Robann's head snapped up. Annya was far more powerful in the Force than Robann or Obi-Wan had ever realized. She already had essential Jedi skills that no one had ever taught to her. She must have learned by osmosis or something. Robann nodded to herself and settled in. It would be a long night, talking to her daughter.

Threepio, Artoo, and Chewie were engaged in some 3-D chess game and Luke was running around the room with his lightsaber, singing as he ran.
"I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah, where it bubbles all the time like a giant carbonated soda, S-O-D-A, soda. I saw the little runt sitting there on a log, I asked him his name, and in a raspy voice he said Yoda, Y-O-D-A, Yo-ho-da..." Luke droned on, singing vastly out of key.
Obi-Wan was sitting in a chair, leaning against a wall. "NO, young Luke. You mustn't sing when you are working with the Force, unless you are Weird Al. Only he is weird enough to do both at once. You must concentrate on the Force, feel it flowing from within," chided Obi-Wan.
Luke stopped singing. He was managing to deflect the little robot's laser blasts.
"Now, young one," continued Obi-Wan, "you must not use your eyes to concentrate. You must use the Force!" Obi-Wan stood up quickly and his knees cracked loudly. "OW! That hurt!" Obi-Wan said as he crossed the room and picked up a blaster helmet.
"That's cause you're old, Ben," said Jaren from across the room. Obi-Wan glared at him and threw a pillow at Jaren using the Force. Obi-Wan placed the blaster helmet on Luke's head and snapped down the shield.
"But, Old Ben--" Luke began.
"Obi-Wan."
"But, Old Ben, with the blast shield down, I can't see anything!"
"You must see without your eyes, Luke!" Obi-Wan switched on the droid and Luke tried to deflect it. The first several shots singed his tunic. The third one hit him straight on.
"OW!!! WAHHHHH!!" Luke began to cry. "I want my mommy....wahhh!"
"There, there, Luke," comforted Obi-Wan. "Come sit in Obi-Wan's lap." Luke promptly ran over and jumped on.
"OW, Luke...get off" Obi-Wan said pained. "You're a little too heavy for me...." Solemly, Luke got off and sat on the ground below. "Now, I will tell you about being a Jedi and the ways of the Force..." Obi-Wan's eyes glazed over and he began a long painful story.
Over in the corner, Jaren was fiddling through his knapsack, seemingly sewing something. Suddenly he pricked himself. "Dude, that hurt!" he said.
The crew in the room stared at him.
"Heh, heh, did I say that aloud?" he asked.
Obi-Wan nodded. "What is it that you have there, Jaren?"
"OH, nothing!" he said quickly. "Just some little dolls I like to make in my spare time."
Obi-Wan's face grew contorted and a look of extreme worry overcame him. "Son...of...Beanie...." he said softly. The others looked at Obi-Wan rather strangely and then decided it was nothing and resumed their activities.

As Annya and Robann communicated psychically, and Obi-Wan taught Luke about the Force, Leia was being held captive at an Imperial base. She had been sitting in a dank, dark, smelly, disgusting cell for the past two days and she was tired of it.
"STUPID IMPERIAL TROOPS!!!" she yelled out for the 100th time.
"SHUT UP!" a voice shouted back. "Geez lady, we know, we know. AH! Darth Vader!"
The door hissed open. In stepped Darth Vader with his nicely polished black shoes and helmet. His black ensemble was obviously freshly laundered and still had creases from the iron.
"Heeee, hoooo, heee," he hissed. Leia stared at him. Darth Vader turned around and made odd gestures at the Imperial trooper at the door. The trooper quickly ran to him and fixed something around Darth Vader's neck.
"Mr. Darth, sir, I really think you shouldn't wear a necktie if you don't really know how to-"
"Silence! Darth Vader will wear this spify necktie no matter what!" he said in a deep voice, gesturing towards his Marvin the Martian tie. "Besides, Darth Vader likes his tie!"
"Can we continue on? I would like to continue to scream and shout and pout," Leia said impatietly.
"Yesgive Vader the Rebel plans!" Darth Vader commanded.
"No," Leia said.
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"ARGGHH! Incompetent fool! That does it! Bring in<sound effect> the TV!" Darth Vader ordered.
"Ohhh, do I get cable?" Leia asked. "The VH1 special on Weird Al repeats this evening!"
Several Storm Troopers walked into the room, carrying a large 20-inch screen TV with a VCR. Darth Vader walked over to the VCR and turned it on.
"Hahahaha.you'll be watching TV.for the next 12 hours," he said.
"So?" Leia rolled her eyes. "Duh, like I really don't care. Where's the remote?"
"HAHAHAHbut you'll be watchingBarney!"
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!" Leia screamed. With that, Vader flipped the TV on and everyone left the room, leaving Leia behind.
Darth Vader walked down the hallway, laughing his head off. He continued laughing as he went back up to the bridge. As he walked down the hallway, a blond head poked out of an open door.
"There he goes again, laughing like a weirdo," the young boy said. He went back in the room and shut the door. "Sometimes I wonder if he's sane."
"It's Darth Vader! Of course he's sane. He's a masterful, intelligent genius!" a young girl cried out from her spot on the floor. She walked her toy Jar Jar doll around in front of her. Her straight brown hair hung down, constantly in her face. She batted at a stray lock absently. She looked back up at her brother with her deep brown eyes. She regarded him pensively. He was the exact opposite of her. Curly, blond, perfect ringlets framed his face. Dimples and clear, bright blue eyes completed a cherub-type look. "Besides, you know better than to disagree with Mom's master."
