Alexa sighed, "And thank you for that, Taylor. It's always a joy being told I look like crap." She closed the magazine, "What's on the tape, Tay?"

Stuffing the tape in the VCR, Taylor grinned, "Black and Blue concert. Home video. Bought it from some chick a long time ago."

Alexa groaned. "Taylor, didn't I see enough of those concerts live? Do I really need to see one on tape?" Seeing AJ, even on video, was about the last thing she wanted. And Nick, she didn't even want to think about him.

Nodding vigourously, Taylor fast forwarded the tape, "Oh you can never have enough Black and Blue tour. OOOOOH here's the good part." She settled into her chair, her eyes firmly fixed on the tv screen as the beat of Shining Star began. Alexa settled into her own seat on the sofa, resigned to having to watch the tape, and then looked at Taylor as she heard a knock on the door. Taylor looked back at her. "I'm not getting it."

"It's your apartment."

"I'm not missing the butt shake."

"I'm not moving."

They stared at each other a second longer, and both yelled "COME IN!" at the same moment, giggling at each other as both pairs of eyes focused back on the screen. Neither of them were paying attention to who came into the apartment as Taylor gasped. "Now, why the HELL would they show HIS butt? Show Nick, he's GOT an ass to shake. AJ hasn't got one!"

Alexa smirked, amused at Taylor's perturbance at the camera work. "You're right. He ain't got a butt." Somehow Alexa got sucked into Taylor's enthusiasm for the tape, and forgot that she hadn't wanted to see it at all. "Although, that was a nifty thrusty thing he had goin' on there."

"That's not the point! He does that all the time. They showed Johnny No-Ass shaking his no-ass when they could have been showing the JB. Even you have to agree that Nick shaking his ass is better to watch, right?"

Something caught Alexa's attention as she was about to agree, and she stopped. "I think I'll plead the fifth." Her attention was no longer on the screen.

"Smart move." Alexa nodded, and then looked quizzically toward the second person who had come into the room.

Taylor looked up, surprised, at the sound of the gravelly voice. "Uh, hi, AJ." She waved meekly. Her face turned red as she realized Nick was standing just behind him. "Hi, Nick."

Nick waved in the direction of Taylor's voice, and then leaned toward AJ, "They're watching a Black and Blue concert, right? Shining Star..." He'd figured out the song right away, and figured by all the screaming he could hear over the actual music that it must be concert footage.

"Yup, apparently the camera work isn't up to Taylor's standards," AJ looked at Alexa, "Or 'Lexa's either."

Alexa matched his look, "I was perfectly fine with it."

"Oh you are such a suck up. You were about to agree with me that they should have been showing Nick's butt, not AJ's." It didn't occur to Taylor what she was saying until after she'd said it, and she blushed again.

"I heard something about Johnny No-Ass, and the JB. What about you Nick?"

"Yup something like that..."

Taylor blushed more, and mumbled, "You weren't supposed to hear that..."

"Obviously," AJ turned to Nick putting a hand on his shoulder to get his attention, then looking behind him at his butt. He took a minute, then twisted around to look at his own. "What's wrong with my ass?"

"You don't HAVE one, that's what's wrong with it." Taylor couldn't stop herself from answering that question. "How can you look at his butt, and then at your own and not notice that?"

"She's right, AJ. My ass is far superior to yours." Taylor's statement was a mixture of amusement and mortification at Nick's statement. AJ just looked stunned.

"You're not supposed to agree with them."

Nick shrugged, and grinned. "Can't argue with the truth."

"I give up."

"Aw poor baby. All upset 'cause his ass doesn't measure up." Nick took a seat on the sofa, near Taylor.

"The ass is not everything, Nick. I got plenty of other assets." AJ heard Nick snicker at the word assets, and rolled his eyes toward Alexa. "So mature."

Alexa didn't respond. She was trying to figure out why he was there. Obviously he'd moved on, was he there just to announce that to her? Why couldn't he have just left it alone? And why was he acting like nothing had happened? And why would he bring Nick?

"Alexa," AJ tried not to notice her cringe away from him when he put his hand out to her, "can we talk?" He said it softly, so not to disturb Taylor and Nick who had fallen quickly into conversation.

Alexa wanted to say no, that they had nothing to talk about, but she couldn't. She cursed the fact that she couldn't look in his eyes without melting. All she could do was nod.

