Ghost of You and Me
Ghost of You and Me

~~~~~Chapter 7 (part one)~~~~

~~Regret and Reunion~~


"Momma? I've got Tig in bed, Aaron's reading him a story but then he needs to head out. Can you watch him for a bit?"

Jane put down her magazine and looked at her oldest son fondly. Nick, are you ever going to tell me the reason for this surprise visit?"

"I'm sorry Momma, I can't just yet. I'm still sorting everything out in my head. I'm going out for a bit, okay?"

"Honey, where are you going? It's late!"

"I'll be fine, I'm taking a cab, I promise I'll be fine."

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"Damn!" Nick sucked in a breath as the needle sank into his skin. He had kind of forgotten the pain of getting a tattoo. But it felt good after a few moments, maybe just what he needed. Some pain, to remind him of what he had done, how horribly he had screwed his life up.

"So, Nick. I haven't see you in here in quite awhile..not since the last one." The tattoo artist nudged Nick's leg with his. The last time Nick had visited, almost two years ago, he had a seahorse etched on his calf. Kathy had freaked out over it, but Tigger had loved it. Of course, Tigger had been just a baby and it was probably just the colour that attracted him, but Nick could still recall the feeling of his son's tiny fingers stroking his leg and the sound of his cooing and babbling.

"Yeah, AJ helped me out with that one." Nick smiled.

"The wife not approve of body art?" the man smirked as he continued to work the needle.

"She likes them alright...I just didn't have any ideas for new ones, until now."

"I really shouldn't be giving you one without someone to offer approval on it, you know."

"Dave. I'm old enough, aren't I? I explained clearly what I want and I trust you."

"Thanks buddy, just remember, you got 20/20 vision if anyone comes in, okay?" Nick nodded and lay his head back as the needle dragged over his skin for the outline of the design. He hoped this would be a beginning. One building block in recovering something from a huge pile of rubble.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jane sighed inwardly as she saw the plastic wrapping surrounding Nick's upper arm. Another one. She knew enough to not ask why though. He had his reasons. "I'm sorry for taking off Momma, I needed to do this."

Nick sat on the floor and rested his arms on the coffee table in front of him. His hand touched a small car of Tigger's and he began absentmindedly rolling it across the table.

"Why are you here Nickolas? Where's Kathy? Why did she me call crying her heart out?" Jane placed her hand on Nick's shoulder tenderly.

"Shit." Nick felt the tears start and he leaned back against his mother's legs, holding his hand over hers.

"She wants a divorce, I think." he said morosely.

"A divorce? But you two love each other! What's wrong Nick?" Jane touched Nick's cheek gently. "You can tell me."

He took a deep breath and let the whole story spill out. It took him awhile to finish, he had to stop several times to dry his eyes and regain his composure. "That's why I had to go do this." Nick pulled down the plastic slightly so his mother could see the new tattoo. "Hopefully it will help her see how much she means to me."

"You can understand why Kathy is hurt though?"

"Of course! I don't blame her one bit about that. I just can't understand everything else. Why is she afraid to let me be with Tigger alone? I would never hurt him. That one time was an accident!"

Jane slid down on the floor beside Nick and wrapped him in a hug. "You need to go back to her. Tell her again and again how much she means to you. You need to fight for her, show her how much you care for her. Running away isn't the way to solve anything."

Nick nodded and wiped his eyes again. "I know Momma."

"Let Andrew sleep and then go home in the morning. You two need each other. Talk things out. It's the only way, Nick." Jane squeezed her son's shoulder. "She loves you, honey, I know she does. I could tell when she called."

"I just don't think she'll ever forgive me, Momma. I messed up really big."

"Try Nick. Talk to her."

Nick nodded and gave his mother a hug. "I'm going to check on Tigger and then go to bed. Thank you, Momma."

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AJ could hear the phone ringing, but he really didn't want to answer it. He'd heard it ring earlier, and he hadn't answered it then either. All he wanted to do right then was sit where he was, and think, or not think, whichever the case may be. What he really wanted to do was drink, but that was beyond being out of the question.

At that moment, he was trying to figure out exactly what it was he wanted to do about his relationship, or lack of it, with Alexa. They hadn't spoken since she'd left. She hadn't contacted him, and even though he'd wanted to, he hadn't called her because she said they needed space. He wanted to respect that. But he didn't know how two people could fix a relationship without talking. Time doesn't work all on it's own.

He sighed suddenly, bringing himself back to reality and realized that the phone was ringing again. He glared at it for a second, before grabbing it, "Whadya want?"

