I was reminded of something that had happened to me a while ago when i talked to my friend today. My past for some reason seems to always catch up with me, no matter how hard i try to forget and move on. I'm writing in here, because i'm too lazy to walk to my bedroom right now and get my offline journal for my psych class, or my own personal one. I find it easier to write here, i don't know why.
I have learned something fairly important this weekend. I have learned that respect goes two ways, just like friendship. i learnt that to have a friend, you need to first be a friend. Unfortunatly, i had gotten a little crazy, and decided that i would send an email to all my friends, complaining that no one had attempted to keep in touch with me now that i had graduated. it didn't occur to me that maybe i should be the better person, and attempt contact myself, i just kind of crawled back in my shell (no pun intended), and hoped that maybe one of them would make the first move. I know, you are probably saying that i should have done that, because it was a big duh, but you have to consider my past. Not to mention my trust issue, and my self-esteem issue, but we won't get started on those!!! Anyways, it took a once good friend of mine to basically yell at me, in order for me to realize that i really did need to make the attempt first. I really do hope that all my old friendships are not too badly damaged, and that i can help make them better than what they used to be. it's kind of hard for me though, being in college, my classes are mainly all day monday and wednesday, and thursday night.l I don't want to be there, and apparently neither do my teachers. it sucks being stuck there all day! I guess that's why i'm getting involved in what's called the Rambassador program at my college. I start my training Friday. I can do my volunteer hours in between classes, and get lots of money to spend in the mall. anyways, back to the point... I just want everyone to know that i am sorry, and that i actually will try to keep in touch with you all. I hope that you guys forgive me though. I also want to thank my friend for being the ass that he was, and putting me straight. you really did make me think, and now the ball will be returned and played on instead of me letting it just be forgotten about. Whether or not my friends actually decide to communicate back with me, is unknown, that's on them (i hate that phrase. i say it now when im being sarcastic, probably shouldn't though, the friend who said it to me, also gave up on me, after one month and one day, as he says). The only thing that really matters right now i guess, is that i make the attempt. So, tuesday i will, because i cant call everyone in between classes tomorrow. Well i better be going to bed, i said i was going to start going to bed earlier, and no one is online that i need to be talking to, just a bunch of people i met a long time ago in chatrooms. one of them said to me today, when i explained my predicament, that, "S**t that really means something to you, shouldn't be taken over by the S**t that don't mean much to you at all." wise guy he is, of course he was drunk, and it does have a funny resemblance to a famous quote, but i don't remember who said it. At least while drunk he sounds somewhat intelligent right? haha well, i better be going. I will post another entry soon! Thanks for reading!
- The Turtle