"Todd, I have to go back." I told Todd as I stood in the front door with my suitcase. "You can lie to them, tell them we had complications and had the funeral moved to tomorrow." "No, I can't. I'm sorry." I said hugging him. He sighed. "You're not coming back, are you?" I looked into his eyes. "Good bye." I said leaving the house and stepping into a limo. "Take me to the airport, and could you hurry?" I asked the driver. He nodded and we pulled out of the driveway. I looked out the window and at the house as it got smaller. Sorry Todd, but I have to do this. I don't know why, but I can never come back. I'm so sorry.
I walked into the arena a little more depressed than usual. They want me to do a show after a damn funeral? Todd's right, they are bastards and I shouldn't let them do this to me. Not like they'll listen anyway. Bill ran up to me and took me in his arms. I hung there limp, showing no emotion. "Kara, are you ok?" "My mom died Bill, do you think I'm ok?" I said flatly. He frowned. "Sorry, it's just that I, uh, I missed you." I lowered my head and walked away. "Kara, I'm sorry." he said jogging up to me. "You don't have anything to be sorry for." "Then why are you mad at me?" "I'm not mad at you, I just don't feel like talking right now." "Uh, ok. I guess I'll just see you later then." "Uh huh." I said walking away.
"Kara, are you feeling ok? Do you need some rest?" Mitch asked. "No, I'm fine. I wish people would stop asking me that." "Sorry, you just seem a little out of it. And I know about you mom, and I'm sorry, but you really don't seem to be acting the same." "Well I can't help that." He frowned. "Sorry." he said quietly. Bill walked into the room. "Hey Mitch, can we have some alone time?" he asked. "Sure." he said getting up and walking out. Bill sat down next to me and put his arm around my shoulder. "I talked to the head people and I got you a little time off tomorrow." "Why did you do that?" "Well, because you seem like you need it." "You shouldn't have done that, I can do things for myself." "Kara, I just want you to be happy. You don't have to bite my head off for it." I looked down at the floor. "I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me." "It's ok, just try to be a little more nice, ok?" he joked. I smiled. "Ok."
I danced on stage, trying my hardest to concentrate on what I was doing. I stopped and stomped my feet on the ground. "Damnit damnit damnit!" I screamed. "Stop!" Mitch said to the band. "What's wrong?" Don asked. "I can't do this!" I yelled sitting down on the ground. Mitch sat down next to me. "Kara, everything's going to be ok. Just try not to think about anything else. Things will be the same again, don't worry." I slumped down and took a deep breath. "I just don't think I can do this anymore." "Yes you can. You're Kara Harper damnit! You're a famous pop star and people love you! You can do whatever the hell you want to!" I laughed. "You're right!" "Of course I am! Now, come on, let's show those bastards who rules the stage!" "Yeah!" He pulled me up and I motioned for the band to start playing again. I smiled and started to dance and sing again. This is what I'm meant to do, I'm sure of it.
I propped my feet up on a table as I flipped through the pages of a magazine. "Wow, how incredibly unladylike." Mitch said walking into the room with Bill. I looked up and smiled. "That's just how I am." Bill sat down next to me and put his arm on the couch behind my back. "What's up?" I asked closing the magazine and sitting it on the table. "Oh nothing, I was just hoping to see my girlfriend." I smiled and raised my eyebrow. "And since when are we boyfriend-girlfriend?" I joked. "Since I said so." he said kissing my cheek. Mitch rolled his eyes. "You two make me sick." he said. "Hey, we're not asking you to stay." Bill said. He turned around and walked out of the room. "Finally, some alone time." Bill said kissing me. I gently pushed him away. "Uh, Bill, I'm not in the mood right now." "Why?" "Because I'm just not." He took his arm away. "That doesn't mean you have to back away." He looked down. "Why are you so reluctant to be around me?" "I'm not! I'm just not in the mood to do anything right now." "Is it because of me?" "No! It's because of what I'm going through." He looked away and I sighed. "You're being selfish." "No I'm not, I'm just being upset because my own girlfriend doesn't want to be with me." "That's not true." He turned his head to face me. "Oh, it's not? Whenever I've tried to spend a little time with you we never do anything-" "What are you expecting me to do? Climb on top of you, take off my clothes, and fuck you? I'm not like that, Bill! Just because I don't feel like kissing right now doesn't mean I hate you!" He stood up. "I'm gonna go." "Fine! Leave!" I yelled as he walked out of the room. "Well my life just couldn't get any better." I said picking the magazine back up and opening it. "Not any damn better."
I drug myself into my room that night and fell onto bed. Why am I so tired? I got a lot of sleep the past two days, I shouldn't be tired. I changed into my pajamas and turned off the lights. I can't believe Bill would do something like that to me. How could he be so selfish and idiotic? I closed my eyes and dreamt of someone who cares, someone who understands. He'd always be there for me and would never question me if I didn't feel like kissing him. When I opened my eyes two hours had passed. Why can't I sleep? I've never been so tired in my life, but I can't sleep for anything. What's wrong with me?
I rolled out of bed the next morning lacking even a minute of sleep. I rubbed my eyes and picked up my stuff. Maybe I could sleep on the bus. Maybe. I stepped onto the bus and went straight to my bunk. "You alright?" Don asked. "No. I didn't sleep a wink last night. I don't know what's wrong with me." I said laying down. "You seemed really tired last night." "I was." "Then why couldn't you sleep?" "I don't know." I closed my eyes an relaxed. "That's not right. Maybe you should see a doctor." "For sleep trouble? I don't think so. Good night." I said closing the curtain. "You mean good morning." he said walking away.
