Chaos. That's what I see when I look down at the stage. They don't know where I am, and I don't care. I kicked off my shoes and let the grass tickle my feet. Lifting my head I felt the wind flow across the hill I was sitting on. The loudspeaker came on and Mitch started talking. "Kara, this isn't funny anymore. If you're anywhere around you need to get your ass back here now." I heard whispering. "Butt, I mean butt." It clicked off and I smiled. Just like Mitch. How can he expect me to come back when I've finally gotten away? No, I don't care anymore. I don't want to go back, I can't go back. The loud speaker came back on. "Kara, I'm really not joking. We really need you down here. There won't be a show without you here." People started screaming. "Damnit." Mitch said turning it off. Great, now he's started a riot. Someone touched my shoulder and I jumped. I turned around to see Bill. "What are you doing out here? You really need to be down there." he said pointing to the stadium. "I don't want to go back." He sat down next to me. "Why are you up here?" "I needed to get away." "Why?" "I just did." He put his arm around me and smiled. "You have people waiting for you." "They don't understand. I could be near the verge of death, but they better get their show damnit." "They don't understand because they don't know." "You don't understand either." He sighed. "Kara, I'm trying to, I really am." "Sure doesn't seem like it." I said looking away. "Come on, we need to go back." he said standing up and pulling on my arm. I jerked it away. "No. I'm not going back down there." "Stop being a brat." I angrily looked up at him. "Don't look at me like that! You're going to get fired if you don't stop this!" he said. I threw my hands into the air. "Let them fire me! Please fire me!" I screamed. "Stop it. Come on." "No! I'm not going!" "Kara, please don't make me call for backup." My eyes started to water. "I haven't slept in three days. I don't have the energy to do anything." "Then why don't you sleep?" "I can't! Don't you think I've tried?! I try to go to sleep and I lay there all night awake!" "Kara, you have to go down there." "I can't." I whispered. He bent down and picked me up. "I'll just have to carry you then." I wrapped my arms around his neck and closed my eyes. He doesn't understand.
I swished my hips along to the music pumping out of the speakers on all sides of me. Sweat dripped down my face and lights shone on me, making it even hotter. I sang as hard as I could, until I felt my throat would explode. The crowd cheered and sang along to the songs. All I could think about was getting off that stage, going back to my room, and taking the longest bath I've ever taken in my life. I'm surprised I can keep up with the music. Mitch danced past me and patted my butt as he passed. I quickly looked at him and he was smiling. I rolled my eyes and continued to sing and dance. He understands me, he knows what I'm going through. I want him to hold me in his arms again. I don't know if he ever will though. This is just the sort of thing to happen to me. I can't ever get what I truly want.
The water splashed against the white marble, creating bubbles as the water rose. Steam filled the bathroom, making my skin sweat again. This isn't working sweat though, this is better. I untied the belt keeping my robe together, slipped it off my shoulders, and let it fall to my feet. This is a prize definitely worth waiting for. Running my fingers over the top of the water, I decided it was at exactly the right temperature. I turned off the water and stepped into the tub. My skin tightened when the hot water touched it, but I didn't mind. I needed this more than anything. I rested my head on the pillow on the wall and closed my eyes. The scent of the bubble bath filled my nostrils making me feel lightheaded and sleepy. Maybe I'll get something my body so desperately needs: sleep. I took in a deep breath and felt myself slipping into a deep sleep.
I woke with a start and felt that someone was watching me. The water surrounding me was freezing cold and the bubbles were almost gone. I looked around the bathroom and saw Mitch looking down at me. "What in the hell are you doing in here?" I asked putting my arms across my chest and pulling my legs up. "I wanted to see you." "What time is it?" "One." "In the morning?" He smiled. "Yeah. How long have you been asleep?" "Well, I got in here at about ten thirty." He bent down next to the tub. "You've been asleep since then?" I nodded. "It's about time you got some sleep." "I wish I could have gotten more." I said closing my eyes. He ran his hand over my head and across my cheek. "So what were you doing on stage?" I asked him. He laughed. "You seemed like you needed a little cheering up." "And you felt you had to do that?" "Yeah." He kissed my forehead and I smiled. "Mitch, you're too good to me." I whispered. "I know." he said kissing my lips. "I just can't help it." he said. I opened my eyes and smiled at him. He put his hand into the water and quickly pulled it out. "Jesus, is that water cold enough?" "Well, if you let it sit for two and a half hours it tends to do that." He reached down for the drain and pulled it up. "What are you doing?" "Filling it back up with warm water," he looked at me. "But I have to drain it a little first." "Mitch." I whined. "I won't look." "I'm supposed to trust you?" He smiled. "Of course." "I really don't-" "Kara, don't worry. I wouldn't violate you like that." He looked back at the faucet.
