The NML Welcome Page

NML Awards: 2001

Run by Shasta and Filly

Good evening fellow listees! My name is Shasta, and I am your host for the 2001 ANNUAL NEWSIES MAILING LIST AWARDS!! We had some delays, like my room getting bombed, the abduction of my time and several cases of a hateful computer. But here I am, in all my splendid glory. Tonight I am joined by Filly. *Filly pops her head out from behind the curtain and waves. She has shackles on her wrists and feet* The Filly, who, before the show, caused quite the commotion about wanting to be more than a secretary so she is forced to be chained and bound. I apologize to Race and Bumlets who were injured in her rage. They are in first aid right now but should be able to present the awards-even though Bumlets is in a coma, he will present! *glares at Filly muttering 'How could you?'*

Alright! Now before we start I must lay down some rules. *the audience hisses and boos* I know I know, you hate all my rules but hey, I'm running this show so get over it! *smiles sweetly* Alright! Rule number one: no throwing popcorn. Last year this resulted in the temporary blindness of Kid Blink's one remaining eye. And no skittles, m&ms or nuts. *coughs* Voodoo that means you. I see you holding your peanuts waiting for Kid Blink to come out again. He may be horny but he's got a chastity belt on tonight. No worries! I have everything under control. Rule number 2: No storming the stage in anger if you don't win your award. The Delancy brothers are here to hold off any riots and I cannot be held responsible if they beat the $@#& out of you. Rule number 3: No attacking your favorite newsie. We know you love them, and I personally know how hot these boys are, but please withhold yourself. We have a restraining cage in the back and I'm not afraid to have you sent there where Patrick Bateman will be your prison mate. I have provided him with several chainsaws, so no foulplay ya hear?! Now lets get this awards show started! *audience gives standing ovation as Shasta exits the stage*

*Shasta comes running back onstage* Almost forgot I had to present the first award! Well we all know this man as the sexy bad boy who knows his slingshots like he knows his women. *a snort is heard from somewhere in the audience* No I'm not talking about you Les. This man sure has his fans as well! Who is he? Spot Conlon of course! The nominees for biggest fan are as follows: Bitter, Cinnamon, Enchanted, Luna, Lily, Mimic and Relic. The winner of this award will receive Spot's cane which I personally stole and engraved for the winner! :-D

The third runner up for Spot's Biggest Fan is Enchanted! The Second runner up is Bitter and the WINNER of this award goes to��.*opens up the envelope* LUNA!!!! Congratulations!! *hands Luna the cane* Now hurry along, and hide this well�.*yells are heard from backstage as Spot realizes his cane is gone* well I uh, have to run! *Shasta takes off running as Spot tears across the stage in hot pursuit*

*The Delancy Brothers escort Filly out onto the stage* Well I would have dressed nicer *glances down at her orange jumper* but we had a misunderstanding and I got thrown in the psych ward. I told Shasta I wasn't just the secretary but did she listen? Nope. Instead I'm stuck in this orange�.THING�.and I hate orange! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG! *starts thrashing about but is hit over the head with a frying pan by oscar* owwwww. ANYHOW here is the award for Best Newsie Name. The third runner up is Mayhem!! Second runner up is Goosey and the WINNER is��..Misprint!!!! Congratulations! If anyone wants to come up with an escape plan come see me! *gets dragged offstage*

*Shasta reappears out on the stage a little out of breath* Well now wasn't Filly looking HOT in that orange jumpsuit?! I know I saw Denton drooling out there in the audience. For the next category we have the award for the Best Catch Phrase used by a NML member! The third place runner up is Fire! We have a tie for second place and those two are Luna and Muffins/Blush! AND THE WINNER IS! *struggles with the envelope* BLAZE!!!! Congratulations Blaze! Your award, Spots key, will be waiting for you backstage. *Another scream is heard backstage and spot comes tearing out after Shasta again* Oh bother�.