The bus came to a stop and I threw the curtain open. "Damnit!" I screamed. "Did you sleep?" Don asked. "No!" I said jumping onto the floor. "Maybe you should get that looked at." Mitch said. "Get what looked at? I don't have a broken leg." He looked up at me and smiled. "I think you should go to a doctor." "Why? We have one here." I said stepping out of the bus. I stuck my head back in. "But I don't need to go." I walked away and Bill ran out after me. "Kara, wait. I need to talk to you." "About what? Your incredible selfishness?" "Well, I wouldn't call it that, but yes. I want to talk about what happened yesterday." "Well I don't." "Kara, I'm not joking. We need to talk." "No we don't. And besides, what's there to talk about?" He sighed and shook his head. "I believe we're having a problem." "What a brilliant deduction, Watson." "See, this is what I'm talking about. You haven't been acting the same since you got back. What happened at your house?" I slowly turned my head and glared at him. "Bill, do I have to tell you again that my mother died? My one and only mother that I loved more than anything in the world. She's gone. So if you ask me again what's wrong with me, I'm going to kill you." He was silent for a moment. "Are you pmsing?" "God damnit! Don't talk to me for the rest of the day!" I said storming off.
I ran into my room and fell down onto the bed. I started pounding my fists on the bed. "No no no!" I screamed. I heard the door next door slam shut. "Kara!" Mitch yelled through the door. "What?" I asked. "Can you let me in?" he asked. I slowly got up and opened the door. He looked down at me. "Are you ok? I heard you yelling." He looked around the room. "At no one apparently." he said smiling. I sighed and let him inside. "I was yelling about Bill." "What did he do?" "Everything! He's really pissing me off. He expects me to come back from my own mother's funeral, and be completely fine to make out with him." I sat down on my bed and hunched over. "He's just so insensitive." I mumbled. He sat down next to me and patted my back. "That's Bill. You have to understand him," he leaned close to my ear. "He's not used to women." he whispered jokingly. I smiled. "That's not too hard to believe." He frowned. "Kara, if he's making you unhappy, leave him." I sighed. "I really like him." "But if he's making you unhappy..." "I know, I know." He rubbed his hand against my back. "Why are you so tense?" he asked starting to massage my back. "I've been really stressed, and I haven't slept in thirty six hours." He climbed behind me and started massaging with both hands. "Jesus Mitch, where did you learn to do that?" I asked closing my eyes. "Just something I picked up." "From one of your many sex-capades?" He laughed softly. "I'll never tell."
I moaned as he started to get more intense. "Mitch, you're too good to me." I whispered. "Kara, you're holding something back. If you need to let it out, let it out." "I'm not holding anything back." "Kara, your brother called." I turned around. "What did he say?" "He told me you went the whole two days without even a single tear. Not even a little sob. That's not natural, Kara." "I don't care what's not natural. I just couldn't cry." "Why?" "I don't know! I just couldn't!" He put his hands on my shoulders. "Don't take it out on me. I'm not the one holding my emotions back." "I'm not holding anything back!" "You loved your mother, you told me you did." "I still do." I said looking down. "Then what's wrong?" "I couldn't cry. I had to be the strong one, the one to help everyone else. If they saw me cry.... I just couldn't. I had to be strong for my family." I said quietly. "You're not there anymore." I put my arms around him and started shaking. "Let it out." he whispered. I took a deep breath and started crying. "I love her so much, Mitch. She was always there for me, and now she's gone. Who's going to tell me everything's ok? Who's going to tell me I am something?" I said through my sobs. "I will. I'll do anything you need me to. I'll always be here." I started to cry harder.
A half an hour later I was laying down on my side with Mitch's arms around me. I had finally stopped crying and we laid there, saying nothing. I closed my eyes and felt him breathing. I felt his chest rise and fall, and felt his breath on the back of my neck. I've never realized Mitch cared that much about me, I've never realized how much I need him. "Kara?" he whispered. "Yes?" "Are you ok?" "Yes." He squeezed me tighter and laid his head on my shoulder. "I'm glad you're ok. I'd be really upset if you got depressed or something." I smiled. "Thank you Mitch." "Thanks for what?" "For being such a great friend." He smiled. "How could I not be your friend? You're such a great person." I laughed. "Hey, you are! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise." He kissed my cheek. I blushed. "Mitch..." He smiled. "Just a little kiss. I wouldn't dream of moving in on Bill's territory. I don't want to die." "I'm not his territory." "Ok ok." I sat up. "I'm not a thing, I'm a person and I can't be owned." He sat up and looked into my eyes. "I know you're not. But if Bill knew what we were doing, he'd kill me." "Why? You're just making me feel better. Something he'd never do." "Now Kara, don't talk so mean about Bill." "He's just so annoying sometimes." He smiled. "And I'm really mad at him right now." I said crossing my arms. He was silent. "What?" I asked as he stared at me. "I'm just looking." "At what?" He quickly leaned in and kissed me on the lips. He stopped and my jaw dropped. "Mitch?" He stood up. "I should be going." he said walking to the door. I jumped up and ran in front of the door, so he couldn't open it. "Kara, I really should be going." "No. Why did you kiss me?" I asked. He looked down. "I should go." "Answer me." "Because I couldn't contain myself anymore. I'm sorry." "Contain yourself?" "Yes, I've wanted to do that for a long time." "Why didn't you before?" "I thought you wouldn't want a guy like me. You know, a guy that's been around quite a few times." He looked up. "Not like it matters now. You're with Bill." He reached behind me and opened the door. "Bye Kara." he said squeezing past me and leaving.