A joke about Bush (*cough*fag*cough*):

President George W. Bush is visiting a school, The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word 'tragedy' so the president asks the class for an example of a tragedy.

One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend, who lives next door, is playing in the street and a car runs him over, that would be a tragedy. "No" says Bush, "that would be an ACCIDENT."

A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy". "I'm afraid not" explains the President. "That's what we would call a GREAT LOSS."

The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Bush searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, "If Air Force One, carrying you and Mrs. Bush, was struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens - that would be a tragedy." "Correct" exclaims Bush, "that's right. And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" "Well," Lil' Johnny said, "cos, like you told us, it wouldn't be no accident, and it sure as fuck wouldn't be a great loss."

 

 

WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WIVES:

1. The later you are, the more excited they are to see you.
2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
4. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
5. A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
6. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
7. A dog's parents never visit.
8. Dogs do not hate their bodies.
9. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
10. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk.
11. Dogs seldom outlive you.
12. Dogs can't talk.
13. Dogs enjoy petting in public.
14. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24-hours a day
15. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
16. Dogs like to go hunting.
17. Another man will seldom steal your dog.
18. If you bring another dog home, your dog will happily play with both of you.
19. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died would you get another dog?"
20. If you pretend to be blind, your dog can stay in your hotel room for free.
21. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
22. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
23. A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car.
24. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad; they just think it's interesting.
25. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater or air conditioner.
26. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
27. When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep.
28. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
29. If a dog leaves, it won't take half (OR ALL) your stuff!!!!!!
30. Your dog wont be able to use the internet to buy over large clothes, and wine about them not looking big on the site.

 

 

A few things women should know:

-If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
-Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down.
-Don't cut your hair. Ever.
-Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
-Get rid of your cat.
-Sunday = Sports.
-Anything you wear is fine. Really.
-Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
-You have too many shoes.
-Crying is blackmail.
-Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
-Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
-Peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
-"Yes" and "no" are perfectly acceptable answers.
-A headache that lasts 17 months is a problem. See a chiropractor.
-Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffectual than deceived.
-Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
-If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
-Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
-If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
-Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
-You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done - not both.
-Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we.
-You have enough clothes.
-Men are from earth; women are from earth. Deal with it.