*commercial cuts in*

*the screen fade into a kitchen-type scene with Pie Eater standing behind the counter, a big poofy chef hat on his head* Do ya wanna add excitement to yer meals? Do ya like ta eat excitin' meals? Well ferget about dat! On my show, I teach ya how ta make pie! I'll teach ya how ta make awl kinds a' pies like blueberry, apple, pumpkin, an' my poisenal favorite, CHERRY! *he grins* Ta see me an' awl my pie makin' talents, watch Da Pie Chef, it's pie-riffic! Woo! *grins at the camera again as the screen fades out*

*Awards show comes back up on screen*

*Jack and Davey, dressed in identical tuxedos equipped with canes and top hats, step out onto the stage* Hello my name is Jack and dis heah is Davey, me best bud. On the newsies mailing list there are plenty of good friends but we're here to present the award for THE best friends of the list! Kind of like me and davey here, only we're not on the list�.You know what? How bout we just take this award?! It should be ours! What do you say Newsies? Are we going to let them walk all over us? NO! We will fight for what is rightfully ours! *a shoe flies from behind the curtain and hits Jack in the head* Aha sorry, got a little carried away there. As to this award�.the third place runners up are the friendship between BC, Laces and Hush! The second place runners up are the friendship between Cuddles and Damsel!! And the bestest friends on the NML according to the voters? *opens the envelope* Muffins and Blush!!! Congratulations!!

*Mush steps out as the two boys exit* Good evening! I'm Mush *violent whistles and cat calls are heard from Fire out in the audience and Mush acknowledges silently* I am here to present the award for Most Congenial NML member. Of course, I am the most congenial newsie, but they managed to overlook the fact that newsies deserve awards too. *glances behind him* don't worry you don't need to throw a shoe at me again Shasta. I'm not going to cause a riot. Alright, the third place runner up is SB! The second place runner up is Blaze! And the winner is�.LUNA!!! Congratulations girls! *suddenly Fire rushes the stage and jumps on Mush tackling him to the ground. Oscar and Morris run out from behind the curtain and grab Fire and drag her screaming offstage while Mush straightens himself up and walks off the stage, grinning a huge grin as he leaves*

*Filly, still in shackles and chains, hops out on stage* I liked it when I had assistance. Anyways, I just wanted to say that my stay here has been good and I loved presenting awards but I can't take this any longer. Thank god for Fire being a distraction! I must go now! *Filly makes a mad hop across the stage to the stairs but Oscar shows up out of nowhere and jumps Filly wrestling her to the ground.* Damn. *Oscar forces her to present her award* The next award goes to the Freakiest NML Member. Third place runner up is Fire. Second place runner up is Annabelle and the winner is��*opens envelope in her teeth* Muffins/Blush!! Congratulations! I HATE YOU ALL! *throws a fit and tries to kick Oscar to the ground but is dragged out by the ears*

*cuts to a commercial*

*athletic-type music plays and Spot runs into a locker room, slingshot in hand* People ask me awl da time "Spot, how'd ya get so good at slingshootin'?" *he sits down on a bench* an' I laugh an' tell dem dat it's 'cause I practice a lot or dat me goil, Luna, taught me awl I know. Howevah, I'm gonna tell ya da truth. Lunda did teach me awl I know, but da most important thing is ta use a Bottlecrackah slingshot. Not only are dey accurate, but dey make slingshootin' sexy. An' dat makes it a sexy hobby fer a sexy newsie. *winks at the camera* So remembah, Bottlecrackah slinghsot equals sexy hobby equals sexy you! Plus, if ya don't buy one, I'll use me icy glare ta force ya ta get one! *glares at the camera for a moment before smiling and winking*

*cuts back to the awards show*

*Race steps up to the podium, drags out his phone book and stands on it* No laughing now ya hear? No one took into consideration the vertically challenged people when they made this podium. Now I'm here to present the award for Most Sarcastic Listee. The third runner up is Owl! And the second place runner up is Cats! AND THE WINNER IS!! *digs around in his coat pocket for the envelope* WISECRACKS! Congratulations!

