This booklet is from an article that appeared in the little bi-monthly newsletter, BQM Reports..., which we published back in the 1990's. It has to do with the death of my wife on 15 May 2000. "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints (Psalm 116:15)."
By now you�ve probably figured out that all the optimism I held our over Linda�s was not to be. It�s easy to say, "Well, she�s in a better place now." It�s also true to say that. But, it sure seems a "worser" place here without her.
I knew that she meant a lot to me. I�m just beginning to realize just how much. Still, there is a certain envy - she got to go home first! I tried reminding her that I�d already said that I wanted to go first. I guess she�s getting the last laugh on that one. Seriously, in a way I am glad that Linda did pass over before I did. I would not want her to go through what I�ve gone through - missing her - for anything in this world. It just hurts too much.
Also, the time we had together in those last few months... It was, honest!, special. We spent a lot of time home, just the two of us. I was allowed the "third shift" visiting time while she was in the hospital. Again, just the two of us.
It was almost, in a really strange way, like we were dating once more. We were really privileged. God knew that He would be taking us from each other. He gave us the rare opportunity to go back to the boy friend - girl friend feeling of so many years before. Not just the comfort, but the sheer happiness of simply being in a room together. Not a word needed to be said. It was good.
But, hey, it�s always good when God is in the room with you!
We began with the realization that God was not part of the mix. He was the Mix-er. Actually, that - our understanding of God and things Biblical - is what first brought us together as friends rather than just simple acquaintances.
There must still be people who were sitting near us on a school bus, or in the school cafeteria, who continue to wonder just what it was that we were talking about.
Linda was Holiness / Armenian, while I was Calvinist / Baptist. We argued the finer points of our theological differences - constantly. ...for about forty years altogether! I never did fully convince her of her obvious errors in her theology. Oh, well, I�m sure she�s found that I was right all along.
She�ll still never admit that I might have been right!
I�d not recommend this arrangement for anyone else. Generally it is better if two young people (well, we were then!) contemplating marriage would be together on their theology. Or, anything else for that matter.
But, for Linda and I... Her disagreements were not simply, "You are wrong and I am right." She�d pick up her Bible and show me verse and chapter to back up her argument!
Through it all Linda made me a better student, a better Christian, a better preacher, a better person. If this is "better," just think how bad it was before!
I spoke to Bill Butts, one of Galesburg�s better known attorneys, just a day or so ago. He asked how I was handling the loss of Linda. I mentioned that I felt like an automobile with the "governor" removed. I was just really missing Linda�s counsel.
For better than thirty years I�ve counted on Linda to watch out for my own excesses. I don�t know if I ever realized it or not. Yes; it is true that I have been known to let my own scatterbrained temperament get out in front of my judgement. Honest!
Linda was the one who would throw a rope over me and pull me into the cold water so that I�d cool off. Yep. I would have been even worse without her. Hard to imagine, ain�t it?
That brings up something that I mentioned to a fellow pastor a week or two ago: "I am just beginning to understand the full meaning of the Biblical words."
And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:23-24)
I wrote some time ago about the mystical fact of the union of man and wife in marriage. I majored on the unity in ministry. Well, frankly, that is all I really understood at the time. There is just so much more, I am painfully learning, about this concept.
But, I digress. This time the subject isn�t my eccentrics, it is Linda�s specialness. If that offends anyone, well... I�m sorry. I do know that in our last issue, when we were just starting to go through her final illness, I wrote about our dealing with that. This did offend one man. He wrote that he had enough problems of his own without my wasting his time on mine.
Guilty. But, I will try to draw some conclusions that you can take home with you. I�ll try.
I think I mentioned that Linda and I always saw both of us as being involved in ministry. Our marriage started that way. We were married on a warm September Sunday afternoon between the morning and evening services at our local church. I preached both services. Then, we began our "honeymoon."
But, that wasn�t where Linda�s involvement in her church, or in God�s service, began.
Linda came from a very large family. By the time she was seventeen-years-old there were eleven children. It would be easy to say, "As the oldest, the duty fell to Linda..." But, that is not the way things happened.
Linda took the task upon herself because she felt the need and acted upon it. That is a trait that followed her all of her life.
At fourteen or fifteen Linda took upon herself the task of getting her many siblings ready for Sunday School and Church each and every Sunday. A friend of hers said that this resembled a mother duck and her chicks walking in line into the church on Sundays.
