But what really gets me going, what really drives me nuts are telemarketers. They insist on calling at the most inopportune times. Inevitably, they wake me up on the days I want to sleep in. They call when I'm on the verge of a literary breakthrough in my English essay. They interupt my dinner. Sometimes they just want to talk to any adult in the household. Other times they ask to speak to someone specifically, someone who isn't home because - get this - he/she is at work! Inevitably, they ask when is a good time to call back. They should already know the answer. There never is a "good" time for them to call.

What's worse is when I receive a call from a telemarketer and there is no one on the other line. One particular situation that I've experience this past fortnight or so sums it up:

Directbuy Vancouver has called my house at least a dozen times now, and on only one occasion has there actually been another person on the other end. How is that possible? Some telemarketing firms have computer systems set up to automatically dial every residential number in the phonebook to see when people pick up their phones. By recording this information, they know when a real salesperson should call that particular number. This results in a lot of empty air. The wonders of caller ID - well worth the price - allow me to identify them every time. Back to the story. And so, when I got a actual living breathing person on the other side, I politely but forcefully asked to be put on their do not call list. I thought that was the end of that.

Then they phoned again, the next day no less, but not a salesperson, just the computer. Again. In my frustration, I looked up their actual phone number via an online search engine (because the number on the call display is just the computer's number) and spoke to someone at reception. This was just after dinnertime. I explained to her what had occured, and how I have already asked to be put on their do not call list. I re-iterated my request and demanded to be put on their do not call list. Her mumbled and muttered reply was, "Uh um uh I'm the only person here right now and I uh uh uh." So, I just blew up and said, "Listen. My phone number is...WRITE THIS DOWN.... my phone number is xxx-xxxx. You make sure that you never call me again." Her reply, much like her last, was "Uh uh uh, well it's [I forget the name] who normally deals with taking people off the list and uh uh uh." Of course, this infuriated me even further and I just didn't want to talk to her anymore. "Listen, you make sure that you never call me again. Okay? Goodbye."

In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have yelled at the poor girl. I can understand that the receptionist or the actual telemarketer is only there to make an honest paycheque, which is why I am usually polite and direct in my telephone conversations with them, but when a company has their automated system call me on an almost daily basis, and I ask to be put on their do-not-call list only to be called the following day, let's just say I'm no happy camper. I looked into filing a complaint with the Better Business Bureau, and it seems you have to have had an actual business transaction with the company before you can file a complaint, but I could be wrong.

As far as strategies I've heard in dealing with this phone spam, most just aren't nice to the person calling. When they call, ask them to hold and just walk away. When they call, turn on your fax machine and let them listen to the beeps and whistles. When they send you a junk fax, fax them back a black page hundreds of times. Really and truthfully, my beef is not with the telemarketer; it's with the company that decided telemarketing is the way to go about things and to maximize their business. Sorry, all it does is piss me off.

This past December, Minister of Industry and my MP, David Emerson of the Liberal Party put forth a proposal to create a national "do not call" list to which people can choose to add their names if they don't want to be solicited by telemarketers. This is akin to a system already in place in the United States and would fine individual offenders up to $1500 for each offending call, and corporations up to $15,000 for each call. This registry is certainly welcome and supported by this scribe. Last I heard, this could take up to a year to be in place, so what can you do in the meantime?

The Canadian Marketing Assocation has a "Do Not Contact Service" wherein you can register your name, address and phone number and CMA/ACM members are to respect your wishes. A number of marketing firms are CMA/ACM members, so this would help to limit, but would not eliminate, telemarketers from interupting your family dinner. To register yourself for this service, visit: http://www.cmaconsumersense.org/marketing_lists.cfm

Other than that, be vigilant and continue to be asked to be put on "do not call" lists and hopefully the aforementioned bill will come to fruition in the near future. Contact David Emerson (www.davidemerson.ca) to voice your support for a national do not call registry.

In short . . . Screw you, Directbuy Vancouver.