Kevin and Howie were doing a good job of managing us, but it was too much. All of us were arguing and fighting. Even though Kevin had finally got me away from Lou and I should have been grateful to him, I got into my fair share of fights with him. I swung at him once or twice. Yeah Kevin, I hear you. More than twice. Mandy flew out to join me for the end of the tour. I was so happy to see her. I was starting to think I loved her and that maybe this was a sign my life was returning to somewhat normal. I told myself I was away from Lou, I could get off the drugs, I had some money finally and someone that cared for me. The first night that Mandy joined us, Kevin asked me where she would be sleeping and I know I blushed. I looked at her and she was blushing too. So it was decided, she slept with me. I took her virginity that night. She thought I was a virgin too and I was still so clumsy and awkward I probably acted like one. I was so nervous, you would have thought it was my first time. But it was the first time I really cared about the person I was with. She toured with us for the rest of the shows right up to Christmas. I was really looking forward to getting home. My first chance to see my siblings again since almost the start of the year. Aaron was so happy to see me. The little guy had been so busy. His record was selling extremely well in Europe and Canada and he opened for us several times on tour that year. We both really like that because we got to spend so much time together. That first night I was home, he slept with me, just like old times.

I split Christmas with my family and Mandy's. Her parents acted like they loved me. And I sucked it all up. I was so starved for love and to have someone other than a fan or my brothers and sisters lavish that attention on me did wonders for my self esteem. My family on the other hand, the kids were great. Aaron stuck to me like glue and the girls weren't too far behind. My parents were constantly fighting because I was spending too much time with Mandy, or Dad didn't want Aaron entertaining, or Mom was drinking or whatever. Non stop. After Christmas we had to go back and do a few dates in Germany and then New Years Eve in Orlando. A few days after we got back on tour I was dying for a hit, you know, just to keep me going. I'd been really good for a long time, because of Aaron. Mandy was with me when I went to one of the roadies to try and score some. He pointed me in the right direction and I got enough to last me to the end of the year. I was amazed that Mandy wanted to try some, that she didn't try and stop me or get outraged that I was using. The stuff lasted about 3 days. We spent all my non working time in bed and snorting coke. Mandy turned out to be an animal. Which was fine with me at the time, because it was all sexual and the drug made her so horny. She wanted me all the time and I was up and ready for her. I think it was around this time that Mandy started yelling at the fans. You know, I really can't remember, but they figured out who she was and the abuse started. But Mandy ended up giving as good as she got.

1999 didn't slow down much for us at all. We worked hard on getting the album finished. The tour was over so it was nice to be able to drive home at the end of the day and get together with Mandy or the kids. I loved taking Aaron out on the boat if he was home. Mandy and I spent a lot of time together. She had quit school and had promised to come on tour with me again. It was nice having someone there to hold at the end of the day, it really was. I started looking at some houses. The parents, well Mom, wanted to move to California to line up deals for Aaron. But I love Florida and I wanted to stay there. While we were working on the album Mandy was asking all sorts of questions about singing and recording. I didn't think anything of it. I wonder if I should have seen it coming, but I honestly didn't. I thought she loved me for me and not my connections. She had never once mentioned wanting to be in the business.

In the early part of the year we got nominated for a Grammy award. We were estatic until someone told us that the winners of the Best New Artist usually crash and burn soon after. So we were actually kind of hoping we didn't win. And we didn't, but we did present an award so that was kind of cool. We did a few more awards shows and then got ready to release the CD. We were kind of scared but hopeful, if you know what I mean. This would be our first big release in the States. Our first world wide release. Our new management company, The Firm, was wonderful. They organized our press conferences so that some of us were in the States and some of us were in Canada or Europe. They also were working on our tour schedule and gave us lots of days off. We didn't have a show every day for the first time in I don't know how long.

So the tour got underway that summer and was awesome. I really loved it. I helped design some of the costumes and we were selling a comic book by me and Stan Lee. It was so fantastic. I never in a million years thought I would get a comic made from my drawings and stories. I loved drawing and really miss being able to do it. Yet another thing I miss. Mandy was with me and the fans were not too happy about it. Of course a big part of that was how she was with the fans. She was always yelling at them and pulling me away from them. I could understand that a bit. She wanted to spend time with me and knew I would stay with the fans as long as I could. So I let it go.

It was during our break after the first leg of the tour that the shit started to hit the fan. Or something like that.