I talk about tonight? You know what's weird? When you hear the same words but it's like coming from 2 different things and somehow it all sounds the same and you don't know what's real and what's not. haha Has anyone ever felt that way? I want a cute guy. haha That's the old me talkin' yo. What am I talking about now? Something feels different for some reason. Okay I think I know what it is. Maybe because I went on a trip and then coming back here saw and felt completely 2 different worlds and then I saw some high school friends who I haven't seen since I got back from college.
Now where am I going with this? Oh okay. My friends invited themselves to my house a couple hours after I came back. haha Nah it was all good. Oh yeah going to the beach one hour after my plane arrived. That's the Hawaii life. It was nice having friends at my house again. Not because it reminded me of the old times but because it reminded me how good it is to have friends and just to be home I guess. It was pretty weird. I was talking to one of my friends and he was just sitting so close yet so far because I believe I don't know him that well. I mean I was just looking at him and it felt like I didn't know him that well. But of course it's a different kind of friendship I guess. All in all i'm just glad he's my friend.
Oh yeah okay I think i'm trying to talk about friendships but I keep getting distracted. My life is very distracting. You know...okay nevermind I think I should stop talking once again 'cause I don't think i'm making any sense and what i'm thinking right now is just a little off. I can only describe it when it's actually happening you know? I wonder why some people think silence is so bad. Yeah in some cases what somebody does not say is just as important as what somebody says. Tryin' to read between the lines...that's hard...
| | | 10:29 pm - |
| :[mood]:  thinking
I read this from my friend's journal who read it from somebody else's journal that people often tend to write on journals/diaries more frequently when they are depressed and/or stressed than when they are happy. Well, for this journal entry and most of my others, this is true. I'll try talk in general 'cause I don't want to point fingers at people. Well, actually nevermind I don't know. It is just frustrating trying to figure some people out. Yet you know you don't want to turn your back. At least I don't because i'm just too dern nice. That's right. :p'. *sigh* Freckin people... :( :( :(
| | | 10:22 am - |
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