AJ motioned toward the balcony and Alexa followed, sliding the glass door shut behind her. She took a minute before turning to figure out what she wanted to say. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you." He took a step to the side, trying to make her look at him.

"Why?" Alexa knew what he was doing, but she still didn't look up.

"Why?" AJ practically choked on the word. She didn't know why he was there? "Because I miss you. Because we need to talk about what happened." He watched Alexa's face for any clue to what she was thinking.

She didn't say anything for a second, then spoke softly, "You moved on. Why didn't you just let it go. Let me do the same. I don't need to hear the words."

"What are you talking about? I moved on?" He didn't understand. He hadn't done anything except meet with the guys, and see his mom... and go shopping with Melissa. Mel. Could that be ... "What did you see, 'Lexa?"

"I saw you with another woman, what more did I need to see? I'm not stupid. If you just came to tell me it was over, then you can go because I already figured it out." Alexa was trying her hardest not to allow the emotions she was feeling to show in her voice. She jumped when AJ put his hands on her arms.

"Alexa. Look at me. Please." He sighed when she still refused to look at him. "You saw Melissa. Mel. I must have mentioned her before. I've known her forever. She was trying to cheer me up, because I was miserable. She's never been and never will be anything but my friend."

"You expect me to believe that? She was all over you." Alexa shrugged away from him, and AJ let his arms fall back to his sides.

"If I could stop that, I would. She's clingy like that. All we talked about was you." He turned, looking off the balcony, leaning his elbows on the railing. "I don't know how to make you believe me."

Alexa chewed on her lip, and lifted her eyes to stare at AJ's back. She wanted to believe him. Actually she did believe him. But she didn't know why. And she didn't want to get hurt again. She took a deep breath, and matched his stance at the balcony railing.

AJ spoke before she did. "Alexa, why did you take off?"

"Because I knew from experience that all you would see when you looked at me, was Nick. And all I could see when I looked at you was the statement on your face when you found out. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't be mad at you, because I'd done exactly what I'd be mad at you for. And I couldn't make you feel bad for driving me to it, because that means there's always an excuse. I didn't know what to do, what the reasons were. I needed to figure it out." She hadn't realized she was going to say so much, but she felt better having said it. "I don't know if any of that makes sense..."

"I didn't see him, when I looked at you, when I look at you now. I saw how much I hurt you. I never realized before, �Lexa. I knew, in my head, but I'd never felt it. I felt guilty when I looked at you." He turned to face her, taking in her profile. "I still do."

Alexa lifted her head, looking at him but still avoiding his eyes. "Maybe we've been too blind to see that it's not worth all this..." The words seemed much harsher as she said them, than when she was thinking them.

"God, Alexa, do you really believe that?" The hurt and disappointment in his voice pierced through Alexa, and she instinctively looked up. Once their eyes met, she felt the tears well up in her eyes.

"No, but I don't know what else to think. We hurt each other so much." She swiped at her eyes, but continued to cry. She really didn't know what else to think. All this stuff that happened couldn't possibly mean that they were meant to be together could it? One of them was always doing something to push the other away. "I don't think that I can do this... that we, can do this anymore."

AJ caught her hand as she tried again to wipe at her eyes, then he wiped tears from her cheek before clasping her hand between both of his. He didn't say anything right away, but he used the fact that he was holding her hand to pull her closer to him. "If I hadn't screwed up, you and Nick would never have happened. I messed up a lot in a one stupid moment. You can't blame yourself for this." He touched her cheek, forcing her to look at him. "Are you hearing me?"

"Alex,..." Placing her free hand on top of his, Alexa started to interrupt, but he stopped her.

"No. Wait. This is my fault, and I can accept that. What I won't accept is that we're over because of this. I want another chance, Alexa."

Alexa took a deep breath and sighed, "We both screwed up pretty big this time. How can we possibly do this again, without always knowing what we've done to each other?"

"Follow your feelings baby. I know you can do that. We can get past it, maybe it'll make us stronger." Looking in his eyes, Alexa was in no condition to argue. She nodded, and he pulled her tight to him. Somehow she didn't really care that it was probably all just wishful thinking. She was where she wanted to be for the moment. She took a deep breath, as if breathing him in.

The moment was broken by the sound of the balcony door sliding open. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Taylor spoke quicky, "I don't want to interrupt the little reunion, but Dr. Norman's on the phone. A question about a patient."

