"Kara! Wake up!" I opened my eyes and saw the make up and camera men standing in front of me. "Come on, we need to get this over with before Miranda has another conniption fit." the make up man said pulling me up. "I'm so sorry. It's just that I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately." I said. "It's ok. You weren't asleep too long." he said smiling at me. I walked onto the all white set and looked at the camera man. "Ok, what do you want me to do?" He opened his mouth the speak when Miranda stomped onto the set. "What in the hell were you doing? I have a business to run here, and you're sleeping?!" "I'm sorry, I-" "I don't give a fuck! I'm not doing this so you can sleep! You-" "Miranda would you shut the hell up?!" the camera man yelled. She shot him and angry look. "I'm not paying you to back talk me." "You're lucky Kara agreed to do this. Why don't you leave and let us get the job done?" She snorted and walked away. "Ok, now, let's get this started."
I slowly walked into my room in the hotel and fell onto the bed. I sighed. "Finally, a decent night's sleep." I closed my eyes and someone knocked on the door. I groaned and got up to answer it. "Hi." Bill said when I opened the door. "Bill, can I talk to you tomorrow? I'm in desperate need of sleep." He frowned. "Uh, I guess." I smiled and quickly kissed him. "Good night." I began to close the door and he put his hand on it. "Wait, I need to talk to you." he said. I opened it again. "About what?" "Can I come in?" "Oh, yeah." He walked in and I closed the door. "Is something wrong?" I asked. He turned around and smiled at me. "No, nothing's wrong. I just want to talk to you about us." "What about us?" He sat down on the bed and motioned for me to do the same. I sat down next to him and he put his arm around me. He got close to my ear. "I love you." he whispered. My mouth dropped open. "What?" He smiled. "I love you." "You- you, love me?" I stammered. "Yes. I know you probably don't believe me since we haven't been dating that long, but I do. I love you." I smiled and he kissed me. "So, do I have to leave?" he asked. Why does he do this? "No, but I do have to go to sleep." He smiled. "Could I sleep with you?" "Sure, why not?" He smiled and plopped down on the bed. I turned off the light and laid down next to him. "I love you." he whispered putting his arms around me. I closed my eyes. "Good night." I said. "Good night." he said kissing my forehead.
"Bill! Get your ass out of bed!" I screamed as I ran around the room, throwing things into my suitcase. He groaned and rolled over. "I'm not joking! We're going to be late! Get up!" I yelled smacking him on the back. He slowly sat up. "We're not going to be late." he said. "Yes we are!" I ran into the bathroom and quickly brushed my teeth. "Kara, you need to calm down. It's not like they're going to leave us." I shot him an evil look. "We have to go." I said slowly. "Ok ok, fine." he said leaving the room. I sighed and started picking things up in the bathroom. They're going to be so pissed at me.
I ran out in the hall with my suitcases in my hand, and ran down to the bus. I quickly jumped on and Mitch looked up at me. "Running late again?" I sat down and relaxed. "No." I said innocently. He shook his head. "Irresponsibility is a major fault young lady." "Where's Bill?" "He hasn't come yet. He's probably still in his room." "I know he's still in his room. He's always holding us back." I joked. "Like you aren't?" "Hey, I was here before he was." "Well, who's fault is it that he's late? He only does it when you two sleep over in each other's room." he said smiling devilishly. "Oh for crying out loud, we haven't had sex." "Then what the hell are you two doing at night?" "Sleeping." "Yeah, I'm so sure that's it." "It is." Bill walked onto the bus and the driver started it. He sat down next to me and smiled. "Hey guys!" "Bill, tell me the truth, what do you two do at night?" Mitch asked. "Sleep." "Ha!" I said pointing my finger in Mitch's face. He smiled. "You're just covering for each other." "Damnit Mitch!" I said. He laughed. "I'm just messing with you! Geeze!" he said getting up and walking away. Bill laughed. "You're so touchy." he said. "Well excuse me if I don't like people accusing me of things." He smiled and kissed me. "He was just joking." I sighed. "I know." He kissed me again. "I love you."
