Chapter Nineteen
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Nick retrieved his drawing pad from the floor and returned to the hospital
bed. Why couldn't he just tell her what was wrong? Get it out and forget
about it, get on with his life. "Damn these headaches!" He grabbed his
medication from the side table and shook out a couple of pills. He was
such a klutz. Can't even shoot himself right. Put gun
to head and miss. "Nice work, Carter!" he laughed hollowly. He opened
the pad and smoothed the pages. These were all he had, all he would ever
have. He looked over his sketches and slammed the palm of his hand on the
pad. Why did this have to happen to him, to her, to Kevin? Any
other combination of people and it wouldn't be so complicated. He loved
Kevin like a brother, hell, he considered him his big brother. He was
close to all the guys, of course. But Kevin, was the only one who could
tease him, correct him, whatever, without Nick getting too upset. He knew
that he only had his best interests at heart. Kevin had always looked
after him on tour, right from the start. It was like he appointed himself
Nicks protecter. The youngest and the oldest, it was a good relationship.
And now this.
Nick got out of bed and threw on his robe. He quickly sat back down when an intense pain crashed through his head. "God!" The pain dulled after a few minutes, he knew he should lay down and rest. But he had to do this. He walked slowly down the hallway, brushing his fingers along the wall. A little support just in case. The pain was still there and he didn't want to lose his balance. At the nurses station, the nurse gave him a hassle about being out of bed, but he charmed the information he neeeded out of her. "Still got the touch, good to know!" he smiled wryly. He walked into the room and collapsed into the chair pulled up by the bed. He sighed and looked around. Good, he was alone. He was too exhausted to think anymore and didn't want to see anyone but the person in the bed. Nick looked at all the equipment and started to cry. "I'm so sorry, Kevin, this is all my fault. I know that when you wake up you're never going to want to see me again. When you hear what I did to Aileen, you'll wish I had killed myself so that you don't have to." He put his hands to his head. Why wouldn't the pain ease up for just a few minutes? "I don't know why I did it, Kev. AJ didn't. I'm so stupid. I always mess everything up, you know that, right? AJ got us out, you know? He's the hero. I'm just the klutz. I couldn't even kill myself right." he laughed bitterly. "Kevin, I just want you to forgive me,okay? I'll understand if you don't want to see me ever again, but, please, forgive me. I can't live with myself if you don't. Aileen said you'll understand. I hope you do. I'm so sorry Kev." The tears took over then. Nick grabbed Kevins hand and hugged it tight to his chest. "Please wake up Kev, I need to hear you say it. Please forgive me." |