*Shasta walks out onto stage* Well the whole Fire incident has been taken care of. Patrick Bateman is taking very good care of her right now as we speak. Anyways, the award for biggest Bumlets fan is up for grabs. The second runner up is SB and the WINNER is��.don't you love the suspense?��.great isn't it?��.BLAZE!!!!!! Congratulations!!

*Blink steps out from behind the curtain* Ello all! Its Blink and I'm here to present the award for Craziest RPer! The third runner up is a tie between Shasta and Voodoo! The second runner up is a tie between Cats and Muffins! And the winner is----*a very naked Blink comes running out on stage* This was MY award to present! Give me that envelope! *turns and faces the audience who cringes, some gasp, at the sheer size of him* Howdy folks. Hi Voodoo! Hi Copper! *winks at Copper* I'll see YOU after the show�..*Copper faints* She can hardly wait! The winner for craziest Rper is Chesapeake! Come on up here and give Blinky boo a hug!! *Shasta runs out on stage and drags him offstage* Sorry bout that! I told him he wasn't allowed to come! I TOLD YOU TO PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON BLINK!

*Blaze comes waltzing out on stage* Wow did you see Blink?! DAYUM! That boy is hung like a horse�*ahem* sorry! On with the awards�.The next award is for the category of List Stalker. Or the one who is most likely going to get arrested for stalking our favorite newsie! It would seem Fire is taking the lead in this one but you never know�..The third runner up is Muffins/Blush! The second runner up is Goosey! And the WINNER IS��.LUNA!! *passes out head shots of Luna* if you see this girl in your neighborhood call the cops! *smiles*

*Voodoo walks out onstage and looks around at her. Shes eating peanuts and starts randomly throwing them at people in the audience* Ooooooooops. Sorry bout that! I have in my hand the winner of biggest Davey fan. Before I open this I think I should say one thing. Denton should have won. At least have gotten nominated! They're such a cute couple *lettuce is sent flying at Voodoo's head* sorry sorry sorry! Anyhow, the second runner up is Wisecracks! The winner is��..denton? no��ALI KAT!!

Congratulations girl! Now where is Pie Eater�.*gets a devilish grin on her face and rushes backstage* *Shasta comes back out* For some reason I don't trust that girl�.anyhow. The award for Best Poster is here in my hands. The third runner up is Luna! We have a tie for second runner up-they would be Mr. Q and Wisecracks! And the WINNER is��.BLAZE!!! Congratulations Blaze!

*the screen fades out on the awards and back in on Racetrack sitting in a director's chair*

*race looks up and flashes an obviously fake smile* Hello dere! I bet yer wonderin' why I'se sittin' in dis director's chari. *the camera makes a nodding motion* Okay, enuffa dat! Da truth is, I'm sittin' heah because I'm admiring my new... pants! From da makers a' shorts come PANTS, da new wave in keepin' yer legs warm an' yer bum covered. Now I know yer sayin' "But, Race, pants were already invented!" but not dese pants! Only dese pants got me face on da label! See? *turns to face the camera, but before the label can be seen, the screen fades to black and back to the awards*

*Skittery, Specs, Snipes, and Bumlets all step up to the podium and Skittery speaks up* We would be joined by Pie but he has seemed to have disappeared for the time being! So here we are presenting a few FanFiction awards! The first award is for Most Modern FF. The winner is��.SHASTA!! *you can hear squealing from the background* Congratulations!