Alexa pulled AJ inside and took the phone from Taylor, carrying it into the kitchen, while AJ looked around the room. "Where'd Nick go?"

"Oh," Taylor flopped herself back into her chair before looking at AJ, "He said he had to get home. Had to talk to Kathy, so I called him a cab, and waited downstairs with him. He's gone." She watched AJ nod, and her eyes narrowed. "You and Alexa are okay?"

"Think so."

"Can I give you some advice?" She barely waited for him to respond before she continued. "Don't screw up again. If you do, I'll have to kick your scrawny no-ass, Backstreet Boy or not." There was a smile on her face, but her eyes were serious.

"Got it."

"Good," Taylor turned back to the television as Alexa came back into the room. Alexa wrapped one arm around AJ, "I have to go into the hospital for a bit."

"I actually have some explanations and apologies to deliver, so I should go anyway." He was thinking mainly of Kevin, and Brian. Kevin especially deserved to know what had been going on, and now that it was resolved, AJ didn't mind the concept of getting the lecture that he was sure he'd get. "I'll call you tonight."

"You better," Alexa wrapped her arms around his neck, and met his lips with her own. She could hear Taylor complaining about the kissey noises, before the volume on the television grew louder. And she fought a smile as she realized that the soundtrack for their kiss was "Drowning".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Kathy opened the door as quietly as she could, set Andrew down and tried to compose herself as he ran off to find his daddy. She couldn't stop the tears from falling. How had their perfect lives gone so wrong? How could so many bad things be happening to them? She had finally realized overnight how much she loved Nick. The thought that he could leave her at the drop of a hat, and take Tigger with him, scared her beyond anything she could have imagined. Kathy had tried to stay calm in the car on the way home, but Andrew picked up on the bad vibes and quizzed her relentlessly as only a two year old can.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What wrong Moma?" he had asked.

"Nothing's wrong, Tig dear. Why do you think something is wrong?"

"Your face all squishy." he proclaimed. "Doctor say something sad."

Kathy smiled slightly to herself. Andrew was so aware for his age. He could tell when something was wrong with someone, sometimes even before they realized it themselves. "Yes, honey, Doctor gave me some bad news, but everything will be alright." she assured him.

"Daddy okay?"

She glanced in the rear view mirror to see Andrew's sea blue eyes staring seriously back at her. She sighed. "Yes, honey, Daddy is fine. He's just fine."

Andrew nodded and picked up one of his toys from the back seat. "Daddy no see me."

Kathy looked up in surprise. Andrew was still playing with his truck, running it across the front of his car seat. "How do you know that, honey?"

Andrew shrugged. "He silly. I play cars an Daddy no find them on the table. Then the cars...he make them all crash! Bang into me!" Andrew made a crashing sound and then giggled. "Daddy no make cars all crash if he see, right Moma?"

Kathy smiled. "No, Tig. He wouldn't make them crash if he could see."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She followed Andrew into the living room, drying her eyes as she went. Andrew was snuggled up beside Nick on the sofa, showing him his new truck. Nick held it and felt it all over, admired it and handed it back to Andrew. "It's very nice Tigger, you're a luky boy."

"I a lucky boy!" Andrew repeated happily. "I a lucky boy!"

Kathy took a shaky breath and tried to smile for her son.

"What's wrong Kathy?" Nick heard the catch in her breath and could tell she was on the verge of tears. "Something's wrong, please tell me." he urged.

"Doctor give bad news." Andrew chirped. "Bad news at doctor's."

"What?" Nick went to stand suddenly, making Andrew fall back and knock his head on the arm of the chair.

"Ow! Daddy hurt me!"

Nick turned and bent back down, kissing Andrew on the forehead. "Oh! I'm sorry, Tigger." He gathered Andrew in his arms and rocked him gently. "Kathy, what bad news did you get at the doctor's?"

Kathy quickly checked Andrew over for injury and sat across from Nick. "Nick, I don't even know what to say. Everything has been so horrible lately."

"Tell me, please. I want to know."

Kathy sat forward and balanced her elbows on her knees, clutching her hands together. "I...we...I'm pregnant Nick."

His eyebrows raised in surprise and he smiled widely. "That's wonderful news! But..." She could see him mentally calculating the figures in his head. "How far along are you?" he whispered.