The tub started to fill with hot water and bubbles again. I still had my arms crossed over my chest, even though I knew Mitch wasn't looking. He turned the water off and turned to look at me. "See? There, now there's bubbles covering you." I smiled lightly. "Thanks Mitch." "No problem." he said scooting over to me. "Do you want me to leave you?" he asked. I looked down. "No, not really." He smiled. "You really don't want me to go?" "No." I said softly. "Oh Kara, I'm touched." he said kissing my cheek. I smiled. "How are things going with Bill?" he asked. "I don't even know. I thought he was beginning to understand earlier today, but he wasn't." "So things are bad?" "Yeah." He put his hand on my shoulder. "I understand you, it's ok." I turned to face him and kissed his lips. "Mitch." I whispered. He put his index finger on my lips. "Shh, don't say anything. I don't want to ruin this moment." He kissed me and put his arms around me. "Kara, I don't want to ruin things with you. If this isn't going to go anywhere, let me know. I'd rather have you as a friend than not have you at all." I looked into his eyes and knew how hurt he would be if I told him I didn't want to be with him. I'd be lying if I said that. "I don't want to lose you. I want to be with you, but I don't know if I could leave Bill." He smiled. "Hey, I don't mind being the other man." I laughed. I took my hands out of the water and ran my fingers through his hair. "That's why you're so great." I said smiling.
"Can you get out of there?" he asked. "Why? I like it in here." He smiled and leaned close to my face. "Then can I come in with you?" he whispered. My face turned red. "Are you being serious?" "Yes." "I-I-I don't know." He smiled and kissed me. "I won't make you do anything you don't want to." I was silent for a few moments. "Ok." I said quietly. He smiled and took off his shirt. Am I actually going to do this? Am I going to do this to Bill? I looked at Mitch as he took off his pants. Jesus he's built. He took off his boxers and I looked away embarrassed. I felt him get into the tub and rest on top of me. Water splashed onto the floor. I looked up into Mitch's face and he was smiling. He kissed me and I put my arms around him. "Kara, if you want to, tell me." My heart started racing. I closed my eyes. "I want to." I whispered. "Are you sure? Because if you don't want to-" "I'm sure. I want to.... uh, to have sex with you." He smiled. "Make love." he said kissing me.
I woke up the next morning in Mitch's arms. How could I do that to Bill? And so many times. No, I'm not going to feel guilty about this. Bill would never be this way with me. He'd never be so sweet to me. I felt Mitch's arm move and he kissed my neck. "Did you sleep?" he whispered. "Yes." I said smiling. He leaned over me and moved the clock so he could see it. "We should be getting ready to leave." I put my arms around him and pulled him down. "Do we have time for just one more round?" I asked smiling. "There's always time." he said kissing me. He put his hand under me and lifted me up. There was a knock at the door. We stopped kissing and looked at the door. "Kara, you need to get up! We have to go!" Bill said. "Go into the bathroom." I whispered. He got up and tip toed into the bathroom. He quietly closed the door and I opened the other one. Bill smiled and kissed me on the cheek. "Are you ready to go?" he asked. "I need to take a quick shower." "Ok. I'll see you on the bus." He kissed my cheek again and walked away. I closed the door and sighed. The bathroom door opened and Mitch was leaning on the frame, smiling. "So, what's this about taking a shower?" he asked. I smiled. "You're welcome to take one with me." He pulled me into the bathroom and kissed me. "Better make this quick." he said slyly.
I walked onto the bus smiling. I sat down in a booth and tapped my fingers on the table. Don looked down at me. "What's up with you?" he asked. "I slept! I finally slept!" "Good for you." I smiled and Bill walked onto the bus. "What are you so happy about?" he asked. "She slept." Don said smiling. Bill sat down next to me and kissed me. "Are you feeling better now?" he asked. "Yeah." Mitch walked onto the bus and uncomfortably walked into the back room. "So, do you have the energy for your concert tonight?" Bill asked. "Yeah." I said looking out the window. Don raised his eyebrows. "I'm gonna go back there." he said walking away. "So what made you sleep?" he asked. "I took a bath and it relaxed me." "You should do it more often." I laughed uneasily. "Uh, yeah."
A guilt unlike any other I've ever felt before. I can feel it burning inside my gut, never letting me forget what I did to Bill. But I can't tell him, I don't want him killing Mitch. So I live with my guilt, with the pain. What he doesn't know can't hurt him. I stepped into my room and saw Mitch sitting on the bed. I smiled. "Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked closing the door. "I wanted to see you." "Well of course you did." I said sitting down next to him. He kissed me. "Mitch, I don't think I can do this anymore. The guilt is getting to my head." "But I want to be with you. Forget Bill, you don't need him." "I can't let him go though. Do you want to die?" "Kara, I don't want to lose you." I looked down at the floor. "And I don't want to lose you. Which is why we should stop now, before it gets more, uh, intense." He frowned. "Kara..." "I'm sorry Mitch. I really am." He walked past me to the door. "I'll see you later." He opened the door and left the room. "Damnit!" I yelled slamming my fist against the wall.