“I’m here, I’m watching over you all the time.”

“How are you holding me? Your arms…”

“That was my earthly body.”

“Are you holding me?”

“With all my might.”

“I’m losing my mind.”

“Just relax baby, go to sleep and remember that I’m here, always, I love you.”

Chelsie rubbed her arms briskly. It had seemed so real. “It was a dream.” She muttered to herself. “Not real, just a dream.”

“Morning, mommy!”

“Leilani KKK, what are you doing up?” Chelsie grinned down at her daughter, who was playing with her assorted Barbies, dressing them in ballet tutus and lining them up on the floor.

“I’m getting Barbie ready for her dance class.” Leilani explained patiently. “I was tired of waiting for you to wake up.”

“I’m sorry, baby. Mommy had a rough night.”

“I know.” Leilani selected a doll and pushed her limbs into the splits. “Daddy said not to wake you up.”

Chelsie knelt down beside her daughter. She picked up a doll and idly spun it on its toe in a weird pirouette. “He did? What else did he say?”

“He said…” Leilani stopped what she was doing and put her hands to her head. “He said that you were sad and that you didn’t go to sleep for a long time. You need to sleep, mommy.”

Chelsie managed a brief smile. “I know honey. Sleep is important, right?”

Leilani nodded. “Daddy…he said that it’s the, the…” Leilani squeezed her eyes shut in concentration. “The ‘versary! I ‘membered!” Leilani shouted with glee. “Mommy? What’s a ‘versary?”

Chelsie’s mouth dropped open in shock. Even considering all times Leilani had asked to hear the story, there was no way she could have known. Slowly, she crawled over to where the book she had dropped the night before still lay. Her fingers swept through the scattered papers, searching for a folded scrap of paper that she’d seen the night before. She picked it up with a shaking hand and read it for the first time in 5 years.

“I just met him today. His name is Mark. Mark Kanemura. He’s Hawaiian. He’s a little weird. But he’s really good looking, and kind, and strong. He’s an amazing dancer. I think we’ll do pretty good together. I guess we’re doing to have to do well. We’re partners for the next 5 weeks! Hmm…Mark and Chelsie, Chelsie and Mark. I like how that sounds!”

Chelsie let the paper flutter from her fingers as she lay down on the floor, tears stinging her eyes. Five years ago. Five years since she’d first laid eyes on Mark. She never even got to spend a full year with him, she thought, bitterly. Their relationship had been crammed into time snuck in after rehearsals; brief days off from taping the show, in the middle of a nationwide tour, on a bus travelling to the next city…they never had enough time together. And now…

“Mommy!”

Chelsie rolled over and gathered Leilani in her arms. “Oh baby girl. I love you so much.”

“You’re scaring me.” Leilani’s voice was near tears.

“I’m sorry honey, mommy’s just a little…a lot...upset right now.”

“Did the ‘versary upset you?” Leilani sniffled. “What is it?”

Chelsie sat up, pulling Leilani onto her lap. She wiped her little girls tears with her fingers, trying to comfort her. “Today is the day I first met your daddy. Remember the story you always want to hear?”

Leilani nodded. “The day daddy met you and screamed?”

Chelsie couldn’t help but smile as she nodded. “That’s right. He was so happy to have me as a partner, he screamed. But I was pretty happy to have him too.”

“So, why are you sad?” Leilani reached up and brushed a stray tear from Chelsie’s cheek.

“Well.” Chelsie wasn’t sure how to proceed. “It’s just that it makes mommy sad to remember this special day when daddy isn’t here too.”

“But he is.” Leilani said, matter of factly. “He’s right there and now he’s sad too.”

“Oh honey.” Chelsie hugged her daughter close to her, but her eyes quickly scanned the room where Leilani had pointed.

“What if you hadn’t met daddy, mommy?” Leilani asked seriously, wriggling out of her mother’s tight grip a little. “Wouldn’t that be more sad?”

Chelsie tipped her head down to her daughter and looked at her thoughtfully. From the mouths of babes. If she had never met Mark, she wouldn’t have known the joy of being with him, but, she also wouldn’t have Leilani and that would be tragic.

“Leilani KKK, how old are you?” Chelsie asked, trying to keep a stern face.

Leilani held up her hand with all five fingers splayed out.

“You’re pretty smart for a five year old, you know that?

Leilani grinned. “Let’s do something fun now, mommy, let’s have a happy day, okay?”

Chelsie couldn’t help but agree. Instead of mourning her loss yet again, she called into the dance studio and told them she needed to be with Leilani today. They packed a picnic basket with food, games and books and headed out to the park. Chelsie was determined to make it a much needed day of celebration instead of sadness.