Whatever the picture or the anecdote, Linda saw this as something that was needed. So, she did it. No questions. No finding someone else to fill the need. No complaining about the task. It was a simply equation. There was a need. Linda saw the need. Linda filled the need.
So keen and deep was Linda�s love for her brothers and sisters that, when we were stationed (I was in the Army when we were married) in a state far from home, she begged her parents to allow us to take the kids with us.
This was not an easy time for us. Money was scarce. I remember couple of times we had a discussion about buying a ten-cent bottle of soda. We had to discuss it; money was that tight for us.
I recall one time I got off work at the post early in the afternoon. I got back to our house at about one in the afternoon instead of my normal 5:00 P.M. The place was freezing. This was when I found that Linda was turning off the heat as soon as I left in the morning and not turning it back on until a half hour before I was due to come back.
She would spend the day, doing her housework, bundled up in coats and sweaters to save fuel. She didn�t want me to find out because, "There�s really no need to worry about it." I don�t know how, but I do know that, if the kids had come with us Linda would have found a way to make it work.
Linda did go out and find a job. This was before Amy was born. Linda got a job as a clerk at a laundry on the army post. Of course, she didn�t keep the job as a clerk very long. After a few months Linda was promoted to seamstress and given her own store to look after.
I remember how proud she was when she brought home that first paycheck. A few weeks before we had "splurged" on a chocolate shake - one to split before the two of us. Now, with all that - almost $40.00, check of Linda�s... We went right out and bought a parakeet. We never did anything stupid like that again. It just felt good to do something foolish at that point!
Linda was never one to think of herself. She went into labor with Amy during the night of 14 - 15 April 1971. She later told me that she just waited for the alarm to go off rather than wake me because she knew I needed my sleep!
Did I mention that we were over ten miles, over two lane highway, from the post. The hospital was on the other side of the post from where we lived. We made it. But, we didn�t have a lot of time to spare.
One night, I know I shouldn�t have done this - especially knowing how serious Linda could be about important things, Amy had been crying, as new born babies are prone to do. I got out of the bed, hiding my pillow from Linda. I went to Amy�s crib and said, "Do you plan on crying all night just to keep me and your mother awake!"
I then took the pillow and threw it across the room. Linda let out a bellow that could be heard all the way back to her parents house! I laughed until tears came to my eyes. O.K.; she never saw the humor in that, either.
It was sort of like the night we went out for dinner a few weeks later. Linda and Amy had not been separated from each other for six or seven weeks. One day our landlady offered to watch Amy for a few hours so we, "...kids can go out somewhere and be alone together."
As we were driving home, almost there, I quietly said, "Linda, did you remember to bring the baby to the car from that restaurant?" O.K.; she never saw the humor on that one, either!
But, oh the fun we had. I�m lucky she didn�t beat me with a baseball bat.
We also had a little dog while we were in the military. I don�t think that I�ll ever get used to saying "me" again! It was always, "we."
Anyway, this dog was a little Pekinese, Toby, which my sister had given to us when we were first living together.
Now, wait! I�d better explain that one! We did things a little backwards from the way some kids do things now. We were married for a year before we lived together. We were married just a few days before I left for a tour of duty in the Viet Nam War.
Again, I wouldn�t suggest this for anyone else. It worked for us. But, if was - in retrospect - a very stupid thing to do.
I didn�t even kiss Linda until a few weeks before I left for the army basic training. I remember that well, too. We were sitting in the swing on her front porch when I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. She looked over at me, raised one hand, pointed, and said - somewhat sternly, "Don�t you ever do that again unless you really mean it!"
Anyway, we had this little dog, "Toby." He was Linda�s friend.
Believe me, she really needed this friend. Linda had been used to the controlled mayhem of a large family. We were now living over ten miles from post. I had to use our only car to get to and from my work station. She was stuck in the small trailer park. We had no T.V. There were electrical lines nearby that rendered our radio all but useless. We had few records.
Linda needed that dog to keep her company while I was gone all day.
One day she decided to be the "good army wife" and "spit shine" my boots while I was gone. One of the older army wives at the trailer park (She had to be in her late twenties - at the least!) told Linda that the secret of doing this right was to light the shoe polish on fire so that it would melt into the shoe. "It�ll spread easier that way," Linda was told.
That night Linda told me about the experience. "It did spread easy. All over the floor when I dropped it."
