previous day's entry February,15, 2004
next day's entry
      Okay, let's see... It's been a while since i have updated this darn site huh? well at least i have added a few poems.  Don't really know what to say.  Normally i always have something to say, and wont shut up.  So, lets see...what should i talk about?  Well lets re-evaluate my oh so interesting life. Well, i do have a car now.  Toyota Celica...nice mind you..little old with lots of miles....well my car now has a power steering pipe that has a!  need to get that fixed but i have no job still (oh did i forget to say i lost my job?) anyways...i have very few friends that were my friends back in high school now.  Most of them have given up on me like i have them, or i have done something to totally screw up the relationship...see thats the thing about me...i always do that..i've done it with a lot of my friends. i seem to chase away a lot of those people that i care about.  i suppose if i were to say that it didn't bother me, i would be considered cold hearted, but to tell you the truth, it only bothers me for a few people. A few of the people i actually bothered to care about.  I actually wanted to know what they thought of me, and valued their opinion and laughed at their craziness, even if they weren't  as crazy as i was.  To tell you the absolute truth, i miss the old days.  Pretty sad when you refer to it as "the old days".  I would give anything to go back in time.  ever feel that way?  You just want to disappear or  go back in time.  I would do a lot of things differently though. i think that i would be more focused on my school work than anything else. i wouldn't have worried what others thought of me, and i wouldn't have let some of my friends backstab me then tell someone else that i backstabbed them, because they are the dumbass backstabbing lying bitches, not me...of course i want to be the better person...i am being the better person...i don't acknowledge them and they don't acknowledge me.  works fine i suppose.. I have also given up on the friend or whatever he is that i called Goofy.  I have moved completely on...i sent him a notebook the other day of crap that i had that reminded me of him... i had to get rid of it.  Staring at it depressed that it is gone, i feel better.  Don't know why i didn't get rid of it sooner.  i realized that it wasn't my fault that he was an ass and didn't realize that i was a good thing that he lost, and i realized that i really am better off not talking to him.  I think he was a little upset that i didn't crack and tell him how much i wanted him and all that sappy bs when he told me that  he was still with his new gf, 2nd one may i add since we broke up...i don't really care.  i'm glad he has found someone new, now he can hurt her like he did's a pattern....oh love life on the other hand, is a little strange, no single boyfriend, just a lot of guys i like to hang out with...made a big mistake the other weekend though...went to see a friend...wish i hadn't...things are kinda weird now....we don't really talk...suppose it's because i like him or liked him...kinda moved on because he was a little weird..i don't want to waste my time on people who don't care anymore.  If they don't feel for me what i feel for them, then i don't see the point in trying me crazy, but i think it's a good idea. i don't want to be friends with anyone who doesn't want to be friends with seems like a good idea to, what else....screwed up lots of friendships, lost my job, my car is messed up....oh i got a 3.8 GPA last semester!  Good deal for me huh? no one really cares though, oh well i care!  well not really, doesn't really mean anything to me either... 4 A's and a B....should have been all A's  well i don't really know what else to say, so i think that i am going to end this blabbering and do something else...yeah....uh.....hmmmmmm....bye
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