"Hey Kara, come here and look at this." Mitch said from the tv room. I stood up and walked back with Bill. "What?" I asked. He pointed at the tv and I sat down on the couch. * "What do you feel about what Kara Harper has said about you?" an interviewer asked Britney Spears. "I'm too mature to make a childish comeback to what she's said about me, and what the interviewer said about me." "Does it upset you knowing there's so many people out there who dislike you?" "Of course it upsets me. It would upset anyone if you knew someone hated you, and I'm no different than everyone else." "I agree. How immature do you have to be to talk about someone on television?" * "Turn this shit off. I don't want to hear it." I said. Mitch took the remote and turned off the tv. Bill looked down at me. "Are you ok?" I rolled my eyes and turned around. "No." I said walking away.
Bill walked out to where I was and sat down next to me. "What's wrong?" he asked. "I did not talk childish about her. I didn't want to be talking about her in the first place, that damn MTV woman brought it on. And she was the one doing most of the talking, I was just agreeing." He rubbed my shoulders. "Ignore her. And if anyone asks you about that, just say you didn't see or hear about it. And if they tell you, tastefully ignore them." I smiled. "Thanks for trying to help, but it'll never work. Once the media gets hung up on something, they stay that way. They just keep picking at it, picking at it, picking at it." He smiled and kissed my cheek. "It'll be ok." I sighed. "I sure hope so."
I walked backstage, looking for something to eat. "Don't they have a candy machine?" I asked Don. "It wouldn't surprise me if they didn't." We turned around a corner and were standing in front of a concession stand. "Yes!" I said running up to it. "I don't think anyone's here." Don said. I leaned over the counter and looked around. "Hello?! We need assistance! I'm hungry and I have money!" I yelled to no one in particular. "I really don't think anyone can help you." Don said smiling. "This sucks. I'm hungry, damnit!" "I'm sure our chefs are working on dinner." I sighed and dropped my arms to my side. "But I'm hungry now." He took my arm and started walking away with me. "I'm sure they'll give you some food if you just ask." "What if they don't?" He looked at me and smiled. "They will."
We walked into the kitchen and looked around. "Oh my God, look at that." I said pointing to a chocolate brownie with fudge on it. "You think we're gonna have that for dessert?" he asked. "I hope so." A chef walked up to us and smiled. "Can I help you?" I looked up at him. "Uh, yeah. Would it be possible for me to get a little something to nibble on? I'm starving." "Sure. What would you like?" "Well, something that wouldn't spoil my dinner." He put his hands on his hips. "Well now that's an insult." he joked. I smiled. "Well, then give me something small." He walked away and came back with a plate with a few ham sandwiches on it. "Thank you so much." I said taking it. He smiled. "You're welcome." "Bye!" I said walking away with Don. "I love this place." I said taking a bite of the sandwich. "I told you they'd give you something." "Want one?" "Sure." he said taking one and eating it. "Oh my God, I didn't think ham could be this good." he said.
I laughed as Bill and Mitch literally dove into their desserts. "Pigs much?" I said through my giggles. "But it's so good." Mitch said as a drop of chocolate dripped down his chin. "That doesn't give you a reason to be so disgusting." Don said. "Have you even tasted it?" Bill asked. "Yes, and you don't see me acting like that." I jumped up when something started to vibrate in my pocket. "Oh my God, that scared the crap out of me!" I said taking out my cell phone. "Hello?" "Kara?" my sister asked. "Natasha? You never call me unless something happened. What's wrong?" I asked. "You need to get home." "Why?" "Uh, it's mom." "What?! Is she ok?! What happened?!" "She.... She... You just need to get home." "Just tell me if she's ok." "No, she's not." I took in a deep breath as a sharp pain went down my spine. "I'll be there as soon as I can." "Bye." I hung up and saw that everyone at the table was staring at me. "I have to go." I said walking away. Bill jumped up and followed me. "What happened?" he asked. "I don't know. But I have to go home." He stopped walking and I disappeared around the corner. God I hope she's alright.