"Yeah," said the boy, "I suppose it would be kinda stupid to go up agains that crazy dude."
"Chye! He's not crazy!"
"Yeah...sure...whatever...." he trailed off as a small console on a desk flickered to life. The face of a storm trooper appeared.
"Chye, Elleim, report to your mother on the bridge," said the storm trooper. The screen immediately flipped off and Chye turned to Elleim.
Elleim frowed and stood, dropping her Jar Jar doll. She and Chye grabbed their respective black cloaks and draped them upon themselves. They walked out into the corridor and headed towards the bridge.

A half hour later, they wandered aimlessy, seemingly forever lost in the maze that Vader called his "Death Star."
"I told you, Chye, we should have stopped and asked for directions at that last mess hall!"
"No, I don't need any directions! I know exactly where I am," Chye said.
Elleim whirled around. "There's no way out of this maze! We're totally and utterly lost!! If only Mom hadn't decided that during our formative years we should be under that Dark Lord's presence. Then we wouldn't be lost."
"Well, Elleim," said Chye pointedly, "If you had just studied the map of this battlestation, we wouldn't be lost now, now would we?"
"No...I guess not," she said. "HEY! You were supposed to study the map too!"
"Yeah, well...I say we turn left at the next corridor."
"No, it's right."
"Left!"
"Right!"
"Right?"
"Left!"
"Left?"
"Right!!"
"Right?"
"LEFT!"
"Left!!"
"Right!?"
"Right!!!"
"Right!"
By this point, both of the twins were so confused that they had no idea which way either of them were going. But they headed off in different directions. Chye grumbled to himself as he hunted for a turbolift. "Stupid girls...they have no sense of direction. By the time she gets there the universe will have already ended."
Vader marched confidently down the halls, singing his new favorite song, "The Battle Hymn of the Dark Horde."
"(Tune - Battle Hymn of the Republic)
-Mine eyes have seen the coming of the terrible Darth Horde. They are searching out the cellars where your vintage wines are stored. They have loosed the fearful lightnings of their lightsabers and swords, The Darth Horde marches on.
- Chorus: Glory, golry to Lord Vader! Glory, glory to the Raiders! Here we come with our lightsabers! The Darth Horde marches on! -
-I have seen them in the Death Star marching through the corridors! They have built a reputation as the villians in "Star Wars." Now they're coming to your planet--it wont help to lock the doors The Darth Horde marches on.
- Chorus -
Now you may fear the Empire but the Horde is ten times worse! Better call your undertaker and reserve yourself a hearse. Today we'll take your planet--tomorrow the universe! The Darth Horde marches on.
- Chorus -
(Half Tempo) From the ashes of the Clone Wars there arose one Jedi Knight Wearing armor black as chaos with a sword a-blazin' light. As we know the left hand pillar must balance out the right, The Darth Horde marches on.
- Chorus" Vader continued humming and singing as he headed toward the bridge.

Chye turned a corner and spotted a brightly lit neon sign, flashing "BRIDGE THIS WAY" over and over. "Maybe the bridge is this way..." he thought. He strode down the hall and nearly ran into Darth Vader.
"OH, so sorry, your DarthLordDarkVadernessShip," Chye said quickly, stifiling his giggles.
"Darth Vader can go where ever he pleases," said Vader, hissing through his helmet.
"Yes, sir!" said Chye, running for the door. The doors slid open in from of him and he stepped in. Darth Vader's throne was empty at the moment, but two smaller thrones for his sidekicks sat beside the imposing throne. Both sat occupied now, forms obscured by the shadows.
"Hehehe," thought Chye, "I knew that Elleim would never find her way up here."
Even before he completed his thought, his twin sister stepped out of the shadows where she had been standing.
"Oh, there you are, Chye," said Elleim, "We've been waiting for you."
"I...how...what...nevermind."
"I've been here for at least fifteen minutes," Elleim continued. Chye just grumbled.

Several hours later, Chye and Elleim stood beside their mom and Darth Vader as Vader prepared to pull his captive, Leia, out of T.E.B.O. (Totally, Extreme, Barney, Overload). Vader punched a button and the door slid open. Lying on the ground in a fetal position was Leia, rocking and singing softly.
"I love you...you love me...let's tie Barney to a tree..." Leia intoned, melanchollily.
"She hasn't had enough, my Lord," said the twin's mother. "She's still singing the wrong version."
"Darth Vader agrees with you, Aciré," said Vader, tugging on his tie uncertainly. "Three more hours for the prisoner of T.E.B.O.!" Vader commanded.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" said Leia suddenly. She sat bolt upright. "I'll talk! I'll talk!"
Vader nodded and gestured to his troops. They clapped Leia in irons and dragged her up to the bridge, Aciré, Chye, and Elleim following. Once to the bridge, they took their respective places, Aciré at Vader's left, and Chye and Elliem deferentially behind her.
Vader whirled around and got his boots tangled in his cloak. "Ah, stupid boo.." he trailed off as he fell. Quickly, he regained his composure and stood again. "Ttocs!" he commanded.
"Yes, my Lord?" said the figure beside him in a high squeaky voice, quacking almost.
"Ehheheee ahahahaa sstooop!!! Stop it, Ttocs! No more Donald Duck!" Vader rolled around on the floor, grasping his sides. Vader's entourage of soldiers, unsure of how to act, began to laugh with him, though not quite as enthusiastically. As Vader redoubled his laughing, the troops warily laughed, not wanting to offend their boss. Finally, Vader stood again. "Is the super-duper, high power destruco laser beam ready?"