"Geez, AJ, who pissed in your Cheerios this morning?" Kevin's tone was light, making fun of the gruff greeting he received, until he got no response. "We've got a meeting this afternoon to approve some things. Nobody's heard from you lately, so I figured you needed a reminder."

Tapping his fingers impatiently on the arm of the chair in which he sat, AJ took a minute before saying anything. The last thing he wanted was to be at a meeting with Nick. He didn't know if he could deal with that. "Can you do this without me?"

"No, AJ, we can't. We are a group. This affects all of us, so we're all involved. You of all people ought to know that."

"Ya, I know." He sighed heavily, and was about to say something else when Kevin interrupted.

"What's wrong? Nobody's heard from you in days, weeks even, you nearly bite my head off when you answer the phone. Something's up. What is it?"

AJ thought about telling Kevin everything, he'd find out eventually anyway. But Kevin would probably just tell him how stupid he was, and that he'd screwed up, yet again, and he already knew that. He didn't need anybody to tell him. So, he took the easy way. "Nothing."

"Don't give me that, AJ. I know you better than that. You're not ..." His sentence trailed off, because he didn't want to to voice that particular thought. He didn't want AJ to think that he suspected him all the time.

"No, I'm not. I want to, but I'm not. Just leave it alone, Kev. You can't fix everything. I thought I proved that to you once." AJ regretted the statement as soon as he'd said it. But he couldn't take it back. "Kev..."

"No, forget it. I'll see you at the meeting."

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Nick fully expected to be greeted coldly by Kathy when they finally arrived home. He had tried to call in the morning before he and Andrew left his parents house and got no answer. He was surprised to find the car in the lane, he half expected her to have walked out on him during the night. Especially after the way he had left her. Nick walked up the front sidewalk slowly, Andrew hopping several steps ahead of him, prepared for worst.

"Andrew! Nick!" Kathy greeted them as she flung open the door. She gave Andrew a huge bear hug and turned to Nick, hesitantly touching his waist and then backing away. "I'm glad you're home." she said, softly.

"I'm glad you're here too." Nick replied.

"I'm sorry, Nick but I have to take Andrew to his doctors appointment, we're almost late, and then I have another one." Kathy told him. "And...Kevin just called and you have to go to a group meeting, last minute, Brian is on his way to get you."

"What? We just got home! We need...I need..." Nick stuttered.

"Can we talk when I get home? Please Nick?"

He nodded reluctantly and shuffled over to his chair, dropping the overnight bags as he went.

"I don't think you'll be too long. We'll be home as quick as we can." Kathy tossed back as she and Andrew rushed out to the car.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AJ was still distracted when he walked into the building, and nearly hit Brian with the door.

"Heeey," Brian hopped out of the way, just in time, and then stopped when he realized it was AJ. "Can I talk to you?" He noticed AJ glance at the door to the room from which Kevin could be heard, "Kev's on the phone; we've got a few minutes."

AJ shrugged, "Whatever." He followed Brian to the end of the hallway where there was a small waiting area.

"I feel kind of responsible for everything that happened since Leigh talked to Alexa. We didn't think it would be this bad, just thought she'd get mad and you'd talk your way out of it, but at least she'd know. If I'd known what would happen with Nick..." Brian's voice trailed off at the glare that Nick's name elicited from AJ.

"He told you?"

Cautiously Brian nodded, and when AJ didn't say anything he spoke, "We were all gonna find out eventually. And Nick feels horrible about it. He needed to talk to somebody." He watched AJ nod slightly. "Kev's gonna need an explanation before too long. He knows something's going on."

AJ nodded again, and was about to speak when Kevin's voice resonated down the hall. "Brian, AJ." He motioned toward the room, making it clear their presence was demanded inside. The pair wandered in without another word, joining the other three men waiting inside.

AJ slouched low in a chair, glaring across the table at Nick. He knew glaring was useless. He wasn't really mad, and Nick couldn't see him anyway, but he felt like glaring. Every so often he glanced at Kevin to make it look like he was paying attention, but he just couldn't stop thinking about Nick. And Alexa. Talking to Brian had just made the whole situation more real. Every time he looked at Nick he saw them together.

Nick wasn't completely oblivious to the effort AJ was putting out. He could sense something and although he didn't know exactly what it was, it didn't feel friendly. He assumed it was AJ. He knew he'd be doing the same thing if roles were reversed. He was trying to stay focused on what Kevin was saying, but who was he kidding? He hadn't paid attention when he could see, it was even harder now.

