thoughts3

THE SECRETS OF A WOMANS LANGUAGE

KEYWORDS AND THEIR MEANINGS

"FINE": THIS IS THE WORD WE USE AT THE END OF ANY ARGUEMENT THAT WE FEEL YOU ARE RIGHT ABOUT BUT NEED YOU TO SHUT UP. NEVER USE "FINE" TO DESCRIBE HOW A WOMAN LOOKS. THIS WILL CAUSE YOU TO HAVE ONE OF THOSE ARGUEMENTS.

"FIVE MINUTES": THIS IS HALF AN HOUR. IT IS EQUIVALENT TO THE "FIVE MINUTES" THAT YOUR FOOTBALL GAME IS GOING TO LAST BEFORE YOU TAKE THE RUBBISH BAGS OUT, SO IT'S AN EVEN TRADE.

"NOTHING": THIS MEANS SOMETHING AND YOU SHOULD BE ON YOUR TOES. "NOTHING" IS USUALLY USED TO DESCRIBE THE FEELING A WOMAN HAS OF WANTING TO TURN YOU INSIDE-OUT, UPSIDE-DOWN AND BACKWARDS. "NOTHING" USUALLY SIGNIFIES AN ARGUEMENT THAT WILL LAST "FIVE MINUTES" AND END WITH THE WORD "FINE".

"GO AHEAD" (WITH RAISED EYEBROWS): THIS IS A DARE. ONE WHICH WILL RESULT IN A WOMAN GETTING UPSET ABOUT "NOTHING" AND WHICH WILL END IN THE WORD "FINE".

"GO AHEAD" (NORMAL EYEBROWS): THIS MEANS "I GIVE UP" OR "DO WHAT YOU WANT BECAUSE I DON'T CARE". YOU WILL GET A RAISED EYEBROW "GO AHEAD" IN A FEW MINUTES, FOLLOWED BY "NOTHING" AND "FINE" AND SHE WILL TALK TO YOU IN ABOUT "FIVE MINUTES" WHEN SHE COOLS OFF.

<LOUD SIGH>: THIS IS NOT ACTUALLY A WORD, BUT IS STILL OFTEN A VERBAL STATEMENT OFTEN MISUNDERSTOOD BY MEN. A <LOUD SIGH> MEANS SHE THINKS YOU ARE AN IDIOT AT THAT MOMENT AND WONDERS WHY SHE IS WASTING HER TIME STANDING HERE AND ARGUING WITH YOU OVER "NOTHING".

<SOFT SIGH>: AGAIN, NOT A WORD, BUT A VERBAL STATEMENT. <SOFT SIGHS> ARE ONE OF THE FEW THINGS THAT SOME MEN ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND. SHE IS CONTENT. YOUR BEST BET IS NOT TO MOVE OR BREATHE AND SHE WILL STAY CONTENT.

"OH": THIS WORD FOLLOWED BY ANY STATEMENT IS TROUBLE. EXAMPLE:- "OH, LET ME GET THAT." OR "OH, I SPOKE TO HIM ABOUT WHAT YOU WERE DOING LAST NIGHT." IF SHE SAYS "OH" BEFORE A STATEMENT RUN, DON'T WALK, TO THE NEAREST EXIT. SHE WILL TELL YOU SHE IS "FINE" WHEN SHE HAS FINISHED TOSSING YOUR CLOTHES OUT OF THE WINDOW, BUT DO NOT EXPECT HER TO TALK TO YOU FOR ABOUT 2 DAYS. "OH" AS THE LEAD TO A SENTANCE USUALLY SIGNIFIES YOU ARE CAUGHT IN A LIE. DO NOT TRY TO LIE MORE TO GET OUT OF IT OR YOU WILL GET A RAISED EYEBROWS "GO AHEAD" FOLLOWED BY ACTS, SO UNSPEAKABLE, THAT I CANNOT BRING MYSELF TO WRITE ABOUT IT.

"THAT'S OKAY": THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST DANGEROUS STATEMENTS THAT A WOMAN CAN SAY TO A MAN. "THAT'S OKAY" MEANS THAT SHE WANTS TO THINK LONG AND HARD BEFORE PAYING YOU RETRIBUTIONS FOR WHATEVER IT IS THAT YOU HAVE DONE. "THAT'S OKAY" IS OFTEN USED WITH THE WORD "FINE" AND USED IN CONJUNCTION WITH A RAISED EYEBROW "GO AHEAD". AT SOME POINT IN THE NEAR FUTURE, WHEN SHE HAS PLOTTED AND PLANNED, YOU ARE GOING TO BE IN MIGHTY BIG TROUBLE.

"PLEASE DO": THIS IS NOT A STATEMENT, IT IS AN OFFER. A WOMAN IS GIVING YOU THE CHANCE TO COME UP WITH WHATEVER REASON OR EXCUSE YOU HAVE FOR DOING WHATIT IS THAT YOU HAVE DONE. YOU HAVE A FAIR CHANCE TO TELL THE TRUTH, SO BE CAREFUL AND YOU SHOULDN'T GET A "THAT'S OKAY".

"THANKS": A WOMAN IS THANKING YOU. DO NOT FAINT; JUST SAY, "YOU'RE WELCOME".

"THANKS A LOT": THIS IS SO MUCH DIFFERENT FROM "THANKS". A WOMAN WILL SAY "THANKS A LOT" WHEN SHE IS REALLY TICKED OFF AT YOU. IT SIGNIFIES THAT YOU HAVE HURT HER IN SOME CALLOUS WAY AND WILL BE FOLLOWED BY A <LOUD SIGH>, AS SHE WILL ONLY TELL YOU "NOTHING".

I HOPE THIS CLEARS UP ANY MISUNDERSTANDINGS.