"Yes, my Lord," replied Ttocs, this time in a normal voice.
"Good," said Vader. "Bring the princess in!" he commanded his men.
Leia entered, still looking slightly phased from her T.E.B.O. experience.
"Leave the princess in Vader's care," said Vader. Obligingly, the troopers left.
Remotely, Leia wondered why this evil Sith Lord always referred to himself in the third person.
"Now, Princess, tell Vader where the Rebel Base is!" said Vader commandingly.
"NO!"
"Ttocs, target Alderaan. The Princess can experience first-hand the power of this battlestation."
"No!" cried Leia, "Alderaan is a peaceful planet, we have no weapons!"
"Oh, really?" said Chye inquisitively. "I mean, I thought all planets had interstellar defense." Absently, he leaned against a big red button on the control panel near him as he spoke.
"FIRING LASER," came the computer's voice over the P.A.
"Ooops!" said Chye. Alderann exploded into a thousand pieces and was completely obliterated. Leia crumpled to the ground.
"Excellent, my young apprentice's apprentice. You have served Vader well," commended Vader.
Chye looked up at his mom, who was sitting in her chair looking preoccupied. "Mom?" he called. "Mom?? Oh, no Elleim! She's gone into the reminiscent Jedi state!! Get the hypospray!" Elleim and Ttocs sprang into action while Vader continued with Leia.
"Now, Princess, tell Vader where the Rebel Base is located!" Darth Vader said again.
"NO! You'll never get it now! You've destroyed everything important in my life. You have nothing more to hold me against!"
"Perhaps you would like some more Barney?" queried Vader.
"Dantooine," Leia said immediately, without any hesitation at all.
Vader cocked his head questioningly. "I don't think so," he said.
"Hmm, there's nine letters in Dantooine, so that means that the square root of the hypotenuse of Pythagor's theorem is pi, and if you take the resultant numbers and multiply them by theta and then apply the distance formula to the asphixiation of the number e, you get the resultant pi theta e and several other mathematical terms, which means that it's on Yavin 4," said Elleim confidently.
The remainder of the group stared at her.
"What? So, ok, fine, I read her mind."
"OOOOH," intoned the rest of the group.
"Hey, don't read my thoughts!" said Leia. Elleim shrugged. Behind her, Aciré was coming out of her reminiscent Jedi state. Vader called for his guards again, and they whisked Leia back to her cell block, AA-23.
"Hey Mom, why do you always get into those weird phases?" Chye asked Aciré. Aciré slowly stood up and walked over to the window on the other side of the room.
"I mean, it's so weird. And hey, you've never told us any stories about the days when you were a Jedi! I mean, we're becoming old! I'm not going to be young and handsome forever!" Chye complained. Elliem kicked him in the shin.
"Why are you so rude!?"she demanded. Chye turned to stick his tongue out at her. As he did, he saw Ttocs trying to sneak out of the room.
"Hey! Ttocs! Buddy, pal! Tell us some stories about your past!" Chye cried out. Ttocs pulled at his collar and laughed nervously.
"UhhokayI once sang a redition of Bye Bye Birdiethat's all!" Ttocs tried to escape again, but Chye got in his way.
"You adults are so weirdI swear, its like you're trying to keep a secret from us!" Chye said. "I'm so bored right now. Tell me something interesting and I won't bug you anymore!"
"Like that will ever happen," Elleim muttered.
"ANYWAYS, let us chat like ol'buds, eh Ttocs?" Chye said cheerfully. "IIneedto go do some stuff. I'll be right back" Ttocs said. Just then, another person stepped into the room casually.
"Ahh! Kendao! Good timing, my son! Now, play with your friends. Aciré and I have work to do now, okay? Bye!" With that, Ttocs grabbed the spacey Aciré and leaped out of the room.
Kendao looked around. His black eyes glared at the door. "Hmmmokay, another conclusion. I think my dad was once a very good liar," Kendao said, pulling out a notepad and a pen. "I've already found evidence that he once was an actor, a singer, and a comedianI think." He shook his head, his black hair flopping back and forth.
"Hmm, really? I actually believe the comedian part," Elleim said.
"Singer, huh?" said Chye, "I dunno. Have you ever heard him sing in the sonic shower?" The three of them shuddered and cringed.
"My point exactly," said Kendao. He walked over and stood next to Chye. Kendao was easily a foot taller than Chye, seeing that he was also seven years older. The twins nodded. "Well," continued Kendao, "I think that we should walk around behind them and see if they'll say anything."
"Don't you think that we should spy on them instead?" said Elleim, "I mean, if we just walk behind them, won't they see us and not talk?"
"Why would we do that, Elleim?" said Chye.
Elleim shook her head. "Fine you guys do it your way, I'm gonna hide out."
"That's stupid!" Kendao cried out.
"Its intelligentmoron!" Elleim said.
"Eh, you're just jealous cause we're guys and you're a little dumb girl!" Chye said.
"No, you're just jealous cause I'm more mature and don't go through embarrassing moments of having a high-pitched voice!" Elleim fired back.
"I do not have a high-pitched voice!" Chye began to squeak back.
"I give up! Let's go Chye!" Kendao said.
"Yeah!!" Chye shoved Elleim aside and walked off.
"FINE!" Elleim cried out. She turned the other direction and left the two boys alone. "Stupid moronsdon't even know to spy successfully"
Chye and Kendao struck out after Aciré and Ttocs and Elleim eventually returned to her room. Chye and Kendao walked quickly and soon caught up to their respective parents, who were chatting about the weather. Suddenly, they started talking about Jedi stuffthenthe past.