"Five months."

Nick ran his hand over Andrew's face gently. "Is he asleep?" Kathy told him yes and Nick settled back in the chair, Andrew still snuggled in his arms. "You should be showing if you're 5 months along, you must have known for some time. Why didn't you tell me?" Nick's voice wasn't accusing. He sounded weary, hurt, but understanding in a way too.

"Nick, everything was so mixed up. I thought I was pregnant around the time of Andrew's birthday, but just put it down to tiredness. And then this Alexa shit happened. I didn't find out for sure I was pregnant until after that. I didn't know what to do. I was so mad, so frustrated." Kathy shook her head for emphasis. "I didn't know how to tell you."

"So you just didn't tell me. Shit!" Nick let the word slip out loudly and Andrew stirred in his sleep. "Were you thinking of aborting it and never telling me? You wouldn't have killed our baby?"

"No." Kathy agreed, solemnly. "I couldn't do that. I was so confused about everything, about us. I just didn't know what to say."

"I love you Kathy." Nick said, urgently. "Alexa is a friend to me, nothing else. We made a mistake. A big one that both of us will be paying for, for a long time to come. I love you, no one else." Nick pulled his one arm carefully out from under his sleeping son. "Pull up my sleeve and look at my arm, please."

Kathy gently rolled up Nick's T-shirt sleeve. "You got another tattoo?" she asked, surprised.

"Lift up the wrap and look at it. Please read it."

She moved her face closer and studied the etching. Kathy felt tears slip down her face as she began to read. The tattoo was another tribal armband, positioned just inbetween his familar shark tattoo and the chinese figures. Written into the twisting bands were the words, "United forever in my heart", "Kathy", "Andrew", "Nick" and their wedding date.

"I hope he left space for another name." Nick said, quietly.

"Nick, I...you know AJ said to never get a tattoo with the name of a someone you love. Once you do you always breakup." Kathy sobbed. "Why did you sleep with her? Why did you call her that night and go out with her?"

"Kathy, I will never leave you." Nick sighed and set Andrew down on the couch. He moved over to Kathy and knelt in front of her on the floor. His hand brushed her knee and she flinched, tensing her muscles and then relaxed. "I was feeling down. You were always so busy with Tigger, and you worried anytime I did anything with him alone. We were barely talking to each other, things just seemed weird. So I called Alexa just to get together and talk. Just to talk to her, nothing else." Nick took a deep breath and continued. "Alexa needed to talk too, so we got together. We got smashed, both of us got drunk out of our minds. We didn't know what we were doing. Neither of us remembered in the morning. It meant nothing. I mean that Kathy. I love you. I got this tattoo to show you, even in this small way, how much." He felt for her hand and held it. When she didn't pull away he brought it to his lips and kissed her palm. "I love you Kathy, more than anything in this world."

"What did Alexa need to talk about?" Kathy brushed a tear from her cheek and clasped Nick's hand again.

"AJ was screwing around on her again. She found out. She loves him so much and the jackass doesn't see it. Alexa was horrified when she realized what we had done because she thought it made her no better than him."

"She loves him? She wasn't trying to get to you?"

"No honey, she loves AJ. A lot."

"Are they working things out?"

Nick traced his finger over Kathy's palm. "I don't know. I think they are trying. I haven't talked to her since...well, not for some time. I didn't want you to think..." his voice trailed off. He didn't see any need to tell her he had spent time with Alexa just hours ago. It wasn't like they had really talked anyway.

"I know, I know." Kathy told him.

"I love you Kathy. You believe me now, don't you? Please tell me you believe me and we can try to be a family again. I don't know what to do without you." Tears were falling down his face and Kathy gently stroked his cheeks.

"Yes Nick, I believe you. I love you too."

"I want things the way they were. I miss that." Nick whispered to her.

"Me too."

They gently kissed for the first time in months. Tentative at first and then more deeply as they grew more relaxed together. "Oh God, I missed you!" Nick sighed. He moved his hands from her face to her stomach. "Our baby." he murmured, stroking her rounded belly. "You never told me what the bad news from the doctor was." Nick mentioned, lifting his head up to her.

"Oh!" Kathy stifled a cry.

"What's wrong?" Nick held her and rubbed her back.

"It's the baby." she told him tearfully. "The baby may not live long enough to be born."