*Bumlets speaks up* I am alive and well, thank you to everyone who sent me flowers! Filly is now on my hit list and I refuse to speak to her again. *ahem* The next award is for Most Humorous FF. The winner is��.WISECRACKS!! Congratulations!
*Specs steps up to the mic* The next award is for the Best Parody FF. The third runner up is Key! And the second runner up is Filly and the WINNER is��.WISECRACKS AGAIN! Congrats!
*Snipes steps up* The next award is for Best Crossover FF. The third runner up is Muffins/Blush, the second runner up is Luna and the WINNER is��..BLAZE!!! CONGRATS!
*Skittery comes back up to the mic* The award for the Best Drama FF is next. The second runner up is Mayhem! And the winner is��..BLAZE AGAIN! Congrats!!
*Bumlets steps up again* The award for Best Slash FF is next. The second runner up is Mayhem and the WINNER is��WISECRACKS for "JUST��."!!!!!!!!!! Congrats!!!
*All 4* Those aren't the last of the FF awards but we'll let some other categories have a chance! *they all wave and walk off the stage*

*Filly still in shackles steps up heavily guarded* So we've had an incident and Voodoo has taken off with Pie. I love how I'M the one still in shackles. I didn't kidnap no one! *a guard kicks Filly* Ok ok I'll present the award! The next award is for Biggest Race fan. The third runner up is Cats, the second runner up is Gambler and the WINNER is��MAYHEM!! Congrats!

*Luna steps up to the podium* An update on the Pie Eater kidnapping: we are hot on the trail of Voodoo who has stopped at several pastry stores and at a local dirty hotel to probably do dirty things to poor Pie. We will get him back! Now for the best RPGer award! The second runner up is Mayhem!! And we have a 3 WAY TIE for WINNER! The winners are Voodoo, Ladyluck, and Cats!! Congratulations girls!!

*cuts to a commercial*

*dramatic music plays as a commercial made completely in black and white slowly appears on the screen* *Mush walks down a long hallway with white puffy curtains blowing into it* Are you da kinda a' guy dat likes ta appear innocent ta get da ladies? Or are ya a goil dat likes an innocent boy wit' a bad streak? If so, den buy "Inno-scent," da new cologne made fer seemin'ly innocent guys. *the hourglass-shaped bottle flashes onto the screen* Da name again is "Inno-scent," found at awl yer local stores! *he winks and the screen fades back to black*

*Cuts back in to the awards show*

*Boots, Snitch, Itey and Dutchy walk up to the podium and wink at the crowd and Dutchy steps up to the podium* We now have even MORE FanFiction awards to give out! The next few are all FFs based on characters. This award goes to the author of the Best Spot FF! The WINNER is LUNA!!!! Congratulations!!
*Boots steps up to the mic* The Award for the author of the best Jack FF goes to��.SHASTA! Congratulations!! *more squeals are heard* *Snitch steps up next* The next award is for the author of the best Mush FF. The winner is��..Fire "I Don't�." Congrats Fire even though you are being tormented by Bateman!
*Itey takes his turn* Hi Goosey! *Goosey is practically up on the stage gawking at Itey* This next award goes to the Best Bumlets FF. There is a tie between Blaze's "Eternal Vow" and Blaze's "Only�."!!!! CONGRATS BLAZE!!
*Dutchy steps back up* This next award goes to Best Villain! The winner is FILLY! Congrats!
*Boots comes back up to the mic* The award for Listee who never finishes their FF goes to��.KEY!!! GET TO WORK!
*All four* Stay tuned for the biggest awards of all!

*cuts to a commercial*

*Bumlets voice over* Have you evah tried ta spin on a fan only ta fall down time an' time again? A' course, we awl have! In fact, I've made a new invention ta help relieve pain due ta fallin' offa da fan an' landin' on yer butt. Introcudin' Da Bum Mat! *he picks up a big blue mat with a bullseye painted on the camera and hold it up to the camera* Dis mat has inches a' padding, poifect fer savin' yer bum from pain wile ya practice yer fan spinnin'! Da Bum Mat has a custom painted bullseye dat can used ta rate yer aim when ya fall. It can also be used ta throw rotten tomatoes at or ta throw darts at dis very bad picture a' Denton! *holds up a picture of Denton and the camera breaks* Whoops, sorry! Jus' remembah da name an' yer bum will nevah feel da same! *he smiled a cute girn and the camera fades out to the Bum Mat logo*