"Yeahbetting on the podracesLommes Pommes" the boys heard Aciré saying.
"Heyhas your dad told you anything about your past?" asked Chye to Kendao.
"Well, my mom and dad and I used to live on Coruscant. The only thing I remember is one day, Dad went to work, and remember, I was in a cradle at this point...this memory's kinda vague. Anyways, some people raided our apartment, Rebels, said Dad, and killed Mom. So, Dad, in revenge, became a Sith Lord and took me to live with him on a Star Cruiser. I grew up on Vader's cruiser, and before I was five, I knew how to hack every system on the ship." Kendao stopped and sniffed, a tear rolling down his face. "StillI miss my mommyand now I'm stuck with a dad who worships a mouse statue!"
"Yeahsame here. I don't understand what's so great about a mouse wearing pants"Chye trailed off as Aciré turned around and glanced at them sharply. She and Ttocs immediately stopped talking.
"Chye, what are you doing?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.
"UhhhuhhhI love you, Mommy!" he blurted out.
"Awwwthat is so cute! Kendao, do the same to me!" Ttocs said, wiping away a tear. "Come on, say it! Say I love you Mommy!"
"UhhTtocsI'm a mommy, you're a daddy"Aciré corrected, but then she stopped. "Waityou're hiding something Chye. You usually don't suck up that much. Spill it!"
"Now Mom, what would I want to hide from you?" Chye said innocently.
"Hmmmgood point. But you want to know about the past and you and Kendao were trying to spy on us," Aciré said knowingly. Chye and Kendao's mouth dropped open. Aciré smiled proudly. "I'm a JediI read mindsvery well I must say. I've still got that talent!!!" Suddenly, Aciré's cool purple pager played "The Blasters on the Imperial Cruiser go Blast, Blast, Blast."
"Oh, I've got to go. We've got a shipment of chocolate cake in from the Coco System. Uggg, of all the cakes, Vader just had to order that stale chocolate stuff," Aciré sighed. A huge smiled spread across her face and she nudged Ttocs. "I wonder if your secret admirer came again."
"Uggg. Don't bring that up again! I do not have a secret admirer," Ttocs moaned.
"Oh come on! That deliverly lady was so obvious! Hehehehe"Aciré giggled. Ttocs pushed her and pouted. Aciré giggled ever louder and clutched her sides.
"Parents. They're so immature. Come on Chye, let's go find out where Vader keeps the Snicker bars," Kendao said.
"Oh no you don't. We're leaving in just a few minutes to the bridge. Vader is there at this moment and wants us to join him," Aciré informed them. "But first, hahahha, have to go see if Ttocs' admirer is going to woo him some more!"
"Sighat least we're going to have some fun now. I'll go get Elleimand the laptopand ImperialStation so we can play all the video games while we're therejust so we won't get entirely bored after messing up the entire computer system," Chye said.

Hours later, Han came running down the corridor of the Falcon.
"YO!" he cried. The crew began to stir groggily. "Sleepy people! We're about to come out of hyperspace and into the Alderaanian system."
Obi-Wan jumped up. "I told you, Robann, those green pants are history!" he cried out.
Jaren shook his head as Obi-Wan looked around and tried to bring his thoughts into focus. "Crazy, ditz Uncle...we're on the Millenium Falcon. It's a space ship."
"I knew that," said Obi-Wan confidently.
As Jaren and Obi-Wan continued their banter, Han sidled up to Annya. "So when do I get paid?" he asked.
"Come with me..." she trailed off, looking at her father. Annya scurried down the corridor, Han right behind her. She yanked open the trunk and hauled out all of Obi-Wan's beautifully sequined and colored cloaks.
"WOW!" said Han enthusiastically, "These neon green cloaks with the smiley faces are all the rage on the planet of Diisoco!"
Annya smiled and silently thought that the perhaps her father was from this bizzare planet of Diisoco. Over the intercomm, Chewie roared at Han loudly, and Han went barreling out of the room, pulling the neon green cloak around his shoulders.
"No! Wait!" cried Annya. But it was too late. Her father was going to see his cloak and flip. Well, she had better go mediate before things got out of hand. She hurried down to the cockpit. Obi-Wan and Chewie were sitting at the controls, Luke and Jaren standing behind them. Han had just run up and was trying to get Obi-Wan to relinquish his seat.
"C'mon outta my seat, old man," said Han, preoccupied with the controls.
Obi-Wan remained facing forward. "I'm not old...for a tree," he replied. Han reached down and grabbed Obi-Wan's brown cloak and tried to pull him out of the chair. At the first tug, Obi-Wan turned around immediately and saw the green clad arm with the smiley faces. His gaze traveled up Han's arm to see his own cloak.
Obi-Wan jumped up. "What are you doing wearing my cloak?!?" he shot at Han. "It's mine! MINE!!" Obi-Wan began tugging on the sleeve of the cloak.
"NOOO!" said Han, "It's mine! Gimme! It's mine!"
It was at this point that Annya entered the cockpit. "Father," she began tentatively, but her voice was drowned out by the childish screaming. "Ahem..." she tried again. No effect. "OLD GUYS!" she hollered at the top of her lungs. The others stopped in their tracks and stared at her. "Father, might I have a word with you, say, outside the cockpit?"
"I'm not leaving without my cloak that this thief took!" replied Obi-Wan.
"Come on, Father," she said, dragging Obi-Wan out. "Han didn't steal your cloaks," she continued, outside now. "I gave him your eccentric cloaks as payment.
"WHAAA???"