With flaming shoe polish spreading across the floor of our small trailer, and with the dog barking, Linda cleaned up her disaster at shoe polishing. There was no real damage. Except, Linda claimed that the dog never did really trust her after that day!
The phrase, "small trailer," meant something to Linda as well. Remember that she had grown up in a large house. It took a lot of room for eleven children and two adults to call a house a home. There was also a large back yard at her parents home.
Our trailer, while a really nice and attractive home, was only 8' x 40' large - with a five gallon hot water heater. We could either do dishes or one of us could take a shower!
Oh, the first few times Linda tried to cook (She was an excellent cook! Just look at my size after thirty plus years married to he!), remembering that there were only two of us while there had been thirteen in her family... Well, we had plenty of left overs! But, this was home. Our home! We were really happy to just be living there!
Later on, while I was still in the military, we would pastor a small country church near the trailer park. It was a joy to watch Linda as she bailed me out of my frequent mistakes.
Linda joined with the other ladies at the church in Hobo Stew, and other parties. She worked with the children. She felt right at home with the other ladies. Or, should I say that they felt right at home with her? No mater, the point is that they accepted her as one of them. This was a great help in my being able to gain authority as pastor in, and out of, the pulpit.
We had our picture taken, with Amy as a few month old baby, at the door of the church. In that picture I was wearing a suit that Linda had made. It was a little small in the mid section because I had "grown" a little between Linda buying the pattern and me wearing the finished product. Guess that I�d begun my "life�s work" in that area! Linda was wearing a dress that she had made from a bed sheet!
Without her, just being herself, my job as church pastor would have been much more difficult to accomplish.
When I cam back from Viet Nam, before going to this military assignment and church, I wanted to surprise Linda. I didn�t call to say that I�d be flying in. My plan was to take a cab to her, our!, apartment.
Linda had stayed with her parents for most of the year that I was over seas. Then, the month before I came home, she rented a small apartment for her and I to say in for the moth leave I would have before reporting to my next duty station.
My attempt to surprise her didn�t work. Rather, she surprised me. When the plane touched down, there was Linda waiting for me. She didn�t know which day I�d be coming home; but, she did know the general time frame. So, she just came to the airport each evening when the plane was due in. For several days she had done this.
Preachers, do you see any picture here of the Christian awaiting the Return of Christ? My bride was ready for my return. She didn�t known when; she did know that the time was close. She was anxious for my return.
We went out and spent part of the money I�d sent home so we could buy a car. We knew that we�d need one at my next duty station.
The only problem in this area was that Linda had never taken any driving lessons. She�d never driven a car and, of course, had no driver�s license.
As soon as we had the automobile we went to Ft. Polk, Louisiana. That was our next duty station after Viet Nam. We got a small trailer from a friend of hers and packed my small library of theological books (At that time it was small.) And went to scout out the area and find a place to stay.
We planned to off load in our new home and come back to Galesburg for the rest of our belongings. We didn�t find a place right off; we did find a place to store that first load.
Back we came to Galesburg. We knew that Linda would have to learn to drive. She would have to be able to get around while I was at work. Foolish me. I thought, with only a week left before having to return to Ft. Polk, that this would be a problem.
I hadn�t counted on Linda�s capacity to learn. My little bride was one tough lady even then.
On a Tuesday Linda got her Learner�s Permit and slid into the driver�s seat of an automobile for the first time in her life. I took her out on a gravel road. At the first turn, a blind turn, some kids came �a roaring �round the corner! It was a bit of a thrill as they skidded into our lane.
Linda didn�t even blink. She just steered on around them and continued on her way. I took her into town, over some of our more interesting bridges and through some of our narrow tunnels. No problems.
Thursday, same week, she passed her driving text. I was amazed. We prepared to leave for Ft. Polk early on Friday morning.
I do mean "early." In all of our travels, in all of our years together, Linda always like to leave before 4:00 A.M. if we were going on a long trip. Actually she would have left earlier if I�d been able to find the floor at that early hour!
As with most people who�ve just gotten their first driver�s license. Linda really enjoyed the idea of piloting an automobile. She wanted to drive first. I didn�t care. I just wanted to sleep for five more minutes!
We had hooked up the trailer, and loaded it, the night before. All we had to do was to get in the car, turn the key, and go. She did. I leaned on the door and slept.