*cuts back to awards*

*Shasta walks out onto the stage holding Pie's arm while the audience goes wild* We caught Voodoo who is now sharing Fire's stall with Bateman. And we have returned Pie Eater to his rightful place! We're very sorry Pie for any inconveniences. *Pie smiles, bits of whip cream and chocolate smeared on his face* Anyways, we now have the award for biggest Mush fan! The second runner up is Cone! And the WINNER IS��FIRE!! *Fire behind bars shows up on a screen. Bateman with his chainsaw is standing over her with an evil smile on his face* Well I'm glad I won this damn award. At least I won something before they KILLED ME. DO YOU SEE THIS? THEY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO TREAT THEIR PRISONERS! *Bateman revs his engine* Please tell Mush I love him and I didn't mean to hurt him! I'm sor----*she is drowned out by chainsaw noises*

*SB steps out on stage and smiles* Hi everyone!!! I am here to present the award for The NML Peacemaker! The third runner up is Wisecracks, there was a tie for second runner up and they are Shasta and Filly-now who would have picked filly?! Or Shasta for that matter?! Always causing problems�hmph�.well I guess that would be up to the voters�.hehe. There is also a tie for the winner! THE WINNERS ARE��..SEVEN AND MADDY!! Congrats!!!!!

*Blaze walks out onto the stage* In my hand is the award for the most Innovative Listee. The most innovative listee came up with great ideas for listees to do and introduced them to new things. The third runner up is Muffins/Blush, the second runner up is CB/Storm and the WINNER IS��..LUNA FOR THE NEWSIES PALACE!! Congrats!!

*Horny Blink, adorned in only a loin cloth which Shasta had stapled to him appeared in front of the podium joined by Copper who was 50 feet away from him on the other side of the stage* Copper you need to come over here and stand with me. You know you want me. *Copper shakes her head* Fine you're missing out on some good times *he winks* The next award is for biggest Kid Blink fan. I guess no one really loves Horny Blink, me, but I'll just present this award anyway. The second runner up is Jewels and the WINNER is��..DAMSEL!! Congrats!! Now you're going to give ME a hug right?! I am his twin!! If ANYONE wants a good roll in zee hay with me come find me backstage!! *he winks and runs off*

*Harlaquinne prances out onto the stage avoiding Horny Blink as she prances* Never fear! Harley is here! I am here to present the award for the Best FF writer!!! The second runner up is Chapter! And the WINNER is�..BLAZE!!!! Congrats girl!!

*Patrick Bateman, wearing only a chainsaw, walks onto the stage and the audience members dart back 500 feet from the stage.* I wish more people would cause problems! Its so much fun torturing them! Don't worry, the girls are still alive�.for now. Anyways, I'm here to present the award for Biggest Jack fan! The second runner up is Autumn! And the winner is��.SHASTA! Congrats!!! *Shasta runs around the stage in happiness before disappearing backstage again after realizing its Patrick Bateman who is giving her this award*

*Jack does his sexy walk up to the podium* I know you're excited for this next award cause I sure am! It's the award for the most Favorite NMLer! The third runner up is a tie between Bitter and Voodoo!! The second runner up is Chesa and the WINNER of the most favorite NMLer is a TIE between OUR LIST MOMMIES!!! LUNA AND BLAZE!!! Congrats!!

*Shasta walks out onto the stage*

Here are the other awards and their winners:

BIGGEST SNIPES FAN-
Winner: Aisling

BIGGEST SPECS FAN-
Winner: Slinks

BIGGEST BOOTS FAN-
2nd Runner up: Sassy
Winner: Snaps

BIGGEST ITEY FAN-
Winner: Goosey

BIGGEST DUTCHY FAN-
2nd Runner up: Cyanne
Winner: Smalls

BIGGEST SNITCH FAN-
2nd Runner up: IF
Winner: Key

BIGGEST LES FAN-
2nd Runner Up: Tomato
Winner: Fairy

BIGGEST PIE EATER FAN-
Winner: Voodoo

BIGGEST JAKE FAN-
2nd Runner up: Cone
Winner: Raven

BIGGEST SWIFTY FAN-
Winner: Harley

BIGGEST CRUTCHY FAN-
Winner: Gears

BIGGEST SKITTERY FAN-
3rd Runner up: Lady Luck
2nd Runner up: Blush
Winner: Filly