"You heard me. Now get over it. You still have three perfectly good brown cloaks left."
"Brown??..." sniffed Obi-Wan. "Brown? Brown is so blasé. I...I..." with that he began sobbing. Suddenly, he straightened. "Your mother put you up to this, didn't she?"
"Well," said Annya, "indirectly." recalling the conversation across galaxies she'd had with her mom only hours earlier.
"I knew it!" said Obi-Wan. "When I get back to Tatooine! Why I ougtha...<hack><hack><cough>!"
Annya glanced down at her watch. "Oh, time for your medicine, Father!" She pulled a bottle of pills from her knapsack and popped a little red pill from the bottle and handed it to her father. Obi-Wan took it begrudgingly, murmuring something about when he got back to Tatooine.
Suddenly, the ship began bucking and twisting, groaning as it was pummeled. Annya and Obi-Wan dashed back to the cockpit.
"Where's Alderann?" Obi-Wan said immediately.
"It's not there!" replied Han.
"What do you mean, not there?" said Jaren. "Planets do not just up and grow feet and walk away!"
"RRRRRRRAAAAARRWWWGGGG!" growled Chewie very loudly, as another asteroid bounced off the side of the ship. Han glided the ship out of the field and turned the Falcon around.
"It...it looks like it was blown up," Han said, astounded.
"The whole Imperial fleet couldn't blow that up!" said Luke.
"Yes, but a...." Obi-Wan drifted off suddenly. Annya turned to face him, intent on knowing what could have destroyed a whole planet. But her father was stumbling from the cockpit, and half-running for the back of the ship.
"Moo-moo..." he called softly. "Where are you, Moo-moo?"
Annya was positively befuddled. She watched as he reached into the trunk and pulled forth a ratty old teddy bear dressed in Jedi-type clothing.
"Moo-moo," Obi-Wan crooned. He promptly curled up on the floor and fell asleep. Annya shook her head and rejoined the crew. Abruptly, a TIE fighter zoomed over the Falcon.
"What was that?" asked Luke.
"It must have followed us!" said Han. "Chewie, manuvering thrusters, quick!"
"No..." said Annya. "It's a short range fighter...there must be some sort of Imperial base around here."
"NAAARRRFFF!" roared Chewie.
"Chewie says no," interpreted Han. "Look, it's heading for that small moon."
They soared after the TIE fighter, intent on it's destruction.
"That's no moon, you idiot!" said Annya suddenly. "That's an Imperial ship!"
"It's too big to be a ship," said Luke, matter-of-factly. "Couldn't possibly. But hey, if I attack and win, will it impress you?"
Annya reached over and shoved Luke. "Jaren get this fool outta here. Go toss him in back with my father and Moo-moo."
"Hey who died and made you king...er...queen?" said Jaren immediately.
"My father, well, he's asleep...so go!" said Annya. Jaren begrudgingly dragged a inane Luke from the cockpit. Hauling Luke down the hall, the two ran into Threepio who was worrying himself silly.
"I always forget how much I hate space travel! First with Master Anakin, and then Master Yoda, and now again. OH, I do wish I'd packed my Robo-Dramamine."
Luke looked at the droid inquisitively. "Yoda?" he asked. But a sudden lurch beneath their feet made them forget all about this Yoda.
"We're caught in a tractor beam!!!" came Han's voice over the intercomm. Get the old guy up here pronto!"
Jaren and Luke went charging in back, and found Obi-Wan huddled in a corner with a teddy bear. Jaren and Luke shook him hard, but he didn't move. In fact, the snoring grew louder.
"Obi-Wan!!! Wake up!!! We're in trouble!!!" Luke wailed. "You need to teach me how to defend myself now!!"
Obi-Wan still didn't move a muscle. Jaren motioned for Luke to shut up, then he quietly bent his head near Obi-Wan's ear.
"LOOK AT ALL THE PICTURES THAT BEANIE PUT UP ON THE WALL!" he screeched. Obi-Wan jumped up with his lightsaber flashing.
"Where! Where! Ohhh, I hope she didn't find that picture with my plastic rainboots"Obi-Wan's voice trailed off as he found Luke and Jaren laughing at him.
"Hmmph!" Obi-Wan said, turning his lightsaber off. "I knew that."
"Hehheeh. Anyways, Obi-Wan, we're trapped in a tractor beam! Han wants you up at the cockpit right now!" Jaren informed the dazed old Jedi.
"Ahah! Lights, Camera, Action!' Obi-Wan leaped of the room and ran up to the cockpit. By the time he got there, he was wheezing and panting. Sweat dripped down his face.
"Ohso.<wheeze> far" he panted.
"Uh-huh, yeah, its just so strenuousnot!" Jaren said scornfully, appearing behind Obi-Wan.
"Father! Its the Death Star!" We're doomed!" Annya cried out.
"Ohwowits big," Obi-Wan said.
"AhemI hate to burst your 'ohhh wow', but we need to figure out something!" Han yelled. Chewie roared in agreement.
"Oh no! We're doomed!" Luke and Threepio cried out at the same time. Both began running around like crazed maniacs. Jaren casually tripped both of them and caused them to crash into each other.
"Anyways, now what?" Jaren said. "We could fight thembut I want to check out the ship. I found out that there are 1001 ways to annoy Imperial Storm Troopersand I want to see if that's true."
"Oh, quiet! Let me think" Annya moaned. "Ahhh! I can't thinkMom!" Annya tried contacting her mother, but got a fuzzy signal.
"Dang itMom's probably occupied with Wyndee right now. Just great," she muttered.
