thoughts2

JUST A LINE TO SAY I'M LIVING
THAT I'M NOT AMONG THE DEAD
THOUGH I'M GETTING MORE FORGETFUL
AND I'M MIXED UP IN MY HEAD
I'VE GOT USED TO MY ARTHRITIS
TO MY DENTURES I'M RESIGNED
I MANAGE MY BIFOCALS
BUT - O GOD - I MISS MY MIND
SOMETIMES I CAN'T REMEMBER
WHEN I'M STANDING ON THE STAIR
IF I SHOULD GO UP FOR SOMETHING
OR I'VE JUST COME BACK FROM THERE
AND BEFORE THE FRIDGE SO OFTEN
MY MIND IS FILLED WITH DOUBT
NOW DID I PUT THE FOOD AWAY
OR COME TO TAKE IT OUT?
AND SOMETIMES WHEN IT'S NIGHT-TIME
WITH MY NIGHT CAP ON MY HEAD
I DON'T KNOW IF I'M RETIRING
OR GETTING OUT OF BED
IF IT'S NOT MY TURN TO WRITE, DEAR
I HOPE YOU WON'T BE SORE
I MAY THINK I HAVE WRITTEN
AND DON'T WANT TO BE A BORE
SO REMEMBER THAT I THINK OF YOU
AND WISHED YOU LIVED NEAR
BUT NOW IT'S TIME TO SAY GOODBYE
I SEND YOU LOVE, MY DEAR
AT LAST I STOOD BY THE POSTBOX
AND MY FACE, IT SURE GOT RED
INSTEAD OF POSTING THIS TO YOU
I OPENED IT INSTEAD

MY FORGETTER'S GETTING BETTER
BUT MY REMEMBERER IS BROKE
TO YOU THAT MAY SEEM FUNNY
BUT TO ME, THAT IS NO JOKE
FOR WHEN I'M "HERE" I'M WONDERING
IF I REALLY SHOULD BE "THERE"
AND WHEN I TRY TO THINK IT THROUGH
I HAVEN'T GOT A PRAYER
OFTEN I WALK INTO A ROOM
TO SAY "WHAT AM I HERE FOR?"
I WRACK MY BRAIN, BUT ALL IN VAIN
A ZERO IS MY SCORE
AT TIMES I PUT SOMETHING AWAY
WHERE IT IS SAFE, BUT, GEE!
THE PERSON IT IS SAFEST FROM
GENERALLY, IS ME
WHEN SHOPPING I MAY SEE SOMEONE
SAY "HI" AND HAVE A CHAT
THEN WHEN THE PERSON WALKS AWAY
I ASK MYSELF "WHO WAS THAT?"
YES, MY FORGETTER'S GETTING BETTER
WHILE MY REMEMBERER IS BROKE
IT'S DRIVING ME PLUMB CRAZY
AND THAT ISN'T ANY JOKE

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED
1) NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY - YOU CAN'T BAPTISE A CAT
2) WHEN YOU MUM IS MAD AT YOUR DAD - DON'T LET HER BRUSH YOUR HAIR
3) IF YOUR SISTER HITS YOU, DON'T HIT HER BACK - THEY ALWAYS CATCH THE SECOND PERSON
4) NEVER ASK YOUR 3-YEAR OLD BROTHER TO HOLD A TOMATO
5) YOU CAN'T TRUST DOGS TO WATCH YOUR FOOD
6) DON'T SNEEZE WHEN SOMEONE IS CUTTING YOUR HAIR
7) YOU CAN'T HIDE A PIECE OF BROCCOLI IN A GLASS OF MILK
8) DON'T WEAR POLKA-DOT KNICKERS UNDER WHITE SHORTS
9) THE BEST PLACE TO BE WHEN YOU'RE SAD IS GRANDMA'S/GRANDAD'S KNEE

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED
1) RAISING TEENAGERS IS LIKE NAILING JELLY TO A TREE
2) WRINKLES DON'T HURT
3) FAMILIES ARE LIKE FUDGE - MOSTLY SWEET WITH A FEW NUTS
4) LAUGHING HELPS - IT'S LIKE JOGGING ON THE INSIDE
5) MIDDLE AGE IS WHERE YOU CHOOSE THE CEREAL FOR THE FIBRE, NOT THE TOY

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT OLDSTERS HAVE LEARNED
1) GROWING OLD IS MANDATORY - GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL
2) FORGET THE HEALTH FOOD - YOU NEED ALL THE PRESERVATIVES YOU CAN GET
3) WHEN YOU FALL DOWN YOU WONDER WHAT ELSE YOU CAN DO WHILST YOU ARE DOWN THERE
4) YOU REALISE THAT YOU CAN GET THE SAME SENSATION FROM A ROCKING CHAIR THAT YOU ONCE GOT FROM A ROLLER COASTER
5) IT'S FRUSTRATING THAT YOU KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS BUT NO-ONE ASKS THE QUESTIONS
6) TIME MAY BE A GREAT HEALER, BUT IT'S ALSO A LOUSY BEAUTICIAN

NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, TAKE A SLEEPING PILL AND A LAXATIVE ON THE SAME NIGHT
IF YOU HAD TO IDENTIFY, IN ONE WORD, THE REASON WHY THE HUMAN RACE HAS NOT ACHIEVED, AND WILL NEVER ACHIEVE, ITS FULL POTENTIAL, THAT WORD WOULD BE "MEETINGS"
THERE IS AVERY FINE LINE BETWEEN "HOBBY" AND "MENTAL ILLNESS"
PEOPLE WHO WANT TO SHARE THEIR RELIGIOUS VIEWS WITH YOU ALMOST NEVER WANT YOU TO SHARE YOURS WITH THEM
AND WHEN GOD, WHO CREATED THE UNIVERSE WITH ALL OF ITS GLORIES, DECIDES TO SEND A MESSAGE TO HUMANITY, HE WILL NOT USE, AS HIS MESSENGER, A PERSON ON CABLE TV WITH A BAD HAIRSTYLE
YOU SHOULD NOT COFUSE YOUR CAREER WITH YOUR LIFE
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, SOMEONE WILL FIND A WAY TO TAKE IT TOO SERIOUSLY
WHEN TROUBLE ARISES AND THINGS LOOK BAD, THERE IS ALWAYS ONE INDIVIDUAL WHO PERCEIVES A SOLUTION AND IS WILLING TO TAKE COMMAND - VERY OFTEN, THAT INDIVIDUAL IS CRAZY
NO-ONE CARES IF YOU CAN'T DANCE WELL, JUST GET UP AND DANCE
NEVER LICK A STEAK KNIFE
THE MOST POWERFUL FORCE IN THE UNIVERSE IS GOSSIP
YOU CAN NEVER FIND ANYONE WHO CAN GIVE YOU A CLEAR REASON WHY WE SHOULD OBSERVE DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME
YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY ANYTHING TO A WOMAN THAT REMOTELY SUGGESTS SHE IS PREGNANT UNTIL YOU CAN SEE A BABY EMERGING FROM HER AT THAT EXACT MOMENT
THERE COMES A TIME WHEN PEOPLE STOP MAKING A FUSS ABOUT YOUR BIRTHDAY - THAT TIME IS AGE ELEVEN
THE ONE THING THAT UNITES ALL HUMAN BEINGS, REGARDLESS OF AGE, GENDER, RELIGION, ECONOMIC STATUS OR ETHNIC BACKGROUND IS THAT DEEP DOWN WE ALL BELIEVE WE ARE ABOVE AVERAGE DRIVERS
YOUR REAL FRIENDS LOVE YOU ANYWAY