I slept so well, as a matter of fact, that I barely noticed that I�d given Linda, less than a week after the first time she�d ever drive a car in her life, the unique thrill of driving with a trailer - for the first time in her life - through the St. Louis morning rush hour.
I never, ever, again worried about her driving. If she could get through that she could get through anything, I figured.
Although... When we were coming back this direction, after leaving our first pastorate... We had two cars at this point. I took the lead and kept periodically, looking in the rear view mirror to make certain that I could still see Linda and Amy.
At one point I had not seen them for some time so I went back to look. I found them. Linda�s car had left the road, flown over a culvert (although we could see a skid mark from one of her tires on the top of one side of it!), soared over a small stream, and come to rest about 35 - 45 yards into a farmer�s field.
As I went to check on them Linda came walking toward me with Amy in one arm and a hub cap in the other hand. "I think I might have ruined one of your hub caps," were her first words to me.
It was her hub cap, too. The car had also gotten hurt a little bit along the way.
Just seven or eight years ago Linda called me and asked if I could come to the airport to pick her up. I knew that something was wrong because she�d driven to Chicago that morning.
It seemed that someone had cut her off and she had run, at highway speed, into a bridge. She spent six hours in the emergency room at the hospital, completed her meeting - although a little late, gone on a plane and come home. Now, that car was totaled!
Those early trips down to Ft. Polk were long enough that we traveled part of the old, historical Route 66 on our way. Coming back one time we even stayed in one of those old road side motels. It even had one of those twenty-five cent vibrating beds in it!
The bed gave me motion sickness. I couldn�t sleep for a while after we�d tried it just so we could say we had.
The first time on our way down to Ft. Polk we stopped at a small old fashioned motel in Arkansas. It was about 1:30 in the morning when we finally had to get off the road and get some real sleep.
As we went into the motel room Linda came over and kissed me. "I�ve never kissed a twenty-three-year-old man before," she said. I had forgotten that day was my birthday. I would have remembered when I woke up, I am sure. But, Linda, even as tired as we were, thought of me. She always thought of the feelings of the other person. Rarely did she dwell on her own self.
A little later in the day we both realized that we�d missed our first anniversary. I�d been in Viet Nam when it had rolled around. We had exchanged cards, and gifts as best we could. But, we hadn�t really been able to celebrate together.
We had a belated anniversary celebration. We pulled out all the stops we could afford. Dinner for two at the Chez Golden Arches. It was one of the best anniversaries we ever had. And, there weren�t any of them that were less than good!
I have a picture of Linda wearing a Vietnamese dress. One of her sisters, nearly hid behind her, is holding back part of Linda�s hair. Even at this point, while I was still in Viet Nam, Linda�s hair was so long that she could sit on it.
That dress, by the way, is a Vietnamese Ao Dai (I may have misspelled that one.). It is authentic. I bought the dress, the shoes, and the hat in the picture from a shop in Pleiku. It wasn�t a copy. It was the real thing.
I probably had the guy in the store wondering just what I was up to when I bought it. I asked for the largest he had in stock. Linda was 5' 9" tall. So, this was a rather large size for an Oriental lady�s outfit.
You might notice that I�ve not said much about Linda�s passing. That is on purpose. I wanted to celebrate her life.
It�s been good for me, both the remembering and the writing. But, especially the sharing. God really did bless me when He gave Linda to me. She was far more than I ever deserved. I tell people that she only made two mistakes in her life. She said "Yes," and then went through with the wedding!
Through the entire ordeal of her final illness I never saw her really get down. She wasn�t doing any celebrating, either, of course. But, she remembered just Who was in charge of human events and she accepted that and trusted His Will.
The only time she expressed any real grief was when the paralysis claimed her right hand. She said, "That�s the only thing I�ve cried over/"
As far as I know, it was.
The reason, I believe, is because it meant that she could no longer work. Linda wasn�t a busy body. But, she sure was a very busy body. Linda worked. Hard. That was just part of her nature. Linda was always busy at some task.
The Peoria Journal Star sent a reporter to our home to write about the way that Linda had kept up her spirits, because of her faith, through the ordeal.
During the interview, in which Linda gave her testimony to the reporter, Linda said that she just hoped that people would remember her by saying that she�d done good.
Trust me on this one: Linda Done Good!
When Linda did pass on, the normal obituaries appeared in The Galesburg Register Mail and The Peoria Journal Star as well as a very nice article from Norm Winnick, editor of the weekly Galesburg Zephyr.