BIGGEST SNODDY FAN-
Winner: Shimmer

BIGGEST OSCAR FAN-
2nd Runner up: Whisper
Winner: Sorrow

BIGGEST MORRIS FAN-
3rd Runner up: Filly
2nd Runner up: Blush
Winner: Giggles

BEST DRAWER-
2nd Runner up: Hiccups
Winner: Monday

FUNNIEST NMLer-
3rd runner up: Cats
2nd Runners up: Voodoo and Muffins/Blush
Winner: Wisecracks

MOST HYPER NMLer-
3rd Runner up: Filly and Fire
2nd Runner up: Voodoo
Winner: Muffins/Blush

BEST SIGGY-
2nd Runner up: Fire
Winner: Voodoo

MOST FUNNIEST/HYPER LISTEE-
3rd Runners up: Fire and Voodoo
2nd Runner up: Wisecracks
Winner: Muffins/Blush

BIGGEST LURKER-
3rd Runners up: Daphne, Slick and South
2nd Runners up: Ladybug and Trinity
Winner: April

BEST POST-
3rd Runner up: Harly
2nd Runner up: Muffins/Blush
Winner: Luna

LONGEST POSTS-
3rd Runner up: BC Tate
2nd Runner up: Voodoo
Winner: List Mommies- Blaze and Luna

THE MOST NICKNAMES-
2nd Runner up: Voodoo
Winner: Fire

THE BEST SHOULDER TO CRY ON-
3rd Runner up: SB
2nd Runner up: Luna
Winner: Blaze

BEST LISTENER-
3rd Runner up: Autumn and SB
2nd Runner up: Luna
Winner: Blaze

WALKING MOUTH-
2nd Runner up: Wisecracks
Winner: Mr. Q.

BEST FIRST POST-
Winners: Blush and Luna

MOST OBSESSIVE LISTEE-
3rd Runner up: Blaze
2nd Runner up: Luna
Winner: Goosey

AUTHOR OF THE BEST TIME LINES FF-
Winner: Fire

BEST AUTHOR OF A JAKE FF-
Winner: Coneflower

BEST AUTHOR OF A SKITTERY FF-
Winner: Mayhem

BEST AUTHOR OF A SWIFTY FF-
Winner: Filly

BEST AUTHOR OF A SNITCH FF-
Winner: IF

BEST AUTHOR OF A BOOTS FF-
Winner: Mayhem

BEST AUTHOR OF A BLINK FF-
Winner: Brooky

BEST AUTHOR OF A RACE FF-
Winner: Mayhem

BEST AUTHOR OF A DAVEY FF-
Winner: Wisecracks "Just��."

BEST AUTHOR OF A DUTCHY FF-
Winner: Seven

BEST AUTHOR OF MISCELLANIOUS FF:
2nd Runners up: Chapter "Please�" and Chapter "Liberta"
Winner: Mayhem

*Shasta and the rest of the Annual 2001 Newsies Mailing List Awards cast step up to the microphone*

We'd like to thank you all for voting and waiting patiently for these awards to be sent out. We really appreciate it. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you don't hate me for not putting all the awards in presentation form, but you see that all the time at the Oscars!! And plus they never would have made it out of my hands if I had done each one separately! Lol. Hope you enjoyed J I'd like to thank Filly, Blaze, Luna, SB, and everyone else who made me put these together!! Have a great night!

Ps. Patrick Bateman did not harm any of the listees and Filly will be removed from shackles as soon as she apologizes to Shasta for trying to be anything more than a secretary. (hehe JUST KIDDING!) bye bye guys!!