"Okay, let's not panic. I've got two blasters, my complete tool kit, and the hacker's kit, plus 16 sticks of bubblegum," Jaren said confidently. "I'll save all your guys butts."
The whole crew just screamed in terror.

Chye, Elleim, and Kendao stood on a bridge overlooking the docking bay on the Death Star. Each of them had a bored expression on their face. In the background, Aciré was teasing Ttocs about the Coco lady.
"HeheheI told you so! I told you so!" they heard her shouting.
"Leave me alone! You're so mean," Ttocs cried.
"This is so boring," Elleim said.
"Yeah."
"Uh-huh."
"Hey, look!"
The three of them looked down and saw Imperial Storm Troopers running around the docking area. Just then, a ship was pulled into the area.
"They caught a ship in the tractor beam!" Chye shouted.
"Alright!" Elleim cheered. "Victims!"
"Ug, that is one ugly ship. Its sodirtyand nasty," Kendao commented.
The three of them watched Storm Troopers enter the ship. Moments later, they came out and walked over to their commanding officer.
"Sir, we found no people aboard the ship. But we did find these." The Storm Trooper held up several cloaks in bright colors.
"Eww. Those are disgusting!" Elleim said, wrinkling her nose.
"Yeah, who in their right mind would want those?" Kendao said.
"Bright funky cloaks! Hahah! Ttocs! Those are your type of clothes!" Chye shouted. Ttocs and Aciré stopped talking and joined the kids.
"<gasp> Those cloaks look awfully familiar" Aciré said. "Bright green"
"Bright redpurpleI only know one person who has hideous tastes in clothingno, it can't be"Ttocs said slowly. He and Aciré turned to each other, then screamed.
Ttocs was the first to recover. "Get a scanning crew up here pronto!" he ordered and the troopers scrambled to comply.

The entire crew of the Millenium Falcon was stuffed into one smuggling compartment.
"Some one better get their boot outta my face," hissed Han loudly.
"Yeah, well, at least your hand is on top of a hairy bea....being," said Jaren quickly.
"OW! I think my arm is broken!" said Luke. "Who's sitting on it?"
"Why, I do believe that's me, sir," said Threepio.
"Well, maybe you had better move, Threepio," said Obi-Wan.
"RAAADRRRRRREEEEWWWWWW!"
"Chewie says this is uncomfortable," interpreted Han.
"Wow, Chewie is such a genius!" said Jaren.
"Will you all shut up?!" said Annya. They quieted down to an occasional murmur.
"Annya, where are all my beautiful cloaks?" said Obi-Wan suddenly.
"Well, I, sorta left them out for bait..." she trailed off.
"YOU WHAT?" said Han, "All that profit <sniff> gone!"
"OH grow up," said Jaren.
"Ok, let's get outta here," said Obi-Wan. He gingerly pushed the panel above his head and extricated his legs from the giant tangle. One by one, they all got out, sore and cranky.
"Here come the scanners," said an Imperial trooper outside the hatch.
Han nodded at Luke and Jaren. Obi-Wan dashed forward immediately with his lightsaber in hand.
"Father, wait!" said Annya. By the time the scanning troopers got inside, Obi-Wan had killed them. Han called down to the guards, enticing them to come up. They did so and were immediately killed too. Swiftly, Luke and Jaren, Han, and Annya dressed up in the suits of the Imperial troopers.

On the bridge of the Death Star, Elleim was dutifully fanning her mother, who had promptly fainted after seeing the cloaks. Ttocs was looking a little pale too.
"I think they're a clown's cloaks," said Chye.
"You may very well have a point, Chye," said Kendao.
Aciré groaned from her spot on the floor. "I will not go back, Obi-Wan! I will not!" she cried. "Mayonnaise and ketchup is not evil! I will not see the light. I may have been a Jedi once, but no more!"
"Who's Obi-Wan, Ttocs?" said Chye, turning from his mother.
"OHHHH....ahh...err....um...nobody. Just some crazy old goon who has no sense in fashion," Ttocs said hesitantly.
"Oh, so you mean like a clown?" said Kendao.
"Um, sure!" said Ttocs. Ttocs nodded vigourously and turned to run out of the room.
"Ttocs, what are you keeping from us?" asked Elleim.
"Yeah!" said Chye.
"Yeah!" said Kendao.
"Nothing, why would I keep anything from you?" he stuttered.
"Well, maybe cause you're stuttering?" said Kendao.
"Stutt..Stutt...Stuttering? I don't stutt...stutt...stutter."
The other three stared at him reproachfully. Suddenly, the bridge door hissed open and Darth Vader entered the bridge.
"Captain on the bridge!" said someone. Immediately, the bridge crew all dropped on their knees.
"Heeeeeee...oooooohhhh...hheeeeeeee...oooohhhh," breathed Vader. "Number One. Tea. Earl Grey. Hot. Helm, Warp Factor nine point six. Engage!"
The crew stared at him.
One crewman turned to another. "Aren't those Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the NCC-1701D's lines?" he whispered.
"INSOLENT FOOL!" bellowed Vader. "VADER MAY COMMAND HOWEVER HE CHOOSES! NOW VADER SHALL KILL YOU!" Vader again reached out with this fingers. A little man suddenly popped up beside him.
"Um, Mr. uh..." the little man flipped through his clipboard, "Vader. Mr. Vader, you can't kill anymore people in this movie."
"VADER WANTS TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE!" screamed the Dark Lord.
"I'm your lawyer's associate," said the little man.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, VADER CANNOT KILL ANY MORE PEOPLE?"
