MEAN HAROLD

Every person in the whole state of Maine knew Mean Harold; but mostly by reputation. Everyone had heard about him but only a few had been unfortunate enough to meet him face to face. He was somewhat of a recluse preferring his own company to that of any other person...and that pleased everyone.

Harold was a big, strong, man and his IQ was almost as big as his neck size. Harold once boasted he was made of steel and not created from dust like the rest of us. It had been said many times, by many different people, Harold was so mean he ate broken glass and razor blades for supper, and afterwards just for the fun of it, he chewed up nails and spit out rust. It was said of Mean Harold he once kissed a rattlesnake and the next day stuffed a hot potato up a tiger�s nose. It�s hard to tell of the many mean things Harold did, and I�m not even sure they�re all true, so I guess you�ll have to choose for yourself.

Mean Harold supposedly rode over Niagara Falls in kayak, jumped out of an airplane without a parachute, broke a man�s arm because he said something about his clothes, drank old battery acid, plucked out a wild elephant�s eye, slept on a bed of porcupines, relaxed in a stream of hot lava, swam with piranha, and did a hundred other things almost too unbelievable to even mention. There weren�t any bars in South Lubec where a person could buy a drink and sit and enjoy it, so Mr. and Mrs. Smith (a couple of newcomers to South Lubec) had cleaned up one of their hen houses and turned it into a small speakeasy.

One cold winter night a man came running into the room. His clothes were covered with snow and his forehead was dripping with sweat, and he yelled at those gathered there,  �You better leave here and go home. I head Mean Harold is on his way." In less time than it would take to fill and light a corncob pipe, on a windy day, every person in the room had departed for places unknown; except two. The Smiths had never heard of Mean Harold and couldn�t imagine how he could instill such fear in the hearts of grown people. They heard a noise outside and went to the window to look out. Their hearts skipped a beat and breathing became difficult as a huge mountain of a man came riding up on the biggest wild bear they had ever seen. The rider was beating the bear with a rattlesnake and when he was close to the building he bit the rattlesnakes head off and spit it into the snow. He got down from the bear�s back and as soon as his feet were on the ground he turned and hit the bear on the nose. He killed the poor bear with a single whack. He walked to the door of the illegal bar and with one hand tore the door from its hinges. He entered the room, walked over to the bar, and stood there a few seconds looking at the Smiths. Then he slapped the bar with his open hand so hard he left the imprint of his hand in the solid oak.

"Give me a drink,� he yelled at the couple behind the bar with a voice that was so loud and shrill it broke glasses and bottles that were sitting on the shelf. �Make it good and make it strong. Add a lot of the lye you use to make soap and some rat poison if you have any. Add dash arsenic to give it some flavor and mix it well. But whatever you do, do it quick. I hear Mean Harold is on his way.