A flood of memories rushed into my mind as I stepped foot into my childhood house. All the times I used to stay up late making cookies with my mom and talking about everything. But all that's gone now. All the times we spent together, just mere memories. They can't help me now. My brother came up to me and put his arms around me. I laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. "I'm so glad you could make it." he whispered. "How?" I asked. "You know she had cancer. That's how. She died in her sleep, the best way to go." I smiled faintly. "She always said that's how she wanted to go. God, I should have been here." He let go of me and looked into my eyes. "Don't say that. She knew you had a busy schedule, don't fret about it." "I still feel terrible. I knew she wasn't going to be around for long, but I just had to work. I had to ignore her." "You didn't ignore her, you called almost every day. I don't think you realize how much that meant to her." I looked down at the floor. "I should have been here."
He put his hand on my shoulder and led me into the kitchen where the rest of the family was. My aunt stood up and hugged me. "Hello sweety, it's nice to see you again." "It's nice to see you too." "How are you honey?" "Well, I've been better." She smiled. "We all have." she motioned for me to sit down and I did as I was told. My cousin, Vicky, smiled at me. "Have they been letting you sleep?" she asked. "No. I slept for the first time in a while on the plane here." "Oh you poor thing, you must be exhausted. Do you want to sleep now?" my aunt asked. "No, I'm fine." I ran my fingers through my hair and realized I haven't brushed it all day. Come to think of it, I haven't put any make up on either. Oh, who cares? Natasha patted my back. "I'm so sorry. I know you were her favorite." "No, she loved us all." "Don't pull this again. You know she loved you, and that's that." I sighed and put my head in my hands. "Don't listen to your sister, dear. We're going to be fine. She wanted to go, she was in a lot of pain." my aunt said. "I still don't think she should have gone." "She would have eventually, honey."
I walked up to my room and smiled as I walked in. I'm glad I'm here, I just wish I was here for a different reason. I looked around and was amazed at how nothing was changed. Looking at my dresser, I realized how much I missed all my friends. All the pictures that surrounded me made things worse. I picked up one of me, Belle, and Tam and laughed at the way we looked. We were so innocent then, unlike now. I wish I could go back and be so oblivious to everything. I wish my mom were still here and I could be with her every day.
Funerals make me want to puke. Filled with people crying, people who hardly even knew the person, that makes it all the worse. I sat in the front of the church, looking down and playing with my dress. I couldn't look at my mom, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. And for some reason I couldn't bring myself to cry either. People have been looking at me strange because I loved my mom more than any of them, and I'm the only one not crying. Well screw them. I can take their looks, their whispers behind my backs, and their questions. Nothing they do matters to me, I won't do what they tell me.
"Kara, honey, are you feeling all right?" my aunt asked sitting down next to me. "Yes." I said staring blankly ahead. She put her hand on my forehead and frowned. "Aunt Mary, I'm fine." I said. "Well, you feel ok, but you don't look it." "I'm fine." "You know, keeping everything inside isn't good for you. It'll just keep building up, and you'll be emotionally scared for life." "I'm not keeping anything inside." "Yes you are. Everyone else here is crying except you. Everyone has said their last goodbyes to your mother except you." "Just because I'm not doing what they're doing doesn't mean I'm not hurting too!" I jumped up and walked out of the church. I crossed my arms, closed my eyes, and let the breeze flow through me. I heard the door open behind me and someone put their hands on my shoulder. "Are you ok?" my brother asked. "Why is everyone asking me that? No, I'm not fine! Are you happy now?!" I yelled opening my eyes and looking at him. "Hey, don't yell at me, I'm just being concerned. That's what older brothers do." I sighed. "Sorry. I just don't see why people care so much about me." "You don't seem to care too much, that's why." "I'm not a bad person just because I'm not crying." "I know, but they just don't understand. Why don't we go back into the church and pay our respects to mom." I looked up at him. "I don't want to look at her." "That's fine, just sit in the front." "Ok."
I sat in the front pew of the church while my sister stood in the front talking. For some reason I couldn't concentrate on what she was saying. I haven't been able to concentrate on a lot lately. I can only guess why. "I remember once we stayed up late one night talking about heaven. She told me that heaven is whatever makes you happy. I know she's there now, and I hope she was right." I closed my eyes and saw my mother. She looks happy. I want to be happy. I felt a hand rub my back and I opened my eyes to see my brother smiling at me. He leaned close to my ear. "She's happy, don't worry about it." I smiled and laid my head on his shoulder. "We're gonna make it through this." he said.