"Your contract dictates that you may only kill three people per movie," said the man.
"Heeeeeeee....oohhhhhhhhh...hheeeeeeee....oohhhhhhhhh," Vader hissed. "Vader has made up his mind." He turned to the associate lawyer. "INSOLENT LAWYER ASSOCIATE FOOL! NOW VADER SHALL KILL YOU!" Vader reached out and the little man wriggled and soon crumpled to the ground. "Now," said Vader, addressing his crew, "Where is Vader's Earl Grey tea?"
Instantly, a crewman rushed down to the mess hall to fetch the tea.
Off in the corner, Aciré was still lying on the floor. Vader strode across the bridge to his sidekicks.
"Sebulba...Jar Jar...pod racing...Anakin..." intoned Aciré.
With the word "Anakin" Vader suddenly straightened. "NO! NO ONE SHALL MENTION THAT WORD!"
"What? Anakin?" said Chye.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" hollered Vader. "INSOLENT FOOL! NOW VADER SHALL-"
"Sir," said Ttocs quietly, "You can't kill Aciré, remember?" Vader sighed and sat in his throne.
"Fine. Leave Vader now as Vader ponders deep in thought. And take her away." Ttocs bowed. "As you wish, my master."

Meanwhile, up at the control center above the dock.
"Crew 16-TY. What is going on down there?" a commander said into a microphone. He looked down to docking area and saw a Storm Trooper pointing to his helmet.
"Ah, dang it. His transmission is messed up. I'm going down to fix it," the commander told two men at the computer. They both nodded absentmindly. The commander went to the door, opened it, then collapsed. A group of Storm Troopers, plus one hairy Wookie, two droids, and an old man came rushing in and beat up the rest of the people in the control room. Immediately, they shut and locked the doors.
"Wow! That was fun! Let's do it again!" Luke exclaimed, pulling his helmet off.
"Moron" Jaren muttered underneath his breath.
"Now nowlets think" Annya said.
"Ohh, I haven't had this much fun in years!" Obi-Wan cried out. "Ohh, buttons" he ran over to the computer screen. Artoo beeped and began checking out the ship's system.
"Ohhh, I feel faint. I don't think I'll ever be able to survive this"Threepio moaned.
"Alright. Alright!! What are we doing now? So we're here. Now what?" Han said impatiently.
"Well, we can't leave now because of the tractor beam. Sosomeone needs to go shut it off," Annya said knowingly. Obi-Wan immediately raised his hand.
"I shall go!! This will be my big moment!" he crooned.
"Nononononono! Mom told you to not do these sort of things!" Annya cried out.
"BEEPEEPEEP!" Artoo screeched suddenly.
"Now what?" Han muttered.
Threepio walked over to Artoo and looked at the screen.
"He says he's found her," Threepio informed the rest of the group.
"Who?" Luke asked.
"I thinkPrincess Leia!" Threepio cried out. "Oh, she's alive!"
"Ohh, a princess! Let's go save her!" Luke shouted. He put his helmet back on and started to run out of the room. Annya grabbed him and threw him down on the floor.
"I really am beginning to think your hormones need help," she said.
"Oww" was his answer.
"Okay, well, anyways, I think Han, Chewie, Jarenand I guess Luke should go free Leia. I will go with my father and shut down the tractor beam," Annya said.
"AwwwI was hoping on messing up the computer system on this dumb ship," Jaren complained. Annya gave him a look.
"Alright, lets get going!" she ordered.
"Ummmexcuse me Annya, but what will Artoo and I be doing?" Threepio asked tentatively.
"You'll stay here and keep an eye on things. Oh, and don't open the door to strangers!" Annya called out. "Alright, move out!" The three "stormtroopers" and Chewie headed out, followed closely by Annya and Obi-Wan. At the first junction, the others headed for a turbo lift while Obi-Wan and Annya broke off.
"Stay close, my daughter," said Obi-Wan, "and don't make any noise. CHARGE!" he screamed.
Annya heaved a sigh of despair and shook her head. Unconsciously, Annya began to call her mother on Coruscant again. She kept getting a busy signal. After a moment, she stopped trying, concentrating on Obi-Wan's blue boot heels.

On Coruscant, a million bazillion light years away, Robann Ylad-Kenobi was desperately hunting down her youngest daughter.
"Wyndee! Where the freak are you???" she called out over the vast Coruscant landscape, zooming around in a little two-person hovercraft. When Robann had awoken this morning, Wyndee had been no where in sight. Robann knew that Wyndee had been most upset last night because Robann had forbade her from going to an all-night rave at the Sith Temple, hosted by none other than Darth Palpajeff himself. Vaguely, Robann wondered why the Sith Lord would throw such a bash. She recalled hearing about some new ship that the Empire was building. Perhaps it was in celebration of it's completion. Robann sighed and pulled up along a curb. She parked the hovercraft and hopped out.
"EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!" cried a news droid on the corner of the street, "ALDERAAN BLOWN TO SMITHEREENS! VADER CAPTURES MILLENIUM FALCON! ONLY CLOAKS LEFT!...."
It was when the news droid began speaking of cloaks that Robann's attention snapped to. She ran over and purchased a paper, 5 dinars each. Jumping back in the parked hovercar, she opened the paper to the picture. Several Imperial storm troopers were holding up three disgusting cloaks, one that was neon green with smiley faces, one that was bright pink with black lettering that vaguely read "Ben," and one that was white with neon blue designs.