People from as far away as Chicago and Springfield came to pay Linda respect at her visitation. Tony Sanniola came with a delegation from the Chicago office of UNITE!, and was one of the speakers at Linda�s funeral.
United States Congressman, Lane Evans, sent a card and flowers to Linda while she was in the hospital. Upon her death he read a tribute to her into the Congressional Record.
State Senator Carl Hawkinson, a classmate of Linda�s from back in high school, and State Representative Don Moffitt, both came by for visitation for Linda.
The family certainly appreciated the kindness of these men.
Rep. Moffitt, and Sen. Hawkinson, went beyond the second mile as they introduced resolutions in the State of Illinois House and Senate, respectively, that the State of Illinois officially express its sadness at our loss.
Even the local Domino�s Pizza sent flowers to Linda while she was in the hospital. That was just a very nice thing for them to do.
When it came time for our local Labor Day Parade, the oldest in the state we�ve been told, Linda was named as the Grand Marshal. That parade had been her responsibility for the past ten to fifteen years. I�m certain that gave her a warm feeling.
I said, "Gave her a warm feeling," because the parade committee was kind enough to tell Linda, before her death, that she�d be the marshal for the Millennial Parade. "If you�re not able to take part we will have an empty chair with your picture on the Marshall�s Float." Thoughtful. Very thoughtful.
A small bench in her honor, with her name mentioned on the front, was placed in the small park behind the Galesburg Trades and Labor building where Linda served as the first woman president of the Trades and Labor.
The park is a memorial to workers who have perished on the job.
I could go on for hours. Really. There were just so many tributes made to Linda. At her visitation service the parking lot to the mortuary could not contain the cars. The receiving line went on for over an hour and a half. And, many never went through the line.
Cards, letters, gifts, filled our mail boxes. Mine, the kids, and Linda�s families mail boxes were filled with expression of sympathy from those who knew Linda and understood our grief.
One night as I stood my third shift vigil at Linda�s bedside, a man and his wife came in and expressed support. At that early hour of the day!
All of these outpourings of love and support were appreciated - deeply. But, I think - to Linda especially, one statement meant more to her than all the others voiced during the entire ordeal. As she entered the Halls of Glory, Jesus Christ met her - of this much I am certain, with these words, "Well done, good and faithful servant."
Oh, the glory, the wonder, the humility, but in particular, the depth of Love that must have permeated that moment. The song says it well: It is glory.
Linda had only a few years on this earth. I know, when you�re a person of twenty a person of fifty-two seems to have lived to a ripe old age. "Tain�t so, McGee!"
One moment you�re in high school, eating lunch with a good friend. You drop your fork. When you look back up from retrieving it you are at your wedding, feeling that you are marrying the most special girl in the world. Someone tosses rice. As you clean it out of your eye you realize that you are at her death bed. And, that she was indeed the most wonderful girl in the history of the world.
Life goes that quickly!
Life is a vapor
Of o�re clouding steam.
The substance of the stuff
Gives lie to the fact
Of its transient nature.
Here today and
Not only gone,
But gone without a trace,
Forgotten,
Tomorrow.
It is real.
But the slightest breeze,
The frailest disturbance,
The short tick of the clock,
Will banish this vapor
From this earth.
Such is life.
Real, but lacking in
Abiding substance.
The length of a lifetime is long
Only at its beginning.
And that an illusion.
The truth of its time is,
Even at advance age,
Short.
It comes in a moment.
It passes in a minute.
It is swallowed by eternity.
So, how goes it with your soul? That is hardly a frivolous question. The end of this short life comes much more quickly than we could ever imagine or name!
I know. I know. Many plan to live life to its fullest and then, at the two minute warning of the football game of life, while on their death bed, they will repent and ask Jesus to save them.
It is true. Jesus is gracious to save - even at that point.
But, you�d better make certain that you�re playing pro ball. You know, of course, that there is no "two minute warning" in college football. That is only for the professional game.
There are actually two fallacies in this plan. 1) You can�t live a life to its "fullest" without Jesus Christ as your Savior. It�s just not in the design specifications of the human being. We were designed to worship the Creator. Without this worship, and Jesus is necessary in your life to be able to rightly worship, you are not able to live a really fulfilling life.
2) No one promises that you will be conscious, or have the opportunity, to accept Him at the point of your death.
Be smart. Be prepared. Be ready. Accept Him now. You will never regret that choice!