I don�t think I mentioned it before but Doctor Williams was not only a medical doctor he was also a self proclaimed practicing psychiatrist. Not that a Maineiac in his right mind would ever need help with mental problems, but on that rare occasion when parental guidance and a big stick didn�t seem to do the trick, the patient was taken to see Dr. Williams.

   A twenty one year old South Lubec man came down with the miseries and went to see the doctor. After a thorough physical inspection and a few deeply thought out questions, Dr. Williams gave the young man the bad news.

   �You�ve got two more months to live and then you�re going to die.�

   The youngster couldn�t believe his ears and asked, �What have I got, Doc?�

   �You have a rare disease called audio eye footitist and there is absolutely nothing I can do to help you.� Doc Williams said shaking his head sadly in a negative way.

   �I�m sure you can do something, your a doctor and I still have two months to go. Surely you can do something that will help.�

   The doctor was touched in his heart and said to his patient, �I�ll tell you what I�ll do. I�ll give you this good advice and it won�t cost you a nickel.�

   A sigh of relief came from the lips of the stricken lad and he said, �I�ll do whatever you say, Doc.�

   Doctor Williams thought some deep thoughts for a moment or two and said to the lad,  �You�ve got to quickly leave the state of Maine and go to Alabama and find a girl to marry. She has of necessity got to be the ugliest woman you�ve ever seen. Find an older lady with a big hairy wart on her chin and she must chew tobacco or snuff. If she weighs more than three hundred pounds that will be a plus. Find one that owns a pig farm where you can work from dawn to dusk and she must have a dog whose bite is worse than his bark. Her cooking must be the worst that has ever passed over your lips and her clothes must be all torn and faded. Find a lady with a house so run down and drafty the pigs wouldn�t go inside to get out of the rain.�

   The sick young man was speechless for a minute or two before he asked, �If I do all those things will it help me to live longer?�

   �Nope,� the would be psychiatrist honestly answered, �it won�t...but those will be the longest two months you�ll live in your young life.