"Dammit, guys!" Kevin's raised voice made both men jump. "You two are worse now than when you were kids. Are you planning on paying even a little attention today?" It was a completely rhetorical question. He knew that until they sorted out the problem that obviously existed between them, neither AJ or Nick would be any good to the group. Thank God they weren't in the middle of a tour or something.

"Kev," Brian interrupted calmly. "Let it go ..."

"No. We can't get anything done with them acting like this. I don't know what's going on but until these two work it out everything's done. Meeting's over for us," he motioned to Howie, Brian and himself, "but those two stay here until they're speaking. GOT IT!" His green eyes stared at AJ until he nodded reluctantly. Then he turned to Nick, "Nick, you understand?" Obviously staring him down wasn't going to work.

"Ya, Kev, got it," Nick mumbled, annoyed that yet again Kevin had reason to treat him like a child. It never ended.

AJ had turned his back on the rest of the guys, so he and Nick both heard the door shut, indicating that they were alone in the room. AJ was already fuming at Kevin taking control of a situation that had nothing to do with him, so he kept his mouth shut. He knew it was only going to get worse, being shut in a room with Nick. He was bound to say things that he didn't really mean.

Nick didn't feel the same way. He wanted all this straightened out, so he spoke shortly after the door shut. "AJ, man. I'm sorry. I never got the chance to say it before, but I mean it. You've gotta believe I didn't intend to sleep with her." He took a breath and waited. When he didn't hear anything he wondered if he'd been talking to an empty room. Then he heard AJ move.

AJ got up and paced alongside the table, trying to work off the anxious energy he felt. He didn't know what to say to Nick; he knew neither Alexa or Nick had intended anything to happen, just like he never intended to cheat on Alexa, but he couldn't get the image he'd created of them out of his mind. He stopped suddenly, standing near Nick, and slammed his hand down on the table. "Dammit, Nick. You fucked Alexa."

Nick gasped at the noise, not realizing AJ had been that close to him. He instinctively put one hand over his heart, trying to calm it, and nodded solemnly. "Ya, Aje, I did. And I've regretted it every second. It's wrecked my marriage, my friendship with you, with her. It could have wrecked the group. Nothing is worth all that." He tipped his face up as if he were looking at AJ. "You know what's really bad, man. I don't remember anything about that night. I can't even tell you if it was any good." Nick cringed as he realized what he was saying. He hadn't thought first, it had been an impulsive statement. He was trying to be honest. He waited, not sure what kind of reaction to expect from AJ. He released the breath he'd been holding when he heard AJ chuckle.

"Only you would use that to apologize, Nick." AJ was shaking his head. "I could guarantee you that it was, but it's better for both of us if you don't know..." He reached out putting a hand on Nick's shoulder. "I can't stay mad at you Nicky. It wasn't your fault."

"So, we're cool now?" Nick's voice cracked slightly as he asked the question.

"Ya, Nick. We're cool. Just keep your hands off my ... Alexa." His voice dropped as he realized he couldn't say Alexa was his.

Nick seemed to know what AJ was thinking, "She'll be back."

"I don't know, Nick."

Nick stood, and dropped one arm across AJ's shoulder before AJ led him to the door. "Believe me, she will. Give her some time. She loves you. Have faith in that. Although what she sees in you, I will never know."

"Watch it Carter. It wouldn't be hard too be mad at you again."

"Hey, I'm just sayin'..."

"I know what you're saying." They stepped outside the door, and AJ looked around the hall. "They left." He ducked out from under Nick's arm, and walked down the hallway, "They all actually left."

"You're kidding."

"I'm not. They're gone." AJ was at the other end of the hall, looking both directions, stunned that all three of them had actually left the building. "Shit, Brian drove me here. I gotta get a cab now."

AJ turned, looking at Nick. He had just decided he wanted to see Alexa. Maybe if he took Nick with him... "I can drive you, but I gotta make a stop first."

Nick looked both grateful and curious at the same time. "Where at?"

"Taylor's. I was planning to see Alexa."

Nick tipped his head, obviously thinking. "Are you sure you want me there? Might be kind of awkward."

"It's cool. I know you're not after Alexa. You got Kathy. And if Alexa sees that we've worked it out, then it might help me with her. You can distract Taylor so I can talk to 'Lexa." He walked back over beside Nick and they both headed toward the outside doors.

"Great, I get to be the distraction ..."

"You didn't know? That's why we keep you around..."


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