"I told him no more missions!" she said aloud. "What on earth is he doing there?!?" Several people on the street stopped and stared at her. She grinned sheepishly. Quickly, she made up her mind and started up the hovercar. Suddenly, Wyndee came running down the street with a punk boy in tow. This boy had dyed-black hair, a leather jacket and pants, a dog collar, three hundred various body piercings and a small horns that formed a crown on the top of his head.
"MOM!" said Wyndee. The two kids came running down. "Mom, meet Luam."
"'Sup?" said Luam, "I is Luam. Luam Maul, grandson of the late <drumroll> Darth Maul."
Robann's jaw dropped.
"Moooommm!" said Wyndee annoyed. "You have to be nice to Luam!"
Robann arched her eyebrow at her daughter.
"You have to, Mom. Because...Luam and I got married this morning."
Robann's eyes popped open and she jumped down in to the seat in the hover car. "You and this thing got married!?!? Wyndee, he's the grandson of the Lord who tried to kill your father!"
"Oh, was that the same person?" said Wyndee, rather ditzily.
"I no longer know you!" said Robann. She sat back down in the hover car and began to speed away. "I hope you enjoy your life on Coruscant, Wyndee Maul!" she yelled as she drove away. She knew exactly what she was doing now. It took her about an hour to get to the other side of Coruscant. Immediately, Robann found what she was looking for. She parked her hovercar in the parking space and walked up to the door of a big, normal looking Corusant suburb complex. She knocked and it was promptly opened by a eighteen year-old girl with almond brown eyes and black hair.
"Can I help you?" asked the girl, popping a Mentos into her mouth.
"It's Robann Ylad-Kenobi...to see your mother," Robann replied.
"Come on in," said the girl. She led Robann into the living room where several young people, all in their early twenties or late teens, were sitting around playing Final Fantasy XXXVIII on their ImperialStation. None of them looked up from the tv screen to acknowledge Robann. Robann quietly sat down on the couch behind them.
"Want anything to drink? Tea? Coffee? Mocha? Orange Fizz? Bubble Delight?" the girl asked Robann.
"No, I'm fine. Could you get your mom? I'm kind of in a hurry," Robann said pleasantly. The girl nodded and walked into the next room.
"MOM!!!! ROBANN YLAD-KENOBI IS HERE TO SEE YOU!!!" she screamed. All the kids in front of the TV whirled around at the mention of the name and found Robann sitting on the couch behind them. All their eyes bugged out and wordlessly, they scrambled out of the room as if a lightning bolt had hit them. Seconds later, the kids' mom came in.
"Robann!" she cried.
"Beanie!" said Robann.
"What are you doing here? WaitI don't have any more voodoo dolls!! I'm telling you, I gave them all away! Now, if Obi-Wan's doing splits, blame it on the kids!!" Beanie stammered.
Robann, opened her mouth, then closed it. "I had been wondering why he ripped his pants fourteen times in a rownevermind. Down to business! I need your help" With that, Robann and Beanie began a long-winded discussion.
Hours later, Robann and Beanie were en route to the Death Star battleship.
"Just like old times, huh, Robann?" said Beanie.
"I hope you didn't bring your hacker's kit..." Robann said.
"Of course not. Jaren has one," Beanie replied, smiling devilishly.
Robann shook her head and sighed. She concentrated on guiding the space craft Lommes Pommes II towards the Alderannian system.
"How are we going to get on board without being noticed?" Beanie asked.
"Why, we use the transporters."
"Transporters? Psst...wrong series!"
"OOH!" Robann said quickly. "Hmm, I forgot about that. So, any ideas?"
Beanie grinned sinfully.

"Ok, the Princess' detention level is down one more floor!" said Han.
"OH BOY!" said Luke enthusiastically, "Let's save her!"
Jaren rolled his eyes, and in place of Annya, pushed Luke over to the ground.
"Hey, what was that for?" asked Luke from the ground.
"It was Annya's telepathic push," said Jaren matter-of-factly.
The foursome stepped into a waiting turbolift heading towards the Princess' detention block. The doors whizzed open and the four stepped out.
"You there!" said a guard, "What are you doing?"
"We've come to save the pr--" Luke stopped short as Han elbowed him sharply in the side.
"We were told to transport this furry beast to this detention block," covered Jaren smoothly.
"What? I didn't hear anything about that," continued the guard. "I'll radio up to hq and see what's going on."
"That won't be necessary," said Han as he whipped out his blaster. Han began firing on the security cameras as Chewie roared loudly and grabbed his own blaster rifle and shot the men at the guard station. Jaren used his limited powers in the Force for a moment then gave up and hauled out his blaster. Luke, at the first laser blast, dropped to the ground and curled up in a fetal position.
Han, Jaren and Chewie finished and Han kicked Luke. "C'mon kid, we don't have time to be scared!" Han reprimanded.
"But I don't like lasers!" whined Luke. "They scare me!"
Han rolled his eyes and shook his head as he headed over to the computer panel. "Ok, she's in AA-23 kid, go get her!" Han commanded.
Luke picked himself up from the floor, well, Chewie more accurately yanked him up from the floor, and headed down the hallway with Jaren in tow. As they drew closer to AA-23, they began to hear a strange incantory song.
"I love you, you love me, we're a great big family..." came the voice.
Luke shuddered. He stopped in front of the cell block and punched the door button. Nothing. The door was locked tight was a Level 9 security code.
"Step aside, inferior!" commanded Jaren. Jaren shoved Luke away from the door and dramatically swung open his cloak, revealing a "borrowed" hacker's kit from the Millenium Falcon. Jaren hauled out some tools and set to work on the control panel.